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October 31, 2013 9:34 AM   Subscribe


 
Lost it at SPLORTS.
posted by phunniemee at 9:36 AM on October 31, 2013 [3 favorites]


Perhaps I'm finding these funnier than I otherwise would as I'm struggling with my own writing project just now. But this is great:
"You can't repeat the past."

"Can't repeat the past?" Gatsby cried incredulously. He leaned in close with a crazy look in his eyes. "Guess who just bought a time machine?"
posted by audi alteram partem at 9:39 AM on October 31, 2013 [11 favorites]


Knock knock!
posted by roomthreeseventeen at 9:40 AM on October 31, 2013


The slogan ones remind me of Lisa Hanawalt's wonderful rejected slogans series.
posted by Nedroid at 9:42 AM on October 31, 2013 [2 favorites]


Knock knock!

redundant.
posted by quonsar II: smock fishpants and the temple of foon at 9:44 AM on October 31, 2013 [11 favorites]


Boy, these are fun: Wolverine's claws come out just like a baby wolf's.
posted by andromache at 9:45 AM on October 31, 2013 [3 favorites]


Fuck me, I lost it at this one.
posted by Kitteh at 9:48 AM on October 31, 2013 [2 favorites]


Genius.
posted by roomthreeseventeen at 9:48 AM on October 31, 2013 [5 favorites]


It was the Ten Commandments that convinced me it was time to break my nine year string of not posting FPPs. Also that it was inexplicably not a double. (I hope) (because I will be SO ANGRY)
posted by ook at 9:48 AM on October 31, 2013 [3 favorites]


Home Hardware: Homeowners, Helping Homeowners. Renters Can Go Fuck Themselves.
posted by TheWhiteSkull at 9:50 AM on October 31, 2013




Shall I compare thee to a summer's day?
Thou art pretty hot, after all
posted by oulipian at 9:52 AM on October 31, 2013 [5 favorites]


Heh. Sneakers For Your Feetkers. (I'll bet Nike is really kicking themselves that they didn't come up with that one.)
posted by Atom Eyes at 9:56 AM on October 31, 2013


Lost it at the second Gatsby one. Brilliant.
posted by Sokka shot first at 9:58 AM on October 31, 2013




I Lollobrigida'd
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 10:04 AM on October 31, 2013 [2 favorites]


I sure am glad that this was posted on Halloween, as my costume's mask is cloaking my merriment at the office.
posted by Apocryphon at 10:11 AM on October 31, 2013 [1 favorite]


The knights who say "Hey"
The knights who say "'Sup"
The knights who sort of mumble
The knights who say "Boo"
The knights who wield vuvuzelas
The knights who say "Ni"
posted by oulipian at 10:12 AM on October 31, 2013 [5 favorites]


This is casting, not a draft. And it is neither shitty nor rough, why oh why didn't the actual movie have this it is the best idea I ever read
posted by Apocryphon at 10:16 AM on October 31, 2013


SPLORTS is professional pooping
posted by oceanjesse at 10:25 AM on October 31, 2013


also the name of my Huey Lewis and the News pornogrind cover band.
posted by MCMikeNamara at 10:29 AM on October 31, 2013 [1 favorite]


why oh why didn't the actual movie have this it is the best idea I ever read

?? The movie did have music by Jay-Z.
posted by Potomac Avenue at 10:30 AM on October 31, 2013


The commercial slogans are the. Best.
posted by Potomac Avenue at 10:30 AM on October 31, 2013


This one is the one that got me. "NOT AGAIN!"
posted by mstokes650 at 10:31 AM on October 31, 2013 [2 favorites]


Huey Lewis and the News pornogrind cover band Huey Lewd and the Nudes
posted by oulipian at 10:34 AM on October 31, 2013


every one should have Tod in it tho.

The Talented Mr Tod
The Curious Case of Tod
Tod & The Giant Tod
&c
posted by Potomac Avenue at 10:39 AM on October 31, 2013


Eat Prey, Love.
posted by Devils Rancher at 10:41 AM on October 31, 2013 [4 favorites]


Look, your blog's fine, but you don't need to buy a domain name, just use Tumblr. No one who matters is going to be upset that you used Tumblr.
posted by This, of course, alludes to you at 10:47 AM on October 31, 2013 [2 favorites]


Turns out I'm actually a 7-year-old, because this one had me howling.
posted by coppermoss at 10:48 AM on October 31, 2013 [5 favorites]


you don't need to buy a domain name

I'm sure it ups the value a bit when Cheezburger inevitably makes you an offer you'd be stupid to refuse.
posted by Devils Rancher at 10:49 AM on October 31, 2013


Ok, this isn't how anagrams work

Not "OK", "JK". It's J.K. Rowling's notional editor, which is, I think, what makes this one so funny to me: NOT FRENCH KISSING.
posted by The Bellman at 10:50 AM on October 31, 2013 [3 favorites]


I'm sure it ups the value a bit when Cheezburger inevitably makes you an offer you'd be stupid to refuse.

He aimed higher: it's a straightforward tumblr to book deal play.
posted by ook at 10:53 AM on October 31, 2013 [1 favorite]


Back in freshman design class we had to make a children's book mockup - I choice the life of Zelda and F. Scott Fitzgerald: Title? Baby's First Lost Generation Authors. I think the best gag I had in it was Scott passed out at his desk with the lines "SUCCULENT IS THE NIGHT, DELICIOUS IS THE NIGHT, TASTY IS THE EVENING." crossed out next to him.
posted by The Whelk at 10:57 AM on October 31, 2013 [4 favorites]


Sultry! The night was sultry!
posted by Devils Rancher at 11:05 AM on October 31, 2013


A Country Where Old Men Are Not Welcome
Old Men Need Not Apply In This Country
No Old Men Country Here
Old Men Not For This Country
The Adventures of Anton Chigurh in Doorknob Land
posted by griphus at 11:13 AM on October 31, 2013 [15 favorites]


KOWALSKI: Welp, must have been that dang GRAVITY.

I'm pretty sure that was actually in the final draft.
posted by FatherDagon at 11:36 AM on October 31, 2013


My favorite part of The Whelk and griphus's last two comments is that both of those titles are quotations.
posted by Rustic Etruscan at 11:39 AM on October 31, 2013


So, my favorite part of the joke is the joke, is what I'm saying, that is to say typing, that is to say publishing on a website, that is to
posted by Rustic Etruscan at 11:41 AM on October 31, 2013


It was the best of times, it was the worst of times.
It kicked ass, it fuckin' sucked.
It was about average, as far as times go.

Good times, bad times, you know I've had my share.
posted by Atom Eyes at 12:09 PM on October 31, 2013 [5 favorites]


This reminds me that I've wanted to write "14 Fortune-Cookie Fortunes as Written by Frederich Nietzsche."
posted by slogger at 12:50 PM on October 31, 2013


"Welcome" is a powerful word - yet how much more powerful is it from one who has been hounded from every door, in every town, in every country!
posted by Rustic Etruscan at 1:05 PM on October 31, 2013


Horrible I am, but I love the running joke of "and then X slowly started to cry."
posted by psoas at 1:31 PM on October 31, 2013


I can't love this more.
posted by blurker at 2:46 PM on October 31, 2013 [3 favorites]


Oh hell, I am laughing so hard my neighbours just checked in on me to see if I was ok.

I think this one is an improvement on the final draft.
posted by arha at 3:45 PM on October 31, 2013 [2 favorites]


Really Vince?
posted by fuse theorem at 5:33 PM on October 31, 2013



Shit Shitty Rough Drafts
     Paul, you went to George Mason ~
     you did learn what an adjective is, right?

 
posted by Herodios at 7:07 PM on October 31, 2013


unsure whether you are correcting an error or making fun of the kind of pedant who would
posted by Rustic Etruscan at 7:16 PM on October 31, 2013


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