Subway: Let that bread smell soak into your clothes
December 3, 2013 10:27 AM Subscribe
Honest Slogans is graphic designer Clif Dickens' take on popular brands and what their slogans really should be. Highlights: Sperry ("You probably haven't even been on a boat"), Web MD ("Convince yourself that you have a terminal illness"), Netflix ("Spend more time searching than actually watching"), and Ticketmaster ("Yeah ... we're going to charge you whatever we want").
Pepsi's slogan is at the bottom of the list but it is pretty much perfect.
posted by Spatch at 10:39 AM on December 3, 2013 [1 favorite]
posted by Spatch at 10:39 AM on December 3, 2013 [1 favorite]
But they used it three times, and it's the one I'm pretty sure I remember from the last time it was posted here. I can't seem to find it now, though.
posted by Curious Artificer at 10:40 AM on December 3, 2013
posted by Curious Artificer at 10:40 AM on December 3, 2013
See also: Lisa Hanwalt's ads for United, Toyota, BMW, Nike, McD's, Subway, and KFC.
posted by one_bean at 10:40 AM on December 3, 2013 [8 favorites]
posted by one_bean at 10:40 AM on December 3, 2013 [8 favorites]
The Lego one is so true. I think I still have a little scar on a toe and all, from my childhood days.
posted by Iosephus at 10:40 AM on December 3, 2013
posted by Iosephus at 10:40 AM on December 3, 2013
I went through all the pages looking for Hollister, but had to stop and laugh at "Nature Valley: Crumbs EVERYWHERE". Anyways, I propose "Hollister Surf Co: Nowhere near the beach".
posted by iamkimiam at 10:46 AM on December 3, 2013 [1 favorite]
posted by iamkimiam at 10:46 AM on December 3, 2013 [1 favorite]
So many of these are awesomely, hilariously, perfectly accurate. Bugles is my favorite, and Chick-fil-A is pretty witty.
The honest Pinterest slogan should be "Recipes and Crafts You'll Never Get Around To Doing."
posted by Metroid Baby at 10:46 AM on December 3, 2013 [4 favorites]
The honest Pinterest slogan should be "Recipes and Crafts You'll Never Get Around To Doing."
posted by Metroid Baby at 10:46 AM on December 3, 2013 [4 favorites]
X Box Live: Find out who your mother has been sleeping with is pretty great.
posted by MCMikeNamara at 10:50 AM on December 3, 2013 [3 favorites]
posted by MCMikeNamara at 10:50 AM on December 3, 2013 [3 favorites]
Or "Tic-Tacs: Artificially-flavored pellets disintigrating in the lining of your purse!"
posted by iamkimiam at 10:52 AM on December 3, 2013
posted by iamkimiam at 10:52 AM on December 3, 2013
These are pretty good but am I missing something with the Superbowl one?
posted by bondcliff at 10:54 AM on December 3, 2013 [1 favorite]
posted by bondcliff at 10:54 AM on December 3, 2013 [1 favorite]
One of my favorite movies ever is this Tumblr, circa 1990.
"Buy Volvo. They're boxy, but they're good."
"You may think phone service stinks since deregulation, but don't mess with us, because we're all you've got. In fact, if we fold, you'll have no damn phones. AT&T - we're tired of taking your crap."
"Metamucil: It helps you go to the toilet. If you don't use it, you'll get cancer and die."
posted by divined by radio at 10:56 AM on December 3, 2013 [7 favorites]
"Buy Volvo. They're boxy, but they're good."
"You may think phone service stinks since deregulation, but don't mess with us, because we're all you've got. In fact, if we fold, you'll have no damn phones. AT&T - we're tired of taking your crap."
"Metamucil: It helps you go to the toilet. If you don't use it, you'll get cancer and die."
posted by divined by radio at 10:56 AM on December 3, 2013 [7 favorites]
These are pretty good but am I missing something with the Superbowl one?
Likely it's referring to the blackout during the Ravens/49ers Super Bowl.
posted by brand-gnu at 10:59 AM on December 3, 2013
Likely it's referring to the blackout during the Ravens/49ers Super Bowl.
posted by brand-gnu at 10:59 AM on December 3, 2013
It's one of those thing that would make sense if you were checking it daily at the time it was made, but how quickly we forget. (I didn't get it at first either.)
posted by MCMikeNamara at 11:01 AM on December 3, 2013
posted by MCMikeNamara at 11:01 AM on December 3, 2013
Likely it's referring to the blackout during the Ravens/49ers Super Bowl.
Duh. I actually watched that one too. I forgot all about it and just assumed the ad was dark. Thanks!
posted by bondcliff at 11:02 AM on December 3, 2013
Duh. I actually watched that one too. I forgot all about it and just assumed the ad was dark. Thanks!
posted by bondcliff at 11:02 AM on December 3, 2013
Pleasantly surprised, this was quite funny. The Elmer's Glue one...I thought it was just me that did that.
I don't understand the Chik-Fil-A one though.
posted by Hoopo at 11:14 AM on December 3, 2013 [1 favorite]
I don't understand the Chik-Fil-A one though.
posted by Hoopo at 11:14 AM on December 3, 2013 [1 favorite]
ZzzQuil: Finally doing away with all pretense.
DiBella's Sub Shop: Step back in time to the late 1920's when a submarine sandwich cost ten fucking dollars.
Alien³: The third Alien movie
posted by GrapeApiary at 11:17 AM on December 3, 2013 [1 favorite]
DiBella's Sub Shop: Step back in time to the late 1920's when a submarine sandwich cost ten fucking dollars.
Alien³: The third Alien movie
posted by GrapeApiary at 11:17 AM on December 3, 2013 [1 favorite]
"Even we hate our candy."
Oh nosiree. If Hallowe'en has a flavor that isn't candy corn, it's these.
posted by rahnefan at 11:18 AM on December 3, 2013
Oh nosiree. If Hallowe'en has a flavor that isn't candy corn, it's these.
posted by rahnefan at 11:18 AM on December 3, 2013
Oh god I found my new "nails on a chalkboard" and it's the two different italic slants on the Progressive one.
posted by jason_steakums at 11:22 AM on December 3, 2013
posted by jason_steakums at 11:22 AM on December 3, 2013
Okay, the link itself is not a double-post, but the Pepsi one was linked before in a comment, which is where I saw it before.
posted by Curious Artificer at 11:26 AM on December 3, 2013
posted by Curious Artificer at 11:26 AM on December 3, 2013
The honest Pinterest slogan should be "Recipes and Crafts You'll Never Get Around To Doing."
"Your Closet Will Never Look Like This."
I would totally buy these if they were on t-shirts.
posted by headnsouth at 11:29 AM on December 3, 2013 [1 favorite]
"Your Closet Will Never Look Like This."
I would totally buy these if they were on t-shirts.
posted by headnsouth at 11:29 AM on December 3, 2013 [1 favorite]
One of my favorite movies ever is this Tumblr, circa 1990.
YES AND THE TAKE ONE FLYERS
"Yes! I want to go to the toilet!"
posted by elizardbits at 11:34 AM on December 3, 2013
YES AND THE TAKE ONE FLYERS
"Yes! I want to go to the toilet!"
posted by elizardbits at 11:34 AM on December 3, 2013
The Chik-fil-A one is in reference to the PR firm making fake Facebook accounts for fake teenage Chik-fil-A supporters after the Henson Co. pulled out of their sponsorship of kid's meals after the COO made some hideous anti-gay statements.
posted by Sophie1 at 11:36 AM on December 3, 2013
posted by Sophie1 at 11:36 AM on December 3, 2013
This is basically 90s Seinfeld humor, a single meta layer offering the pretense of humor but delivering none. Lisa Hanwalt is funnier.
posted by cellphone at 11:37 AM on December 3, 2013 [1 favorite]
posted by cellphone at 11:37 AM on December 3, 2013 [1 favorite]
The honest Pinterest slogan should be "Recipes and Crafts You'll Never Get Around To Doing."
"Your Closet Will Never Look Like This."
Pinterest: I need 10 more hours in each day and the energy of a 7 year old.
posted by Sophie1 at 11:39 AM on December 3, 2013
"Your Closet Will Never Look Like This."
Pinterest: I need 10 more hours in each day and the energy of a 7 year old.
posted by Sophie1 at 11:39 AM on December 3, 2013
The Yellow Pages one hit a nerve. I am wishing for a world when the "do not call" list will include mail as well.
Seriously, even my recycling service won't take them.
posted by bibliowench at 11:48 AM on December 3, 2013 [1 favorite]
Seriously, even my recycling service won't take them.
posted by bibliowench at 11:48 AM on December 3, 2013 [1 favorite]
The Foster's one at least plays off Foster's actual campaign.
posted by Thorzdad at 12:01 PM on December 3, 2013
posted by Thorzdad at 12:01 PM on December 3, 2013
The Yellow Pages one hit a nerve. I am wishing for a world when the "do not call" list will include mail as well.
https://www.yellowpagesoptout.com/
You're welcome.
(Although AT&T will inevitably call you to confirm that you want to opt out, deliver it to you anyway, call to confirm that they didn't deliver it, and then not do anything about it when you tell them they did.)
posted by Foosnark at 12:05 PM on December 3, 2013
https://www.yellowpagesoptout.com/
You're welcome.
(Although AT&T will inevitably call you to confirm that you want to opt out, deliver it to you anyway, call to confirm that they didn't deliver it, and then not do anything about it when you tell them they did.)
posted by Foosnark at 12:05 PM on December 3, 2013
LinkedIn was great.
posted by sharpener at 12:30 PM on December 3, 2013 [1 favorite]
posted by sharpener at 12:30 PM on December 3, 2013 [1 favorite]
The Elmer's Glue one...I thought it was just me that did that.
I came in here to say the same thing.
posted by reprise the theme song and roll the credits at 12:30 PM on December 3, 2013
I came in here to say the same thing.
posted by reprise the theme song and roll the credits at 12:30 PM on December 3, 2013
_____ Mmm Mmm Salt.
_____Would you like to upgrade?
_____Don't Read the Comments
This would make a hilarious category on Jeopardy. OMG some of these are dead on.
posted by polly_dactyl at 12:52 PM on December 3, 2013 [2 favorites]
_____Would you like to upgrade?
_____Don't Read the Comments
This would make a hilarious category on Jeopardy. OMG some of these are dead on.
posted by polly_dactyl at 12:52 PM on December 3, 2013 [2 favorites]
Yeah, this would make a fun party game, reading the tag lines and people have to guess the brand.
posted by HotToddy at 1:46 PM on December 3, 2013
posted by HotToddy at 1:46 PM on December 3, 2013
Soft swings at low hanging fruit, but it did make me think, why do I have a LinkedIn profile?
posted by Flashman at 2:10 PM on December 3, 2013 [1 favorite]
posted by Flashman at 2:10 PM on December 3, 2013 [1 favorite]
I entirely missed the point of LinkedIn until I realized there's no "I actually worked with this person and really can vouch for their abilities" integrity to the whole thing, like with real professional references. In reality LinkedIn is just Facebook for lies.
posted by jason_steakums at 3:58 PM on December 3, 2013
posted by jason_steakums at 3:58 PM on December 3, 2013
"Metamucil: It helps you go to the toilet. If you don't use it, you'll get cancer and die."
FRNXT GHRT, Sony GURM.
...it needs some fleshing out.
posted by Spatch at 5:10 PM on December 3, 2013 [1 favorite]
FRNXT GHRT, Sony GURM.
...it needs some fleshing out.
posted by Spatch at 5:10 PM on December 3, 2013 [1 favorite]
Jagermeister: You sure?
posted by the_royal_we at 8:46 PM on December 3, 2013
posted by the_royal_we at 8:46 PM on December 3, 2013
divined by radio: "One of my favorite movies ever is this Tumblr, circa 1990.
"Buy Volvo. They're boxy, but they're good."
"You may think phone service stinks since deregulation, but don't mess with us, because we're all you've got. In fact, if we fold, you'll have no damn phones. AT&T - we're tired of taking your crap."
"Metamucil: It helps you go to the toilet. If you don't use it, you'll get cancer and die.""
"Go to Grot shops and get an eyeful, of Perrin's Products with a wide range of goods that are really pretty awful".
"Grot is the ideal place for gifts, because they're all on one floor, so there aren't any lifts."
"Grot - Never knowingly oversold"
posted by IAmBroom at 3:05 PM on December 4, 2013
"Buy Volvo. They're boxy, but they're good."
"You may think phone service stinks since deregulation, but don't mess with us, because we're all you've got. In fact, if we fold, you'll have no damn phones. AT&T - we're tired of taking your crap."
"Metamucil: It helps you go to the toilet. If you don't use it, you'll get cancer and die.""
"Go to Grot shops and get an eyeful, of Perrin's Products with a wide range of goods that are really pretty awful".
"Grot is the ideal place for gifts, because they're all on one floor, so there aren't any lifts."
"Grot - Never knowingly oversold"
posted by IAmBroom at 3:05 PM on December 4, 2013
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posted by shelleycat at 10:33 AM on December 3, 2013