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Spray Me
November 14, 2013 5:21 AM   Subscribe

Spray On Fabric Spray on clothes every morning! No ironing, no matching the tops to bottom, no "I ate too much last night so now this doesn't fit…"
posted by Yellow (60 comments total) 12 users marked this as a favorite

 
I remembered spray on clothing from somewhere.. But now they have a website too? Cool.
posted by Lizard at 5:28 AM on November 14, 2013 [1 favorite]


1. Futurama did it.
2. More like Fabricancer.
posted by Sys Rq at 5:29 AM on November 14, 2013 [3 favorites]


no "I ate too much last night so now this doesn't fit…"

Instead, it's "Now my clothes are always exactly the same size and shape as my overstuffed carcass. No need to slow down on the eating here! (But I sure am going through a lot of that spray-on dryer lint fabric...)"
posted by pracowity at 5:34 AM on November 14, 2013 [1 favorite]


In case you ever dreamed of attending Karl Lagerfeld's bukkake parties.
posted by sonascope at 5:35 AM on November 14, 2013 [15 favorites]


Not for anyone with over 5% total body fat.
posted by Thorzdad at 5:35 AM on November 14, 2013


Spray On Fabric Spray on clothes every morning! No ironing, no matching the tops to bottom, no "I ate too much last night so now this doesn't fit…"

Don't be ridiculous. Homer Simpson showed us that muumuus always fit.
posted by discopolo at 5:39 AM on November 14, 2013 [1 favorite]


You got naked people in my silly string!

You got silly string on my naked people!

Two great tastes that go great together.
posted by idiopath at 5:52 AM on November 14, 2013 [4 favorites]


This is cool, but it's certainly not clothing.

It's a dream come true for people with a being-caught-by-a-giant-spider fetish, though.
posted by Metroid Baby at 5:53 AM on November 14, 2013 [11 favorites]


As shown on the video, pieces can be sprayed on, peeled off and applied more loosely for less snug designs.
posted by idiopath at 5:54 AM on November 14, 2013


How much fabrican will I need to immobilize a grown man? Asking for a friend.
posted by planetesimal at 5:56 AM on November 14, 2013 [9 favorites]


It looks like a cross between silly string and that fake cobweb stuff people smear on their shrubbery at halloween. By which I mean SEXYTIME
posted by ook at 5:56 AM on November 14, 2013 [3 favorites]


Now, really. I have enough trouble getting dressed in the morning that I lay out all my clothes the night before so I can have a hope of looking vaguely put together. If I had to spray myself with clothes-from-a-can, the danger would not be leaving the house with mismatched socks but with one short leg and one long leg on the pants. If you were lucky.
posted by GenjiandProust at 6:01 AM on November 14, 2013 [5 favorites]


You'd better not have any body hair under that...
posted by Too-Ticky at 6:01 AM on November 14, 2013 [3 favorites]


There's just something about a guy spraying a white gooey substance all over a woman's bare chest that kinda creeps me out.
posted by The 10th Regiment of Foot at 6:03 AM on November 14, 2013 [5 favorites]


and again, no jetpacks
posted by angrycat at 6:14 AM on November 14, 2013 [4 favorites]


(I'm talking to you, future)
posted by angrycat at 6:16 AM on November 14, 2013 [7 favorites]



no "I ate too much last night so now this doesn't fit…"


And of course, no more "my body does not meet social norms of thinness/youth/"correct" breast shape/etc so I will wear clothes that minimize this so I don't get looked down on or harassed. Every body its own corset!
posted by Frowner at 6:17 AM on November 14, 2013 [3 favorites]


I don't want to spray that on my genitals, and that's not something I say every day.
posted by Mister_A at 6:19 AM on November 14, 2013 [21 favorites]


I think I'd like a job where I'd have to spray T-shirts onto women.
posted by MtDewd at 6:23 AM on November 14, 2013 [1 favorite]


I think I'd like a job where I'd have to spray T-shirts onto women.

The guy in the video I watched (second down on the page, NSFW) was really crap at it, lots of overspray up on her neck etc. I'd say they need to hire some people who are certified autobody painters -- anyone who can do pinstriping and flames on a musclecar hood could do a tshirt without spraying outside the lines.
posted by Dip Flash at 6:33 AM on November 14, 2013 [3 favorites]


This is exactly what Spider-Man will use when he's on Project Runway.
posted by xingcat at 6:35 AM on November 14, 2013 [5 favorites]


So what you're saying is, in addition to spraying goo on people's bodies, we're now also applying masking tape?

Count my hairy body out.
posted by explosion at 6:35 AM on November 14, 2013


This will be adopted by cosplayers with alacrity. Everyone else, not so much.
posted by nicebookrack at 6:40 AM on November 14, 2013 [1 favorite]


anyone who can do pinstriping and flames on a musclecar hood

Most women I know are built more like the gas tanks and fenders on custom choppers than the flat, smooth, wide surface of a 1968 Dodge.
posted by The 10th Regiment of Foot at 6:47 AM on November 14, 2013 [1 favorite]


I am sad that there hasn't yet been a law & order epsiode in which a fashion designer's overworked and underappreciated assistant murders them with this monstrous substance.
posted by elizardbits at 6:53 AM on November 14, 2013 [2 favorites]


This is exactly what Spider-Man will use when he's on Project Runway.

—And he'll explain his lame garment to the judges with a half-hearted defense of "I was going for sort of a modern edgy punk look..."
posted by sonascope at 7:13 AM on November 14, 2013 [2 favorites]


I did not find the information I required on their website. I did find it on Wikkupeedia:
The material is made from polymer

Spray on clothes every morning!

Then throw away* your spray-on, plastic, disposable clothes every evening.

No, thank you.


*By 'away' we mean, of course, one of the many Ocean|Gyre|Trash|Vortices.
posted by Herodios at 7:15 AM on November 14, 2013 [2 favorites]


I would also venture a guess that this inventor of this has also developed some sort of nude bomb.
posted by sonascope at 7:17 AM on November 14, 2013


Then throw away* your spray-on, plastic, disposable clothes every evening.

The first video does say that the spray-on clothes can be removed, washed, and reworn. It also says that you can dissolve the material to make new spray-on clothes. Not sure how that works exactly; I assume the 'dissolving' happens in some solvent other than water.

(It also makes it pretty clear that the "fashion" aspect is mostly attention-getting marketing, the product's actual utility is as a spray-on bandage) (which actually seems like a pretty good idea)
posted by ook at 7:42 AM on November 14, 2013 [1 favorite]


(And for kinky sexytimes but that part we all knew already)
posted by ook at 7:43 AM on November 14, 2013


Dissolving. The clothes remain, but you may be slightly eroded by the acid wash used.
posted by arcticseal at 7:44 AM on November 14, 2013


(also now I have CAN-O-MAN! The MAAAAN in a CAAAN stuck in my head)
posted by ook at 7:45 AM on November 14, 2013 [1 favorite]


Then throw away* your spray-on, plastic, disposable clothes every evening. No, thank you.

Sounds like you'll be waiting for the cotton candy version then.
posted by Killick at 7:54 AM on November 14, 2013 [1 favorite]


Oh, please- this has been around for ages.
posted by TheWhiteSkull at 7:57 AM on November 14, 2013 [2 favorites]


I'm more a fan of spray-on shoes, myself.
posted by filthy light thief at 8:07 AM on November 14, 2013


Oh, dear. Hope it's stable. Shades of "The Man in the White Suit"....
posted by Kronos_to_Earth at 8:08 AM on November 14, 2013 [1 favorite]


Don't forget the original: Spray on hair! I suspect this guy will be getting a call very soon from Ron Popeil's lawyer.
posted by any major dude at 8:10 AM on November 14, 2013 [2 favorites]


Metafilter: Karl Lagerfeld's bukkake parties.
posted by The Whelk at 8:26 AM on November 14, 2013


Wait, but could you use this to duplicate an existing piece of clothing? Like if you really like the fit of a particular shirt T-shirt, could you use the spray on fabric to make a (slightly larger) copy? I suppose it might stick to fabric in a way that it doesn't stick to skin.
posted by yarrow at 8:29 AM on November 14, 2013


Because in the 21st century, even putting your limbs through holes to keep yourself warm requires too much effort.
posted by Lipstick Thespian at 8:34 AM on November 14, 2013


This is going to revolutionize the fake Halloween spiderwebs industry.
posted by Sokka shot first at 8:40 AM on November 14, 2013 [1 favorite]


*Mentally files this away next to the Liquid Latex*
posted by Room 641-A at 8:53 AM on November 14, 2013 [2 favorites]


*Mentally files this away next to the Liquid Latex*

I'd prefer Liquid Light photographic emulsion, so I can just print some nice clothes for myself. Mind you, I think rolling around in the developer tanks is going to be a bit uncomfortable.
posted by sonascope at 9:01 AM on November 14, 2013


Cosplayers with Alacrity is my new band name.
posted by Curious Artificer at 9:13 AM on November 14, 2013 [1 favorite]


Oh, please- this has been around for ages [video].
posted by TheWhiteSkull at 7:57 AM on November 14


happy to see science catching up to SCTV.
posted by GrapeApiary at 10:02 AM on November 14, 2013


Because in the 21st century, even putting your limbs through holes to keep yourself warm requires too much effort.

*a-he-he-hem*

In the year 2525
If man is still alive
If woman can survive they may find . . .

In the year 3535
You'll spray your suit right onto your hide
The TSA will have nothing to do
When every passenger wears see-through

In the year 4545
Lands End will alway have your size
They'll send your khakies in an aerosol can
That go on just like John Boehner's tan

In the year 5555
Cotton prices are gonna take a dive
With spray-on undies, I got a hunch
No one will get their panties in a bunch

In the year 6565
I'll be wearin' some fine spray-on vines
I'm struttin' my stuff, y'all, shakin' a leg
Just like a sike-a-delic easter egg

In the year 7510
Madison Avenue will co-opt it by then
They'll spray on our backs just what they want to say
"This space for rent, have a nice day"

In the year 8510
The whole world looks just like Burning Man
Your friends and neighbors are more colourful
Too bad the the stuff's not water-soluable

In the year 9595
(I'm kind of wonderin' if you're still reading this jive)
The pacific gyre's so full of this polymer spray
You can walk from Tokyo to San Francisco Bay, whoa, whoa. . .

Now it's been ten thousand years
We have all spilled a billion beers
On duds we sprayed upon our skin
Then threw away -- that was our sin

If this ol' world is gonna last
We will all have to get past
All kinds of human vanitay
So let us all now kneel and spray

In the year 2525 . . .
posted by Herodios at 10:09 AM on November 14, 2013 [5 favorites]


Not for anyone with over 5% total body fat.

Or over 5% body hair coverage.
posted by smidgen at 10:51 AM on November 14, 2013


Does it *have* to be aerosol? Could some kind of pump/airbrush system work?
posted by amtho at 10:52 AM on November 14, 2013


I think that the trick would be to hang upside down while your shirt is being sprayed on, so that when you are right side up again your boobs will be extra perky all day!
posted by 5_13_23_42_69_666 at 12:20 PM on November 14, 2013 [9 favorites]


This is exactly what Spider-Man will use when he's on Project Runway.

So, these unstable molecules...they vibrate?
posted by straight at 12:26 PM on November 14, 2013


Boobies!
posted by amanda at 12:50 PM on November 14, 2013


"The 6th Best Invention Of 2010"

What is this? A magazine from my dentist's waiting room?
posted by turbid dahlia at 2:06 PM on November 14, 2013


What this is about is not "spray-on clothing" that you spray on yourself in the morning.

What this is about is closing the analog gap in garment fabrication -- by replacing the cheap developing-world piece-work women who sew your clothes together with robots and resizable dress forms/dummies.

Believe it or not, there's an X-prize out there for the first robot that can sew together the components of a sports jacket -- and it's been unclaimed for years, because it turns out that fabric is really hard stuff for robots to work with, and sewing is even harder. But you don't need to sew fabrican. You can lay down layers of the stuff then use more of it as "glue" to fasten panels and sections together. And if you've got a computer model of an individual customer -- from a shop that has a commercial version of one of those airport teraherz radar body scanners -- you can effectively 3D print clothes from a pattern that is dynamically resized to fit that particular customer.

Sure the fabric will be a bit like felt and kind of poor quality at first. But: no chafing seams! Every garment fits perfectly, first time, tailored to the customer! And no need to send the order to Bangladesh and then wait for the shipping container to arrive (or pay wages to the foreign workers)!

And eventually they'll find a way to spray spider-silk, or wool fibres in some sort of adhesive emulsion, and then the sewing machine (and the sweat shop) will go the way of the manual typewriter (and the typing pool).
posted by cstross at 2:22 PM on November 14, 2013 [8 favorites]


Damn you should write a book about this stuff, cstross.
posted by Mister_A at 2:43 PM on November 14, 2013 [2 favorites]


Yo mamma, Earl Scheib, &c.
posted by 4ster at 3:48 PM on November 14, 2013



What this is about is not "spray-on clothing"

For a site that's not about spray-on clothing, there certainly is an awful lot of spray-on clothing and people have clothes sprayed onto them there.

no chafing seams! Every garment fits perfectly, first time, tailored to the customer! And no need to send the order to Bangladesh and then wait for the shipping container to arrive (or pay wages to the foreign workers)!

"Bruteforce Cybernetics Corp. We create the need, then fill it."


I mean, honestly "no chafing seams"?
posted by Herodios at 6:46 PM on November 14, 2013


Late for work.
Clogged nozzle.
Need I say more?
posted by BlueHorse at 9:06 PM on November 14, 2013


For a site that's not about spray-on clothing, there certainly is an awful lot of spray-on clothing and people have clothes sprayed onto them there.

If you're a marketing person, what's the angle you're going to push with this new product in search of a market?

Pictures of serious-faced men spraying [stuff] on hot-looking mostly-female models?

Or "this new fibre-laden emulsion will revolutionize garment mass-production"?

Which of these lines will garner most news coverage (and get the idea Out There)?
posted by cstross at 3:49 AM on November 15, 2013


Mister_A: gone one better, wrote a long blog essay on this subject and its implications.
posted by cstross at 6:05 AM on November 15, 2013 [1 favorite]


Nice! Something to read on the train.
posted by Mister_A at 10:31 AM on November 15, 2013


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