Public Service Announcement for Time Travellers
November 5, 2013 8:13 AM Subscribe
If you find yourself in northwestern Queensland about 5-15 million years ago, do not attempt to pet the meter-long meat-eating platypus.
Could I ride it instead?
posted by blue_beetle at 8:19 AM on November 5, 2013
posted by blue_beetle at 8:19 AM on November 5, 2013
blue_beetle: just be careful around their venomous poison spikes, you probably don't want to pet that part.
posted by idiopath at 8:21 AM on November 5, 2013 [1 favorite]
posted by idiopath at 8:21 AM on November 5, 2013 [1 favorite]
I was totally sidetracked by the "would you survive jurassic park" quiz linked right in the middle of the article.
posted by elizardbits at 8:30 AM on November 5, 2013 [2 favorites]
posted by elizardbits at 8:30 AM on November 5, 2013 [2 favorites]
This needs to be a euphemism for something, but I don't really want to think about what.
posted by Now there are two. There are two _______. at 8:36 AM on November 5, 2013 [1 favorite]
posted by Now there are two. There are two _______. at 8:36 AM on November 5, 2013 [1 favorite]
Surely a platypus would want its size designated using imperial measures because crazy.
posted by srboisvert at 8:43 AM on November 5, 2013 [2 favorites]
posted by srboisvert at 8:43 AM on November 5, 2013 [2 favorites]
That's gotta be like a hogshead and a half of platypus right there.
posted by Now there are two. There are two _______. at 8:47 AM on November 5, 2013 [3 favorites]
posted by Now there are two. There are two _______. at 8:47 AM on November 5, 2013 [3 favorites]
Sometimes when I'm sad I look up youtube videos of platypuses walking or even swimming and I feel better about my own abilities. Also they look so cute and snuggly.
This fine gentleman does not look so very snuggly but I would probably try anyway.
posted by Mrs. Pterodactyl at 8:54 AM on November 5, 2013
This fine gentleman does not look so very snuggly but I would probably try anyway.
posted by Mrs. Pterodactyl at 8:54 AM on November 5, 2013
The cure for internet malaise is placing a Platypus upon your belly and waiting for the soothing venom to take hold.
posted by blue_beetle at 8:56 AM on November 5, 2013 [2 favorites]
posted by blue_beetle at 8:56 AM on November 5, 2013 [2 favorites]
I was totally sidetracked by the "would you survive jurassic park" quiz linked right in the middle of the article.
It all depends if I was a charming and somewhat quirky character actor or not... if I was a lead actor in a supporting role who was charming and somewhat quirky, that would be OK. If I was only in TV or minor supporting film roles, I'd avoid the island.
posted by Slap*Happy at 8:56 AM on November 5, 2013
It all depends if I was a charming and somewhat quirky character actor or not... if I was a lead actor in a supporting role who was charming and somewhat quirky, that would be OK. If I was only in TV or minor supporting film roles, I'd avoid the island.
posted by Slap*Happy at 8:56 AM on November 5, 2013
Also, run like hell any time you hear orchestral music.
posted by IAmBroom at 9:03 AM on November 5, 2013 [1 favorite]
posted by IAmBroom at 9:03 AM on November 5, 2013 [1 favorite]
elizardbits: "I was totally sidetracked by the "would you survive jurassic park" quiz linked right in the middle of the article."
FTW: The Thagomizer is named after the late Thag Simmons.
posted by zarq at 9:03 AM on November 5, 2013 [2 favorites]
FTW: The Thagomizer is named after the late Thag Simmons.
posted by zarq at 9:03 AM on November 5, 2013 [2 favorites]
Wait wait wait...
Poisonous? Check.
Turned-out toes? Check.
Terrible teeth in it's terrible jaws? Check.
This isn't a platypus, it's a goddamn gruffalo.
posted by EndsOfInvention at 9:06 AM on November 5, 2013 [5 favorites]
Poisonous? Check.
Turned-out toes? Check.
Terrible teeth in it's terrible jaws? Check.
This isn't a platypus, it's a goddamn gruffalo.
posted by EndsOfInvention at 9:06 AM on November 5, 2013 [5 favorites]
They missed an opportunity by not naming it Platypus rex.
posted by Renoroc at 9:34 AM on November 5, 2013 [3 favorites]
posted by Renoroc at 9:34 AM on November 5, 2013 [3 favorites]
I was totally sidetracked by the "would you survive jurassic park" quiz linked right in the middle of the article.
The only question you need to ask is whether you know UNIX.
posted by zachlipton at 10:15 AM on November 5, 2013 [2 favorites]
The only question you need to ask is whether you know UNIX.
posted by zachlipton at 10:15 AM on November 5, 2013 [2 favorites]
Turns out I would survive. And I was guessing on some if those new-fangled moderne dinosaurs.
Giant Platypus, away!
posted by Lesser Shrew at 2:03 PM on November 5, 2013
Giant Platypus, away!
posted by Lesser Shrew at 2:03 PM on November 5, 2013
♫ ♪ ♪♫ ♪ ♪♪ ♪♪ ♪Mind me Platapus Rex boys mind me Platapus Rex...♫ ♪ ♪♫ ♪ ♪♪ ♪♪ ♪
posted by Katjusa Roquette at 9:35 PM on November 5, 2013
posted by Katjusa Roquette at 9:35 PM on November 5, 2013
"A platypus? What's a platypus?"
A platypus! Let me describe it thus:
It's got giant teeth,
And poisonous feet,
And instead of a mouth, an enormous beak!
"And where are you meeting it?"
Here on this website, and its favourite food is roasted Mefite!
(sorry I have read that damn book so many times now it's imprinted on my brain)
posted by EndsOfInvention at 1:35 AM on November 6, 2013 [1 favorite]
A platypus! Let me describe it thus:
It's got giant teeth,
And poisonous feet,
And instead of a mouth, an enormous beak!
"And where are you meeting it?"
Here on this website, and its favourite food is roasted Mefite!
(sorry I have read that damn book so many times now it's imprinted on my brain)
posted by EndsOfInvention at 1:35 AM on November 6, 2013 [1 favorite]
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posted by arcticseal at 8:16 AM on November 5, 2013