Join 3,433 readers in helping fund MetaFilter (Hide)


Two words that should not go together: "Vagina cake."
October 19, 2013 10:51 AM   Subscribe

"Someone obviously put a lot of time into these vaginas. I just don’t understand the trend of reminding a hugely pregnant woman that she’s about to have a baby tear through her lady parts."
posted by Kitteh (159 comments total) 22 users marked this as a favorite

 
Oh my god! Oh my god! Those cupcakes? Fuck no. And the one with the strawberry sauce on the doll? Oh hell, no. Just no, all around. God damn!
posted by nooneyouknow at 10:57 AM on October 19, 2013 [4 favorites]


Sometimes you need a cake that says "You should really have a doctor look at that."
posted by louche mustachio at 10:58 AM on October 19, 2013 [8 favorites]


What?! How...? No!
posted by freya_lamb at 10:58 AM on October 19, 2013 [3 favorites]


I...have really nothing to say. Well, except that I think #7 might make a good model for a shoggoth with a decorative urge.
posted by GenjiandProust at 11:03 AM on October 19, 2013 [3 favorites]


OK that tiger cake is really kind of awesome.
posted by louche mustachio at 11:03 AM on October 19, 2013 [13 favorites]


Stop it! You're making me hungry!
posted by mazola at 11:04 AM on October 19, 2013 [2 favorites]


Sometimes I should read the description and then decide not to click...
posted by wittgenstein at 11:05 AM on October 19, 2013 [23 favorites]


Sometimes you need a cake that says "You should really have a doctor look at that."

It's the cake for a vaginal hygiene intervention party.
posted by jaduncan at 11:06 AM on October 19, 2013 [1 favorite]


By popular demand.
posted by louche mustachio at 11:09 AM on October 19, 2013 [10 favorites]


"You're gonna need a bigger... cake."
posted by notyou at 11:10 AM on October 19, 2013 [1 favorite]


DO NOT WANT.
posted by KingEdRa at 11:11 AM on October 19, 2013 [1 favorite]


"Cake or birth? Cake or birth? Cake or birth?"
posted by jim in austin at 11:12 AM on October 19, 2013 [9 favorites]


Oh my god. I am 8 months pregnant and literally on my way to a baby shower. Laughing so hard right now. If the cake resembles a vagina in any way I will report back.
posted by beandip at 11:12 AM on October 19, 2013 [45 favorites]


The cupcakes are the worst. I cannot imagine having rows of tiny handcrafted vaginas as a food item for guests.
posted by Kitteh at 11:12 AM on October 19, 2013 [5 favorites]


This is the perfect dessert for my sausage potluck.
posted by Dr. Zira at 11:13 AM on October 19, 2013 [22 favorites]


oh god there are more
posted by freya_lamb at 11:15 AM on October 19, 2013 [2 favorites]


Oh lordy...
posted by Pudhoho at 11:15 AM on October 19, 2013


So an ex of mine is pregnant. Finding a way to get one of these to get shower: bad idea? Or terrible idea?
posted by Lemurrhea at 11:17 AM on October 19, 2013 [1 favorite]


> So an ex of mine is pregnant. Finding a way to get one of these to get shower: bad idea? Or terrible idea?

It depends. Do you your cake served with a dollop of restraining order?
posted by mosk at 11:19 AM on October 19, 2013 [10 favorites]


How can you not think of an episiotomy at the first slice?
posted by benzenedream at 11:19 AM on October 19, 2013 [15 favorites]


I cannot imagine having rows of tiny handcrafted vaginas as a food item for guests.

I dated a young lady in undergrad whose pro-woman organization cast chocolate into vagina popsicles and sold them as fundraisers. They were not to scale.
posted by a halcyon day at 11:21 AM on October 19, 2013


most of those are omg, wtf, especially in their homemade-ness. i think the cupcakes are actually part of a vagina monologue/take back the night sort of thing, not a baby shower thing. and the super crazy monster tongue and teeth cake is, i think, part of a larger, awesome, art project but i can't remember any details to search for it.
posted by nadawi at 11:21 AM on October 19, 2013 [5 favorites]


disappointed one of those does not feature an Udo Kier head.
posted by juv3nal at 11:25 AM on October 19, 2013 [9 favorites]


oh, and if you'd like to see more of this sort of thing - due to the kerfuffle with the daily mail, some amanda palmer fans have taken to presenting her with ladypart cakes.
posted by nadawi at 11:25 AM on October 19, 2013


The cupcakes are the worst. I cannot imagine having rows of tiny handcrafted vaginas as a food item for guests.
posted by Kitteh



I am so sad for you.
posted by Lipstick Thespian at 11:29 AM on October 19, 2013 [18 favorites]


They remind me a little bit of this German picture book for children about reproduction, except where the book is cute and silly while being informative, these cakes are fucking revolting and bad.
posted by elizardbits at 11:30 AM on October 19, 2013 [5 favorites]


The vagina cupcakes are not particularly horrible and idk why they are included in the horribility of the others. I guess seeing 2 dozen disembodied ones is kind of weird though.
posted by elizardbits at 11:32 AM on October 19, 2013 [6 favorites]


yeah, if it wasn't clear - i like the cupcakes and think they're well done. maybe wtf in the context of a baby shower, but pretty sure that wasn't their function.
posted by nadawi at 11:33 AM on October 19, 2013


Yeah, I mean. There is nothing intrinsically terrifying about vaginas. It's the part where an 8lb snot covered human larva comes out screaming and destroys your taint that I do not want portrayed in tasty dessert foodstuffs.
posted by elizardbits at 11:35 AM on October 19, 2013 [59 favorites]


I am so sad for you.

Feel sad for me all you want, I still ain't eating them.
posted by Kitteh at 11:35 AM on October 19, 2013 [15 favorites]


I should say that I am not in a position to judge. I have a brain jello mold, given to me by a friend to commemorate brain surgery. So, if one body part is fair game for dessert....
posted by GenjiandProust at 11:36 AM on October 19, 2013 [2 favorites]


I used to do potluck brunch with a bunch of women in my hometown and the subject frequently turned to what a friend of mine and I called "E&E" (epidurals & episiotomies). They would get into detail to the point where I had to leave the table, faint, once.

Now I will forever have fantasies about serving those cupcakes to the brunch ladies.
posted by immlass at 11:37 AM on October 19, 2013 [3 favorites]


Those nuts on that one cupcake look like pustules.
posted by cybercoitus interruptus at 11:37 AM on October 19, 2013


Why not? Halfakery: Vagina-Jam
posted by Dub at 11:39 AM on October 19, 2013 [1 favorite]


Also I can't tell if this is more or less horrible than the inexplicably vile baby shower pastime of eating chocolate pudding out of diapers.
posted by elizardbits at 11:40 AM on October 19, 2013 [8 favorites]


Then comes the baby cake and the nightmare-inducing slicing of the baby cake.
posted by madamjujujive at 11:43 AM on October 19, 2013 [6 favorites]


Wait....people do that????
posted by Kitteh at 11:44 AM on October 19, 2013 [8 favorites]


Also I can't tell if this is more or less horrible than the inexplicably vile baby shower pastime of eating chocolate pudding out of diapers.

No the worst is the "wildly fun" candy bar diaper game: Mash the candy in the diaper a little bit to take away any distinct shape and to add a little realism to the game.
posted by lalex at 11:45 AM on October 19, 2013 [4 favorites]


Oh man I am so glad I'm done breeding. We didn't do this shit in the aughts.
posted by bibliowench at 11:49 AM on October 19, 2013 [5 favorites]


Yeah, I remember seeing the cupcakes (which are quite well-done) before, as part of some non-baby love-your-vagina event. Not all vagina cakes are ready to birth a plastic baby head and glazed strawberry chunks.
posted by Metroid Baby at 12:00 PM on October 19, 2013 [1 favorite]


The vagina cupcakes are not particularly horrible and idk why they are included in the horribility of the others. I guess seeing 2 dozen disembodied ones is kind of weird though.

Are menstruating cupcakes horrible? Cuz some of them clearly are. Whether that is "horrible" or not is defined by your personal preference.
posted by Brocktoon at 12:00 PM on October 19, 2013


Also I can't tell if this is more or less horrible than the inexplicably vile baby shower pastime of eating chocolate pudding out of diapers.

I think it's great that people can find things to do that they enjoy, and I largely avoid judging people for their personal preferences. We did not have a baby shower.
posted by Slothrup at 12:03 PM on October 19, 2013 [3 favorites]


Even though you can technically see the vagina in a couple of the cakes, most of those are of vulvas. Those cupcakes are clearly of vulvas, not vaginas.
posted by MaryDellamorte at 12:03 PM on October 19, 2013 [21 favorites]


What an odd way to be reminded that some gynophobic misogyny lingers in my brain.
posted by munchingzombie at 12:05 PM on October 19, 2013 [1 favorite]


A few of those cakes were truly awesome.

Would eat again!!!++
posted by mistersquid at 12:05 PM on October 19, 2013 [2 favorites]


Why all the buttholes?
posted by ColdChef at 12:06 PM on October 19, 2013 [5 favorites]


I've seen worse than that when my coworker googled babyshower cakes. (She is due next month.)
posted by St. Alia of the Bunnies at 12:06 PM on October 19, 2013


Stephen Fry's reaction this morning was priceless:
There's nothing … I can't … surely this can't be? Oh, my suffering soul … look away, in heaven's name look away
posted by Celsius1414 at 12:09 PM on October 19, 2013 [11 favorites]


People are so fucking weird.
posted by Caskeum at 12:11 PM on October 19, 2013 [5 favorites]


Everyone is literally using the term 'vagina' incorrectly. (Usually) If you can see it, it ain't vagina. Vulva pastries, anyone? /pedantry
posted by j_curiouser at 12:12 PM on October 19, 2013 [5 favorites]


But I would totally eat those cupcakes.
posted by Caskeum at 12:13 PM on October 19, 2013 [1 favorite]


The tiger cake made me have an LSD flashback.
posted by planetesimal at 12:15 PM on October 19, 2013 [6 favorites]


I think it's great that people can find things to do that they enjoy, and I largely avoid judging people for their personal preferences.

Yes, true, I apologize to all the coprophage mefites who may have felt marginalized by my shaming.
posted by elizardbits at 12:16 PM on October 19, 2013 [15 favorites]


Why is it that people are generally anti-prescriptivist about language except when it comes to genitalia?
posted by sevenyearlurk at 12:24 PM on October 19, 2013 [9 favorites]


The scientifically correct term is now vajeeper anyway.
posted by elizardbits at 12:27 PM on October 19, 2013 [22 favorites]


Calling a vulva a "vagina" is kind of like, from the perspective of other people in North and South America, calling Americans "Americans", but in the opposite sense. American citizens of the United States are not the continental vulva, but a composite and important part, the vagina.

Anyway, this is what I think about when I am confronted by "a vagina is not a vulva" argument.
posted by KokuRyu at 12:31 PM on October 19, 2013 [7 favorites]


which makes skeevy okcupid dudes vajeeper creepers
posted by lazaruslong at 12:32 PM on October 19, 2013 [3 favorites]


I think it's great that people can find things to do that they enjoy, and I largely avoid judging people for their personal preferences.

But what if I enjoy judging people? Aren't my preferences worthy of respect too?
posted by strangely stunted trees at 12:32 PM on October 19, 2013 [10 favorites]


aha!! the tiger cake is part of this (i think awesome) installation, cakeland
posted by nadawi at 12:32 PM on October 19, 2013 [5 favorites]


It is perfectly reasonable and acceptable to use "vagina" in the colloquial sense. Personally I have little interest in taking another health class pop quiz.
posted by Brocktoon at 12:33 PM on October 19, 2013 [6 favorites]


Meanwhile in genital-cake news, should you find yourself the proud owner of a penis cake pan, you can reuse it in many different ways.
posted by Kadin2048 at 12:34 PM on October 19, 2013 [2 favorites]


Maybe I'm just delirious from being out too late and then going to kickboxing class but that page of baked goods made no sense to me at all and i just kept laughing even tho i was scared.
posted by sio42 at 12:37 PM on October 19, 2013 [3 favorites]


Wait - now I want to make a vagina cake that's like huge, you know, the stripper cakes. Only, it's got Patton Oswalt in a busting out of it (wearing a diaper, natch).

These are fucking AWESOME, and it totally matches with my sense of ... twisted mindedness.
posted by symbioid at 12:41 PM on October 19, 2013


Sometimes a cake is just a cake.
posted by domnit at 12:42 PM on October 19, 2013


To give it that extra realism, you need to have the brown shit mushy stuff coming out of the bottom, you know, like how sometimes people basically are shitting when they have their baby, too... Really make that cake seem tasty.
posted by symbioid at 12:43 PM on October 19, 2013


Tiger? I'd have pegged it as an H.R. Giger alien.
posted by mbrubeck at 12:54 PM on October 19, 2013 [1 favorite]


Sometimes a cake is just a cake.

This is not a subject Metafilter does well.

PSYCH! Cake Destroyer Lady will never not be awesome.
posted by zombieflanders at 12:58 PM on October 19, 2013 [8 favorites]


Prior to seeing these horrific cakes belly casting was the most disturbing pregnancy ritual I was aware of. I don't understand who these people are.
posted by rainydayfilms at 12:58 PM on October 19, 2013


Also I can't tell if this is more or less horrible than the inexplicably vile baby shower pastime of eating chocolate pudding out of diapers.

... is this real
posted by threeants at 12:58 PM on October 19, 2013 [4 favorites]


So, you know how one of the lesser running jokes in Achewood is that Ray is really turned on by women sitting on cakes? Someone should send this link to Chris Onstad with the subject line RAW MATERIAL.
posted by COBRA! at 1:01 PM on October 19, 2013 [2 favorites]


"The dirty diaper game is a wildly fun baby shower game where the participants have to sniff (or taste) melted chocolate candy bars inside a baby’s diaper and try to identify what the candy bar is. "

wildly fun

sniff the brown smear to figure out what it is

wildly fun

this is what we have come to as a society
posted by elizardbits at 1:03 PM on October 19, 2013 [41 favorites]


I was gonna say, the cupcakes actually look really well-done but would make more sense for some kind of women's health thing or something.
posted by Sequence at 1:03 PM on October 19, 2013


oh goody this one has photos
posted by elizardbits at 1:04 PM on October 19, 2013 [2 favorites]


oh goody this one has photos

omg

While guests can examine and sniff the diapers, you should remind them not to sample the chocolate diaper poo. This would give the contestants an unfair advantage.

Make sure to microwave the candy bars ahead of time so that they have time to solidify inside the diapers.

posted by lalex at 1:07 PM on October 19, 2013 [1 favorite]


Sometimes I get lonely but then I remember that people are insane.
posted by rifflesby at 1:14 PM on October 19, 2013 [80 favorites]


Calling a vulva a "vagina" is kind of like, from the perspective of other people in North and South America, calling Americans "Americans", but in the opposite sense. American citizens of the United States are not the continental vulva, but a composite and important part, the vagina.

As I see it, there's a sort of synechdoche at play here. Kind of like how the other link to so-called penis cakes is, in fact, a link to cakes that depict both penises and scrota. I think if someone wants their baby shower to have decorative sweets that depict vaginas then more power to them, and if in addition other parts of the female anatomy are depicted too, well, that's just icing on the cake.
posted by pdq at 1:16 PM on October 19, 2013 [4 favorites]


But baby poop smells like microwaved popcorn, not chocolate.
posted by The corpse in the library at 1:23 PM on October 19, 2013


you should remind them not to sample the chocolate diaper poo

DON'T TASTE THE PRETEND POOP IT MIGHT GIVE YOU AN ADVANTAGE
posted by elizardbits at 1:23 PM on October 19, 2013 [12 favorites]


Whatever y'all do, DO NOT do a google image search for "candy bar diaper game".
posted by lalex at 1:31 PM on October 19, 2013 [3 favorites]


So wrong. So wrong.
posted by Devils Slide at 1:32 PM on October 19, 2013 [1 favorite]


Also I can't tell if this is more or less horrible than the inexplicably vile baby shower pastime of eating chocolate pudding out of diapers.

Desensitization in advance, I suppose.
posted by ThatFuzzyBastard at 1:35 PM on October 19, 2013 [1 favorite]


I'm not an anatomist, but isn't #2 backwards / upside down? Does it not depict a baby's head erupting from some poor woman's sternum?

I mean, I'm sure we all agree that's the most important problem with it, right?
posted by Western Infidels at 1:37 PM on October 19, 2013 [4 favorites]


My daughter is now at the age where her friends are starting to marry and reproduce and she hates baby showers and has a general distaste for 'hen party' events. This being said, she would love a game where you examined fake poop that was actually chocolate, because she's gross like that.
posted by alltomorrowsparties at 1:38 PM on October 19, 2013 [1 favorite]


I think it's great that people can find things to do that they enjoy, and I largely avoid judging people for their personal preferences.

Doing this for a baby shower isn't one person doing something they enjoy, but the person who organized it inflicting something upon others, because they themselves enjoy it and want to force others to try it too, or because they have passive-aggressive issues. If you know you whole group would be "into" this then go ahead, but given the squick-out here, I think that's pretty unlikely.

I am having trouble deciding if this is actually a "thing." How the hell do things like this get started?
posted by JHarris at 1:41 PM on October 19, 2013 [3 favorites]


Metafilter: Why all the buttholes?
posted by Emperor SnooKloze at 1:55 PM on October 19, 2013 [5 favorites]


It's the part where an 8lb snot covered human larva comes out screaming and destroys your taint that I do not want portrayed in tasty dessert foodstuffs.

OTOH free taint remodel

but seriously folks I really want all these cakes should I become pregnant again.

ALL OF THESE CAKES. do you hear me, elizardbits? you are my best maid of honor for taint cakes. I CHOOSE YOU
posted by the young rope-rider at 1:58 PM on October 19, 2013 [24 favorites]


you are gonna get a special diaper treat
posted by elizardbits at 2:00 PM on October 19, 2013 [9 favorites]


Metafilter: Why all the buttholes?

It wouldn't be Metafilter if you don't try to get someone's goatse.
posted by zombieflanders at 2:01 PM on October 19, 2013 [4 favorites]


We had a baby shower for one of the nurses at work recently and one of the receptionists made a cake almost identical to #9. Since we are a medical facility people's reactions tended to be laughter more than WTF. It was strawberry cake and tasted pretty good I must admit. But I do hope no one at work finds out about diapers and chocolate when the next woman gets pregnant.

And just in case anyone is wondering all this was in the break room in the back, away from patients and families.
posted by TedW at 2:11 PM on October 19, 2013 [2 favorites]


Ok these are so great. How can you not think they are great? I love how in one cake the strawberry sauce is covering the emerging baby's head for that extra birth realism.

The only problem I see is that by focusing on baby showers the audience is unnecessarily limited. I'm going to get one of these every year for my son's birthday to remind him where he comes from.
posted by medusa at 2:12 PM on October 19, 2013 [24 favorites]


I cannot believe none of you people have linked CakeWrecks, which has entire galleries of bad shower cakes. Vaginas, c-sections, and placentas...yes placentas...have all been represented.

If I was an academic, I'd get a grant to study how this trend reflects American women's ambivalence about birth and motherhood.
posted by emjaybee at 2:12 PM on October 19, 2013 [3 favorites]


Could you get a peniscake to fit inside one of these? I'm asking for a friend.

On preview: holy crap, my iphone instinctively autocorrected to peniscake.
posted by dr_dank at 2:17 PM on October 19, 2013 [4 favorites]


It's from a different part of cakewrecks.com, but this would be a huge hit at work, especially if all the components are actually edible.
posted by TedW at 2:17 PM on October 19, 2013 [1 favorite]


That melted-chocolate-in-diapers game would be a lot more fun if one of the diapers contained actual baby poop. "Hmm...Snickers...I think this is Twix, maybe...and here is...OH DEAR GOD. MADISON, WHAT THE HELL????"
posted by Pater Aletheias at 2:34 PM on October 19, 2013 [19 favorites]


I hate "showers" of all kinds (I mean the party version, not bathing), but for unique special lady garden vag cupcakes I would get on board.

Note to friends: if you ever decide to throw me a shower of any kind, there goddamn better be Magical Yoni cupcakes.
posted by Sara C. at 2:36 PM on October 19, 2013 [1 favorite]


so i'm just clicking around tumblr, minding my own business, when oh holy mother of god - so, i guess i'm saying better on a cake than a costume, at least in this specific instance.
posted by nadawi at 2:45 PM on October 19, 2013 [5 favorites]


The tiger cake made me have an LSD flashback.




That's why it's awesome.
posted by louche mustachio at 2:46 PM on October 19, 2013


free taint remodel

Well, there's my new band name.
posted by palomar at 2:47 PM on October 19, 2013 [3 favorites]


oh holy mother of god


okay.. um. Okay.
posted by louche mustachio at 2:50 PM on October 19, 2013 [2 favorites]


whoa. it looks like it's screaming. that's not okay.
posted by palomar at 2:52 PM on October 19, 2013 [1 favorite]


Was the cupcake with silver dragées a prototype, I wonder? And then the maker decided 'No, this isn't working' ?
Or did I just see a vajazzled (shudder) cupcake?
posted by Catch at 2:53 PM on October 19, 2013 [1 favorite]


It's the part where an 8lb snot covered human larva comes out screaming and destroys your taint that I do not want portrayed in tasty dessert foodstuffs.

OTOH free taint remodel

but seriously folks I really want all these cakes should I become pregnant again.

ALL OF THESE CAKES. do you hear me, elizardbits? you are my best maid of honor for taint cakes. I CHOOSE YOU



You two bring an important balance to the universe.
posted by louche mustachio at 2:54 PM on October 19, 2013 [7 favorites]


Magical unicorn cake to the rescue.
posted by Joe in Australia at 3:07 PM on October 19, 2013 [2 favorites]


I'm amazed at both how varied yet at the same time underrepsentive the cupcakes are; nature is truly wonderfully eclectic.
posted by Mitheral at 3:14 PM on October 19, 2013


I don't understand why you guys are so squeamish about Vagina Cakes? It's a CAKE, who cares what it looks like.

My local organization Sex Positive STL has "Pussy Parties" (NSFW) where women come and learn about their vagina's. There have been in the past, vagina cookies or vagina inspired treats.

Quit being such babies. I'd totally stick my face in one of those.
posted by capnmarrrrk at 3:18 PM on October 19, 2013 [2 favorites]


You are what you eat.
posted by Segundus at 3:20 PM on October 19, 2013 [1 favorite]


where women come and learn about their vagina's

Not to be a grammar Nazi, but that is how you spell the plural form of "vagina" in the produce section of the supermarket, but not in other contexts.
posted by KokuRyu at 3:26 PM on October 19, 2013 [12 favorites]


I was in rush. :)
posted by capnmarrrrk at 3:40 PM on October 19, 2013 [1 favorite]


capnmarrrrk these shower cakes violate the right of a pregnant woman to cocoon herself in "why worry, it may never happen" denial about giving birth.
Sometimes this fragile state of mental self-preservation lasts right up to the 'pushing' stage of labour, or as I like to call it, the "screw this, let's get a puppy instead" stage.
posted by Catch at 3:40 PM on October 19, 2013 [4 favorites]


Metafilter: Why all the buttholes?

It wouldn't be Metafilter if you don't try to get someone's goatse.
posted by zombieflanders at 6:01 AM on October 20
[1 favorite +] [!]

But I don't WANT to be exposed to cake anus
posted by DoctorFedora at 3:57 PM on October 19, 2013 [5 favorites]


I don't understand why you guys are so squeamish about Vagina Cakes?

Well, some of them look like they're made of fondant. Lots and lots of fondant. And a little of that stuff goes a long, LONG way.
posted by palomar at 4:02 PM on October 19, 2013 [12 favorites]


I don't understand why you guys are so squeamish about Vagina Cakes?

Baby cannibalism and birth schmutz? TBH the 'diaper games' are totally worse.
posted by Space Kitty at 4:08 PM on October 19, 2013 [2 favorites]


oh holy mother of god

It's just another dinner party at H. R. Giger's house.
posted by Blazecock Pileon at 4:10 PM on October 19, 2013


free taint remodel

Well, there's my new band name.

I was thinking menstruating cupcakes was a fine band name.
posted by ricochet biscuit at 4:14 PM on October 19, 2013 [2 favorites]


It's like rule 34. If it exists, there is a cake of it. links nsfw
posted by theora55 at 4:19 PM on October 19, 2013 [2 favorites]


These cakes depict both vulvas and vaginas. That red goop smeared over the baby's head? That's the vagina after the baby is done with it. Because that's what happens when you give birth. Your vagina explodes.
posted by bibliowench at 4:24 PM on October 19, 2013 [4 favorites]


bibliowench: "Because that's what happens when you give birth. Your vagina explodes."

Apparently Ridley Scott is teaching childbirth classes now.
posted by Dr. Zira at 4:32 PM on October 19, 2013 [4 favorites]


Metafilter: Rows of tiny handcrafted vaginas as a food item for guests
posted by stevil at 4:35 PM on October 19, 2013 [3 favorites]


Guys, could yall come out tonight to see my band? It's called...uh...Cake Anus.
posted by ColdChef at 4:44 PM on October 19, 2013 [8 favorites]


Apparently Ridley Scott is teaching childbirth classes now.

Trust me. I was there. Boom!

Really, if you want to celebrate an impending birth, make a cake shaped like an epidural needle.
posted by bibliowench at 4:46 PM on October 19, 2013 [2 favorites]


Damn it, in my day it was the fashion to have silly games that made no sense, a hat made of bows from your gifts and a lot of ritualistic squeeling with each gift opening. Of course, getting any of these cakes would become the stuff of LEGEND in social circles.

OMG, I think I would rather have a baby shower filled with awkward silences, nervous laughter and crazed tales with liberal libations.

Speaking from the technical standpoint, instead of fondant I think marzipan would have been a better sculpting medium and it takes color beautifully; an example, demon pig.
posted by jadepearl at 4:57 PM on October 19, 2013 [2 favorites]


DID SOMEONE SAY CAKE ANUS

i know it's candy not cake

shut up and look at the candybutt
posted by elizardbits at 5:02 PM on October 19, 2013 [6 favorites]


Chocolate candy butt looks like a Sarlacc.
posted by Dr. Zira at 5:04 PM on October 19, 2013


If you're feeling very bold, I challenge you to GIS "c-section baby shower cake."
posted by chiababe at 5:15 PM on October 19, 2013


It's a good thing we're finally discussing this issue.
posted by eggtooth at 5:20 PM on October 19, 2013 [1 favorite]


You know most of the time I'm sort of annoyed about how we, as a society, act about vulvas. They're portrayed in such an unrealistic way, without weird, overlong inner labia on occasion or pubic hair or whatever else. BUT I MEANT I WANTED MORE VARIETY IN PICTURES OF NAKED PEOPLE. I did NOT want the cornicopita of vulvic variety expressed in HYPERREALIETIC EDIBLE FOODSTUFFS.

It's largely the disembodiedness that really creepifies. Even if I was at a Vagina Monologues or something I don't think I'd be like "wow, that sure was a great lesson about my vaginal health, I just wish I could wash it down with some fruit punch and a cupcake topped with a fondant version of the business end of a Fleshlight."

Some days, from over here in my male/female relationship, I sit down and I'm like, "you know, I miss pussy". Today? Today is not one of those days.
posted by NoraReed at 5:49 PM on October 19, 2013 [11 favorites]


Ok, I'm sorry but some of those cakes are downright disgusting. I hate fondant!

The vagina cupcakes, however, appear to be made out of yummy, yummy buttercream. I would totally eat a vagina made out of buttercream.
posted by Serene Empress Dork at 6:01 PM on October 19, 2013 [5 favorites]


I went to a shower once where they had these tiny pink and blue diapers made out of napkins or something and they filled them with chocolate covered raisins or sugar babies or something. I thought it was kinda cute but it grossed out a couple of the other guests.
posted by St. Alia of the Bunnies at 6:03 PM on October 19, 2013


And this, people, is why I never go to baby showers.
What kind of sicko comes up with pudding and candy bars in diapers?

Of course now that they're doing placenta milkshakes, I know the world has gone to hell.

...that is how you spell the plural form of "vagina" in the produce section of the supermarket...

In the produce section? Where? Next to the artichoke's? The kiwi's? That nasty Carmel Dip they put by the apple's?
posted by BlueHorse at 6:11 PM on October 19, 2013


Forget it Im outta here
posted by Potomac Avenue at 6:31 PM on October 19, 2013 [2 favorites]


shut up and look at the candybutt

I think the Germans are the current leaders in 'candybutt' technology.
posted by Alison at 6:32 PM on October 19, 2013 [3 favorites]


Was the cupcake with silver dragées a prototype, I wonder?

pearl necklace?
posted by 5_13_23_42_69_666 at 6:53 PM on October 19, 2013 [1 favorite]


I went to a baby shower with my mother (some distant cousin or something, I don't recall, but I was home on vacation) once and as this was a much younger generation she was kind of shocked at some of the frank birth discussion. However when it came to the games she was really into it until ... until the diaper game. The host explained the game, my mother turned to me and said "I don't believe in sniffing diapers, we need to leave." and just straight up got up and left. IT WAS AWESOME.
posted by marylynn at 6:59 PM on October 19, 2013 [24 favorites]


Needs NSFW tag :-)
posted by nostrada at 7:28 PM on October 19, 2013


It's the part where an 8lb snot covered human larva comes out screaming and destroys your taint that I do not want portrayed in tasty dessert foodstuffs.

I am so sad for you.
posted by Brandon Blatcher at 7:44 PM on October 19, 2013


Hard to say how unplacenta posting this was.
posted by anothermug at 8:01 PM on October 19, 2013 [4 favorites]


Dude, ick.

This is why I have kitties instead.
posted by suburbanbeatnik at 8:17 PM on October 19, 2013 [2 favorites]


One of these, the tiger mouth thing, is part of an unrelated art project.

But for the most part, I'm kinda glad that there are some bakers out there taking the piss out of baby showers, especially with some black humor.

(That's one of the things that often annoys me on the internets/tumblr: There's this assumption that folks didn't make these cakes/youtubes/whatever to be funny, so people assume they're serious and are all indignant WTF about it.)
posted by klangklangston at 8:45 PM on October 19, 2013


elizardbits: "The scientifically correct term is now vajeeper anyway."

So you can vajazzle one's vajeeper?

Gotta keep up with all this cool kid slang.
posted by Samizdata at 8:57 PM on October 19, 2013 [2 favorites]


lalex: "Whatever y'all do, DO NOT do a google image search for "candy bar diaper game"."

Here's a thought.

DO NOT TELL PEOPLE LIKE ME TO NOT GIS STUFF!

Just sayin'.
posted by Samizdata at 9:10 PM on October 19, 2013


What an odd way to be reminded that some gynophobic misogyny lingers in my brain.

:( get it out!
posted by stoneandstar at 9:16 PM on October 19, 2013


I can't stop thinking about how I bet I would be awesome at the guessing which candy bar was used poopy diaper filling and what that says about me.
posted by MCMikeNamara at 10:04 PM on October 19, 2013 [1 favorite]


a line of handmade Belgian chocolates that are “lovingly cast and crafted” from the asshole of a butt model
posted by Now there are two. There are two _______. at 10:11 PM on October 19, 2013 [2 favorites]


Now, I haven't read through all the posts, but I'm surprised nobody's seemed to have referenced what's (for my money anyways) one of the very best SNL sketches. I am talking, of course, about Patrick Stewart's Sexy Cakes
posted by Perko at 2:09 AM on October 20, 2013 [1 favorite]


“lovingly cast and crafted” from the asshole of a butt model

"I love you so much, baby," he whispered, as he delicately poured the molten chocolate into her quivering starfish...
posted by Serene Empress Dork at 2:58 AM on October 20, 2013 [4 favorites]


Quivering Starfish, incidentally, is our all-Mefite Deep Purple/Dr. Octagon mashup project.
posted by a halcyon day at 4:31 AM on October 20, 2013 [3 favorites]


The scientifically correct term is now vajeeper anyway.
posted by elizardbits at 12:27 PM on October 19 [16 favorites +] [!]


WRONG. The scientifically correct term is Vancouver, commonly pronounced as bajingo.
posted by Lipstick Thespian at 5:04 AM on October 20, 2013


This is the kind of thread that I imagine the more unruly muppets show to Sam the Eagle to try to get a rise out of him.
posted by JHarris at 5:09 AM on October 20, 2013 [4 favorites]


Unruly muppet vaginas.
posted by Lipstick Thespian at 5:12 AM on October 20, 2013 [2 favorites]


these shower cakes violate the right of a pregnant woman to cocoon herself in "why worry, it may never happen" denial about giving birth.

Next up: the episiotomy cake.
posted by IndigoRain at 9:10 AM on October 20, 2013


Quivering Starfish, incidentally, is our all-Mefite Deep Purple/Dr. Octagon mashup project.

This had better not be a joke. I will hold you to it.
posted by Now there are two. There are two _______. at 9:46 AM on October 20, 2013 [3 favorites]


Metafilter: the part where an 8lb snot covered human larva comes out screaming and destroys your taint.
posted by Lulu's Pink Converse at 11:15 AM on October 20, 2013 [1 favorite]


Prior to seeing these horrific cakes belly casting was the most disturbing pregnancy ritual I was aware of.

I give you...the lotus birth.. (Link itself is safe, the practice described at said link is...not common.)
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 6:29 PM on October 20, 2013


Language trivia: The word "placenta" comes from the Latin word for "cake". The Danish word for "placenta" is "moderkage", which literally means "mother's cake".
posted by WalkingAround at 6:23 AM on October 21, 2013 [1 favorite]


It's spreading...

I introduce to you: Mammo-grahams.
posted by zombieflanders at 6:54 AM on October 21, 2013 [3 favorites]


I see the comments for this thread are not yet closed. Soooo I am just gonna leave this here.
posted by louche mustachio at 3:38 AM on November 8, 2013


Oh, that's just... not good, louche. Not good at ALL.
posted by zarq at 8:05 AM on November 11, 2013


NOPE
posted by louche mustachio at 8:24 PM on November 11, 2013


Points for the breach baby/c-section cake at the end, though. See his wittle feet!
posted by planetesimal at 8:37 PM on November 11, 2013


« Older Bloke rents out a small, neat, English apartment. ...  |  A new dystopian novel in the c... Newer »


This thread has been archived and is closed to new comments