Plot Heroin Lynch / Exposure Tornado Drug / Body scanner Chan

November 3, 2013 6:54 AM

NSA Haiku Generator - "Create a poem out of the NSA search terms that flag you as a potential terrorist!
posted by the man of twists and turns (30 comments total)

Cain?
posted by The Whelk at 6:55 AM on November 3, 2013

List of search terms
posted by roll truck roll at 7:25 AM on November 3, 2013

I wonder if we'll see some new Metafilter handles spring up from this.
posted by C'est la D.C. at 7:28 AM on November 3, 2013 [2 favorites]

roll truck roll: "List of search terms"

"Retinal fetish"

what
posted by jquinby at 7:29 AM on November 3, 2013 [3 favorites]

Source of search terms

Would it be a bad idea to google all these acronyms to see what they stand for? It would wouldn't it. That's when the black helicopter drops off Agent Quinn in your back yard. Someone has to have done this already and made a translation list, right?
posted by T.D. Strange at 7:30 AM on November 3, 2013 [2 favorites]

Bubba the Love Sponge

What is this, I dont even....
posted by T.D. Strange at 7:31 AM on November 3, 2013 [3 favorites]

Nice tag.
posted by cashman at 7:38 AM on November 3, 2013 [1 favorite]

"Chan"? Seriously? I guess it's the Anonymous connection, but I prefer to think it's a sign of the long-overdue jackbooted crackdown on /b/.
posted by Merzbau at 7:42 AM on November 3, 2013

I see the NSA agrees with me that there's something fishy about the judges' overscoring of Canadian figure skater Patrick Chan.
posted by NorthernLite at 8:02 AM on November 3, 2013 [2 favorites]

According to this, "a" and "the" are on the list:

http://www.businessinsider.com/nsa-prism-keywords-for-domestic-spying-2013-6

They are between "unix" and "Elvis".
posted by swr at 8:04 AM on November 3, 2013 [1 favorite]

Emacs also has a spook.lines file for the 1988-era spook.el that inserts NSA-fodder in emails. It was recently updated to include the 2011 DHS source we got thanks to EPIC's FOIA request.
posted by Nelson at 8:10 AM on November 3, 2013 [1 favorite]

Unix Elvis sounds like a nerdcore rockabilly band that I want to invent.
posted by The Whelk at 8:12 AM on November 3, 2013 [3 favorites]

Extreme Weather! Hail!/
Agriculture Disaster!/
Marijuana Dead.

Sorry, I didn't see any season terms on the list, talking about weather was the closest I could get.
posted by agentofselection at 8:36 AM on November 3, 2013 [1 favorite]

I wonder if we'll see some new Metafilter handles spring up from this.

Influenza Bess
posted by sweetkid at 8:37 AM on November 3, 2013 [2 favorites]

I really hope my txts and gchats have merited a single, horrified, overworked and undercaffeinated NSA intern who is weepingly forced to write endless desperate memos on the potential sociopolitical meanings of Sterek and butts and hot choclety milk.

Especially lately as the majority of my online communications are expressing extreme frustration over my inability to sneak up on and murder a General while freeing some political prisoners.
posted by elizardbits at 8:41 AM on November 3, 2013 [2 favorites]

So you can get on The List by shopping for Nike shoes at Target? And plenty of danger in the pharmacy... make sure you don't misspell Listerine.

And Bubba the Love Sponge? Shock jock in Tampa, Florida who got in trouble for (a) slaughtering and barbecuing a wild Florida boar live on the air (charged with animal cruelty; acquitted) and (b) segments featuring the cartoon characters Alvin and the Chipmunks, George Jetson and Scooby-Doo discussing sexual activities (fined by the FCC and dropped by the Clear Channel radio megachain). Yes, definitely terrorist activity (if you're a wild boar or a cartoon), but I'm disappointed Opie & Anthony and Howard Stern aren't also on the list (at last Baba Booey; that's gotta be an Al Queda codeword).
posted by oneswellfoop at 8:51 AM on November 3, 2013 [1 favorite]

We are all terrorists now.
posted by spitbull at 8:59 AM on November 3, 2013 [3 favorites]

If anyone else is thinking of writing a chick lit novella with this word list for NaNoWriMo, you're too late. I call dibs.
posted by brina at 9:48 AM on November 3, 2013 [4 favorites]

Related, written by an old friend of mine: scaremail, a plugin to add silly algorithmically generated nonsense full of NSA trigger terms into your email footer.
posted by idiopath at 10:41 AM on November 3, 2013 [1 favorite]

But people, the Government has promised to review the NSA's powers... so it will all be ok soon.
posted by greenhornet at 12:02 PM on November 3, 2013

Man, now I want to write awful erotic literature incorporating as many of these words as possible. It tickles me to picture some poor NSA flunky forced to dispassionately analyze turgid sex scene after turgid sex scene for hidden meanings and potential plots.

The inverse of that challenge - trying to come up with enough euphemisms to write a sex scene that the NSA wouldn't find - would have to be pretty fun too. "Moist yumbox," here I come!
posted by Noms_Tiem at 1:06 PM on November 3, 2013 [5 favorites]

Pork cybercash squib
cocaine Small Pox TEMPSET York
Consular Steve Case

If anything good comes out of the NSA's illegal surveillance programs, sending all those AOL CDs to everyone finally put Steve Case on a terrorist list.
posted by Blazecock Pileon at 2:20 PM on November 3, 2013 [1 favorite]

A love letter to the NSA agent who is monitoring my online activity.
posted by homunculus at 2:41 PM on November 3, 2013 [4 favorites]

My eyes feel dirty from the bolded keywords in that love letter. Am I now guilty by association somehow?
posted by Lizard at 2:58 PM on November 3, 2013 [2 favorites]

My hometown is on the list of terms. Well, then. So much for letters back to the folks.
posted by Spatch at 3:02 PM on November 3, 2013 [1 favorite]

Artichoke? This vegetable has been maligned enough!
posted by arcticseal at 3:28 PM on November 3, 2013 [1 favorite]

Artichoke is one of the several vegetables I can make taste like sauteed paper. I'm talented that way.
posted by sweetkid at 3:42 PM on November 3, 2013 [4 favorites]

"&" ?
posted by telstar at 4:21 PM on November 3, 2013

Is it just me, or are these lists comprised entirely of English words and acronyms? Funny. I would have expected a list of words relevant to the "global war against extremism" (or whatever we're calling it today) to have had at least one or two words in... I don't know... Creole?
posted by dsword at 11:15 PM on November 3, 2013

Generate Your Own Universal Surveillance Justification!
posted by the man of twists and turns at 8:23 PM on November 14, 2013