Santa cleared for interstate flight.

December 23, 2001 1:44 PM

Santa cleared for interstate flight. The DOT has approved Santa's request for Christmas Eve air travel in the U.S. I find it interesting that, this year, "Santa also says that he has a sky marshal of sorts aboard."
posted by mr_crash_davis (22 comments total)

Despite those "several million letters of support from children everywhere," NORAD'll be keeping an eye on him, as usual.

But I dunno, if anyone hijacked Santa's sleigh... well I know I would just run off with all the toys, ignoring any plans I may have had.
posted by whatnotever at 2:11 PM on December 23, 2001

Getting pretty official here eh? Why don't they issue a press release or something saying why Santa brings certain kids more stuff than others?
posted by Keen at 2:21 PM on December 23, 2001

Finally, the applicant, aware of the department’s heightened security concerns, states that he has personally packed all his bags and has kept them in his sight for months.

That's great for security, but what about those kids whose lists weren't final until, say, Thanksgiving or so? Are they out of luck?
posted by diddlegnome at 3:26 PM on December 23, 2001

He's gonna love security here at Skallas International Airport. My dog is going to snarl while he pays the tariff fees. Lets see 20% on a few billion dollars worth of merchandise. Lets just say this is going to be a great Xmas.
posted by skallas at 3:29 PM on December 23, 2001

Oh, goodness... it's great to see a sense of humor in our government.

Side note: Can we stop snarking for just a sec (not mentioning any names) and enjoy the christmas season for what it is, and especially to enjoy a bit of comic releif, care of the DOT, amongst so much travel stress?
posted by SpecialK at 3:31 PM on December 23, 2001

oh sure, dubya's good pal santa gets cleared, but let any OTHER felon attempt a bit of interstate flight and see what happens...no wait...
posted by quonsar at 4:22 PM on December 23, 2001

That Rudolph is a sharp little reindeer, but Santa should consider packing a little extra muscle just in case. If he wanted a sky marshall with him this year, I'd have to nominate Warrick Dunn to ride shotgun on the sleigh.
posted by bragadocchio at 6:01 PM on December 23, 2001

Dubya is getting coal in his stocking this year. And now something completely different:

What is the difference between the National Security Administration and the Office of Homeland Security?

I've been meaning to ask that for a while; I just keep forgetting. Sorry for going off-topic but I'm a lil' confused on why we have two different organizations to protect us "nationally." Are they in the same building?
posted by bloggboy at 6:07 PM on December 23, 2001

I second the choice of Warrick Dunn as a deputized sky marshall. I'd also suggest Troy Aikman (once) of the Dallas Cowboys. I happen to know he's not doing anything particular this Christmas. I mean he's sorta retired now, his football days largely behind him. But he could still throw a small explosive device missile towards any oncoming offensive from a moving sleigh with little difficulty.

And we all know Rudolph isn't packing. However many Texans do and I doubt Aikman is an exception.

Has anyone done security checks on the elves? How do we know some of them aren't Taliban loyalists? Hell, what are we paying the CIA for anyway?
posted by ZachsMind at 6:11 PM on December 23, 2001

Let's hope not too many kids askled for toy guns, grenades or box-cutters, otherwise poor St.Nick will get his jolly ass strip searched. Those foreign looking midgets he hangs out with dont help. =)
posted by jonmc at 6:26 PM on December 23, 2001

bloggboy...to some degree, both agencies will be making a list, checking it twice, their gonna find out who's naughty (oops..sorry, got carried away...) The Office of Homeland Security has much broader mandate than the NSA, though they will probably work together. As a matter of fact, I believe representatives from both agencies were on the entertainment committee earlier this month when the President lit the National Christmas Tree.
posted by bragadocchio at 7:24 PM on December 23, 2001

the NSA will be watching santa from their spy satellites above, while the office of homeland security will coordinate no-fly zones with FAA, FBI and local agencies. don't fear, they're making sure all gifts arrive safely.
posted by particle at 7:41 PM on December 23, 2001

*sigh* now I know why I stopped posting here. Ah well, carry on.
posted by SpecialK at 9:27 PM on December 23, 2001

I appreciate the jokes and all that come out of the sky marshal comment, but does terrorism have to permeate every fucking facet of life and tradition because they got a big one by us? I personally don't like christmas that much, but I don't shit on it around kids. I think ripping santa out of the realm of fantasy and incorporating real world horrors into what used to be a fun "official santa tracking" stream of news releases just makes the fantasy that much less fun for kids.
posted by holycola at 10:13 PM on December 23, 2001

"Typo In 1955 Newspaper Ad Results in Annual Holiday Phenomenon - Now On The Web." How "Santa tracking" began. [Terrorist-free link.]
posted by Carol Anne at 5:36 AM on December 24, 2001

I think kids already associate flight with terrorists. I like the way the DOT handled the issue: briefly. It's good to see the government keeping up a sweet, funny tradition.

And thanks, Carol Anne, that was a great link.
posted by swerve at 9:11 AM on December 24, 2001

Santa received his air traffic waiver from the DOT on 13 Dec 2001(.pdf file - requires acrobat reader).
posted by donkeysuck at 11:05 AM on December 24, 2001

At 3:47 AM, Santa strayed into a no fly zone over the white house to deliver coal to George Bush and was promptly shot down. The US government pulled Santa's body from the wreckage and reported that he was still alive. He is now undergoing a military tribunal since he carried no identification and could not be found to be American.
posted by fuq at 11:42 AM on December 24, 2001

In related news, Santa was cleared to take his reindeer into areas of the UK still under foot-and-mouth disease restrictions.
posted by rbrwr at 1:07 PM on December 24, 2001

Three-year-old Rachel loved the Norad Santa-tracker site...and so did the grown-ups at the Christmas Eve party last night. You can all pretend to be as cynical as you like, as long as you keep tossing us terrific links like these! Thanks for making me look like a computer whiz for the evening!
posted by realjanetkagan at 10:54 AM on December 25, 2001

From rbrwr's link:

"Whisky and mince pies should be supplied for Santa..."

Boy, the Brits do treat old Saint Nick well, don't they? Beats the hell out of milk and cookies.
posted by mr_crash_davis at 7:51 PM on December 25, 2001

On, Comet! On, Cupid! On, Ashcroft! On, Blitzen!
Santa reveals that he was pulled over for questioning.
posted by Carol Anne at 2:32 PM on December 26, 2001