Leave Putin Alone, Says Chief Henchman
September 30, 2013 10:15 AM Subscribe
"Putin has long kept a veil of secrecy over his personal life. Thus, he startled the world with an abrupt announcement on state television in June that he was divorcing his wife, Lyudmila, after 29 years of marriage. The news revived long-running speculation that the 60-year-old president was seeing another woman, possibly the 30-year-old Kabaeva, a State Duma deputy with United Russia and one of the most decorated gymnasts in the history of rhythmic gymnastics."
Nothing the guy does surprises me. My favorite is how he stole an NFL Super Bowl ring from Robert Kraft.
posted by mcstayinskool at 10:24 AM on September 30, 2013 [10 favorites]
posted by mcstayinskool at 10:24 AM on September 30, 2013 [10 favorites]
"Putin could not be reached for comment as he was spending time with his bears and practicing SAMBO against feral tigers."
posted by boo_radley at 10:25 AM on September 30, 2013 [4 favorites]
posted by boo_radley at 10:25 AM on September 30, 2013 [4 favorites]
Huh, I'd assumed he was having an affair with his "personal photographer" Yana Lapikova. She is super dreamy and I would like to hold her hand.
posted by elizardbits at 10:29 AM on September 30, 2013 [2 favorites]
posted by elizardbits at 10:29 AM on September 30, 2013 [2 favorites]
I can't help feeling sorry for Kabaeva for marrying the Ghola Emperor of the Kremlin. At least we now know the true purpose of those singular photo fail ops. Who knew that Ostrich Legs was such a romantic.
posted by Foci for Analysis at 10:30 AM on September 30, 2013 [1 favorite]
posted by Foci for Analysis at 10:30 AM on September 30, 2013 [1 favorite]
Color me shocked. A rich and powerful quasi-dictator caught a sexy, young, celebrity for a wife? I wonder how he managed to catch her eye...
posted by IAmBroom at 10:31 AM on September 30, 2013 [1 favorite]
posted by IAmBroom at 10:31 AM on September 30, 2013 [1 favorite]
DeSadeski: "You would never have found him through his office, Mr. President. Our Premier is a man of the people, but he is also... a man, if you follow my meaning."
posted by furtive at 10:32 AM on September 30, 2013 [3 favorites]
posted by furtive at 10:32 AM on September 30, 2013 [3 favorites]
Color me shocked. A rich and powerful quasi-dictator caught a sexy, young, celebrity for a wife? I wonder how he managed to catch her eye...
Marry me or die screaming? I'm pleasantly surprised that his current wife got a divorce and not a bullet in the back of the head. Maybe Putin isn't as bad as I fear.
posted by BrotherCaine at 10:36 AM on September 30, 2013 [6 favorites]
Marry me or die screaming? I'm pleasantly surprised that his current wife got a divorce and not a bullet in the back of the head. Maybe Putin isn't as bad as I fear.
posted by BrotherCaine at 10:36 AM on September 30, 2013 [6 favorites]
"Putin could not be reached for comment as he was spending time with his bears and practicing SAMBO against feral tigers."
So he tells us. That cult of personality ain't gonna build itself.
posted by justsomebodythatyouusedtoknow at 11:00 AM on September 30, 2013
So he tells us. That cult of personality ain't gonna build itself.
posted by justsomebodythatyouusedtoknow at 11:00 AM on September 30, 2013
It's not too late. Lyudmila could still meet an unfortunate demise in a completely accidental encounter with a polar bear or a wild boar in her flat.
posted by computech_apolloniajames at 11:00 AM on September 30, 2013 [1 favorite]
posted by computech_apolloniajames at 11:00 AM on September 30, 2013 [1 favorite]
I wonder how he managed to catch her eye...
She didn't study hard enough at school and he did.
posted by cjorgensen at 11:01 AM on September 30, 2013
She didn't study hard enough at school and he did.
posted by cjorgensen at 11:01 AM on September 30, 2013
Peskov said it was up to Putin alone to decide whether to discuss his personal life.
You can say that, but one of the sports of the 21st C is talking about who might have married whom over the weekend. Get with the times!
posted by GenjiandProust at 11:03 AM on September 30, 2013
You can say that, but one of the sports of the 21st C is talking about who might have married whom over the weekend. Get with the times!
posted by GenjiandProust at 11:03 AM on September 30, 2013
Putin is not interested in winning the Nobel Peace Prize for his efforts to prevent U.S.-led military strikes on Syria. Some commentators have suggested that the president deserves the award for helping broker a deal under which Syria agreed to give up its chemical weapons in exchange for the U.S. backing down on a threat to carry out the strikes. "Putin does not support getting awards, prizes, and so on," Peskov said. "He is a supporter of obtaining the satisfaction of a job well done."
But a trophy wife is OK.
posted by three blind mice at 11:10 AM on September 30, 2013 [1 favorite]
But a trophy wife is OK.
posted by three blind mice at 11:10 AM on September 30, 2013 [1 favorite]
.. after 29 years of marriage ... possibly the 30-year-old Kabaeva...
Sounds about right. Get married, immediately start the secret cloning vats below the Kremlin on a new batch.
posted by Tomorrowful at 11:13 AM on September 30, 2013 [2 favorites]
Sounds about right. Get married, immediately start the secret cloning vats below the Kremlin on a new batch.
posted by Tomorrowful at 11:13 AM on September 30, 2013 [2 favorites]
Your wife, eh? Like the old rhythmic gymastics?
posted by GallonOfAlan at 11:16 AM on September 30, 2013
posted by GallonOfAlan at 11:16 AM on September 30, 2013
practicing SAMBO against feral tigers
He's going to turn them into butter?
posted by Strange Interlude at 11:22 AM on September 30, 2013 [10 favorites]
He's going to turn them into butter?
posted by Strange Interlude at 11:22 AM on September 30, 2013 [10 favorites]
I honestly wonder if Putin's team has some kind of hack going on with Google. If you put his name into image search, the first pics are of him with a cute dog, wearing shades, topless, and with the words 'swimming', 'hunting', 'hot' and 'young' across the top of the page as related searches.
posted by colie at 11:24 AM on September 30, 2013
posted by colie at 11:24 AM on September 30, 2013
I'm not a big fan of the whole 'homophobes are just closeted' trope, but everything Putin does just seems to scream, Look, everybody, I'm a hypermacho überbutch heterosexual!, and there are only so many reasons a person would feel a need to do that.
posted by Sys Rq at 11:40 AM on September 30, 2013 [2 favorites]
posted by Sys Rq at 11:40 AM on September 30, 2013 [2 favorites]
Marry me or die screaming? I'm pleasantly surprised that his current wife got a divorce and not a bullet in the back of the head. Maybe Putin isn't as bad as I fear.
Hey now, even Kim Jong-Un had the decency to order his ex shot from the front.
posted by Foosnark at 11:42 AM on September 30, 2013 [2 favorites]
Hey now, even Kim Jong-Un had the decency to order his ex shot from the front.
posted by Foosnark at 11:42 AM on September 30, 2013 [2 favorites]
Sys Rq: "I'm not a big fan of the whole 'homophobes are just closeted' trope, but everything Putin does just seems to scream, Look, everybody, I'm a hypermacho überbutch heterosexual!, and there are only so many reasons a person would feel a need to do that."
Staying popular as the leader in a macho society is one of them.
posted by IAmBroom at 11:54 AM on September 30, 2013 [10 favorites]
Staying popular as the leader in a macho society is one of them.
posted by IAmBroom at 11:54 AM on September 30, 2013 [10 favorites]
Meanwhile: The First Victim of Russia's Anti-Gay Law Is Dead
posted by MCMikeNamara at 11:55 AM on September 30, 2013
posted by MCMikeNamara at 11:55 AM on September 30, 2013
Foci for Analysis: "At least we now know the true purpose of those singular photo fail ops."
*changes away message for email and chat apps to*
"taking a well-earned break while resting in a tree"
posted by Hairy Lobster at 12:01 PM on September 30, 2013
*changes away message for email and chat apps to*
"taking a well-earned break while resting in a tree"
posted by Hairy Lobster at 12:01 PM on September 30, 2013
IAmBroom: "Color me shocked. A rich and powerful quasi-dictator caught a sexy, young, celebrity for a wife? I wonder how he managed to catch her eye.."
His musk got her in a daze.
posted by nicolin at 12:02 PM on September 30, 2013 [1 favorite]
His musk got her in a daze.
posted by nicolin at 12:02 PM on September 30, 2013 [1 favorite]
In post-Soviet Russian rhythmic gymnastics, apparatus manipulates YOU!
posted by Kabanos at 12:05 PM on September 30, 2013 [9 favorites]
posted by Kabanos at 12:05 PM on September 30, 2013 [9 favorites]
Staying popular as the leader in a macho society is one of them.
What good is popularity to an antidemocratic tyrannical despot?
posted by Sys Rq at 12:08 PM on September 30, 2013
What good is popularity to an antidemocratic tyrannical despot?
posted by Sys Rq at 12:08 PM on September 30, 2013
What good is popularity to an antidemocratic tyrannical despot?
Not ending up in a basement posing for a 7.62mm portrait, presumably.
posted by Kadin2048 at 12:12 PM on September 30, 2013 [9 favorites]
Not ending up in a basement posing for a 7.62mm portrait, presumably.
posted by Kadin2048 at 12:12 PM on September 30, 2013 [9 favorites]
He's a real catch if he's not gay......
Down The River (in Moab) with Vladimir Putin in 2001
posted by C.A.S. at 12:24 PM on September 30, 2013 [3 favorites]
Down The River (in Moab) with Vladimir Putin in 2001
posted by C.A.S. at 12:24 PM on September 30, 2013 [3 favorites]
And when this new wife turns 40 he'll trade her in for two 20 year-olds.
(joke stolen from The Queen of Versailles)
posted by The Card Cheat at 12:48 PM on September 30, 2013
(joke stolen from The Queen of Versailles)
posted by The Card Cheat at 12:48 PM on September 30, 2013
I honestly wonder if Putin's team has some kind of hack going on with Google. If you put his name into image search, the first pics are of him with a cute dog, wearing shades, topless, and with the words 'swimming', 'hunting', 'hot' and 'young' across the top of the page as related searches.
They've put Snowden to work!
posted by spitbull at 1:02 PM on September 30, 2013 [4 favorites]
They've put Snowden to work!
posted by spitbull at 1:02 PM on September 30, 2013 [4 favorites]
Which anniversary is polonium?
posted by benzenedream at 1:10 PM on September 30, 2013 [45 favorites]
posted by benzenedream at 1:10 PM on September 30, 2013 [45 favorites]
The last.
posted by CautionToTheWind at 1:42 PM on September 30, 2013 [17 favorites]
posted by CautionToTheWind at 1:42 PM on September 30, 2013 [17 favorites]
"As for what kind of guy he is, whether he has a wife or not, let's leave that up to him. We should not interfere."
The concept that this is somehow being presented as acceptable or true is kind of mind-boggling. Like we have people who won't even accept that the president of the US is a citizen after millions of dollars of research and paperwork, and the political power in Russia right now is trying to say it doesn't matter on a security/personal level whether or not Putin's married?!
posted by jetlagaddict at 1:59 PM on September 30, 2013
The concept that this is somehow being presented as acceptable or true is kind of mind-boggling. Like we have people who won't even accept that the president of the US is a citizen after millions of dollars of research and paperwork, and the political power in Russia right now is trying to say it doesn't matter on a security/personal level whether or not Putin's married?!
posted by jetlagaddict at 1:59 PM on September 30, 2013
Linguists! What's the Russian for "haters gonna hate"? That's what Putin should say, to show he's down with the kids.
posted by orrnyereg at 2:04 PM on September 30, 2013 [1 favorite]
posted by orrnyereg at 2:04 PM on September 30, 2013 [1 favorite]
What's up with her hair? 1/4 inch row of tiny tiny baby hairs? Wig netting? What is that?
posted by atomicstone at 2:11 PM on September 30, 2013
posted by atomicstone at 2:11 PM on September 30, 2013
What's the Russian for "haters gonna hate"?
It's a sort of forbidding icy glare you give your opponents shortly before they are devoured by trained tigers, I think.
posted by elizardbits at 2:41 PM on September 30, 2013 [2 favorites]
It's a sort of forbidding icy glare you give your opponents shortly before they are devoured by trained tigers, I think.
posted by elizardbits at 2:41 PM on September 30, 2013 [2 favorites]
orrnyereg: "What's the Russian for "haters gonna hate"? "
First you are cudgeled upon the head. Then you are stripped. You awake in an orchard. There is a sign: "If you make it to the morning, you live!" Then you hear the wolves howling as the sun begins to set.
posted by boo_radley at 3:02 PM on September 30, 2013 [6 favorites]
First you are cudgeled upon the head. Then you are stripped. You awake in an orchard. There is a sign: "If you make it to the morning, you live!" Then you hear the wolves howling as the sun begins to set.
posted by boo_radley at 3:02 PM on September 30, 2013 [6 favorites]
Oops! Google Chrome could not find www.sptimes.ruSo... either the rooskies have already canned the SPTimes website...
Or my network administrators ARE THE KGB!!!
I keed, I keed, my network admins are the greatest and choose not to look at my browsing history while I'm at work, right?
posted by Blue_Villain at 8:32 AM on October 1, 2013
Great article on current crazy Russian poltics in the LRB Forms of Delirium
posted by fearfulsymmetry at 2:16 AM on October 2, 2013
posted by fearfulsymmetry at 2:16 AM on October 2, 2013
His estimated massive personal wealth (and the smoke and mirrors around it) is a much more fascinating.
posted by spiderskull at 12:04 PM on October 3, 2013 [1 favorite]
posted by spiderskull at 12:04 PM on October 3, 2013 [1 favorite]
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