February 28th—I hate this month. I can’t take one more day of it.
November 5, 2013 10:52 AM Subscribe
The unsung heroes of history, the men and women who discovered that you can eat raw fish fresh but not after it's sat on the beach.
"Hey, I bet that giant water bug would be pretty good if we churned up some rancid milk and poured it all over it."
"Yeah, you do that, Thag."
posted by Etrigan at 11:18 AM on November 5, 2013 [4 favorites]
"Hey, I bet that giant water bug would be pretty good if we churned up some rancid milk and poured it all over it."
"Yeah, you do that, Thag."
posted by Etrigan at 11:18 AM on November 5, 2013 [4 favorites]
This was one of the funniest Shouts/Murmurs in some time. Loved it.
posted by So You're Saying These Are Pants? at 11:22 AM on November 5, 2013
posted by So You're Saying These Are Pants? at 11:22 AM on November 5, 2013
February 28th—I hate this month. I can’t take one more day of it. This month will just have to be shorter than the rest, and if people don’t like it they can go fuck themselves.
I guess it depends on where you are. In Scandinavia - and I guess all of Northern Europe -November is the worst. By far. It's rainy and dark and stormy and damned depressing. February is cold, but there's snow on the ground, you get clear sunny days and the nights are not so long as they are in November.
If it were up to me I'd make May and June each 40 days long and make November 2 weeks.
posted by three blind mice at 11:28 AM on November 5, 2013 [2 favorites]
I guess it depends on where you are. In Scandinavia - and I guess all of Northern Europe -November is the worst. By far. It's rainy and dark and stormy and damned depressing. February is cold, but there's snow on the ground, you get clear sunny days and the nights are not so long as they are in November.
If it were up to me I'd make May and June each 40 days long and make November 2 weeks.
posted by three blind mice at 11:28 AM on November 5, 2013 [2 favorites]
"There’s still November, December, Latrember, Faunus, Rogibus, Neptember, Stonk. . . ."
No Smarch?
posted by Kitteh at 11:36 AM on November 5, 2013 [3 favorites]
No Smarch?
posted by Kitteh at 11:36 AM on November 5, 2013 [3 favorites]
Yeah, in between crossing the Rubicon and getting shivved by his bros, that guy was a real laugh riot.
posted by localroger at 12:21 PM on November 5, 2013 [2 favorites]
posted by localroger at 12:21 PM on November 5, 2013 [2 favorites]
If I were to reinvent the calendar today I would shorten the work week by one day for more frequent pay periods and weekends and and increase each month by one week for less frequent bills. You know, for the economy.
posted by sourwookie at 12:22 PM on November 5, 2013
posted by sourwookie at 12:22 PM on November 5, 2013
Oh heck, and while I'm at it move a couple of the Winter months over to Summer and call it Seasonal Savings Time.
posted by sourwookie at 12:24 PM on November 5, 2013 [1 favorite]
posted by sourwookie at 12:24 PM on November 5, 2013 [1 favorite]
Lousy Smarch weather.
posted by The 10th Regiment of Foot at 12:46 PM on November 5, 2013
posted by The 10th Regiment of Foot at 12:46 PM on November 5, 2013
Can you just submit funny little things like this to the New Yorker or do you have to know someone, as B.J. Novak certainly does?
posted by gucci mane at 1:27 PM on November 5, 2013
posted by gucci mane at 1:27 PM on November 5, 2013
This made me laugh out loud on the 1 train, so, yay, BJ! And BJs, too, just throwing that in.
posted by thinkpiece at 1:29 PM on November 5, 2013
posted by thinkpiece at 1:29 PM on November 5, 2013
"November 11th—They sacrificed Jane today. Really happy for the Sun God."
Gold.
posted by emelenjr at 1:49 PM on November 5, 2013 [1 favorite]
Gold.
posted by emelenjr at 1:49 PM on November 5, 2013 [1 favorite]
Can you just submit funny little things like this to the New Yorker or do you have to know someone, as B.J. Novak certainly does?
Well, their website says:
Submissions: Fiction, poetry, Shouts & Murmurs, and newsbreaks should be sent as PDF attachments. Do not paste them into the message field. Due to volume, we cannot consider unsolicited Talk of the Town stories or other nonfiction.posted by So You're Saying These Are Pants? at 2:09 PM on November 5, 2013 [1 favorite]
I definitely read this in Ryan the Temp's voice, which made it even better.
posted by lunasol at 3:22 PM on November 5, 2013
posted by lunasol at 3:22 PM on November 5, 2013
This was hilarious.
posted by BlackLeotardFront at 4:58 PM on November 5, 2013
posted by BlackLeotardFront at 4:58 PM on November 5, 2013
I thought Greggary Peccary single handedly invented it in 1978....
posted by Homemade Interossiter at 4:16 AM on November 6, 2013
posted by Homemade Interossiter at 4:16 AM on November 6, 2013
Diaries are for women.
Darn.
Well, there's always Daylight Savings Time.
posted by mule98J at 9:47 AM on November 6, 2013
Darn.
Well, there's always Daylight Savings Time.
posted by mule98J at 9:47 AM on November 6, 2013
I can safely say these are some of the most meta jokes I have ever read. I should really give The New Yorker a chance.
posted by tehloki at 12:09 AM on November 7, 2013
posted by tehloki at 12:09 AM on November 7, 2013
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November 18th—Turns out those berries aren’t poison. So now I’m the guy who discovered that.
I find myself thinking about this ALL THE TIME. The unsung heroes of history, the men and women who discovered that you can eat raw fish fresh but not after it's sat on the beach.
posted by Lutoslawski at 11:10 AM on November 5, 2013 [2 favorites]