The Schadenfreude section of the Internet
October 7, 2013 11:30 AM   Subscribe

 
Previously at least once, although I guess this is a fresh set for the new year.
posted by Perplexity at 11:34 AM on October 7, 2013


IT'S THE MOST WONDERFUL TIME OF THE YEEEEAR.

There should be some "previouslies" on this but I can't figure out what to search.
posted by elizardbits at 11:34 AM on October 7, 2013 [8 favorites]


I don't care how juvenile it makes me, I'm just going to believe that this guy dropped a fart bomb.
posted by mannequito at 11:37 AM on October 7, 2013 [5 favorites]


Picture number five is killing me. Also, I want that family to use the photo for their holiday card this year because it's just so perfect.
posted by palomar at 11:38 AM on October 7, 2013


What's great is that everyone captured in these pictures is startled, scared, and having a wonderful time. These are the faces of people who love to be scared out of their wits.
posted by xingcat at 11:40 AM on October 7, 2013 [2 favorites]


The contortions some of the people are doing with their legs may be the funniest parts of these photos.
posted by slogger at 11:40 AM on October 7, 2013 [1 favorite]


I love these! I love it especially when the men hide behind their kids.
posted by triggerfinger at 11:47 AM on October 7, 2013 [4 favorites]


I think my kids may be old enough for this, finally.
posted by Mister_A at 11:49 AM on October 7, 2013


This one was my favorite from the last time these made the rounds. Mom is losing her shit, but the girl in the middle is just rocking out.
posted by phunniemee at 11:49 AM on October 7, 2013


I love these! I love it especially when the men hide behind their kids.

What is even the point of having children if you can't use their bodies to protect you from vengeful ghosts
posted by theodolite at 11:50 AM on October 7, 2013 [27 favorites]


Even though you know most of them are mugging for the camera, it's still absolutely adorable.
posted by The Underpants Monster at 11:50 AM on October 7, 2013


The contortions some of the people are doing with their legs may be the funniest parts of these photos

The reaction of the girl wearing the orange toque in the second photo looks straight out of Looney Tunes. I almost expect her to be running on the spot for a few seconds before taking off in a cloud of dust
posted by Hoopo at 11:51 AM on October 7, 2013 [6 favorites]


For some reason the guy in the second to last one is just killing me. It's like he got so scared he forgot how to use his hands.
posted by Bulgaroktonos at 11:54 AM on October 7, 2013 [2 favorites]


These always bring tears to my eyes. I love them SO MUCH.
posted by Admiral Haddock at 11:54 AM on October 7, 2013 [2 favorites]


Never fear! Squirrel Dad will lead you out of peril!
posted by Cold Lurkey at 11:55 AM on October 7, 2013 [16 favorites]


The Eastern State Penitentiary is scary on account of it being a huge abandoned Gothic sorrow factory. Also there are people who jump out at you.
posted by Mister_A at 11:55 AM on October 7, 2013 [1 favorite]


OK, I'm out of practice, but here goes...

"Smile! You're on canDEAD camera!" [maniacal cackle]

"I'm ready for my GROSS up, Mr. DeMille!" [maniacal cackle]

"It's true what they say: A picture is worth a thousand... WORMS!" [maniacal cackle]

"Say cheese!" [maniacal cackle]
"Oops, I meant: SLAY cheese!" [maniacal cackle]
posted by Atom Eyes at 11:55 AM on October 7, 2013 [12 favorites]


you know most of them are mugging for the camera

I doubt it - that wide-eyed expression where you can see lots of the whites above the iris is an instinctive response and surprisingly difficult to fake.
posted by echo target at 11:56 AM on October 7, 2013 [3 favorites]


The guys who are dressed/coiffed like a boy band are my favorite.
posted by Sara C. at 11:56 AM on October 7, 2013 [5 favorites]


A bunch more in annoying slideshow format here.

It's funny. In a way this acts as a pretty good "this is what Canadians look like" primer.
posted by 256 at 11:56 AM on October 7, 2013 [8 favorites]


They need to hurry up and update their flickr stream with photos from this year already.
posted by elizardbits at 11:57 AM on October 7, 2013


Why is this so funny? I'm crying here, love this!
posted by Space Kitty at 11:59 AM on October 7, 2013


One of the things I find especially engaging about these is the degree to which everyone is in extreme contrapposto. Caravaggio could have painted the SHIT out of these folks.
posted by Sara C. at 12:00 PM on October 7, 2013 [10 favorites]


There's very little I fear more than being covertly photographed, because what if I happen to be picking a wedgie or scratching my crotch? So this is the scariest haunted house ever.
posted by Metroid Baby at 12:03 PM on October 7, 2013 [7 favorites]


I also love the photo featuring the guy in red with the hands down... is he being a bunny or something?
posted by Mister_A at 12:05 PM on October 7, 2013


Honest question: How scary are the big-budget artsy-fartsy haunted houses, anyway?

Depending on the person, it's not really that you are scared so much as just really on edge... In this haunted house, you have to follow these teeny tiny red LED lights through a pitch black series of twists and turns that get really disorienting at times and I think people jump out at you or make noises near your ear once in a while... so by the time you make it to that big scare you are just really primed for it.
posted by SharkParty at 12:07 PM on October 7, 2013


Has anyone here been to Sleep No More? My friend got me a ticket for a week from now and I have no idea what to expect from it.
posted by Navelgazer at 12:10 PM on October 7, 2013


If having a small, easily manipulable human shield on hand at all times isn't a good reason to have kids, then I don't know what is.
posted by middleclasstool at 12:11 PM on October 7, 2013 [5 favorites]


Not to tempt fate or anything, but I believe that there must also be a significant number of shots of people looking at the allegedly scary thing and going, "Really." I think that would be me. It's sort of the fear version of the uproarious laughter that greets, say, Madea's latest hijinks. Just not my cup of corn pone. Anybody like me ever go to one of these things and find themselves shocked at how scared they got?

(I did get nicely spooked at The Conjuring, for what it's worth.)
posted by Infinity_8 at 12:13 PM on October 7, 2013


Spook House reaction pictures and Autocorrect Fails are this epoch's finest cultural output.
posted by dirtdirt at 12:14 PM on October 7, 2013 [7 favorites]


I've been here. It's freaking DARK in there. It takes some time to get through it and this part is not even halfway through. If you aren't hanging on to someone, you are not going to know where you're going, and then all of a sudden, these lights are zooming at you!

I'm glad my picture's not up there, because I looked stupid scared when that camera flashed! Accent on stupid.
posted by droplet at 12:17 PM on October 7, 2013 [1 favorite]


Navelgazer, Sleep No More was an awesome experience, but I can say with all confidence that nothing in the show will make you want to scream, flee, or contort your body in absolute fear. Since I am a total sucker for haunted woods and houses, I consider that to be a shame, really. SNM is still great it it's own right and has it's moments of high tension, but nothing like this. Wear comfy shoes so you can run after characters, but no one will be chasing you besides other audience members. I just wish I'd brushed up on my Macbeth.
posted by juliplease at 12:18 PM on October 7, 2013 [1 favorite]


I believe that there must also be a significant number of shots of people looking at the allegedly scary thing and going, "Really."

If you go to their website, there's an infinite slideshow of these. I suppose that thousands and thousands of people go every weekend and the "bored now" photos don't make the site, but if that's the case either they have HUGE numbers of people or there aren't all that many non-scared people.

Looking at the raw site, it's a lot more people who are scared in mundane-looking ways without the extreme reactions you see in this Top Ten Most Hilarious collection. Lots of groups of tween girls huddled together, for example. But everyone looks pretty scared.
posted by Sara C. at 12:18 PM on October 7, 2013


Sleep No More, when I went in Boston, didn't rely on any kind of jump scares, or really on any scares at all. It's more eerie, beautiful and sad than scary.
posted by jhc at 12:20 PM on October 7, 2013 [2 favorites]


David Morse in photo 5?
posted by pracowity at 12:21 PM on October 7, 2013 [1 favorite]


I would love to see what they are responding to without traveling to Canada. Though I would prefer to travel to Canada and see it.
posted by Joey Michaels at 12:21 PM on October 7, 2013 [2 favorites]


My girlfriend and I went into a really old retro fairground in Spain that had a Haunted House. It was basically just a long, pitch black passageway with some señor in a ghost costume hiding with an air horn to hand. Still scared the crap out of me so gawd knows what fear the hi-tech version would inflict, probably turn my hair white.
posted by Caskeum at 12:22 PM on October 7, 2013 [2 favorites]


even better we know where we can harvest the googly eyes from
posted by lalochezia at 12:22 PM on October 7, 2013 [2 favorites]


OK I dug a little through the "daily photo" slideshow on the main site and found this one, which implies that some people aren't scared. Though my guess is that these kids have been through it a zillion times and know where the photo point is, otherwise they wouldn't have posed like that. So maybe they're outliers? They're definitely the least scared people I saw scrolling back a ways.
posted by Sara C. at 12:23 PM on October 7, 2013


which implies that some people aren't scared.

I don't know. Until I see a pic of someone making the jackoff motion, I'm not convinced.
posted by Ham Snadwich at 12:25 PM on October 7, 2013 [4 favorites]


I love Hallowe'en so much. I love Nightmare Fear Factory for doing this. I do a yard haunt every year. Mine is family friendly, but spooky. I had one dad come up to me the first year I did it and congratulate me for being the first one on the block that his kids were hesitant to ring the doorbell.

Made my night.
posted by Sophie1 at 12:27 PM on October 7, 2013 [2 favorites]


Now that I know these are Canadian I'm imagining every girl as a character in Anne of Green Gables.
posted by Sara C. at 12:31 PM on October 7, 2013 [1 favorite]


My favorite. Check out Dad.
posted by A Terrible Llama at 12:40 PM on October 7, 2013 [1 favorite]


Ha, these are great and are making me giggle. I love that the almost universal reaction is to clutch your companions.
posted by aka burlap at 12:45 PM on October 7, 2013


Honest question: How scary are the big-budget artsy-fartsy haunted houses, anyway?

My fiancée works for Terror Behind The Walls at Eastern State Penitentiary. I’ve gone through twice this year and probably a half dozen times over the last two seasons. I know most of the actors and I’m familiar with all the zones. There are still parts of the show that drop me. Every single time. Mannequin Room. No no no no no nope no no no.
posted by Diskeater at 12:45 PM on October 7, 2013 [3 favorites]


which implies that some people aren't scared.

I don't know. Until I see a pic of someone making the jackoff motion, I'm not convinced.


Does this qualify?
posted by Kabanos at 12:47 PM on October 7, 2013 [7 favorites]


Honest question: How scary are the big-budget artsy-fartsy haunted houses, anyway?

Some friends of mine told me about an attraction at a theme park in Japan that was a haunted hospital. They described it as a big sort of run down hospital, with nothing overly campy or "scary Halloween decorations", just really empty. Until the patients come out and chase you. I love this type of thing, but...NOPE
posted by Hoopo at 12:48 PM on October 7, 2013 [3 favorites]


The deal with this particular photo op is that you've been following teeny tiny red LEDs on the floor in the pitch black dark, and then you come into a room and there's the noise of a revving engine and screeching tires and the front end of a car comes lurching at you and its headlights go on bright -- and that's when the camera goes off. It's like a real-life startle gif.
posted by KathrynT at 12:59 PM on October 7, 2013 [8 favorites]


This is going to sound completely ignorant but given that the majority of these folks are kitted in cold weather gear, just how chilly is it in Niagara Falls this time of year??
posted by Kitteh at 1:00 PM on October 7, 2013


Here we go. Maybe not as I pictured it from the way it was told to me, but looks decent.
posted by Hoopo at 1:11 PM on October 7, 2013 [1 favorite]


Now I want to go to a haunted house SO BADLY!
posted by Ruthless Bunny at 1:13 PM on October 7, 2013


just how chilly is it in Niagara Falls this time of year??

Not especially. It's usually warmer than Toronto, and we've had daytime temperatures in the twenties up until yesterday, with nighttime temps in the mid-teens. I'm not sure why everyone is so bundled up. Last year wasn't especially cold either.
posted by TheWhiteSkull at 1:24 PM on October 7, 2013


I had the pee scared out of me a few years ago when I went trick or treating with the kiddo; normal-looking house but had a patio hidden by bushes, and the owner thought it was fun to wait till you were close before LEAPING OUT AT YOU WITH A REAL CHAINSAW THAT WAS TURNED ON. Yes, I screamed and ran.

If any of you are looking for ways to scare people. Please be careful with your chainsaw though.
posted by emjaybee at 1:26 PM on October 7, 2013


Just take the chain off it, right?
posted by Mister_A at 1:30 PM on October 7, 2013 [3 favorites]


The guys who are dressed/coiffed like a boy band are my favorite.

Here's my guess as to what they're seeing.

These are all way funnier than I thought they would be.
posted by Rykey at 1:33 PM on October 7, 2013


Yes to chainsaws for brightening your Halloween. Best haunted event I ever went to was the first year that the Wonder Lake Water Ski Show Team did it's Haunted Hayride. The ski team were highly athletic acrobats, and they took advantage of their competency by at one point in the ride having a squad of them jump out of trees on fly lines and bungee cords wielding (chainless) running chainsaws, air horns, and battery-powered car headlamps. I hope they replaced the hay after my ride through.
posted by JimInLoganSquare at 1:43 PM on October 7, 2013 [1 favorite]


Ah, lovely schadenfreude, is there anything you can't improve?
posted by Phlegmco(tm) at 1:45 PM on October 7, 2013 [1 favorite]


I dunno, I've always found chainsaws way scarier with the chains on. YMMV.
posted by mazola at 1:46 PM on October 7, 2013 [1 favorite]


These are hilarious. I'm not ashamed to say that I actually did laugh out loud and scare the cat.
posted by Too-Ticky at 1:46 PM on October 7, 2013


I love this one.
posted by Windigo at 1:59 PM on October 7, 2013


I really like this one because they look delighted as well as terrified, as though they might have been shouting with laughter just a few seconds previous.
posted by elizardbits at 2:18 PM on October 7, 2013


This is one of my all time favorite photos of anything.
posted by Lemmy Caution at 2:32 PM on October 7, 2013 [2 favorites]


I would like to see what they are seeing. Surely it can't be that frightening for adults who see worse on their TV news every night. Guess some people just like to be scared.
posted by Cranberry at 2:32 PM on October 7, 2013


oooh, they have gifs too
posted by mannequito at 2:39 PM on October 7, 2013 [3 favorites]


and then you come into a room and there's the noise of a revving engine and screeching tires and the front end of a car comes lurching at you and its headlights go on bright -- and that's when the camera goes off.

oh HELL no
posted by threeants at 2:42 PM on October 7, 2013 [2 favorites]


Even though you know most of them are mugging for the camera, it's still absolutely adorable.

I seriously doubt they are. I've been there and have a picture taken in the exact same place. It happens completely unexpectedly after you've spent several minutes feeling your way through the dark. You can barely see where you are going and focusing on feeling the walls as you move towards a faint light somewhere ahead. Then it's suddenly 'BLAM" things!, noise! and flashes! happening at the side where you're not expecting it. You don't even know that the picture was taken there until the end when they show it to you.
posted by Jalliah at 2:52 PM on October 7, 2013


The guys who are dressed/coiffed like a boy band are my favorite.

That the two in the middle look practically identical just makes it better. It's like getting two reactions from the same guy.
posted by Rustic Etruscan at 2:58 PM on October 7, 2013 [1 favorite]


reddit had an amazing bunch of anecdotes from haunted house workers yesterday.

One of my favorites:

A few years ago I ran a haunted house at our local rec center. The gym was sort of the grand finale and it was set up like a giant, indoor cemetery. A lot of families went through the haunt and the kids were horrified by the zombies. A lot of kids would just be losing their minds when they got to the exit.
But because I'm a jerk, the "exit" was fake. It was one of those heavy metal doors with the push bar on it. It led to another part of the building but it looked like an exit. So I put a sign on it that said "Thanks for coming! Please exit quietly!"
So the kids would be freaking out and the same thing would happen over and over. The parents would say "It's ok! It's over, look see....it's the end!" And the kids would be relieved and they would run for the door.
They'd push it open and Leartherface would blast his chainsaw right in their face.

posted by dontjumplarry at 3:20 PM on October 7, 2013 [24 favorites]


When I was about 15, I visited this attraction with a youth group, only to learn it wasn't wheelchair accessible. Not to worry, said the manager, if I didn't mind the staff helping me through a few rough patches, I could get a behind-the-scenes look.

As it turned out, I was offered the chance to play "Leon," The Therapist With The 22-Inch Tongue. {SPOILER ALERT} I was handed a broomstick with a large wet sponge tied to the end and cued as to the perfect moment to thwap my unsuspecting friends. Good times.
posted by DrAstroZoom at 3:23 PM on October 7, 2013 [11 favorites]


and then you come into a room and there's the noise of a revving engine and screeching tires and the front end of a car comes lurching at you and its headlights go on bright -- and that's when the camera goes off.

oh HELL no


Did somebody say Hell?
posted by Rykey at 7:09 PM on October 7, 2013


My first thought at seeing these pictures was "what on Earth could possibly be that scary?"

After reading the descriptions above (I.e. several minutes of fumbling in the dark followed by "BLAM!") I have to say I'm disappointed. This is the real-life equivalent of those websites that you're supposed to stare at, then suddenly the picture changes to a zombie and plays a loud sound. Bleh.

I mean, I get that 90% of the "scares" of these attractions are of the "BOO!" variety, combined with suspense/anticipation, but given the commercial for this particular place, (along with the pictures) it sounded like they were maybe really on to a way to genuinely *scare* people, which can't be easy these days.

Nope. Just sudden loud noises and bright lights. Not groundbreaking.

Very amusing pictures, though, which is starting to feel like the entire point of the attraction, sez the cynical old man inside me.
posted by ShutterBun at 10:12 PM on October 7, 2013


To put it in perspective, I was basically expecting it to top this on the scare-o-meter with something other than a gigantic "BOO!"
posted by ShutterBun at 10:15 PM on October 7, 2013


I really, really don't know why I have laughing fits that are combined with fear. As a kid, when I could get away with it, I would tease my younger brothers until missiles (Legos, furniture, silverware) would get launched in my direction. And I swear, nothing would make me laugh harder than seeing one of my brothers, say, lips peeled back from his mouth in rage, speeding towards me with something that actually would really hurt if it hit me.

So, in sum, I am surprised by the fact there's nobody laughing, and may be waking up to the fact that I am a psychopath.
posted by angrycat at 4:39 AM on October 8, 2013


So, in sum, I am surprised by the fact there's nobody laughing, and may be waking up to the fact that I am a psychopath.

Given that these are the faces that people make when they're in mortal terror, being a murderous psychopath could be a pretty good gig.
posted by Ham Snadwich at 6:03 AM on October 8, 2013


A friend of mine described his sort-of haunted house gig which was at Six Flags over Georgia's Fright Fest. He said that the people who ran the Dippin' Dots cart got management to stop them from jumping out at people who'd just walked away with their order. So the characters had to redesign their "Fright Fest BINGO" cards to replace the "Rainbow!" square.
posted by Infinity_8 at 6:18 AM on October 8, 2013


Dippin' Dots - The Ice Cream of the BOO-ture
posted by MCMikeNamara at 8:18 AM on October 8, 2013 [2 favorites]


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