Potty narrative, by three-year-old
October 14, 2013 12:49 PM Subscribe
I should maybe narrate my own potty time in lieu of calorie counting apps. Cheese thingies. More cheese thingies. Potato. Potato chips.
posted by spamandkimchi at 1:02 PM on October 14, 2013
posted by spamandkimchi at 1:02 PM on October 14, 2013
The obvious culprit at 0:59 - "Gummies"! Must have been the sugar-free kind...
posted by kmz at 1:05 PM on October 14, 2013 [9 favorites]
posted by kmz at 1:05 PM on October 14, 2013 [9 favorites]
Chocolate things....
Chocolate thingies...
More chocolate thingies....
Ugh.
Kid, my heart goes out to you. Learn your lesson now.
posted by GenjiandProust at 1:14 PM on October 14, 2013 [1 favorite]
Chocolate thingies...
More chocolate thingies....
Ugh.
Kid, my heart goes out to you. Learn your lesson now.
posted by GenjiandProust at 1:14 PM on October 14, 2013 [1 favorite]
Saw this the other day, while I'm glad I don't have kids, sometimes these make me wish otherwise, and then I think - fuck that, Youtube lets me live vicariously. :)
posted by symbioid at 1:26 PM on October 14, 2013 [4 favorites]
posted by symbioid at 1:26 PM on October 14, 2013 [4 favorites]
Sorry kid but that's one promise that you won't be able to keep. At least you won't have to deal with people recording you mid-evacuation.
posted by Foci for Analysis at 1:52 PM on October 14, 2013 [1 favorite]
posted by Foci for Analysis at 1:52 PM on October 14, 2013 [1 favorite]
This video is made so much more realistic by the camera operator barely constraining the laughter.
It's also disturbing how much this sounds like my internal monologue sometimes, complete with childlike vocal range and horrible regret.
posted by MCMikeNamara at 1:54 PM on October 14, 2013 [12 favorites]
It's also disturbing how much this sounds like my internal monologue sometimes, complete with childlike vocal range and horrible regret.
posted by MCMikeNamara at 1:54 PM on October 14, 2013 [12 favorites]
You don't all do this with every movement?
I feel so alone. Except for the quarter pounders, fries, gravy, poutine, chocolate cake icing, chocolate cake icing, more chocolate cake icing and several jars of speculoos cookie butter.
posted by srboisvert at 2:39 PM on October 14, 2013
I feel so alone. Except for the quarter pounders, fries, gravy, poutine, chocolate cake icing, chocolate cake icing, more chocolate cake icing and several jars of speculoos cookie butter.
posted by srboisvert at 2:39 PM on October 14, 2013
More chocolate thingies forever.
posted by roomthreeseventeen at 3:15 PM on October 14, 2013
posted by roomthreeseventeen at 3:15 PM on October 14, 2013
Geez I am 45 and I still have to re-learn that lesson about chocolate thingies every now and then.
posted by ambrosia at 3:18 PM on October 14, 2013
posted by ambrosia at 3:18 PM on October 14, 2013
The passage of time, now, is really nothing but a countdown to the moment this gets played at his wedding.
posted by bicyclefish at 3:50 PM on October 14, 2013 [8 favorites]
posted by bicyclefish at 3:50 PM on October 14, 2013 [8 favorites]
Good god what the hell is wrong with parents? This is such a violation of that kid's privacy. Unbelievable.
posted by headnsouth at 4:39 PM on October 14, 2013 [5 favorites]
posted by headnsouth at 4:39 PM on October 14, 2013 [5 favorites]
OMG WHAT ARE PICKLE CHIPS ARE THEY A PICKLE-FLAVOURED CHIP OR ARE THEY CHIPS MADE OUT OF SLICES OF PICKLE?
posted by turbid dahlia at 4:48 PM on October 14, 2013 [3 favorites]
posted by turbid dahlia at 4:48 PM on October 14, 2013 [3 favorites]
turbid dahlia: "OMG WHAT ARE PICKLE CHIPS ARE THEY A PICKLE-FLAVOURED CHIP OR ARE THEY CHIPS MADE OUT OF SLICES OF PICKLE?"
There exist both pickle-flavored chips and fried pickles, so it could be either.
posted by Runes at 5:29 PM on October 14, 2013
There exist both pickle-flavored chips and fried pickles, so it could be either.
posted by Runes at 5:29 PM on October 14, 2013
No one ever has any way of knowing who that kid actually is. It's okay.
posted by ThatCanadianGirl at 5:34 PM on October 14, 2013 [1 favorite]
posted by ThatCanadianGirl at 5:34 PM on October 14, 2013 [1 favorite]
The voice was eerily reminiscent of 'Tony', Danny's imaginary friend in The Shining.
posted by Fig at 5:45 PM on October 14, 2013 [2 favorites]
posted by Fig at 5:45 PM on October 14, 2013 [2 favorites]
There exist both pickle-flavored chips and fried pickles, so it could be either.
Holy God.
posted by turbid dahlia at 6:04 PM on October 14, 2013 [2 favorites]
Holy God.
posted by turbid dahlia at 6:04 PM on October 14, 2013 [2 favorites]
pickle flavoured doritos also exist
posted by Harpocrates at 6:06 PM on October 14, 2013
posted by Harpocrates at 6:06 PM on October 14, 2013
So glad there were subtitles because much of it sounded like this to me.
posted by Trivia Newton John at 6:16 PM on October 14, 2013 [1 favorite]
posted by Trivia Newton John at 6:16 PM on October 14, 2013 [1 favorite]
Saw this the other day and thought, "If only I had been so articulate about this issue at such a young age, for this child speaks the truths of my lifetime. Chocolate thingies and raisins and pickle chips, by GOD, yes. Crammed in my mouth, haunting my ass."
posted by Coatlicue at 6:42 PM on October 14, 2013
posted by Coatlicue at 6:42 PM on October 14, 2013
No one ever has any way of knowing who that kid actually is. It's okay.
The parents willingly shared it on the internet, so you know everyone in that kid's extended family, neighborhood, parents' friends, etc. - everyone in that kid's world - knows who it is - and they all think it's absolutely hilarious, and they'll all share that story/video every time that kid's name comes up, & that video will be played & replayed countless times throughout his life no matter what else he accomplishes.
posted by headnsouth at 7:33 PM on October 14, 2013 [4 favorites]
The parents willingly shared it on the internet, so you know everyone in that kid's extended family, neighborhood, parents' friends, etc. - everyone in that kid's world - knows who it is - and they all think it's absolutely hilarious, and they'll all share that story/video every time that kid's name comes up, & that video will be played & replayed countless times throughout his life no matter what else he accomplishes.
posted by headnsouth at 7:33 PM on October 14, 2013 [4 favorites]
I have a guy who sounds like this in my work toilets.
posted by turbid dahlia at 7:51 PM on October 14, 2013 [4 favorites]
posted by turbid dahlia at 7:51 PM on October 14, 2013 [4 favorites]
Dill pickle is the holy see of potato chips. Available at every grocery store in Canada. That plus the poutine was a pretty good hint that this kid is Canadian.
posted by 256 at 8:10 PM on October 14, 2013 [1 favorite]
posted by 256 at 8:10 PM on October 14, 2013 [1 favorite]
Yep, Dill Pickle is among the canon of chip flavours available everywhere in Canada*, alongside Ketchup, Sour Cream & Onion, Salt & Vinegar, Barbecue, and All Dressed.
(Because Hostess snd Humpty Dumpty.)
*maybe not so much in the North?
posted by Sys Rq at 9:07 PM on October 14, 2013
(Because Hostess snd Humpty Dumpty.)
*maybe not so much in the North?
posted by Sys Rq at 9:07 PM on October 14, 2013
Yesterday's toilet commentary from my own three-year old
"I think that's it! Do you see it peeking out? There it is!"
(Me) Oh, well done. That's lots of little poos.
"Oh! They're like baaabies! So cute! But there no corn in them"
posted by slightlybewildered at 1:09 AM on October 15, 2013 [2 favorites]
"I think that's it! Do you see it peeking out? There it is!"
(Me) Oh, well done. That's lots of little poos.
"Oh! They're like baaabies! So cute! But there no corn in them"
posted by slightlybewildered at 1:09 AM on October 15, 2013 [2 favorites]
No one ever has any way of knowing who that kid actually is. It's okay.
It's not only about strangers on the internet. It's a weird dynamic between parent and child, that anything is up for commodification, even the most private moments. The kid is being groomed to not care about privacy and dignity. It's all a big laugh at the kid's expense, who can't know better, can't say, Hey, leave me alone!
posted by thinkpiece at 4:28 AM on October 15, 2013 [3 favorites]
It's not only about strangers on the internet. It's a weird dynamic between parent and child, that anything is up for commodification, even the most private moments. The kid is being groomed to not care about privacy and dignity. It's all a big laugh at the kid's expense, who can't know better, can't say, Hey, leave me alone!
posted by thinkpiece at 4:28 AM on October 15, 2013 [3 favorites]
There's a story that is told and re-told in my family about a Christmas or Thanksgiving dinner where everyone is yakking away at the end of the meal. Off in the distance a child's voice is heard calling. Everyone shushes everyone else to hear what the child is saying, and finally we hear it. From the other end of the house comes the small voice: "Somebody wipe my BUUUUUM!"
posted by ThatCanadianGirl at 6:54 AM on October 15, 2013 [1 favorite]
posted by ThatCanadianGirl at 6:54 AM on October 15, 2013 [1 favorite]
There exist both pickle-flavored chips and fried pickles, so it could be either.
I thought it just meant the little circle-cut pickles like those placed on hamburgers.
posted by dlugoczaj at 10:33 AM on October 15, 2013 [1 favorite]
I thought it just meant the little circle-cut pickles like those placed on hamburgers.
posted by dlugoczaj at 10:33 AM on October 15, 2013 [1 favorite]
they'll all share that story/video every time that kid's name comes up, & that video will be played & replayed countless times throughout his life no matter what else he accomplishes.
Assuming this is true, which it isn't, do you think he will go through life traumatized by the idea that people think something he said at 3 years old--in a video where he's not identified--was cute and funny?
posted by Hoopo at 3:55 PM on October 15, 2013 [1 favorite]
Assuming this is true, which it isn't, do you think he will go through life traumatized by the idea that people think something he said at 3 years old--in a video where he's not identified--was cute and funny?
posted by Hoopo at 3:55 PM on October 15, 2013 [1 favorite]
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posted by Ice Cream Socialist at 12:58 PM on October 14, 2013