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Apple Cabin Blue
October 12, 2013 7:28 PM   Subscribe


 
What the hell was that?
posted by wenestvedt at 7:39 PM on October 12, 2013 [5 favorites]


I am mystified. If I read it again and again will it make sense? It did make me smile, but possibly more in that way where you smile defensively when you don't understand.
posted by Joh at 7:40 PM on October 12, 2013 [3 favorites]


Previously.

Fair warning, while the linked content is SFW, the rest of LiarTownUSA is often intensely not.
posted by strangely stunted trees at 7:41 PM on October 12, 2013 [3 favorites]


That is a good price for oat goblins.
posted by 445supermag at 7:42 PM on October 12, 2013 [9 favorites]


I re-read and Peaceful Oat Goblins made me giggle.
posted by Joh at 7:43 PM on October 12, 2013 [2 favorites]


All of those foods seem to have good prices.
posted by codacorolla at 7:45 PM on October 12, 2013


BLAST OFF! 3-2-1 IT'S DIRT ROCKETS
posted by infinitewindow at 7:48 PM on October 12, 2013 [6 favorites]


WHERE IS AT WEBCAGE WERE U CAN AUTODO THESE KINDSA FOOD-O-NAMES? $FREE FOR TWO DOZENs?

Ahem.

If there isn't, there should be.
posted by jiawen at 7:51 PM on October 12, 2013 [1 favorite]


The Burbank Shopping Plaza series is wonderful too.
posted by contraption at 7:52 PM on October 12, 2013 [6 favorites]


They almost made sense. As if they were written from an equivalent point in a timeline that had diverged somewhere around the American Colonies, and a different sort of patois rolled in.

Or, you know, time travellers.
posted by LD Feral at 7:53 PM on October 12, 2013 [1 favorite]


oh uh is this a double? Did i comment in the thread that the whelk posted? I blame the discount pork dillingers i had for dinner
posted by rebent at 7:54 PM on October 12, 2013


Oh, and who can forget Netflix?
posted by contraption at 7:56 PM on October 12, 2013 [4 favorites]


I completely lost it at "vinegar husbands."
posted by deludingmyself at 7:59 PM on October 12, 2013 [6 favorites]


The NSFW books tagged entries are my favorite, and this blog seems to be the source of the "Glen" meme. I've also posted this one to some family facebook comments as they create more tiny humans.
posted by Monkey0nCrack at 8:07 PM on October 12, 2013 [1 favorite]


I laughed a laughing laugh of laughter.
posted by Pogo_Fuzzybutt at 8:24 PM on October 12, 2013


SHHHH! IT'S CHICKEN WHISPERS
posted by palomar at 8:25 PM on October 12, 2013 [3 favorites]


Turts for all.
posted by The Whelk at 8:26 PM on October 12, 2013 [2 favorites]


I printed these out at a CVS on a photo printer and hung them in my kitchen. They confuse and delight all visitors to my home.

I also call my boyfriend's dog a peanut loaf and my cat a pork rembrandt all the time. The weird word combinations from these ads are perfect pet nicknames.

I guess what I'm trying to say is that Apple Cabin Foods changed my life for the better. Need to eat? Go on and have it.
posted by k8lin at 8:26 PM on October 12, 2013 [22 favorites]


The Burbank Shopping Plaza series is wonderful too.

Of all the fake stuff in Liar Town, those are the closest to the truth. Half of the stores on those signs DO EXIST in mini-malls in Burbank, trust me. (I've eaten at Johnny Sando's, but I had the Roast Beef Sando)
posted by oneswellfoop at 8:32 PM on October 12, 2013 [1 favorite]


TUNA DO-OVERS SHH CAN YOU HEAR EM
posted by Mister Moofoo at 8:34 PM on October 12, 2013 [3 favorites]


Not for teens.
posted by The Whelk at 8:35 PM on October 12, 2013


Nature's mistakes.
posted by Mister Moofoo at 8:36 PM on October 12, 2013 [1 favorite]


Yogurt Decision has not been registered as a fictitious business name in Los Angeles County; however, Yogurt Factory has been registered, as well as Yogurt Facotry and Yogurt De Amor (ew).
posted by infinitewindow at 8:44 PM on October 12, 2013


Welcome to night loaf
posted by The Whelk at 8:47 PM on October 12, 2013 [16 favorites]


I porked Brosnan once. Once.
posted by planetesimal at 8:50 PM on October 12, 2013


Apple Cabin Foods is where Weird Twitter shops.
posted by jason_steakums at 8:52 PM on October 12, 2013 [1 favorite]


Mmm, Deli Sweepins. (Gently used.)
posted by Kevin Street at 8:54 PM on October 12, 2013


Protip: Pork Brosnans are just discounted Party Beefs. And they're less dithered!

A LOT LIKE CAMPING
posted by oulipian at 9:03 PM on October 12, 2013 [5 favorites]


#5, as referenced in The Disappearance of N.
posted by Lexica at 9:12 PM on October 12, 2013 [1 favorite]


They almost made sense. As if they were written from an equivalent point in a timeline that had diverged somewhere around the American Colonies, and a different sort of patois rolled in.

I think my favorite thing about this is that it's aggressively post-war. It's a grocery circular for an alternate universe where the 60s never happened and everyone just kept liking Apple Pan Dowdy. No arugula. No fair trade coffee. No artisanal anything. Just Cinnamon Johnnies and Peach Travis, forever.
posted by Sara C. at 9:14 PM on October 12, 2013 [28 favorites]


"FUDGE"
posted by louche mustachio at 9:34 PM on October 12, 2013


Liartown U.S.A. is the best possible town, and Apple Cabin Foods is the best store. I die laughing.
posted by louche mustachio at 9:35 PM on October 12, 2013


These tickle that exact right spot in me.
posted by sourwookie at 9:36 PM on October 12, 2013


I guess I had just kind of assumed that Apple Cabin Foods was where the population of Night Vale shopped. It might have just been the goat dust talking, though. Yes yes, soon...
posted by sysinfo at 9:39 PM on October 12, 2013 [4 favorites]


This reminds me a lot of Trader Joe's for reasons I might not want to dwell on.
posted by MoonOrb at 9:40 PM on October 12, 2013 [3 favorites]


I can't be the only person who immediately had Liz Lemon's 'workin' on my night cheese' pop into their head.
posted by cobaltnine at 9:44 PM on October 12, 2013 [3 favorites]




Those are Night Secrets, jason_steakums.
posted by wotsac at 10:15 PM on October 12, 2013 [1 favorite]


That is a pretty good deal for turts.
posted by contraption at 10:23 PM on October 12, 2013 [1 favorite]


They're funny, but they have a left-field oddness that's hard to make up yourself. Sort of like drawing something that looks truly random. I'll bet there's some non-human mechanism in the creative process, and my guess is babelfish re-translation. Have you guys tried that? It beats the hell out of Oblique Strategies or the I Ching.
posted by Rich Smorgasbord at 10:39 PM on October 12, 2013 [1 favorite]


I like to think Apple Cabin Foods is where Brian Butterfield shops for his treat days.
posted by EXISTENZ IS PAUSED at 11:08 PM on October 12, 2013 [6 favorites]


I propose the turning point is than Nixon wasn't caught. Conservatism reasserts itself as if the sixties never happened, but does not take on the fully reactionary bent of the Reagan revolution. Irony is stillborn.
posted by wotsac at 11:15 PM on October 12, 2013 [1 favorite]


This is great, once I figured out what was going on.

It reminds me of Bruce McCall's work, which targeted by-gone glories rather than our dilapidated now.
posted by bicyclefish at 11:44 PM on October 12, 2013


I don't like the way the bottom is always cut off. It makes me want to force-reload the image but then I see it's at an angle so it's not that it didn't load properly. Every time.

And I can see the corners of the paper so it must just be printed right up to and over the edge.

The effect is very unsettling to me.

I don't like it.

Is this how H P Lovecraft felt when he looked at seafood?
posted by Lorc at 3:03 AM on October 13, 2013 [1 favorite]


That is drop-to-the-floor hilarious. Great find.

It immediately put me in-mind of the advertising inserts that came with National Lampoon's Sunday Newspaper. Specifically, the Swillmart insert.
posted by Thorzdad at 4:40 AM on October 13, 2013


I missed this the first time. So good.
posted by chinston at 5:02 AM on October 13, 2013


It may be a double, but it's good like last time.
posted by Metroid Baby at 6:56 AM on October 13, 2013 [8 favorites]


This is quirky, but I don't understand the connection some are making to "the sixties never happened" and arugula? I mean, I guess kinda, but.
posted by sweetkid at 7:12 AM on October 13, 2013


Don't worry, eat a thing if you need too.
posted by The Whelk at 7:16 AM on October 13, 2013 [2 favorites]


Swillmart. "Where quality is a slogan."
posted by hexatron at 7:18 AM on October 13, 2013 [2 favorites]


The connection is that these circulars remind me of a time before the modern food landscape, when cookbooks were full of recipes for things that sound preposterous and disgusting.

That said, those recipe cards are from '74, so maybe "the 60s never happened" isn't exactly the phrase I'm looking for.

Maybe we're just looking for an alternate universe where Alice Waters was never born.
posted by Sara C. at 8:14 AM on October 13, 2013 [2 favorites]


when cookbooks were full of recipes for things that sound preposterous and disgusting.

Ah yes. Seafood quivering in aspic.
posted by sweetkid at 8:19 AM on October 13, 2013 [1 favorite]


Exactly what I was thinking, now we know where the authors of those bizarre retro cookbooks did their shopping! There were plenty of them in the 60s.
posted by HotToddy at 9:32 AM on October 13, 2013


For a few months now, my friends and I have been able to reduce one another nearly to tears just by pointing at any food item and going "heyyy lovely."
posted by Rustmouth Snakedrill at 9:50 AM on October 13, 2013 [2 favorites]


The regrettable food era of cookbooks seemed to be based on this anxiety that real cooking means, you do something fancy to the food. It won't do to just say, hey, here's the leftover pork chops and some rice; you have to find a new way to ruin them.
posted by thelonius at 11:31 AM on October 13, 2013 [2 favorites]


Also, lots of people were on doctor prescribed speed at the time.
posted by The Whelk at 11:38 AM on October 13, 2013 [5 favorites]


This guy's Twitter feed tends to be pretty funny too, I'm not going to link like 8 individual tweets because fuck all that but this is him- @ShittingtonUK - back around April 1st riffing on superhero names...
Confirmed for next AVENGERS film: Ant Man, Dos Minutos, Lucky Hammer, Mr. Nostalgia, Grey Goose, Power Chap, Blue Fuss, The Australian

Probably more Avengers, who knows: Reverse Cowgirl, Preventosaurus, Truck Balls, Midwife & Doula, Lady Corduroy, Black Stallion, Advice Pal

Probably more Avengers: Uncle Nothing, Goodnight Moon, Steel Christmas, Tiramisu, Dyslexia, Golden Corral, Night Barn, DJ Reflex

probly the last of the avengers no guarantees tho: Sadfire, Sex Dwarf, Bridal Shower, Death by Chocolate, Laser Bro, Hayfever & Allergen

oh who even knows anymore: Activia, Golden Delicious, Blasphemous Rumours, Sergeant Hospice, Money Shot, Dick Wolf, Friendzone

@ShittingtonUK Captain Acceptance, Study Abroad Girl, Kid Tinsel, BADHD

okay sorry a few more Avengers: Apple Cabin, Brand New Sword, Tiger Bro, Headshot & Boudoir, Dr. Lawyer, Strong Black Woman, Gruyere

posted by hap_hazard at 2:31 PM on October 13, 2013 [2 favorites]


Wasn't Dr. lawyer on Venture Brothers?
posted by The Whelk at 2:33 PM on October 13, 2013


Yeah, this is where I go for my Chris Morris-esquian fix these days, since Chris Morris isn't doing anything. Great site, top victory.
posted by turbid dahlia at 4:33 PM on October 13, 2013 [2 favorites]


I think my favorite thing about this is that it's aggressively post-war. It's a grocery circular for an alternate universe where the 60s never happened and everyone just kept liking Apple Pan Dowdy. No arugula. No fair trade coffee. No artisanal anything. Just Cinnamon Johnnies and Peach Travis, forever.

Okay, look, I just have to say that there is nothing wrong with Apple Pan Dowdy.

I think that I may start identifying as an oat goblin now, though.
posted by Frowner at 4:36 PM on October 13, 2013 [1 favorite]


LiarTown just added a new book cover that seems oddly related to the Apple Cabin grocery ads.
posted by oneswellfoop at 6:05 PM on October 13, 2013


Well I'm still reading that dang 'ol twitter feed and this just made me actually lol so imagine there's hashtags and @ShittingtonUK's all over 'em -
"I saw attack ships off the shoulder of Orion. I volunteered at a ferret sanctuary. I got a perm." #RoyBattyEdits #BladeRunner

"I lived in a chocolate mansion with a Canadian ladyboy named Kevin."

"I taught beard studies at a facial hair college. I stole raisins from cyber-bullies. I killed a duck."

"I invented my own cereal. I opened an equestrian center near the Earth's core."

"I was in a couple of porn flicks. BBW mostly, some bondage, specialty stuff. I don't know if you're into that."

"I watched c-beams glitter in the dark near the Tannhäuser Gate. I opened a… Mexican Hogwarts… on the moon."

"I sold my own grandfather once. I installed toilets at an underwater laserium. I worked in advertising."

"I wrote a screenplay about a guy who finds a BBQ planet. Here, you can read it if you'd like. Sorry it's wet."
/awe
posted by hap_hazard at 9:16 PM on October 13, 2013 [1 favorite]


I printed these out at a CVS on a photo printer and hung them in my kitchen. They confuse and delight all visitors to my home.

Oh, I'm so doing this for the work kitchen tomorrow.
posted by christopherious at 12:09 AM on October 14, 2013 [1 favorite]


Platoon II: The Rise of Sergeant Hospice

"What's the matter, maggot? Is the IV port hurting your little arm?
Call your mama!"
posted by Chitownfats at 11:09 PM on October 14, 2013


Unlike some folks, I really don't have strong opinions about Insane Clown Posse and their fans one way or the other. Having said that, this book cover made me bust out laughing.
posted by TedW at 6:25 AM on October 15, 2013 [1 favorite]


> This guy's Twitter feed tends to be pretty funny too

Usually that's true, but right now he's in the middle of a really unfortunate meltdown about white male privilege.
posted by contraption at 9:50 PM on October 17, 2013


Uh wow yeah you weren't kidding. That's a lot of shitty tweets for two hours.
posted by jason_steakums at 10:19 PM on October 17, 2013


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