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A Mournful Meditation on the State of Being a Girlfriend
October 9, 2013 9:38 AM   Subscribe

A Mournful Meditation on the State of Being a Girlfriend
posted by odinsdream (27 comments total) 3 users marked this as a favorite

 
what
posted by Melismata at 9:56 AM on October 9, 2013 [3 favorites]


I promise that I watched the whole thing, but....I didn't really get it.
posted by ThePinkSuperhero at 10:02 AM on October 9, 2013 [3 favorites]


what

Yeah, really not trying to hate here. But I have no idea what she's on about.
posted by phunniemee at 10:03 AM on October 9, 2013 [3 favorites]


I, umm... yeah, I'll go with "what" too.
posted by Decani at 10:03 AM on October 9, 2013 [2 favorites]


Yeah. Kinda went flying way over my head. Dialogue felt a little forced in places but a good speaking voice. Just really, really didn't get the point.
posted by YAMWAK at 10:04 AM on October 9, 2013 [1 favorite]


Needs "single-link Hairpin" tag.

I think the commenters at Hairpin pointing out why this is kind of half-assed/sexist have good points.

But really, if your boyfriend doesn't like you the way you are, you're better off single than trying to change to fit any kind of stereotype. This is not a new concept.

In fact, if you are a woman who likes inspirational plaques and romcoms and are dating a guy who thinks you should decorate with medical specimens and love Big Lebowski instead, you are also better off without him.
posted by emjaybee at 10:08 AM on October 9, 2013


It seems pretty clear that she's talking about gender roles in relationships and how a whole new set of gendered stereotypes are leveled at women in relationships on top of the one's they've had to deal with as single ladies.

I actually really like this as a poem, but I'm not a huge fan of her delivery.
posted by 256 at 10:08 AM on October 9, 2013 [1 favorite]


More to the point and a bit less casually misogynistic is Christine Lavin's "Please Don't Make Me Too Happy."
posted by PhoBWanKenobi at 10:09 AM on October 9, 2013 [4 favorites]


Add me to the "what" pile. Saw this on Facebook the other day, and wasn't sure whether it was supposed to be stream-of-consciousness non sequiturs, or whether it was trying to make a point (and, if so, what that point might be). Still unsure.
posted by escape from the potato planet at 10:31 AM on October 9, 2013 [1 favorite]


I read it more as someone unhappy about getting less cool as she gets older. Having a seriously boyfriend, and this being A Girlfriend, is a part of that.

Fortunately I have been fairly uncool my entire life so this process merely amuses me.
posted by Aizkolari at 10:36 AM on October 9, 2013 [2 favorites]


I think I get it, a little bit. Losing your identity in another by becoming "the girlfriend" has certain expectations to it, that you might even impose on yourself. And how much of that change is expected by "the boyfriend" and how much is just because that's what's expected of women in relationships seems to be where the performer is making some points.

I also think she's trying to be bizarrely funny...at least I hope she is, because I found it kind of funny in parts.
posted by xingcat at 10:38 AM on October 9, 2013 [5 favorites]


Yeah I mean, I *get* it, but I also really grow weary of the constant "girlfriends vs single ladies" dichotomy that the interwebs loves so much. I do get it! Single ladies get pigeonholed as bitter losers, so it's only natural that they retort with the suffocating dullness of the partnered. But it doesn't make either side right, just equally grating.

It's less obnoxious in an instance like this one, where she is clearly addressing herself. But this particular self-critique is not terrifically well-done or coherent and I kept waiting for the funny that never came.

AND DEAR GOD THAT WAS A HALF-FULL ICE CREAM SHE THREW AWAY. RUDE.

My facebook statuses are STILL BIZARRE, PEOPLE. The world, strangely enough, didn't stop being completely batshit and fascinating just because i started getting some on the regular. Grump.
posted by like_a_friend at 11:06 AM on October 9, 2013 [2 favorites]


But is it art?
posted by TwelveTwo at 11:10 AM on October 9, 2013


TwelveTwo: "But is it art?"

It must be. Look how confused we are.
posted by Samizdata at 11:20 AM on October 9, 2013 [10 favorites]


And saying "Boo" on the wasted ice cream.
posted by Samizdata at 11:21 AM on October 9, 2013


I thought it was hilarious. I didn't see it at all as about the actual state of being single versus being partnered, but about the way men (or the media's portrayal of men) talk about their girlfriends, which is an update on the stereotype of "her indoors" - the nag, the shrew - which then became the marriage-and-baby-crazy fiancee, and is now the girlfriend who can't quite keep up with his interests and interrupts events to go to the bathroom and has no sense of humour.

Real relationships, we all know, are usually about shared interests and shared goals, and yet there's this pervasive narrative that heterosexual couples don't really have anything in common, and that men in particular don't enjoy the company of or want to make a commitment to the women that they've nonetheless agreed of their own free will to be with.

This could play equally as well the other way around (until you factor in the numbers when it comes to media representation), with a guy who thought he knew how to clean his apartment and cook adult food and dress himself, and who was seeking a long-term monogamous relationship, until he became The Boyfriend.
posted by northernish at 11:26 AM on October 9, 2013 [1 favorite]


The state of being a girlfriend apparently makes you a litterbug.
posted by DWRoelands at 12:09 PM on October 9, 2013 [1 favorite]


I just don't think the "girlfriend" attributes as described in this piece are enough of a universal archetype for the humor to land as was probably intended here (not that I am a fan of obvious jokes based on tired cliches and stereotypes, but it does help to have at least some clue of what the person is talking about). I've definitely heard jokes about women needing to pee a lot or jokes of the "Women like romantic comedies, men like action movies, AMIRITE!" before, but never specifically directed at partnered women in contrast to single woman. So, I was another with a "Huh?" reaction.
posted by The Gooch at 12:13 PM on October 9, 2013


I think it is a commentary on the nature of being defined as a function of being attached to a man rather than as a person in her own right mixed with some weird self-loathing.
posted by Blasdelb at 12:48 PM on October 9, 2013


I don't get it.
posted by Fists O'Fury at 12:52 PM on October 9, 2013


Whelp, if you are willingly dating an asshole who only understands you as some stereotype, maybe you are also an asshole.
posted by poe at 1:12 PM on October 9, 2013


The Hairpin commenter who mentioned "tokens of how 'not like other girls' she is just reeks of internalized misogyny" has it going on.

But uh, overwrought drama student was what I felt most.
posted by purple_bird at 2:56 PM on October 9, 2013 [1 favorite]


If I get beyond 'what!?', it's only to a point where I 1/2-believe this to semi-mockery of the overwrought processing archetype who can't abide the present tense of their life despite it being not so bad. Misogyny? I don't feel it other than it's negging on a 'type' that happens, in this instance, to be female.

But 'what!?' works well for me too.
posted by peacay at 4:51 PM on October 9, 2013


The Gooch: "I've definitely heard jokes about women needing to pee a lot or jokes"

I've never heard any of those jokes. I thought she was talking about becoming pregnant or something.
posted by Bugbread at 8:13 PM on October 9, 2013


I have found a superior relationship to "girlfriend" and "boyfriend". It is called "ex-with-benefits". It has all the cuddles and sex and semi-regular socializing of a "girlfriend/boyfriend" relationship and none of the social expectations of particular behavior towards each other. We see each other regularly enough now that we could probably switch to "gf/bf" again but man, "ex-with-benefits" is just so much more fun to say.

I do, however, have to pee a lot, even when I'm single. So I dunno.
posted by egypturnash at 9:56 AM on October 10, 2013


I shoulda read the comments here instead of watching the video.
posted by klangklangston at 9:38 PM on October 10, 2013


egypturnash: "I have found a superior relationship to "girlfriend" and "boyfriend". It is called "ex-with-benefits". It has all the cuddles and sex and semi-regular socializing of a "girlfriend/boyfriend" relationship and none of the social expectations of particular behavior towards each other. We see each other regularly enough now that we could probably switch to "gf/bf" again but man, "ex-with-benefits" is just so much more fun to say.

I do, however, have to pee a lot, even when I'm single. So I dunno.
"

I used to tease my ex-wide. "Kidneys the size of Texas, bladder size of a peanut."

Seriously, it was that way.

Really.
posted by Samizdata at 4:22 AM on October 12, 2013


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