Look Around You. Marijuana MAKES You Violent.
October 9, 2013 4:47 PM Subscribe
Marijuana MAKES You Violent "We are a community based organization that aims to raise awareness that marijuana causes violence. We are a science based, secular, apolitical group. We are seekers of peace and truth. Don’t believe the lies put out by the media that marijuana addicts are just harmless peaceful hippies. Anyone who consumes marijuana becomes violently enraged and is capable of committing atrocious acts of violence. The toxins in the marijuana destroy the hypothalamus and amygdala, all centers of reason and rationality disappear from the brain."
The main website was just hacked, but you you can become informed on the Facebook page as well. Join us.
The main website was just hacked, but you you can become informed on the Facebook page as well. Join us.
That's pretty funny.
posted by lumpenprole at 4:49 PM on October 9, 2013
posted by lumpenprole at 4:49 PM on October 9, 2013
Yeah, Marijuana turned my son into a violent computer hacker using the lunix.
posted by Drinky Die at 4:53 PM on October 9, 2013 [19 favorites]
posted by Drinky Die at 4:53 PM on October 9, 2013 [19 favorites]
This makes me so enraged I want to...um...I dunno, massacre a bag of Doritos...?
posted by Greg_Ace at 4:55 PM on October 9, 2013 [4 favorites]
posted by Greg_Ace at 4:55 PM on October 9, 2013 [4 favorites]
I'm conducting my own experiment. I'll let you know when I reach a conclusion.
posted by Repack Rider at 4:58 PM on October 9, 2013 [6 favorites]
posted by Repack Rider at 4:58 PM on October 9, 2013 [6 favorites]
Mod note: added quotes to the quotation part of this post, carry on.
posted by jessamyn (staff) at 4:58 PM on October 9, 2013 [2 favorites]
posted by jessamyn (staff) at 4:58 PM on October 9, 2013 [2 favorites]
Actually, this is pretty helpful:
STAY WEED FREE | IT’S EASY AS 1-2-3posted by monospace at 4:58 PM on October 9, 2013 [17 favorites]
1 Do Not Toke
Toking marijuana will result in immediate death.
2 Do Not Inject
Injecting marijuana will result in immediate death.
3 Do Not Eat
Eating marijuana will result in immediate death.
Did you know...Cheech Marin has become an established Hollywood actor despite having murdered 723 people with his bare hands?
Did you know...the murder rate in Humboldt County is 80 times higher than the national average?
Did you know...the TV shows "Dexter" and "Weeds" are about the same person?
posted by Bugbread at 5:00 PM on October 9, 2013 [9 favorites]
Did you know...the murder rate in Humboldt County is 80 times higher than the national average?
Did you know...the TV shows "Dexter" and "Weeds" are about the same person?
posted by Bugbread at 5:00 PM on October 9, 2013 [9 favorites]
REPLEASE REPEAT
The use of marijuana flower turned my son form a full bodied A-student all-star athlete into a 70 year old black blues man that sits on my porch and fiddles songs all day dont let this happen to you.
posted by The Whelk at 5:00 PM on October 9, 2013 [76 favorites]
The use of marijuana flower turned my son form a full bodied A-student all-star athlete into a 70 year old black blues man that sits on my porch and fiddles songs all day dont let this happen to you.
posted by The Whelk at 5:00 PM on October 9, 2013 [76 favorites]
Did you ever read Poe's law, man?
posted by Cookiebastard at 5:01 PM on October 9, 2013
posted by Cookiebastard at 5:01 PM on October 9, 2013
No dude, but I'd kill for some cole slaw!
posted by Greg_Ace at 5:03 PM on October 9, 2013 [8 favorites]
posted by Greg_Ace at 5:03 PM on October 9, 2013 [8 favorites]
i guess the fact that i learned to do a highly complex, skill-based job that requires lots of forethought, hand-eye-coordination, quick thinking, team-management and all around professionalism, all while totally high means nothing to these people.
posted by Conrad-Casserole at 5:05 PM on October 9, 2013 [6 favorites]
posted by Conrad-Casserole at 5:05 PM on October 9, 2013 [6 favorites]
jessamyn: "[added quotes to the quotation part of this post, carry on.]"
for a moment there I thought Metafilter had drastically changed course
posted by mannequito at 5:07 PM on October 9, 2013 [1 favorite]
for a moment there I thought Metafilter had drastically changed course
posted by mannequito at 5:07 PM on October 9, 2013 [1 favorite]
Damn these jazz cigarettes!
posted by Our Ship Of The Imagination! at 5:08 PM on October 9, 2013 [6 favorites]
posted by Our Ship Of The Imagination! at 5:08 PM on October 9, 2013 [6 favorites]
i guess the fact that i learned to do a highly complex, skill-based job that requires lots of forethought, hand-eye-coordination, quick thinking, team-management and all around professionalism, all while totally high means nothing to these people.
Well, that's obviously a lie. The first time you got high, YOU DIED IMMEDIATELY. So you did all that stuff while being one of the UNHOLY LIVING DEAD. Taking away a job from an upstanding alive person. YOU BASTARD.
posted by His thoughts were red thoughts at 5:08 PM on October 9, 2013 [14 favorites]
Well, that's obviously a lie. The first time you got high, YOU DIED IMMEDIATELY. So you did all that stuff while being one of the UNHOLY LIVING DEAD. Taking away a job from an upstanding alive person. YOU BASTARD.
posted by His thoughts were red thoughts at 5:08 PM on October 9, 2013 [14 favorites]
I'm trying to look around me, but there's this murderous bloody haze in my eyes...
posted by Sidhedevil at 5:13 PM on October 9, 2013 [5 favorites]
posted by Sidhedevil at 5:13 PM on October 9, 2013 [5 favorites]
I am gonna die in a minute.
I mean, this friend of mine.
posted by rtha at 5:23 PM on October 9, 2013 [20 favorites]
I mean, this friend of mine.
posted by rtha at 5:23 PM on October 9, 2013 [20 favorites]
So the infected in The Last Of Us are just high on weed?
posted by Hairy Lobster at 5:28 PM on October 9, 2013 [2 favorites]
posted by Hairy Lobster at 5:28 PM on October 9, 2013 [2 favorites]
"Zoinks! Like, grab the tire iron from the Mystery Machine, Scoob - we've got another haunt that needs some hurtin'."
posted by Smart Dalek at 5:29 PM on October 9, 2013 [9 favorites]
posted by Smart Dalek at 5:29 PM on October 9, 2013 [9 favorites]
My daughter overdosed after injecting marijuana into her system. She did 4 whole marijuanas.
posted by entropicamericana at 5:33 PM on October 9, 2013 [19 favorites]
posted by entropicamericana at 5:33 PM on October 9, 2013 [19 favorites]
I wonder if they are confiusing stoned people with zombies.. As zombies kill people, and really stoned people shuffle around like zombies, so maybe thats where they got mixed up.
posted by Merlin The Happy Pig at 5:39 PM on October 9, 2013 [2 favorites]
posted by Merlin The Happy Pig at 5:39 PM on October 9, 2013 [2 favorites]
Lol what a bunch of nubs.
420 blaze it. Inject weed erryday.
posted by Ad hominem at 5:39 PM on October 9, 2013 [6 favorites]
420 blaze it. Inject weed erryday.
posted by Ad hominem at 5:39 PM on October 9, 2013 [6 favorites]
Dave's not here, I'LL KILL YOU ALL!
posted by Cookiebastard at 5:41 PM on October 9, 2013 [11 favorites]
posted by Cookiebastard at 5:41 PM on October 9, 2013 [11 favorites]
Just wait to see who has the last laugh once they uncover those mass graves at Woodstock. Then we'll see it wasn't some big weed fuelled hippy fest, but an orgy of death and volence.
posted by Merlin The Happy Pig at 5:44 PM on October 9, 2013 [1 favorite]
posted by Merlin The Happy Pig at 5:44 PM on October 9, 2013 [1 favorite]
1 Do Not Toke
2 Do Not Inject
3 Do Not Eat
But it's still OK when applied topically, yes? I need to know, because I'm soaking in it now!
posted by mosk at 5:46 PM on October 9, 2013 [3 favorites]
*puts baby in oven, laughs hysterically*
posted by BitterOldPunk at 5:46 PM on October 9, 2013 [30 favorites]
posted by BitterOldPunk at 5:46 PM on October 9, 2013 [30 favorites]
And what about snorting it? I NEED TO KNOW, I JUST SNORTED TWO PHAT RAILZ OF OG RASPBERRY KUSH AND NOW I CAN'T BREATHE THROUGH MY NOSE!
posted by mosk at 5:49 PM on October 9, 2013 [2 favorites]
posted by mosk at 5:49 PM on October 9, 2013 [2 favorites]
I've been thinking of creating conspiracy theories. Invent shit no one has heard of before about why the world is the way it is. Then sit in a bar, buy drinks for shills and gulls, spout my theories, and see how long they take to show up on FOX. I might shake it up a bit, post to reddit or Fark or twitter, but the end will always be the same.
So I wrote a few of these down.
Then shit went sideways, and I decided I pretty much control reality.
Sure, the particulars might not be exactly correct, but five of my theories:
Also, pass the dutchie from the left hand side!
posted by cjorgensen at 5:50 PM on October 9, 2013 [2 favorites]
So I wrote a few of these down.
Then shit went sideways, and I decided I pretty much control reality.
Sure, the particulars might not be exactly correct, but five of my theories:
- Obama takes down the number two in Al-Qaeda to prove that even if the government is shut down the executive branch can still function and fuck you rest of the world that thinks the US is weak without the GOP.
- The Norwegians are secretly in control and have been making Jews take the criticism of controlling the world.
- The Romanians are ready to take over from the Norwegians.
- This item exists to confuse you.
Also, pass the dutchie from the left hand side!
posted by cjorgensen at 5:50 PM on October 9, 2013 [2 favorites]
I don't know. We made brownies, and I think we're dead.
posted by wreckingball at 5:51 PM on October 9, 2013 [1 favorite]
posted by wreckingball at 5:51 PM on October 9, 2013 [1 favorite]
My brother's girlfriend's cousin knew this guy who's uncle DIED from an infected pot needle.
The M is some serious shit.
posted by codswallop at 5:52 PM on October 9, 2013 [1 favorite]
The M is some serious shit.
posted by codswallop at 5:52 PM on October 9, 2013 [1 favorite]
This is a great opportunity to mention the excellent Reefer Madness musical, closely based on the 1930s scare-the-kids-straight movie (or is that documentary?).
Devient sexual practices! Rape! Murder! Cannibalism! Zombies! DEAAAAAATH!
I'm not even exaggerating.
posted by His thoughts were red thoughts at 5:52 PM on October 9, 2013 [3 favorites]
Devient sexual practices! Rape! Murder! Cannibalism! Zombies! DEAAAAAATH!
I'm not even exaggerating.
posted by His thoughts were red thoughts at 5:52 PM on October 9, 2013 [3 favorites]
This site does the world a grave disservice. By so ludicrously overstating the case against marijuana, they distract from all the appalling freaky monkey sex users engage in 83 times a day. Won't anyone think about THAT?
posted by JHarris at 5:53 PM on October 9, 2013 [1 favorite]
posted by JHarris at 5:53 PM on October 9, 2013 [1 favorite]
WON'T SOMEBODY PLEASE THINK OF THE MONKEYS?!
posted by His thoughts were red thoughts at 5:53 PM on October 9, 2013 [2 favorites]
posted by His thoughts were red thoughts at 5:53 PM on October 9, 2013 [2 favorites]
The Rifftrax guys have done Reefer Madness -- actually, they did it twice, first Mike only, then with the whole gang.
Alas, it is one of the holes in my personal collection. Anyone else seen it?
posted by JHarris at 5:56 PM on October 9, 2013
Alas, it is one of the holes in my personal collection. Anyone else seen it?
posted by JHarris at 5:56 PM on October 9, 2013
No, we have not seen your holes.
posted by Greg_Ace at 5:56 PM on October 9, 2013 [3 favorites]
posted by Greg_Ace at 5:56 PM on October 9, 2013 [3 favorites]
The other day I read that marijuana is up like 160% in purity and potency, and I thought, "What were they smoking? That dogshit from one of those 'Cheech & Chong' movies? That's totally fucking insane!" Then I realized I read it on metafilter and you know you can't trust that site every since the Norwegians took it over.
(dutchie!)
posted by cjorgensen at 6:00 PM on October 9, 2013
(dutchie!)
posted by cjorgensen at 6:00 PM on October 9, 2013
in other news, the "tea" party is holding washington hostage
THIS EXPLAINS EVERYTHING!!!
posted by pyramid termite at 6:07 PM on October 9, 2013
THIS EXPLAINS EVERYTHING!!!
posted by pyramid termite at 6:07 PM on October 9, 2013
STRAIGHT TO THE DOME
posted by save alive nothing that breatheth at 6:20 PM on October 9, 2013 [1 favorite]
posted by save alive nothing that breatheth at 6:20 PM on October 9, 2013 [1 favorite]
Well, this sure makes that Krokodil stuff seem more appealing - I mean, rotting flesh is better than DEAD FLESH, amirite?!
posted by joan_holloway at 6:21 PM on October 9, 2013
posted by joan_holloway at 6:21 PM on October 9, 2013
Can some young'un please tell me if injecting pot in some form has actually become a thing, or is that just part of the joke?
posted by lastobelus at 6:23 PM on October 9, 2013 [1 favorite]
posted by lastobelus at 6:23 PM on October 9, 2013 [1 favorite]
The other day I read that marijuana is up like 160% in purity and potency, and I thought, "What were they smoking? That dogshit from one of those 'Cheech & Chong' movies? That's totally fucking insane!"
The best was the same as the best. But the rest was not good.
posted by Ironmouth at 6:23 PM on October 9, 2013
The best was the same as the best. But the rest was not good.
posted by Ironmouth at 6:23 PM on October 9, 2013
I tied pot once and can no longe use the lette " ".
posted by Cookiebastard at 6:24 PM on October 9, 2013 [2 favorites]
posted by Cookiebastard at 6:24 PM on October 9, 2013 [2 favorites]
I won't say I ever did this, but back before I had a tolerance level, so like when I was 17, I was medic qualified, so I could put an IV bag in before I blacked out 9even drunk). Sure, with a full drip most likely I'd piss myself, but when I didn't...no hang over no matter how much I'd drank!
I miss those IVs.
posted by cjorgensen at 6:27 PM on October 9, 2013 [2 favorites]
I miss those IVs.
posted by cjorgensen at 6:27 PM on October 9, 2013 [2 favorites]
I'm stealing this from Greg Nog.
It explains everything.
posted by double block and bleed at 6:29 PM on October 9, 2013 [1 favorite]
It explains everything.
posted by double block and bleed at 6:29 PM on October 9, 2013 [1 favorite]
Can you really beat someone to death with a bag of Funyuns?
posted by double block and bleed at 6:31 PM on October 9, 2013 [1 favorite]
posted by double block and bleed at 6:31 PM on October 9, 2013 [1 favorite]
Oh, who am I kidding; I wouldn't need a crutch if my leg weren't already broken.
posted by troll at 6:34 PM on October 9, 2013
posted by troll at 6:34 PM on October 9, 2013
Recently I allowed a lovely Australian couple to feed me a pallet of beers in a Barcelona cafe. They were older, maybe in their sixties, and the gentleman had Very Strong Feelings about the Vietnam War and U.S. isolationism. I made a mental note to follow up on Aussie involvement in the war and U.S. military spending in the South Pacific.
"We'd have more money for empire building if we ended the war on drugs," I offered.
"Ah, you smoke dope, then, yeah?"
"No, sir, I do not smoke it, but I do not condemn those who do."
And suddenly the conversation changed abruptly. He was furious. Verbal assault. Accusations of rank stupidity.
Now I don't exactly recall what the original point of this story was - but don't talk about marijuana with older Australians.
posted by Baby_Balrog at 6:37 PM on October 9, 2013 [2 favorites]
"We'd have more money for empire building if we ended the war on drugs," I offered.
"Ah, you smoke dope, then, yeah?"
"No, sir, I do not smoke it, but I do not condemn those who do."
And suddenly the conversation changed abruptly. He was furious. Verbal assault. Accusations of rank stupidity.
Now I don't exactly recall what the original point of this story was - but don't talk about marijuana with older Australians.
posted by Baby_Balrog at 6:37 PM on October 9, 2013 [2 favorites]
Can some young'un please tell me if injecting pot in some form has actually become a thing, or is that just part of the joke?
What's the old saying again--something like, "If you have to ask, you'll never know?"
But no, less condescendingly, no one's shooting up weed. Since at least the 70s anyway.
posted by saulgoodman at 6:38 PM on October 9, 2013 [1 favorite]
What's the old saying again--something like, "If you have to ask, you'll never know?"
But no, less condescendingly, no one's shooting up weed. Since at least the 70s anyway.
posted by saulgoodman at 6:38 PM on October 9, 2013 [1 favorite]
Listen, crazy people who oppose legalization: My grandmother uses THC topical cream to treat herself after skin cancer surgeries. It helps her life. And she hasn't murdered anyone, as far as I am aware. But she still makes a mean chicken stew.
The truth is out. All of the lies and the bullshit are just untenable. Just move on to invading the privacy of our lives for some other ridiculous reason. At least you will be easier to deal with.
posted by tripping daisy at 6:39 PM on October 9, 2013 [1 favorite]
The truth is out. All of the lies and the bullshit are just untenable. Just move on to invading the privacy of our lives for some other ridiculous reason. At least you will be easier to deal with.
posted by tripping daisy at 6:39 PM on October 9, 2013 [1 favorite]
CHICKENS ARE PEEPLES, EVEN STEWED, GRANAMAS
posted by robocop is bleeding at 6:42 PM on October 9, 2013 [5 favorites]
posted by robocop is bleeding at 6:42 PM on October 9, 2013 [5 favorites]
From the Site: Organized by route of administration, we present to you a list of potential CIIDS mechanisms, all verified under laboratory conditions by our team of Scientists and the cooperation of the DeVry Institute.
Well played, ladies and sirs ... well played.
posted by echolalia67 at 6:43 PM on October 9, 2013 [3 favorites]
Well played, ladies and sirs ... well played.
posted by echolalia67 at 6:43 PM on October 9, 2013 [3 favorites]
The amount of tissue damage is so high that addicts’ life expectancies are said to be as low as two to three seconds, especially as they are often highly susceptible to infections and gangrene due to widespread HIV infection among injecting marijuana users, resulting in immediate death and addiction. (emphasis mine)
This is brilliant. This whole page is completely brilliant.
The Twitter feed is also cute. It has an unexpected propensity for rhyming: Ten out of ten neuroscientists agree, you will get brain damage if you snort THC.
posted by moss at 6:45 PM on October 9, 2013 [2 favorites]
This is brilliant. This whole page is completely brilliant.
The Twitter feed is also cute. It has an unexpected propensity for rhyming: Ten out of ten neuroscientists agree, you will get brain damage if you snort THC.
posted by moss at 6:45 PM on October 9, 2013 [2 favorites]
I've been smoking the hemp for almost four decades now and I doubt I've killed more than thirty people (not counting self defense). So that's well short of one per year. Hardly what I'd call a pressing issue.
posted by philip-random at 6:46 PM on October 9, 2013 [7 favorites]
posted by philip-random at 6:46 PM on October 9, 2013 [7 favorites]
THC forms crystals in your spine. Even decades later you can still go crazy and die at literally any moment.
posted by dephlogisticated at 6:55 PM on October 9, 2013 [2 favorites]
posted by dephlogisticated at 6:55 PM on October 9, 2013 [2 favorites]
monospace: "Actually, this is pretty helpful:
So, I am dead, albeit track mark free? Damn, I look good for a zombie!
posted by Samizdata at 6:55 PM on October 9, 2013
STAY WEED FREE | IT’S EASY AS 1-2-3"
1 Do Not Toke
Toking marijuana will result in immediate death.
2 Do Not Inject
Injecting marijuana will result in immediate death.
3 Do Not Eat
Eating marijuana will result in immediate death.
So, I am dead, albeit track mark free? Damn, I look good for a zombie!
posted by Samizdata at 6:55 PM on October 9, 2013
Tangentally, the music in the video is a track by Tear Ceremony, called Sleep in the Eyes.
He only put out three albums under the Tear Ceremony moniker before switching to more melodic electronic stuff (as Sonogram) and indie dream-pop (as Crushed Stars), but all three are absolute first-rate ambient music, with a uniquely Surrealist style.
It would be excellent music to smoke marijuana to, immediately before dying.
posted by escape from the potato planet at 6:55 PM on October 9, 2013 [3 favorites]
He only put out three albums under the Tear Ceremony moniker before switching to more melodic electronic stuff (as Sonogram) and indie dream-pop (as Crushed Stars), but all three are absolute first-rate ambient music, with a uniquely Surrealist style.
It would be excellent music to smoke marijuana to, immediately before dying.
posted by escape from the potato planet at 6:55 PM on October 9, 2013 [3 favorites]
BitterOldPunk: "*puts baby in oven, laughs hysterically*"
I am SO coming over. Zombie munchies, dontchaknow.
posted by Samizdata at 6:57 PM on October 9, 2013 [1 favorite]
I am SO coming over. Zombie munchies, dontchaknow.
posted by Samizdata at 6:57 PM on October 9, 2013 [1 favorite]
Can some young'un please tell me if injecting pot in some form has actually become a thing, or is that just part of the joke?
Sure, injectibles are the hot new thing. A lot of strains like OG Kush and Sour Diesel are actually better in an injectible form.
I don't do It as much as I used to but I have a nice collection of hand blown borosilicate Pot needles. My best set me back quite a bit, artisianal heady glass and it has 2 Percs, a seven arm diffuser and a quartz nail. These pieces are essentially functional art and can be appreciate even if you don't use injectibles.
It is time to end the misinformation. I've injected plenty of weed and I'm still ok.
posted by Ad hominem at 6:58 PM on October 9, 2013 [12 favorites]
Sure, injectibles are the hot new thing. A lot of strains like OG Kush and Sour Diesel are actually better in an injectible form.
I don't do It as much as I used to but I have a nice collection of hand blown borosilicate Pot needles. My best set me back quite a bit, artisianal heady glass and it has 2 Percs, a seven arm diffuser and a quartz nail. These pieces are essentially functional art and can be appreciate even if you don't use injectibles.
It is time to end the misinformation. I've injected plenty of weed and I'm still ok.
posted by Ad hominem at 6:58 PM on October 9, 2013 [12 favorites]
"*puts baby in oven, laughs hysterically*"
Don't forget to tuck in the turkey!
posted by TedW at 7:00 PM on October 9, 2013 [3 favorites]
Don't forget to tuck in the turkey!
posted by TedW at 7:00 PM on October 9, 2013 [3 favorites]
I tied pot once and can no longe use the lette " ".Whoa, let this be a lesson to all! You might get into pot via bee, but soon it's bandy, um, shey, … all the had liquos.
posted by hattifattener at 7:02 PM on October 9, 2013 [3 favorites]
The use of marijuana flower turned my son form a full bodied A-student all-star athlete into a 70 year old black blues man that sits on my porch and fiddles songs all day
Best endorsement of weed I've ever heard.
posted by Pope Guilty at 7:08 PM on October 9, 2013 [6 favorites]
Best endorsement of weed I've ever heard.
posted by Pope Guilty at 7:08 PM on October 9, 2013 [6 favorites]
The important thing to remember about marijuana is.
posted by jenkinsEar at 7:11 PM on October 9, 2013 [3 favorites]
posted by jenkinsEar at 7:11 PM on October 9, 2013 [3 favorites]
it impacts short term....short term...uhh...sense of smell?
posted by Drinky Die at 7:13 PM on October 9, 2013
posted by Drinky Die at 7:13 PM on October 9, 2013
Acquire funding and financial support from avid supporters and seekers of peace. This will help us influence the corrupt politicians who only care about how much money lines their pockets.
uhm it's probably because i'm stoned, but.. uh..
first of all, marijuana users usually are seekers of peace. usually the entire reason for enjoying it. so, uh, good luck with that.
second, well.. you're decrying the corruption of politicians while seeking to further corrupt them.
Phase 4:
Work hand in hand with legislative professionals to write up an amendment to the constitution that will help eliminate marijuana from the planet.
Phase 5:
Physically eliminate all traces from marijuana on the planet using various and highly advanced methods.
what
posted by ninjew at 7:15 PM on October 9, 2013
uhm it's probably because i'm stoned, but.. uh..
first of all, marijuana users usually are seekers of peace. usually the entire reason for enjoying it. so, uh, good luck with that.
second, well.. you're decrying the corruption of politicians while seeking to further corrupt them.
Phase 4:
Work hand in hand with legislative professionals to write up an amendment to the constitution that will help eliminate marijuana from the planet.
Phase 5:
Physically eliminate all traces from marijuana on the planet using various and highly advanced methods.
what
posted by ninjew at 7:15 PM on October 9, 2013
uhm it's probably because i'm stoned, but.. uh..
So stoned you can't detect parody, perhaps?
posted by showbiz_liz at 7:24 PM on October 9, 2013
So stoned you can't detect parody, perhaps?
posted by showbiz_liz at 7:24 PM on October 9, 2013
ninjew, I suspect that those responsible for this site are perhaps not 100% sincere about everything they espouse.
posted by escape from the potato planet at 7:24 PM on October 9, 2013
posted by escape from the potato planet at 7:24 PM on October 9, 2013
I'm detecting more than trace amounts of irony on my irony detector. And it tends to miss all but the largest extrusions of the stuff as often as not.
posted by saulgoodman at 7:28 PM on October 9, 2013
posted by saulgoodman at 7:28 PM on October 9, 2013
WILL YOU PEOPLE PLEASE BE NICE TO NINJEW HE IS DYING
posted by Cookiebastard at 7:29 PM on October 9, 2013 [30 favorites]
posted by Cookiebastard at 7:29 PM on October 9, 2013 [30 favorites]
So, I discovered that experiments with injectable cannabis require modifying the THC otherwise it can't pass the blood brain barrier. Also, apparently there's some evidence injecting (modified) THC without CBD may have a risk of causing psychosis. There's a company developing injectable synthetic cannabis, still experimental. And some british journalist did a public "experiment" with separate injections of THC and THC+CBD. THC by itself was supposedly a big downer for her; THC+CBD was thumbs up. Making one's own THC tinctures with alcohol and injecting them is probably very dangerous, though mostly because of the alcohol -- the unmodified THC won't really do anything.
posted by lastobelus at 7:29 PM on October 9, 2013
posted by lastobelus at 7:29 PM on October 9, 2013
I was gonna say something but then I remembered I was dead.
posted by rtha at 7:35 PM on October 9, 2013 [1 favorite]
posted by rtha at 7:35 PM on October 9, 2013 [1 favorite]
yes so stoned that i missed the parody. DANGER, MARIJUANA AFFECTS HUMOR PERCEPTIONS
posted by ninjew at 7:37 PM on October 9, 2013 [6 favorites]
posted by ninjew at 7:37 PM on October 9, 2013 [6 favorites]
rtha: I was gonna say something but then I remembered I was dead.
That's because the marijuana fools your brain EVEN AFTER YOU ARE DEAD.
posted by Greg_Ace at 7:42 PM on October 9, 2013
That's because the marijuana fools your brain EVEN AFTER YOU ARE DEAD.
posted by Greg_Ace at 7:42 PM on October 9, 2013
Cookiebastard: "WILL YOU PEOPLE PLEASE BE NICE TO NINJEW HE IS DYING"
And all of us are dead. Your point is?
posted by Samizdata at 7:43 PM on October 9, 2013
And all of us are dead. Your point is?
posted by Samizdata at 7:43 PM on October 9, 2013
I saw this today and this thread seems like a good place for it. "An open letter to Stephen Colbert and Colbert Nation" from the Seattle Police Blotter.
Read it, it's awesome.
posted by HMSSM at 7:54 PM on October 9, 2013 [19 favorites]
Read it, it's awesome.
posted by HMSSM at 7:54 PM on October 9, 2013 [19 favorites]
You know that hallway hammer fight in Oldboy? Well I just dispatched a bowl of honey bunches of oats like goddamn cookie monster. I'm still picking almonds out of my hair. So... I'm going to have to say the jury's still out. Better run a few more tests, the things I do for science.
posted by Divine_Wino at 8:01 PM on October 9, 2013 [1 favorite]
posted by Divine_Wino at 8:01 PM on October 9, 2013 [1 favorite]
This vile stuff is rotting the very sinews of our nation. THE VERY SINEWS.
posted by Sing Or Swim at 8:17 PM on October 9, 2013
posted by Sing Or Swim at 8:17 PM on October 9, 2013
You also claimed our department has not done enough to keep “medical-grade dispensary dank away from kids,” and has failed to address the serious side effects of marijuana, such as short-term memory loss.
We simply cannot remember a time we were more incensed by such a blatant mischaracterization of our department. We continue to investigate the sale of marijuana to minors, and we certainly do not encourage the use of silly branding like “Bubba Kush” and “Alien Dog.” If it were up to us, pot brands would have names like “Remember to Call Your Mother” and “You Don’t Want to Grow Up to Be a Drummer, Do You?”
Oh.... my God. Is this the actual Seattle Police site? It is, isn't it? Do they have any openings? Who wrote that, and can we give them some kind of policing award?
posted by WidgetAlley at 8:21 PM on October 9, 2013 [7 favorites]
We simply cannot remember a time we were more incensed by such a blatant mischaracterization of our department. We continue to investigate the sale of marijuana to minors, and we certainly do not encourage the use of silly branding like “Bubba Kush” and “Alien Dog.” If it were up to us, pot brands would have names like “Remember to Call Your Mother” and “You Don’t Want to Grow Up to Be a Drummer, Do You?”
Oh.... my God. Is this the actual Seattle Police site? It is, isn't it? Do they have any openings? Who wrote that, and can we give them some kind of policing award?
posted by WidgetAlley at 8:21 PM on October 9, 2013 [7 favorites]
IAmA MMYV AMA
ALSO: Marihuana flower injection causes paranoid fantasies, e.g. :
-the Federal gov't is recording all your electronic communications, like some idiot Orwellian-Lovecraftian-Tiplerian machine-beast-god with a bleak panopticon memory center out in Utah that may or may not divine your soul with obscure algorithms or punish you for your sins but will always see, hear, read, and remember even as its conscious mind attacks itself in insanity and its tentacles twitch half-paralyzed.
posted by save alive nothing that breatheth at 8:22 PM on October 9, 2013 [2 favorites]
ALSO: Marihuana flower injection causes paranoid fantasies, e.g. :
-the Federal gov't is recording all your electronic communications, like some idiot Orwellian-Lovecraftian-Tiplerian machine-beast-god with a bleak panopticon memory center out in Utah that may or may not divine your soul with obscure algorithms or punish you for your sins but will always see, hear, read, and remember even as its conscious mind attacks itself in insanity and its tentacles twitch half-paralyzed.
posted by save alive nothing that breatheth at 8:22 PM on October 9, 2013 [2 favorites]
th;fu
posted by not_on_display at 8:34 PM on October 9, 2013 [2 favorites]
posted by not_on_display at 8:34 PM on October 9, 2013 [2 favorites]
FOUR WHOLE MARIJUANAS.
I heard some kid died off four!
posted by BungaDunga at 9:04 PM on October 9, 2013
I heard some kid died off four!
posted by BungaDunga at 9:04 PM on October 9, 2013
Nugs give no hugs people. Bongs are wrong.
This is definitely some very slick trolling. Who/why? Can't wait to find out. Their twitter feed is a gas.
posted by signsofrain at 9:10 PM on October 9, 2013
This is definitely some very slick trolling. Who/why? Can't wait to find out. Their twitter feed is a gas.
posted by signsofrain at 9:10 PM on October 9, 2013
Mary Jane didn't make me violent but she completely killed my irony detector. Now, all I can do is say "woah dude, that's like sick" when someone proposes eating Irish children.
But there are bonuses. I can look at teabaggers and think "ooooh, this is one of those jokes I don't understand anymore."
posted by honestcoyote at 9:13 PM on October 9, 2013 [1 favorite]
But there are bonuses. I can look at teabaggers and think "ooooh, this is one of those jokes I don't understand anymore."
posted by honestcoyote at 9:13 PM on October 9, 2013 [1 favorite]
WidgetAlley that's 'Officer' Johah Spangenthal-Lee in charge of SPD funny business. In the not too distant past he was a staffer at The Stranger.
posted by Mei's lost sandal at 9:35 PM on October 9, 2013 [2 favorites]
posted by Mei's lost sandal at 9:35 PM on October 9, 2013 [2 favorites]
these guyse have been milking one joke over and over for like six months it's gotten pretty awful
posted by p3on at 10:26 PM on October 9, 2013
posted by p3on at 10:26 PM on October 9, 2013
Oh god, I really hope this is what NORML is up to nowadays.
posted by GoingToShopping at 11:21 PM on October 9, 2013
posted by GoingToShopping at 11:21 PM on October 9, 2013
*Puff, puff,...*
*Shoots person standing next to me.*
"Sorry. I meant to pass it to you, but something got into me."
posted by three blind mice at 1:23 AM on October 10, 2013
*Shoots person standing next to me.*
"Sorry. I meant to pass it to you, but something got into me."
posted by three blind mice at 1:23 AM on October 10, 2013
I once felt violent, briefly, after I'd smoked a marijuana, then I .... um.... woah... this song is awesome!
posted by Diag at 3:01 AM on October 10, 2013 [1 favorite]
posted by Diag at 3:01 AM on October 10, 2013 [1 favorite]
They want to rid the world of all its marijuana.
Users are just trying to help!
(An even better joke would be stoners fretting about "peak weed").
posted by chavenet at 4:23 AM on October 10, 2013
Users are just trying to help!
(An even better joke would be stoners fretting about "peak weed").
posted by chavenet at 4:23 AM on October 10, 2013
"Greenboy: Prescription for Death" is very funny and worth watching especially when on the marijuana.
bonus: Tom Kenny!
posted by orme at 5:11 AM on October 10, 2013
bonus: Tom Kenny!
posted by orme at 5:11 AM on October 10, 2013
Peak weed! Ha ha ha ha ha ha heh heh heeeeee heh heh heh he he he !!
Heh heh heh. Hm. Heh.
Peeeeeak Weeeeeeeed! Hahaha ha ha ha ha ha ha heeeee!!
Aahhh! . . Oh man.
*Considers the awesomenosity of the Universe*
posted by petebest at 5:16 AM on October 10, 2013
Heh heh heh. Hm. Heh.
Peeeeeak Weeeeeeeed! Hahaha ha ha ha ha ha ha heeeee!!
Aahhh! . . Oh man.
*Considers the awesomenosity of the Universe*
posted by petebest at 5:16 AM on October 10, 2013
PIZZA GUY: Gotcher large extra-cheese veggie right here.
ME: Ohhhh, it smells so good. Wait, I've got my wallet right here. Oh that smells good. Hey man, is that a DEVO t-shirt? Wow. Did you see those guys when they were in Albany, like, last year?
PIZZA GUY: No way, man. This is my roommate's shirt. Those guys are old.
ME: Yeah, I guess, but they still bring it. Here's your money, keep the change. Those onions look great... do you guys caramelize those things first or what?
PIZZA GUY: Uh, no. I don't do any cooking, I just deliver. Hey, thanks.
ME: Sure thing, no problem. I am so hungry right now. Oh no, I almost forgot something! don't leave yet!
PIZZA GUY: Yeah?
*sound of chainsaw starting"
ME: NOW YOU MUST DIE!
posted by kinnakeet at 6:03 AM on October 10, 2013 [2 favorites]
ME: Ohhhh, it smells so good. Wait, I've got my wallet right here. Oh that smells good. Hey man, is that a DEVO t-shirt? Wow. Did you see those guys when they were in Albany, like, last year?
PIZZA GUY: No way, man. This is my roommate's shirt. Those guys are old.
ME: Yeah, I guess, but they still bring it. Here's your money, keep the change. Those onions look great... do you guys caramelize those things first or what?
PIZZA GUY: Uh, no. I don't do any cooking, I just deliver. Hey, thanks.
ME: Sure thing, no problem. I am so hungry right now. Oh no, I almost forgot something! don't leave yet!
PIZZA GUY: Yeah?
*sound of chainsaw starting"
ME: NOW YOU MUST DIE!
posted by kinnakeet at 6:03 AM on October 10, 2013 [2 favorites]
Can some young'un please tell me if injecting pot in some form has actually become a thing, or is that just part of the joke?
posted by lastobelus at 9:23 PM on October 9 [1 favorite +] [!]
I can't speak to it's efficacy, but I remember one time circa 2002 I ended up at a friend of a friend's house, where some folks attempted just that: They put weed in a coffee grinder type thing, and ground it into powder, and sifted out the THC crystals. Then, they went and grabbed some needles from someone's dad's bathroom (his dad was diabetic, so he had boxes of them. Also, this required a separate trip) We came back, they got the lighter and the spoon, and sure enough, two of them tied off their arms and shot up THC.
One of them was wearing blue jeans and a denim vest.
I was under the impression we were gonna hang out and get coffee later. We did not. I kinda felt uncomfortable, because this all struck me as a monumentally bad idea, before my other friend was like "Come on dude, how often do you get to see a bunch of dumbasses bang out pot?" Which was indeed a salient point. They seemed alright, but it didn't appear to make the high for them any different. Also, the control was kinda compromised, as they were smoking weed before and after this whole thing.
I kinda lost touch with that dude after that. (Not because of that night, but because he got some girl pregnant.)
posted by Uther Bentrazor at 6:13 AM on October 10, 2013
posted by lastobelus at 9:23 PM on October 9 [1 favorite +] [!]
I can't speak to it's efficacy, but I remember one time circa 2002 I ended up at a friend of a friend's house, where some folks attempted just that: They put weed in a coffee grinder type thing, and ground it into powder, and sifted out the THC crystals. Then, they went and grabbed some needles from someone's dad's bathroom (his dad was diabetic, so he had boxes of them. Also, this required a separate trip) We came back, they got the lighter and the spoon, and sure enough, two of them tied off their arms and shot up THC.
One of them was wearing blue jeans and a denim vest.
I was under the impression we were gonna hang out and get coffee later. We did not. I kinda felt uncomfortable, because this all struck me as a monumentally bad idea, before my other friend was like "Come on dude, how often do you get to see a bunch of dumbasses bang out pot?" Which was indeed a salient point. They seemed alright, but it didn't appear to make the high for them any different. Also, the control was kinda compromised, as they were smoking weed before and after this whole thing.
I kinda lost touch with that dude after that. (Not because of that night, but because he got some girl pregnant.)
posted by Uther Bentrazor at 6:13 AM on October 10, 2013
Also, in regards to this site, while it seems pretty obvious it's a joke, I really hope that it is because this shirt is kinda fresh.
posted by Uther Bentrazor at 6:14 AM on October 10, 2013
posted by Uther Bentrazor at 6:14 AM on October 10, 2013
It would be excellent music to smoke marijuana to, immediately before dying.
I will pay you money to say this about my next album.
posted by malocchio at 7:08 AM on October 10, 2013 [1 favorite]
I will pay you money to say this about my next album.
posted by malocchio at 7:08 AM on October 10, 2013 [1 favorite]
Pot advocates are annoying. That's cool if pot is legalized - I don't care. I don't oppose that. But the people who go around talking about how pot smoke is good for your lungs, THC cures all diseases, it's okay to operate heavy machinery while high, hemp fabric will save the world - please, you sound so ridiculous. It's this circus-like atmosphere around pot culture that makes me want to avoid it altogether.
posted by ChuckRamone at 7:38 AM on October 10, 2013 [1 favorite]
posted by ChuckRamone at 7:38 AM on October 10, 2013 [1 favorite]
ChuckRamone, you must know one of my husband's friends. He's 40 years old, lives in his mom's basement playing video games and watching internet porn, has never had a driver's license or a serious girlfriend, and is the most uninvolved, unmotivated person ever - UNLESS someone mentions legalization/decriminalization of marijuana. Suddenly he is well-spoken, knowledgeable, and very, VERY animated. It is easily the most annoying thing about him.
I think I'll send him this site. His irony meter doesn't register all that well, he'll probably go ballistic.
posted by jennaratrix at 7:46 AM on October 10, 2013 [1 favorite]
I think I'll send him this site. His irony meter doesn't register all that well, he'll probably go ballistic.
posted by jennaratrix at 7:46 AM on October 10, 2013 [1 favorite]
All I know is that given the level of stupidity in our fair country (I am hyperaware right now, having spent all day in airports and on planes), it's just a matter of time before a Republican congressperson starts tweeting about this site.
posted by bitter-girl.com at 7:57 AM on October 10, 2013
posted by bitter-girl.com at 7:57 AM on October 10, 2013
Bitter-girl - let's send it to every Republican member of congress and see how fast they start getting up-in-arms. I mean, it's not like they have anything else going on right now.
posted by Sophie1 at 8:52 AM on October 10, 2013 [1 favorite]
posted by Sophie1 at 8:52 AM on October 10, 2013 [1 favorite]
But the people who go around talking about how pot smoke is good for your lungs, THC cures all diseases, it's okay to operate heavy machinery while high, hemp fabric will save the world
On one hand perfectly intelligent and well educated doctors used leeches and blood letting to cure pneumonia. On the other you have the current immunization process that more often than not puts a live dose of the strain you're trying to combat into your system.
There's a quote out there that's probably associated with Lincoln for all I know, goes something along the lines of "Any sufficiently advanced technology is indistinguishable from magic."
All of these things are true. Man.
posted by Blue_Villain at 9:26 AM on October 10, 2013
On one hand perfectly intelligent and well educated doctors used leeches and blood letting to cure pneumonia. On the other you have the current immunization process that more often than not puts a live dose of the strain you're trying to combat into your system.
There's a quote out there that's probably associated with Lincoln for all I know, goes something along the lines of "Any sufficiently advanced technology is indistinguishable from magic."
All of these things are true. Man.
posted by Blue_Villain at 9:26 AM on October 10, 2013
> I suspect that those responsible for this site are perhaps not 100% sincere about everything they espouse.
Parodeath
posted by mmrtnt at 10:41 AM on October 10, 2013
Parodeath
posted by mmrtnt at 10:41 AM on October 10, 2013
ChuckRamone: Pot advocates are annoying.
You're painting a lot of mefites with that brush.
I'm a pot advocate myself. I believe it's a recreational drug that's not necessarily healthy, but is much less harmful than legal alternatives (alcohol, tobacco). It's also a medication that can significantly improve the quality of life of people suffering from certain conditions (glaucoma, anxiety, chronic pain, nausea, etc.). It's not a miracle cure, and you shouldn't drive when impaired by anything, pot included, but I think the money spent and lives destroyed in the name of prohibition are unnecessary and unconscionable. If you ask my opinion or bring up the subject, I'm liable to talk your ear off about it.
I'm also employed, married, and completely unassociated with "pot culture". Most of us aren't involved in that "circus-like atmosphere", we just quietly have a toke after work on occasion, just like we might otherwise have a beer or two.
It's this circus-like atmosphere around pot culture that makes me want to avoid it altogether.
"It's this staggeringly drunk atmosphere around frat houses that make me want to avoid alcohol altogether."
"It's this squealing tweens atmosphere around Justin Bieber concerts that make me want to avoid popular music altogether."
It occurs to me that I'm being a pot advocate advocate here. If this makes me double-annoying, I apologize twice.
posted by Turbo-B at 11:55 AM on October 10, 2013 [6 favorites]
You're painting a lot of mefites with that brush.
I'm a pot advocate myself. I believe it's a recreational drug that's not necessarily healthy, but is much less harmful than legal alternatives (alcohol, tobacco). It's also a medication that can significantly improve the quality of life of people suffering from certain conditions (glaucoma, anxiety, chronic pain, nausea, etc.). It's not a miracle cure, and you shouldn't drive when impaired by anything, pot included, but I think the money spent and lives destroyed in the name of prohibition are unnecessary and unconscionable. If you ask my opinion or bring up the subject, I'm liable to talk your ear off about it.
I'm also employed, married, and completely unassociated with "pot culture". Most of us aren't involved in that "circus-like atmosphere", we just quietly have a toke after work on occasion, just like we might otherwise have a beer or two.
It's this circus-like atmosphere around pot culture that makes me want to avoid it altogether.
"It's this staggeringly drunk atmosphere around frat houses that make me want to avoid alcohol altogether."
"It's this squealing tweens atmosphere around Justin Bieber concerts that make me want to avoid popular music altogether."
It occurs to me that I'm being a pot advocate advocate here. If this makes me double-annoying, I apologize twice.
posted by Turbo-B at 11:55 AM on October 10, 2013 [6 favorites]
Also diabetes. Pot can help regulate sugar levels. (Heh! I'm being annoying.)
posted by saulgoodman at 8:28 PM on October 10, 2013
posted by saulgoodman at 8:28 PM on October 10, 2013
You're painting a lot of mefites with that brush.
You're right. I should have qualified each one of my sentences. I have a tendency to immediately kick it into high gear when I start ranting. It seems I still have a bit of youthful impetuosity in me though I'm learning to temper it.
posted by ChuckRamone at 7:52 AM on October 11, 2013
You're right. I should have qualified each one of my sentences. I have a tendency to immediately kick it into high gear when I start ranting. It seems I still have a bit of youthful impetuosity in me though I'm learning to temper it.
posted by ChuckRamone at 7:52 AM on October 11, 2013
"You're right. I should have qualified each one of my sentences. I have a tendency to immediately kick it into high gear when I start ranting. It seems I still have a bit of youthful impetuosity in me though I'm learning to temper it"
—ChuckRamone
'ere, this'll help.
posted by not_on_display at 9:27 AM on October 11, 2013
—ChuckRamone
'ere, this'll help.
posted by not_on_display at 9:27 AM on October 11, 2013
God bless the chunk of the internet that is, as far as I can tell, bored adult stoners trolling enthusiastic teenage stoners* about the dangers of marijuana
I think I learned about the Mothers Against Noise website here but we're all following @MothersAgainst1 on Twitter right?
*and of course the stoner contingent of those poor sweet tone-def souls in our families who are always outraged posting Onion and Daily Currant articles on their Facebooks
posted by elr at 6:03 PM on October 11, 2013
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posted by thelonius at 4:48 PM on October 9, 2013 [5 favorites]