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You Shall Not Pass, Dog.
December 6, 2013 7:00 PM   Subscribe

You Shall Not Pass, Dog. Sweet dogs terrified of walking past cats: a dramatic compilation. Apparently, Gandolf would be a kitty.
posted by SpacemanStix (74 comments total) 51 users marked this as a favorite

 
Oh the painful consternated embarrassing tailwagging!!
posted by BigVACub at 7:06 PM on December 6, 2013 [11 favorites]


Dogs aren't fools, they know cats are dicks.
posted by Mick at 7:09 PM on December 6, 2013 [20 favorites]


Every one of the cats looks utterly, totally bored and pleased with themselves at the same time.
posted by xingcat at 7:12 PM on December 6, 2013 [33 favorites]



Every one of the cats looks utterly, totally bored and pleased with themselves at the same time


Ha, exactly! Most of the times the cats aren't even doing anything.
posted by sweetkid at 7:13 PM on December 6, 2013 [4 favorites]


Oh c'mon doggie, the cat's not going to --- Oh.
posted by mikeand1 at 7:14 PM on December 6, 2013 [50 favorites]


You think that's something? I have a dog who's scared of the little plumbing access door behind the bathtub. It's right across from the door into the bedroom, next to the master bath door, and when he comes in the bedroom, he gives it as wide a berth as possible, and looks at it warily until he's safely past.

I'll cheerily say "do you want to go in the little door?" and he gets all nervous. If I go over by it & ask him, he won't even look at me -- he does the nervous dance when I try to get him to come to me if I'm near it. If I open it, he won't look. In 5 years, I have never gotten him to actually look inside the little door. I wish I knew what he thought was in there.
posted by Devils Rancher at 7:23 PM on December 6, 2013 [31 favorites]


Probably cats.
posted by moonmilk at 7:23 PM on December 6, 2013 [37 favorites]


gandalf
posted by en forme de poire at 7:24 PM on December 6, 2013


gandalf

dangit. In my defense, my cat typed it.
posted by SpacemanStix at 7:26 PM on December 6, 2013 [5 favorites]


We have dogs the size of cats, but if they made cats the size of dogs they would kill us.
posted by Teakettle at 7:30 PM on December 6, 2013 [3 favorites]


Teakettle, they're called Tigers.
posted by Badgermann at 7:32 PM on December 6, 2013 [14 favorites]


Cats have claws. Dogs get that.
Claws hurt. Dogs get that too.
The dogs in this video are just being cautious.
The cats, however, are just being ... cats.
posted by jim in austin at 7:32 PM on December 6, 2013 [2 favorites]


they made cats the size of dogs they would kill us.

Yea whenever I watch those Big Cat Rescue videos it's so clear that tigers, lions, etc are giant housecats.
posted by sweetkid at 7:33 PM on December 6, 2013 [1 favorite]


I wonder what rabbits would do anybody care to speculate
posted by Teakettle at 7:34 PM on December 6, 2013 [1 favorite]


My dog's strategy was to believe really hard that cats don't exist. He'd always turn his head so that my friend's kitten was out of his field of vision. I think he broke the poor kitten's heart - she'd show off by leaping back and forth over his back, and lurk behind him on the bed and play with the fuzz of his tail, but he never did acknowledge her.
posted by moonmilk at 7:35 PM on December 6, 2013 [4 favorites]


Teakettle: Yeah, and it is pretty disturbing.
posted by Saxon Kane at 7:35 PM on December 6, 2013 [1 favorite]


dude you need rabbit lessons those aren't rabbitslol
posted by Teakettle at 7:37 PM on December 6, 2013


Rabbits would poop furiously and then hop away.
posted by elizardbits at 7:41 PM on December 6, 2013 [3 favorites]


they are so dumb
posted by elizardbits at 7:41 PM on December 6, 2013 [1 favorite]


Eh, Gandolf may have been pretty catty in his own right.
posted by thomas j wise at 7:49 PM on December 6, 2013


I'm reminded of an episode of the Dog Whisperer in a multi-pet household during which Cesar Millan said (misquoted from memory) that although the dog needed to understand that it was submissive to the humans, "of course, cat is submissive to nobody."
posted by Lexica at 7:53 PM on December 6, 2013 [1 favorite]


Those dogs need some balls.
posted by dfriedman at 7:54 PM on December 6, 2013


Man cats suck.
posted by Windigo at 8:01 PM on December 6, 2013 [3 favorites]


It's right across from the door into the bedroom, next to the master bath door, and when he comes in the bedroom, he gives it as wide a berth as possible, and looks at it warily until he's safely past.

Well obviously that's where the ghosts comes from. You just don't know it cuz they only come out when you're asleep.
posted by Ray Walston, Luck Dragon at 8:02 PM on December 6, 2013 [6 favorites]


I may be coming close to threadshitting, which is truly not my intent (and I admit those videos are pretty entertaining); but damn if those aren't some godawful examples of humans not taking responsibility for their pets' behavior.

I know for a fact that it's really not hard to enforce civilized interspecies behavior, because I've had both cats and dogs at the same time and everyone managed to coexist happily overall. A little judicious squirt gun or loosely-rolled newspaper (that doesn't hurt but makes an impressive noise) applied to the transgressive party does wonders to make it clear that Learning To Get Along is essential to household peace of mind, by chastising asshat behavior - on both sides of the dog/cat equation. At the same time, it's important to know when to stay hands-off when justice is being served in its own way. Because yeah, those cats are totally being dicks...but then, who's to say that the dogs haven't done something(s) in the past to earn it?

Of course, this rant of mine assumes the humans aren't actively encouraging or at least passively condoning dysfunctional behavior, which to be honest isn't likely given the snickering and knowing "encouragement" coming from behind the camera in most of those videos.

So...yeah. Treat this as examples of what not to do.

KEEP
THE PEACE
and
CARRY
ON

posted by Greg_Ace at 8:07 PM on December 6, 2013 [7 favorites]


I wonder if it's possible to train cats to walk dogs
posted by Bwithh at 8:10 PM on December 6, 2013 [2 favorites]


fsssh... my dog does not have this problem.
posted by MeatLightning at 8:12 PM on December 6, 2013


I wonder if it's possible to train cats to walk dogs

Apparently.
posted by Greg_Ace at 8:13 PM on December 6, 2013 [1 favorite]


We had an enormous Ragdoll (32 lbs 38 inches nose to tail) who was completely lazy. I oftened joked that when he died we could turn him into a rug that we moved from room to room throughout the day and not know the difference.

Anyway, when my dog profile pic was a puppy, he'd try to play with this cat. And the cat would tolerate him for a while and then wind up an enormous paw and smack the dog. You'd hear "yip yip yip" [smack] "yelp!"

So Finny, the High Maintenance Vizsla learned to leave the large cat alone. One day, a few years later, Finny tHMV was sleeping on the sofa when the cat rolled up, spent a few minutes taking the measure of things and decided that the sofa wasn't large enough for the two of them. So he jumped up onto the sleeping dog.

As it turns out, the obnoxious puppy weren't no puppy no more. Sebby the Ragdoll went to his grave missing most of his left ear.
posted by Pogo_Fuzzybutt at 8:15 PM on December 6, 2013 [1 favorite]


It's funny because all of those dogs have clearly been repeatedly injured by those cats.
posted by killdevil at 8:20 PM on December 6, 2013 [3 favorites]


I guess I should make it clear that Sebby didn't die from that event. He died earlier this year of natural causes and that this particular fight happened a few years ago.

I don't like cats, really, but Sebby was a fine animal and more dog than cat anyway.
posted by Pogo_Fuzzybutt at 8:26 PM on December 6, 2013 [1 favorite]


I fucking regret to inform you that your German Shepherd card have been revoked.
posted by phaedon at 8:42 PM on December 6, 2013 [6 favorites]


If my physiology required my face to come within eyeball-puncturing distance of a cat when walking past, I too would hesitate.
posted by XMLicious at 8:42 PM on December 6, 2013 [3 favorites]


I kind of suspect the drugs I'm on for my back, but I was weeping with laughter by the end of this. Laughter through tears, my favorite side effect!
posted by HotToddy at 8:50 PM on December 6, 2013 [4 favorites]


I love how confused and/or apologetic so many of the dogs seem. Especially the ones who are all like "...Oh! I'm so sorry, ma'am, I didn't see you there. Um, er, well, I'll just go over ... oh oops, sorry ..."
posted by lunasol at 8:54 PM on December 6, 2013 [10 favorites]


"...Oh! I'm so sorry, ma'am, I didn't see you there. Um, er, well, I'll just go over ... oh oops, sorry ..."

"...and I'll just lie down right here. That's what I meant to do anyway. Lie down. Here. Really, it's fine."
posted by jaguar at 9:09 PM on December 6, 2013 [12 favorites]


I love how confused and/or apologetic so many of the dogs seem. Especially the ones who are all like "...Oh! I'm so sorry, ma'am, I didn't see you there. Um, er, well, I'll just go over ... oh oops, sorry ..."

I feel like the dogs are all "Mom/Dad! DO SOMETHING DO YOU EVEN SEE THIS"

and the cats are all

"What? Dude I'm not even TOUCHING YOU."

siblings.
posted by sweetkid at 9:12 PM on December 6, 2013 [32 favorites]


Your terrier card has been revoked too. C'mon...these are just big rats...get yer alpha on!
posted by salishsea at 9:14 PM on December 6, 2013


Cats are so awesome, even when they're not being awesome.
posted by mudpuppie at 9:18 PM on December 6, 2013 [7 favorites]


I think it's the way cats can move from purring fussbudgets to homicidal sociopath in the blink of an eye. My cat has learned to attack without even a flattening of the ears to warn you of impending doom.
posted by arcticseal at 9:36 PM on December 6, 2013 [4 favorites]


Also, soon.
posted by arcticseal at 9:37 PM on December 6, 2013 [7 favorites]





The dogs clearly know that they would be passing through the cat's threatened area, and therefore leaving themselves wide open for an Attack Of Opportunity.

And cats have Combat Reflexes.
posted by The otter lady at 11:22 PM on December 6, 2013 [10 favorites]


I wonder if it's possible to train cats to walk dogs?

My absolute favorite dog walker. This cat is all business!
posted by Anitanola at 12:09 AM on December 7, 2013 [4 favorites]


Devils Rancher: "I wish I knew what he thought was in there."

No, you don't. You need to leave the house and never come back. Have you never seen a single horror movie?
posted by Joakim Ziegler at 12:38 AM on December 7, 2013 [24 favorites]


Seriously that tiny doorway contains hellish multitudes, eldritch horrors, maybe even libertarians.
posted by elizardbits at 12:43 AM on December 7, 2013 [11 favorites]


I am overwhelmed with how idiotic the humans are. The cats are bullies. You don't tell a bully's victim to "grow a pair" and get over it. People do the same things to kids, and then kids decide to kill themselves.
posted by Goofyy at 12:56 AM on December 7, 2013 [1 favorite]


We gotta do something before the dogs kill themselves
posted by Ray Walston, Luck Dragon at 1:27 AM on December 7, 2013 [25 favorites]


Devils Rancher: "I wish I knew what he thought was in there."

Evil spirits!

Haven't you seen any movie where dogs can sense evil spirits lurking?

The same goes for cats. Cats are as evil as spirits can be.
posted by TheLittlePrince at 2:17 AM on December 7, 2013 [3 favorites]


The dogs in the clip are almost 100% correct in their anticipation of cat attack, judging by the later part of the video.
posted by Coaticass at 2:38 AM on December 7, 2013 [6 favorites]


I had a German Shepherd who was scratched by a cat on her eyelid when she was a puppy. It got infected, requiring applications of ointment, etc. Later, after she'd grown to over 90 lbs., I was persuaded to take in a medium-sized cat that somebody didn't want any more, and which was too nice to let die. The dog and cat got along OK. Cat would sit on a chair while dog sat in front of him on the floor, and cat would box dog's nose while dog snapped big jaws ineffectually. It was pretty funny. The dog would not bother any cat that stood its ground, but if it ran, look out.


I wonder what rabbits would do anybody care to speculate

If you're asking what rabbits would do in the dogs' position, my recent experience is that it would hop right up to the cat, who would race away. Sometimes the cat stages a mock attack on the rabbit, who usually just looks at him. This is all indoors; I understand the interaction might be more dangerous outside.
posted by Kirth Gerson at 5:51 AM on December 7, 2013


They should learn walking past cats in reverse gear. Cats always only mess with the dog's hind legs (and the last car of the model train).
posted by Namlit at 5:51 AM on December 7, 2013 [1 favorite]


I know a dog who's terrified of cameras. The hint of a lens has her on instant alert. The actual sound of a click has her dicing under the chair for safety. No amount of training has remedied this.
posted by snickerdoodle at 5:52 AM on December 7, 2013


came for the cute dog/cat warfare, stayed with mounting horror because somewhere there is a bad half door that must never be opened
posted by angrycat at 6:10 AM on December 7, 2013 [16 favorites]


"I wish I knew what he thought was in there."

Oh, he knows. He definitely knows.
posted by SpacemanStix at 7:19 AM on December 7, 2013 [3 favorites]


Probably this.
posted by h00py at 7:36 AM on December 7, 2013


You Shall Not Pass, Dog, xtreme scary psycho-kitty version.
posted by taz at 7:44 AM on December 7, 2013 [4 favorites]


The Rottweiler turning and running back up the stairs was my favorite. Which makes me think that the dogs really just want to be friends with the cats, and don't want to hurt them, but the cats are always being dicks and attacking them anyway.
posted by Joe Chip at 7:49 AM on December 7, 2013


I love how cats just refuse to acknowledge their relative size compared to a dog or human. Evil little basterds.
posted by octothorpe at 7:54 AM on December 7, 2013 [1 favorite]


this is pretty much the reverse in my house. the cat will oh so carefully slink past the dog, who is totally indifferent to the situation.
posted by fuzzypantalones at 8:05 AM on December 7, 2013


My dog and cat have an interesting relationship. They'll snuggle up together if they think no-one's watching but as soon as they spot a human it's all yap rarr arching cat back stupid dog prancing. It's kind of gorgeous, actually.
posted by h00py at 8:10 AM on December 7, 2013 [1 favorite]


Dogs are so stupid. Stupid dog.

Cats are bad ass.
posted by Random Person at 8:50 AM on December 7, 2013


"I wish I knew what he thought was in there."

It's definitely not the faceless old woman who lives in your home. And who just wants your wifi password so she can set up her mayoral candidacy website.

In re rabbits, well...
posted by kmz at 9:10 AM on December 7, 2013 [1 favorite]


cats are such little shits and I love them, I love them, I love them
posted by Greg Nog at 9:51 AM on December 7, 2013 [7 favorites]


We have dogs the size of cats, but if they made cats the size of dogs they would kill us.

I think I've linked to this before on mefi, but Paul F Tompkins has a bit about this:

Genetic Engineering
posted by Greg Nog at 9:57 AM on December 7, 2013


Greg I will not be convinced that you truly love cats unless you post some photos of your cats wearing costumes.
posted by elizardbits at 11:50 AM on December 7, 2013 [1 favorite]


sweet dog! be brave!!
haha
posted by ngsandy1618 at 11:55 AM on December 7, 2013 [1 favorite]


Force-field of evil.
posted by 10thmuse at 12:35 PM on December 7, 2013 [1 favorite]


My dad would object to the characterization but let's say he went a little red in the face at the Jeff Foxworthy bit "You might be a redneck if your porch collapsed and 3 or more dogs were injured." They were big dogs, too, Hounds and Mastiffs and one was a wolf hybrid of some kind, an ever-changing cast of enormous canines.

And they were goddamn terrified of the barn cats he also had, who would be maybe a tenth or a fifth their weight but had knockdown, dragout, no-shit fights just to pass the time and enjoy themselves, which is, I think, the thing. Dogs more or less play fight and Shit Gets Real every now and then but they mostly dust themselves off and no hard feelings (barring truly aggressive dogs, etc.). Cats MAY play fight every now and again if they're so inclined but they're the equivalent of a guy in a bar fight that'll break a bottle and glass the shit out of you at any time.

Of course, the barn cats were terrified of the chickens. Well, eventually they would be, because every now and then they'd see those big, dumb birds walking around and you'd see the plan form, then you'd see what happened when a surprised cat gets the shit kicked out of it by a bunch of birds that were velociraptors 100 million years ago.
posted by Ghostride The Whip at 1:52 PM on December 7, 2013 [14 favorites]


My late terrier would have kicked the shit out of those cats. I took my little buddy over to a friend's house who had a cat (an away game) and the cat was instantly on the top of the refrigerator howling at its owner. You could see it basically screaming, "How the hell could you allow that thing in here?!" My dog was very pleased.

I finally had to leash my little furry friend to a chair leg and the cat ran and hid in a bedroom. My terrier would even get pissed at the garbage truck!
posted by InsertNiftyNameHere at 4:54 PM on December 7, 2013


My dog is not afraid of cats. She is, however, terrified of the electric toothbrush.
posted by maurice at 7:43 PM on December 7, 2013


Well, my dog is also properly terrified of the rolled up newspaper. If he could talk, he would tell you about the one time he tried to steal some raw chicken, I caught him red handed, an almost murdered him by swatting him with it on the snout TWICE while sternly shouting "Bad Dog!" it's a miracle he survived that terrible mauling.

I have been seen to wantonly and maliciously brandish it several times since, but he really does not want to risk death like that again, so he promptly falls down and begs for his life.
posted by Devils Rancher at 10:11 PM on December 7, 2013 [1 favorite]


The obvious solution is to teach the dogs to vacuum.
posted by mimi at 8:47 AM on December 8, 2013 [5 favorites]


My parents have two insanely dog-aggressive cats. I've seen them pounce out of nowhere on an unsuspecting yorkie. We rescued her before there was serious damage-but no doubt there could have been! After that I googled "how to introduce a dog to cats"- and pretty much every single site presumed the dog was the potential threat. Fools!
posted by snarfles at 12:25 PM on December 8, 2013


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