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King of the WWW Ring!
October 18, 2013 7:22 AM   Subscribe

Hostamania! That's right, brother... You'll be the WWW World Champion in no time with Hostamania, Hulk Hogan's new web hosting service.

The only Python you're gonna need is those 24 inch guns!
posted by ph00dz (41 comments total) 5 users marked this as a favorite

 
Let's hope it does better than Pastamania.

Although how could it not? Did you see how they compare to the Other Guys?

You know. The Other Guys.
posted by FAMOUS MONSTER at 7:29 AM on October 18, 2013 [2 favorites]


It would be great if there was a file-transfer animation that was just Hogan doing the hand-to-ear gesture over and over again. That's all I've got.
posted by Strange Interlude at 7:33 AM on October 18, 2013 [3 favorites]


Son of a bitch, beaten to Pastamania.

And I mean, my web host doesn't have Hulk Hogan, but I do get a real shell account with unlimited bandwidth and disk space for $8 a month.

Although I suppose I don't leg-drop the competition, so they've got that going for them.
posted by uncleozzy at 7:35 AM on October 18, 2013


My mother will be incredibly disappointed at the lack of shade-tolerant, broad-leaved foliage plants.
posted by Madamina at 7:37 AM on October 18, 2013 [13 favorites]


Why, did someone say Pastamania?
posted by COBRA! at 7:37 AM on October 18, 2013


And I mean, my web host doesn't have Hulk Hogan, but I do get a real shell account with unlimited bandwidth and disk space for $8 a month.

Um yes hello, but sorry friend, it seems that you are hosted by one of the Other Guys, and as such - as Hostamania's table clearly indicates - you are fumbling in the dark without such slashing-edge features as Yearly Subscription, Monthly Subscription, and Is the website iPad Compatible.
posted by FAMOUS MONSTER at 7:39 AM on October 18, 2013 [1 favorite]


I do think the transition from FAMOUS MONSTER's Pastamania link to mine is one of the best "My name is Ozymandias, king of kings" illustrations I've ever stumbled across.
posted by COBRA! at 7:42 AM on October 18, 2013 [3 favorites]


Holy shit, I was so dazzled by the design that I missed the video at first. That is really, really ... a thing.
posted by uncleozzy at 7:43 AM on October 18, 2013


Fuck that, I'm going with Squaredcirclespace.
posted by cog_nate at 7:45 AM on October 18, 2013 [2 favorites]


Do you get a choice of stock photos with your plans, do you think or are they all stock photos of Hulk Hogan?

(I personally will settle for nothing less than 1 (one) stock photo of Hulk Hogan laughing while eating salad.)
posted by halcyonday at 7:48 AM on October 18, 2013 [2 favorites]


If the server goes nuts, will Hulk deliver a Fingerpoke of Doom to pin down the problem?
posted by skittlekicks at 7:48 AM on October 18, 2013


So, like, the Hulkster got a cable modem and has three old P3s in the closet in the guest room or what?
posted by dirtdirt at 7:49 AM on October 18, 2013 [1 favorite]


Every page gets this injected:
body {background-image:url('hulk-hogan-grimace.jpg');}

posted by blue_beetle at 7:49 AM on October 18, 2013 [1 favorite]


Fuck yeah, hotrod was available.
posted by Dr-Baa at 7:52 AM on October 18, 2013


Not to be confused with hostalibrary.
posted by IndigoJones at 7:54 AM on October 18, 2013 [2 favorites]


Now you fucking tell me, IndigoJones.
posted by Etrigan at 7:55 AM on October 18, 2013


Can't wait to open 'Junkyard Dog's Grab Them (Cup)cakes - A Cupcake Bistro' - grabthemcakes.com, I'm coming for youuuuuuuuuuuu.
posted by mintcake! at 7:58 AM on October 18, 2013 [1 favorite]


Dude needs to pack it in and resign to living in a modest middle class house.
posted by planetesimal at 8:06 AM on October 18, 2013 [1 favorite]


I don't understanding anything anymore.
posted by MCMikeNamara at 8:07 AM on October 18, 2013 [1 favorite]


(That video has seriously broken my cognitive functions.)
posted by MCMikeNamara at 8:07 AM on October 18, 2013 [1 favorite]


I don't understanding anything anymore.

Perhaps you've been sprayed with Arrogance but don't know it yet. Stings the nostrils.
posted by mintcake! at 8:09 AM on October 18, 2013 [2 favorites]


Hey, waitaminute! I dragged their customers' pictures into Google images, and "James W. Photographer" looks suspiciously like someone called Mike Clifford, whereas "Michelle N. Small Business Owner" apparently works for businessclasstelecom.com.au and possibly many other places.

Sweet! Apparently, like the best wrestlers, you get a secret identity as well!
posted by EnterTheStory at 8:12 AM on October 18, 2013


I can't unsee that.
posted by asperity at 8:12 AM on October 18, 2013


The downside to this is when Warrior hits your website with a steel chair and the FBI isn't paying attention because Jimmy Snuka distracted them.
posted by Ghostride The Whip at 8:18 AM on October 18, 2013 [4 favorites]


WHATCHA GONNA DO WHEN THE address resolution mechanism returns a bad request and then RUNS WILD ON YOU?
posted by Marisa Stole the Precious Thing at 8:20 AM on October 18, 2013 [6 favorites]


I have seen Hulk Hogan's sex tape. Don't even TRY to tell me that this video is disturbing.
posted by argonauta at 8:27 AM on October 18, 2013


Anyway, down with Reagan-era icons.
posted by planetesimal at 8:29 AM on October 18, 2013


Pepsi Red and Yellow.

could NOT help myself
posted by grubi at 9:03 AM on October 18, 2013


I have seen Hulk Hogan's sex tape

I heard it's like a Hi-C can. Is it like a Hi-C can?
posted by uncleozzy at 9:05 AM on October 18, 2013 [2 favorites]


This will go well with Ric Flair's HTML 5 validation tools and Ted DiBiase's domain registration service.
posted by grubi at 9:05 AM on October 18, 2013 [3 favorites]


Everybody's got a price (it's $9.99). Everybody's gonna pay ($9.99).
posted by uncleozzy at 9:13 AM on October 18, 2013 [2 favorites]


Hostamania? I seriously expected to read of one man's devotion to the hardy perennial foliage plant and all-around garden favorite, the hosta. I am seriously disappointed.
posted by kinnakeet at 9:14 AM on October 18, 2013 [3 favorites]


Is it like a Hi-C can?

I'm not touching that question with a 10"-circumference pole.
posted by argonauta at 9:25 AM on October 18, 2013 [1 favorite]


This will go well with Ric Flair's HTML 5 validation tools

Everybody knows that Flair only supports up to Figure 4.
posted by Strange Interlude at 9:26 AM on October 18, 2013


This is the best web-host-related news since Media Temple of Doom was pruchased by GolddustDaddy... er, um...

Watch out for the People's Download!
posted by grubi at 9:43 AM on October 18, 2013


The music in the video is Hogan's pre-NWO, WCW-era theme music from the mid-90s. And the homemade looking quality of the video itself make it so that if someone were to tell me the site itself was last updated in 1995 I would absolutely believe it if not for the links to Twitter, Facebook and Google+. Brother.
posted by The Gooch at 9:50 AM on October 18, 2013


New World Wide Web Order

nailed it
posted by grubi at 9:52 AM on October 18, 2013


what's up with upsidedown guy? is this supposed to be a parody of something or just artistic?
either way, i love it, but am just curious.

and seriously between taking care of my ill FIL and seeing this video, I think i've had my share of old-man-butt viewing for a lifetime, thanks.
posted by bitteroldman at 9:58 AM on October 18, 2013


It's Hulk Hogan news? It's Hulk Hogan news!
posted by Kitty Stardust at 10:09 AM on October 18, 2013 [1 favorite]


What's really sad is that I used to do contract work for one of the companies that are "The Other Guys."

And honestly, Hostamania seems like a better deal even without Hulk Hogan.
posted by XQUZYPHYR at 10:34 AM on October 18, 2013


Oh good. I know someone who's looking for new hosting; this might troll help him.
posted by Pronoiac at 5:21 PM on October 19, 2013


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