We are a nation of immigrants and Mr. Prime is one of them.

November 7, 2013 10:21 AM

Ladies and Gentlemen, please feast your eyes on this year's Miss Universe National Costume Competition. Feathers, fans, drums, giraffes, a gecko, a bicycle, a windmill, a baby doll, Optimus Prime and—shockingly—at least one lovely dress were all on display. Previously.

Credit for the post title goes to John Farrier of Neatorama.

posted by ocherdraco (115 comments total)

Miss Brazil appears to be wearing the entirety of one of the Diaramas from the Bell Museum of Natural History that I viewed as a child.
posted by wenestvedt at 10:24 AM on November 7, 2013 [1 favorite]

These outfits are always totally binary, either it's a ruffly, pretty pageant dress (I'm looking at you Argentina and Australia) or it's some insanely literal costume interpretation (I'm looking at you ROBOPATRIOT)
posted by The Whelk at 10:25 AM on November 7, 2013 [2 favorites]

Also, I did not know Belgium was the land of SATAN.
posted by The Whelk at 10:25 AM on November 7, 2013 [3 favorites]

IT'S THE MOST WONDERFUL TIME OF THE YEEEAAAAAR
posted by elizardbits at 10:25 AM on November 7, 2013 [2 favorites]

Man, the Miss Chinas always bring like, such over the top A game to the dress construction. Look and learn Canada, you look like you bought that Mountie outfit at a gas station.
posted by The Whelk at 10:27 AM on November 7, 2013 [10 favorites]

Wow, Cinna was busy this year. Wonder what he'll come up with for Quarter Quell?
posted by RakDaddy at 10:28 AM on November 7, 2013 [11 favorites]

Oh I bet there's a sad story behind Denmark's not-even-an-effort there. Yes we get it, "mermaid". sigh.
posted by The Whelk at 10:29 AM on November 7, 2013 [2 favorites]

Never have I been more scaroused.
posted by poe at 10:29 AM on November 7, 2013 [2 favorites]

OMG, I thought you were exaggerating about Optimus Prime.

Several of these look like leftover Halloween costumes.
posted by kmz at 10:29 AM on November 7, 2013

Miss Ecuador accepts many forms of sacrifice to her golden temple.
posted by The Whelk at 10:29 AM on November 7, 2013

Also wow what a surprise, Ms Ecuador is once again white! It's funny how a country that is only demographically 19% white somehow always manages to avoid having a PoC representative! LOL!

im mad
posted by elizardbits at 10:30 AM on November 7, 2013 [9 favorites]

Miss Great Britain is a ...sexy sexy Henry The 8th? I'm scared and confused.
posted by The Whelk at 10:31 AM on November 7, 2013

I think Miss Canada is actually my favorite.
posted by likeatoaster at 10:31 AM on November 7, 2013 [1 favorite]

Miss Germany is a straight up JRPG character.
posted by The Whelk at 10:31 AM on November 7, 2013 [4 favorites]

My takeaway is that south and central America are populated entirely by terrifying bird women.
posted by The Whelk at 10:32 AM on November 7, 2013 [13 favorites]

I like to imagine that these are all superheroes

Miss Brazil distracts her enemies with her dazzle-camouflage while Miss Curacao pelts them with magical candies
Misses Angola, Ecuador, and Estonia swoop through the air shouting encouragement
Miss Korea drums backup for Miss Sweden's death metal swordplay
and finally Miss Canada makes the arrest assisted by Miss Germany with her golden collar

Miss Botswana has already changed back into her secret identity ready to fight another day
posted by ook at 10:33 AM on November 7, 2013 [7 favorites]

Miss Israel is clearly the powerful magic-using leader.
posted by The Whelk at 10:33 AM on November 7, 2013 [1 favorite]

Why is Belgium a cartoon devil? Why is Botswana wearing a $45 Modcloth dress?
posted by showbiz_liz at 10:34 AM on November 7, 2013 [1 favorite]

Miss Jamaica will be performing LIVE with JEFFERSON AIRPLANE at this summer's GREAT BE-IN
posted by The Whelk at 10:35 AM on November 7, 2013 [3 favorites]

Miss USA deserves some sort of danger pay for teetering out on foot-tall platforms with sixty pounds of costume on her shoulders.
posted by ricochet biscuit at 10:35 AM on November 7, 2013 [3 favorites]

Miss Poland's look is really elegant, it's something that could be worn to an event that isn't a national costume contest. I assume that's why she didn't win.
posted by troika at 10:36 AM on November 7, 2013 [2 favorites]

and now, Miss Netherlands! Who's very own 5 year old made her outfit all by herself!
posted by The Whelk at 10:36 AM on November 7, 2013

Okay Miss Russia is clearly an ornate felt doll someone brought to life.
posted by The Whelk at 10:37 AM on November 7, 2013

Miss Netherlands distorts the very fabric of space-time

And you don't mess with Miss Nicaragua or Miss Peru, both of whom wear the heads of defeated foes
posted by ook at 10:38 AM on November 7, 2013

Boy, stay away from this group if you're a peacock.

Something like 1/4th of all available peacock feathers in the world were used in this competition, apparently.
posted by Cycloptichorn at 10:38 AM on November 7, 2013 [4 favorites]

Oh wow Ms Israel is an Ethiopian Jew, this is awesome.
posted by elizardbits at 10:38 AM on November 7, 2013 [5 favorites]

I assume that's why she didn't win. Whoops! The actual thing'll be televised Saturday. Go Poland Go!
posted by troika at 10:38 AM on November 7, 2013

Miss Sweden has a full on SWORD. I assume she's going to attack a monastery right after this.
posted by The Whelk at 10:39 AM on November 7, 2013 [4 favorites]

Miss USA's superpower is costing seventeen billion dollars and exploding
posted by ook at 10:39 AM on November 7, 2013 [10 favorites]

Miss USA, yeah I get it - go big or go home, be a glittery robot monster, that's what we expect but...

wouldn't Iron Man have been a better robot-based major US cultural product to aspire to?
posted by The Whelk at 10:40 AM on November 7, 2013 [2 favorites]

These all look like they used 4th graders as their concept team.

"Ok, she's wearing a LIZARD!"

"Let's give this lady a baby on her back to carry!"

"SHE'S OPTIMUS PRIME"

"I think this lady should just wear a pretty dress like my Barbie."

"This lady will be like Sailor Moon, but with, like EVEN MORE MOONS."

And then their dad designed Miss Canada.
posted by emjaybee at 10:41 AM on November 7, 2013 [40 favorites]

I would totally be Ms Mexico's handmaiden in an Aztec postapocalyptic wasteland.
posted by elizardbits at 10:42 AM on November 7, 2013 [2 favorites]

We would go to war with the multifaceted peacock gods of Nicarauga.
posted by elizardbits at 10:43 AM on November 7, 2013 [3 favorites]

It's amazing how even though they're in alphabetical order I can almost never figure out what country the next one is from without cheating.
posted by something something at 10:45 AM on November 7, 2013 [1 favorite]

These are fabulous, thanks for posting. They make me miss my She-Ra dolls.

Miss Botswana looks like she got her costume at the H&M sale rack.

Loving Miss France. Eiffel tower on her head. And Miss Ghana for additional sass.
posted by St. Peepsburg at 10:46 AM on November 7, 2013

Why did they skip World, Galaxy and Solar System before jumping to Universe? There are 40 billion planets in our Galaxy alone to consider. Of course it may be some of the contests are from another planet they kind of look alien.
posted by stbalbach at 10:46 AM on November 7, 2013

Look and learn Canada, you look like you bought that Mountie outfit at a gas station.

A gas station attached to a very classy strip club maybe.

(I actually imagine Canada to be full of those.)
posted by MCMikeNamara at 10:49 AM on November 7, 2013 [7 favorites]

Lotta Hintsa has the best name.
posted by peep at 10:49 AM on November 7, 2013 [1 favorite]

Miss Canada looks like she's in a lite beer commercial.
posted by octothorpe at 10:50 AM on November 7, 2013 [3 favorites]

Miss Australia - there's nothing wrong with ruffles WHEN USED IN MODERATION.
posted by The Whelk at 10:51 AM on November 7, 2013

Holy wacky banana pants Batman!

Also.. so, so many feathers.
posted by drewbage1847 at 10:52 AM on November 7, 2013

Every year I hope Miss Austria will come out in a total Klimt-inspired sparkly metallic Secessionist dress and every year they go to the same milk-maid well.
posted by The Whelk at 10:52 AM on November 7, 2013 [5 favorites]

This is reminding me far too much of, as RakDaddy alludes, the costuming in the Hunger Games. There's a discussion in the book about how the tributes of each area are supposed to be dressed representing some aspect of their home district, but in reality the designers end up making some half-assed nod to a "local" idea and mostly just putting the tributes up in the sexiest thing they can think of (naked people dusted with black, for Appalachia, naked people wrapped in fishnets for coastal areas, etc). Similarly, somehow I don't think local festivals in any of these countries feature quite so many sequins or so much bared cleavage. It would be really interesting to see these photos alongside any actual national costumes for these countries, to see how the (presumed) kernel of a real idea translates into dramatic, sexy pageant-wear.

Miss Botswana, however, gets an honorable mentionfor bringing it classy-style.
posted by badgermushroomSNAKE at 10:53 AM on November 7, 2013 [7 favorites]

How do people even move in some of these costumes? Aside from very, very slowly.
posted by Noms_Tiem at 10:54 AM on November 7, 2013

While I find many of these interestingly creative, I have to give full props to Miss USA for going all out with the costume idea and being unique.

I am somewhat ashamed that the plan for Canada got no further than "slutty Mountie".
posted by nubs at 10:54 AM on November 7, 2013

Trying to put my finger on the patterns here; let's see:

So if you are a small island nation, you go as some sort of colorful explosion and/or representation of the ocean/sky/possibly a fish

If you are a Central or South American nation, you go as a terrifying amalgam of jungle flora/fauna plus Aztec blood god.

If you are from an African country, you have a long dress plus headdress that is made from dried grass and beads.

If you are from a Western European country you go as a Vegas version of your country's cliches (or in Canada's case, as a stripper version).

If you are from an Eastern European Country you wear some form of traditional peasanty dress, or just a nice formal dress you picked up last week that you can probably wear again.

If you are from the US, you go as a patriotic robot.

When all else fails, go as some form of space princess.
posted by emjaybee at 10:54 AM on November 7, 2013 [12 favorites]

Every year I hope Miss Austria will come out in a total Klimt-inspired sparkly metallic Secessionist dress

I read that as "spanky".

I'm not sure which I like better.
posted by slogger at 10:55 AM on November 7, 2013

I think Miss Canada is actually my favorite.

I was gonna agree. I mean, sure, she's wearing a "SEXY MOUNTIE" costume bought with Canadian Tire money. But... she kinda achieves Sexy Mountie status.

But then I saw Miss Sweden and her sword. Daaaaaamn. All she needs is a pack of vallhunds scampering around her.
posted by ROU_Xenophobe at 10:59 AM on November 7, 2013 [1 favorite]

Miss USA deserves some sort of danger pay for teetering out on foot-tall platforms with sixty pounds of costume on her shoulders.

I hope she walked out going BWEEEE-STOMP! BWEEEE-STOMP! BWEEEE-STOMP!
posted by KathrynT at 11:01 AM on November 7, 2013 [10 favorites]

Miss USA looks more like a distant relative of the King of All Cosmos than Optimus Prime. And the photo of Miss Sri Lanka makes her look, for an instant, like she's, uh, mighty mighty... lettin' it all hang out.
posted by ROU_Xenophobe at 11:02 AM on November 7, 2013 [2 favorites]

Nicaragua and Sweden are fierce, and I would wear the hell out of Miss Argentina's getup. That feather skirt is like 12 feet wide! I'm kinda diggin' Miss Bulgarias multi-layered semi-Mother-Mary getup as well. And Italy! When you're giving something as awesome as Carnivale, you'd damn well better use it. On the other hand, I don't even know what Chile or Germany were trying to accomplish.

Also, what the hell, Belgium. What. The. Hell.
posted by WidgetAlley at 11:03 AM on November 7, 2013

Year in and year out, nobody pulls off ridiculous ostentatiousness like the South American Miss Universe designers. It should look absurd, but instead it's awesome.

But if Miss USA came out to the transformation sound FX, there is no excuse for not handing her the crown-slash-Matrix-Of-Pageantry on the spot.
posted by Holy Zarquon's Singing Fish at 11:04 AM on November 7, 2013

I can't believe Miss Finland's name is actually "Lotta Hintsa." That's like a name that a James Bond franchise would reject as being too obvious.
posted by KathrynT at 11:05 AM on November 7, 2013 [8 favorites]

Obviously my adoration of our decision to go with sexy knockoff Halloween transformer on stilts does not even need to be voiced. It is a given. PATRIOTISM.
posted by WidgetAlley at 11:05 AM on November 7, 2013

miss peru's look is interesting to me, it looks a lot like lolita fashion but, like, peruvian lolita, it's neat

what is actually going on with germany? what is the theme there? all i can think is either "umbreon" or maybe "der ring des nibelungen"
posted by titus n. owl at 11:05 AM on November 7, 2013

I think they were going for Wagner but went way too far and ended up with a credible Sailor Moon villain.
posted by Holy Zarquon's Singing Fish at 11:07 AM on November 7, 2013 [7 favorites]

Or weird Sexy Sauron. Put a flaming eyeball hat on her and it's over.
posted by WidgetAlley at 11:08 AM on November 7, 2013

It's weird to scroll through quickly and then be surprised by clothing that appears to be close-to-functional (say, Miss Poland)
posted by dismas at 11:12 AM on November 7, 2013 [1 favorite]

2011's Miss USA was, in my opinion, possibly better. (And by "better" I mean "worse.") (Apologies for the self-link.)
posted by Linda_Holmes at 11:20 AM on November 7, 2013 [3 favorites]

Miss Botswana, however, gets an honorable mentionfor bringing it classy-style.

It really seems like there's four styles of clothes here - Miss Botswana is wearing a dress that looks nice and that you might conceivably wear offstage, as are several other women; there are dresses that were clearly put together by someone with serious theater costuming skills that read as coherent and well-defined; there are dresses that are basically just lunatic-sparkly-flappy-pageant-gear that doesn't even work that well as stage costume and that looks like it was designed by committee; and then there are the Costumed-To-Look-Not-Quite-Human ones like the US and Russia.

I am personally a fan of Miss Botswana.
posted by Frowner at 11:20 AM on November 7, 2013 [1 favorite]

Miss Curaçao looks like she is wearing one of these.
If you look closely at the object she is holding you will notice that it has a surprised face. That is the face of a spoon, or maybe a coffee stirrer, who is surprised to know that it is part of the national costume for any country, let alone Curaçao.
posted by Biblio at 11:30 AM on November 7, 2013

You know that thing that some creatures do as a defensive measure when their fight or flight response is triggered, where they try to make themselves look huge and either fearsome or dazzling? I think that's what a bunch of these models are doing.

It's probably just stage fright, but still, if you meet Miss Trinidad & Tobago in her native habitat and she does that, run.
posted by heatvision at 11:37 AM on November 7, 2013 [3 favorites]

These all look like they used 4th graders as their concept team.

Miss USA's costume was chosen by an internet poll that was hijacked by fanboys.

Or at least that's what I chose to believe. Either way, she doesn't look too happy about it.
posted by hydrophonic at 11:45 AM on November 7, 2013

Miss Curaçao escaped from the "It's A Small World" ride at Disneyland.
posted by benito.strauss at 11:51 AM on November 7, 2013

I have been furiously refreshing Go Fug Yourself and Tom & Lorenzo while waiting to get their takes on it, but MeFi's Own has some pretty great (though abbreviated) snark.
posted by psoas at 11:58 AM on November 7, 2013 [2 favorites]

miss peru's look is interesting to me, it looks a lot like lolita fashion but, like, peruvian lolita, it's neat

Did you miss the terrifying baby growing out of her shoulder?
posted by naoko at 12:48 PM on November 7, 2013 [1 favorite]

Miss Botswana's is sensible, but makes her look nine years old.

Miss China's is meant to evoke Mrs. Ming the Merciless, I guess.

Miss Curacao! Happy things! Giant spoon that says Curacao! Whee! Her outfit was dreamed up by the Simple Dog.
posted by JHarris at 12:51 PM on November 7, 2013 [2 favorites]

I am sort of impressed by the complete lack of skin shown by the Miss USA and Miss Venezuela costumes.

Miss China is, as always, glorious.

Genevieve Valentine does a review of the costumes without the TLo misogyny.
posted by jeather at 12:53 PM on November 7, 2013 [5 favorites]

Did you miss the terrifying baby growing out of her shoulder?

I let out a shrill and oddly avian cry of bestartled horror at that monstrous thing.
posted by elizardbits at 12:56 PM on November 7, 2013 [1 favorite]

Miss Denmark: THE MERMAIDO HAS BEGUN.

Was Miss Jamaica's intended to further the perception that Jamaica's a pot smoker's paradise?

MISS MEXICO IS ANGRY ALL SHALL LOVE HER AND DESPAIR.
posted by JHarris at 12:56 PM on November 7, 2013

Man, Eastern Europe isn't even trying.
posted by Ham Snadwich at 12:56 PM on November 7, 2013

I have been furiously refreshing Go Fug Yourself and Tom & Lorenzo while waiting to get their takes on it, but MeFi's Own has some pretty great (though abbreviated) snark.

You all should really do yourself a favor and look through Linda Holmes's slide show because quite a few of the abbreviated snarks are perfection.

And yes, she is right; Miss Czech Republic was basically wearing exactly the same costume that Sandra Bullock wore in Miss Congeniality.
posted by MCMikeNamara at 12:58 PM on November 7, 2013 [1 favorite]

Aren't Transformers originally from Japan?
posted by wabbittwax at 1:03 PM on November 7, 2013

Miss Denmark: THE MERMAIDO HAS BEGUN.

Nope, the Mermaido continues!

MISS UNIVERSE SCANDAL: RE-USED OUTFIT. PUNISHMENT: THAT OUTFIT.
posted by psoas at 1:03 PM on November 7, 2013 [2 favorites]

Superheroes, sorceresses, warrior goddesses, monarchs, showgirls and fairies. It's like female MMORPG character design writ large and set loose upon an unsuspecting world.
posted by JHarris at 1:03 PM on November 7, 2013 [5 favorites]

I am disappointed that the various Drunk/Saucy Milkmaid costumes weren't better weaponized in some way. Shouldn't they at least have beer steins to toss around? I mean, Miss Peru HAS A FAKE BABY STRAPPED TO HER BACK. You know she's gonna club someone with it.
posted by TwoStride at 1:08 PM on November 7, 2013

Miss USA read my mind. The Miss Universe pageant needs a kaiju competition.
posted by cazoo at 1:09 PM on November 7, 2013 [3 favorites]

OH RIGHT Denmark is a mermaid because of HCA, not because they are weird fish fanciers.

Next year they should dress her as a cheese danish.
posted by elizardbits at 1:14 PM on November 7, 2013

I wonder if the Belgian costume is some kind of play off of Belgian beer names.
posted by slogger at 1:14 PM on November 7, 2013

Hungary can be a prune butter danish.
posted by elizardbits at 1:16 PM on November 7, 2013

the contest should be held in a bakery
posted by elizardbits at 1:16 PM on November 7, 2013

The US is a colossal doughnut, mighty and powerful.
posted by The Whelk at 1:19 PM on November 7, 2013

I was impressed that Miss Peru was a siamese twin, until I got to Miss Nicaragua
posted by gingerbeer at 1:41 PM on November 7, 2013

I VOTE FOR : GIANT SALAMANDER
posted by Napierzaza at 1:42 PM on November 7, 2013

> I have been furiously refreshing Go Fug Yourself and Tom & Lorenzo while waiting to get their takes on it, but MeFi's Own has some pretty great (though abbreviated) snark.

Tom and Lorenzo are on it.
posted by gingerbeer at 1:44 PM on November 7, 2013

God bless America.
posted by Ndwright at 2:15 PM on November 7, 2013

There are, as noted, two categories. My favorite in Relatively Sane is Bulgaria. My favorite in OTT is Costa Rica. Thank you and good day.
posted by Wolfdog at 2:22 PM on November 7, 2013

Update: Norway is tied for first in Sane. Finished now.
posted by Wolfdog at 2:27 PM on November 7, 2013

Aren't Transformers originally from Japan?

Well, the original toys were renamed/rebranded Japanese toys by Hasbro, yeah. The cartoon and comics and stuff were American from the beginning. Later toys were developed directly by Hasbro.

(Hasbro imported/renamed/rebranded the toys first then later made the cartoon and comics and other merchandise)

(Gobots were the same story, except Tonka instead of Hasbro, and are now also owned by Hasbro)

So.... sort of. But I'd say at this point they are way more American than Japanese, despite being giant transforming robots.
posted by wildcrdj at 2:29 PM on November 7, 2013 [1 favorite]

Also, note the title of this post.
posted by ocherdraco at 2:33 PM on November 7, 2013 [2 favorites]

I'm disappointed that the US didn't go Pony, but OH WELL sigh.
posted by Wolfdog at 2:53 PM on November 7, 2013 [1 favorite]

Sigh, TLo is doing the same roundup as last year. "Come to [country name] for [joke about prostitution]" for way too many costumes.

The casual misogyny there -- the one that stuck with me was when some woman was wearing a long skirt in the summer, and they were shocked at how unpleasant that would be in the heat, and all the women in comments said no, it is very cool to wear a long, light skirt in the summer, and the next image of a woman in a long skirt in the summer had a comment like "I know some women say that it's comfortable, but we don't believe them and think this must be uncomfortable" and I thought screw it, being gay isn't an excuse for being sexist.
posted by jeather at 2:56 PM on November 7, 2013 [3 favorites]

Favorites in the "wearable, possibly minus an accessory" category: Vietnam (damn, this detail shot), Poland, Malaysia. (China is a runner-up, but they did better in 2012.)

Favorites in the "spectacle" category: Argentina, Switzerland, Nigeria

Favorites in the "oh, honey" category: Venezuela
posted by bettafish at 3:08 PM on November 7, 2013

Genevieve Valentine's roundup posts from 2011 and 2012. Canada as cleavage Mountie begins to make sense when you look at 2011 (no no no, just because you have First Nations in your nation doesn't mean you get to wear a headdress) and 2012 (yay United Nations?)
posted by spamandkimchi at 3:17 PM on November 7, 2013 [1 favorite]

Miss Aruba's costume is like one of those dreams where you are out in the middle of a crowd or on a stage and all of a sudden you realize that you are only wearing your underwear. Imagine her surprise when she looked down and realized that she is not dreaming.
posted by Dip Flash at 3:21 PM on November 7, 2013

Y'all are gonna be sorry you made fun of Miss America when the Kaiju attack Hong Kong.
posted by happyroach at 3:24 PM on November 7, 2013

So wait, this is the third year Denmark has done a mermaid outfit? Do they just not realize that you're supposed to come up with a new thing every time?
posted by Holy Zarquon's Singing Fish at 3:28 PM on November 7, 2013 [1 favorite]

What do we have here?

Feathers
Capes
Party City mountie

Oh my God... Miss Haiti and Miss Sweden need to team up and fight crime RIGHT NOW.
posted by Freecola at 4:48 PM on November 7, 2013 [1 favorite]

Optimus Prime [...] ROBOPATRIOT [...] patriotic robot

I should never disbelieve anything I read in Mefi comments.
posted by Zed at 4:55 PM on November 7, 2013

Mmm, Linda Holmes' caption for Mexico ('Hola, amateurs') is spot-on Fug-Girls-doing-JLo so now I am dying to know if she's a fan of theirs.

Also, Miss Vietnam looks amazing. She's somehow both representative (vaguely) of Vietnam while also looking lovely and um, human.
posted by librarylis at 6:21 PM on November 7, 2013 [1 favorite]

Also, I did not know Belgium was the land of SATAN.

You know who King Leopold II killed more people than?
posted by gingerest at 6:53 PM on November 7, 2013

My friend (user hatefull) notes, "Nothing says 'United States' like a costume that says 'Hey everybody come for a ride inside me.'"
posted by JHarris at 9:07 PM on November 7, 2013

The Lebanese dress is exquisite. I would wear that.

USAPatriotBot...you know, sometimes, you just have to shake your head, sigh tiredly, and move on.
posted by dejah420 at 9:22 PM on November 7, 2013

I like that not only is Miss Nicaragua's costume elaborate, but she's also super committed to her stance. No blowing a smooch over her shoulder in a coy and winking manner, this one.
posted by but no cigar at 9:28 PM on November 7, 2013

Am I crazy, or was the last one of these like three months ago? not that I'm complaining
posted by threeants at 10:09 PM on November 7, 2013

Also wow what a surprise, Ms Ecuador is once again white! It's funny how a country that is only demographically 19% white somehow always manages to avoid having a PoC representative! LOL!

White people are only 0.7% of the population of Trinidad and Tobago, but we have a white representative for the second time in three years. It's a sensitive thing to talk about, because even though white people on the whole are an elite here, they can also feel the pain of being a minority, especially those who are not so economically privileged. And of course they are as Trinidadian as anyone else. But it's hard for me not to see the selection of our representative this year as a symptom of the tremendous insecurity that Trinidadians tend to have about anything that risks distinguishing us from the average citizen of whatever wealthy, majority-white country we happen to visit. We are particularly notorious for our shapeshifting accents, appropriately illustrated by this promotional clip in which Miss T&T Universe 2011 disgraced herself and caused a minor internet scandal, not only by her answers (by some miracle more vapid than the questions), but by her absolutely shocking attempt at an American accent.
posted by two or three cars parked under the stars at 6:21 AM on November 8, 2013 [1 favorite]

Miss USA reminds me of a Canary Islands drag queen.


I think it might be the shoes.
posted by louche mustachio at 6:28 AM on November 8, 2013

Although this one is more USA themed.
posted by louche mustachio at 6:31 AM on November 8, 2013

Mmm, Linda Holmes' caption for Mexico ('Hola, amateurs') is spot-on Fug-Girls-doing-JLo so now I am dying to know if she's a fan of theirs.

They all used to recap together (Linda, Jessica, and Heather) at TWOP, and I believe are friends, yes.
posted by psoas at 6:55 AM on November 8, 2013

Miss Botswana might win the Reasonably Sane award.

Miss Costa Rica knows how to party. Love it. Hope your doorway's tall enough, though.

Miss Croatia is a foxy pirate. It's nice. It's a comfortable medium between OTT and Relatively Sane.

Compare with Miss Namibia, who's just a straight-up pirate, which is also nice, just in a different way.

Miss Curacao is a rainbow sprite who attacks with a color spray. Dig it.

Miss France looks like she's wearing the all-body condom from Naked Gun.

Why does Miss Germany have huge rings?

Miss Ghana might tie for Relatively Sane.

Miss Peru would be good if it wasn't for THAT FUCKING BABY.

Miss Poland wins Prettiest Overall Look.

Miss Romania wins Most Surreal Overall Look. I'm going to be very disappointed if I find out that she's never danced in that outfit, preferably a jig or a can-can.

Miss Slovak Republic would survive a fall from any height. Dress for parachute, braid for steering.

Miss Slovenia looks like a happy drunk. She has rhinestones on her iPhone and she's on a first name basis with all the drivers at her favorite car service.

I genuinely love the USA costume. It's just so ridiculous. It feels like it was designed by a 4th grader, but only in the best way.

Miss Venezuela looks fun. Is she available for children's parties?
posted by Sticherbeast at 8:04 AM on November 8, 2013

Part II is now up.
posted by zarq at 12:14 PM on November 8, 2013

Come on, Canada. You know you're going to fall back at some point on Sexy Hockey Player. So just get it over with.
posted by Justinian at 10:31 PM on November 8, 2013

And Miss Venuzuela wins it all!
posted by gingerbeer at 4:29 PM on November 9, 2013

They all used to recap together (Linda, Jessica, and Heather) at TWOP, and I believe are friends, yes.

Ah, thanks psoas! It's terribly awkward to be curious about someone but not wanting to assume that they're present and reading a conversation at the same time you are. Also, TWOP was awesome (X-Files recappers, including Jessica, truly the funniest people ever) so of course that makes sense.
posted by librarylis at 7:45 PM on November 9, 2013

Part III is up. (Tom and Lorenzo)
posted by dejah420 at 12:06 PM on November 12, 2013