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T. Rex didn’t evolve wings because the sky doesn’t bleed.
December 5, 2013 12:05 PM   Subscribe

"Dinosaurs! WTF? is a blog devoted to exposing dinosaurs for the murder oriented monstrosities they were, promoting preparations for the likelihood of their return, and outing those people who support the dinosaur agenda."
posted by brundlefly (15 comments total) 33 users marked this as a favorite

 
T. Rex didn’t go extinct, murder got tired.

This belongs here.
posted by Nanukthedog at 12:22 PM on December 5, 2013 [1 favorite]


This is great.

Daspletosaurus was a colleague of Albertosaurus, a contemporary in a similar field. That field was ruthless murder, and while the fleet footed Albertosaurus was forming death squads and tracking down hadrosaurs, Daspletosaurus hit the gym. This monster had bigger teeth than T. Rex. It was on freaking Cretaceous steroids. It had powerful, stocky legs and a hugely muscled neck. That’s because Daspletosaurus was probably gunning for cerotopsians, while letting gangs of Albertosaurs handle the “light work”.

Daspletosaurus would probably show up to Albertosaur conventions and hit on the obviously engaged Albertosaur honeys and call everyone else a beta and ask Nanotyrannus if he even lifts.

posted by Rock Steady at 12:24 PM on December 5, 2013


The only reason T. Rex didn’t evolve wings is because the sky doesn’t bleed. Tyrannosaurs Rex only had two fingers on each hand because scissors always wins if you stab hard enough. The biggest Tyrannosaurus Rex ever found was named Sue because you could fit both Johnnie Cochran and Mike Geragos in her gaping jaws. T. Rex didn’t go extinct, murder got tired.
I hope no one needs reference advice for the next hour and half because all they're going to get is dino facts and also I almost fell out of my official reference desk chair laughing so THANKS, OBAMA T-REX
posted by jetlagaddict at 12:26 PM on December 5, 2013 [1 favorite]


And triceratops makes a lousy dinner guest. He's always like, I can make my own shishkebabs on my horns. And you say, no you don't. And then he insists you make hot-air popped popcorn and cleans his rectum with your smart remote.
posted by dances_with_sneetches at 12:32 PM on December 5, 2013


Terrifying implications of rich archaeological dig sites: Albertosaurus raves.

In the Dry Island bonebed, twenty-six Albertosaurs were found together. There were a dozen or so juveniles, another dozen adults and sub-adults, and then one enormous elder. What the hell do you possibly need twenty-six Albertosaurs to accomplish? What the hell were they hunting?
posted by justsomebodythatyouusedtoknow at 12:33 PM on December 5, 2013


Nobody said dinosaurs were for unhip crybabies and wet-blankets. Love my T. Rexes because they were nature's original bouncers...
posted by Alexandra Kitty at 1:11 PM on December 5, 2013


I am outing myself as a supporter of the dinosaur agenda.
posted by Wretch729 at 1:47 PM on December 5, 2013


Yeah, but they maintained a sustainable ecosystem, whereas mammals, wtf? Yes. Homo Sapiens, I'm looking at you.
posted by Segundus at 1:56 PM on December 5, 2013 [1 favorite]


Did they? Did they really? WHERE IS THEIR ECOSYSTEM NOW?
posted by flaterik at 2:20 PM on December 5, 2013 [1 favorite]


Based entirely on the writing style of this blog and the fact that its editor "is an elaborate hoax", I have constructed a theory that D!WTF? is being written by Allie Brosh, who is hiding her identity from us so that she can see if a new comedic concept will sink or swim on its own merits.

This theory is probably false, but by god it's making reading D!WTF? hella enjoyable.
posted by badgermushroomSNAKE at 2:27 PM on December 5, 2013 [2 favorites]


This is one of those blogs that seem invented for me and me alone. Love it. The illustrations are great.
posted by misterbee at 3:22 PM on December 5, 2013 [1 favorite]


I just submitted a Letter to the Editor asking if we should worry about the giant-clawed Therizinosaurs, despite their herbivorous nature. He said to check the site for an answer in a couple of weeks.

I suspect the answer will be "yes".
posted by brundlefly at 3:41 PM on December 5, 2013 [1 favorite]


> In the Dry Island bonebed, twenty-six Albertosaurs were found together. There were a dozen or so juveniles,
> another dozen adults and sub-adults, and then one enormous elder. What the hell do you possibly need twenty-six
> Albertosaurs to accomplish? What the hell were they hunting?

First guess, hunting whatever it was that terminated that many Albertosaurs at once. 26 wasn't enough.
posted by jfuller at 3:42 PM on December 5, 2013 [2 favorites]


Tyrannosaurus Rex had an estimated bite force of nearly 13,000 pounds, which is about as much as it weighed total. That’s three times the weight of the average car in the United States. Also about equal to 1600 new born babies.

Officially the best blog.
posted by nicodine at 4:05 PM on December 5, 2013 [1 favorite]


He has responded to my letter about Therizinosaurs. I am "Suspicious of Talons". And a followup.
posted by brundlefly at 12:54 PM on December 22, 2013


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