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Porn comments on stock photography
December 7, 2013 9:09 AM   Subscribe

Pornhubcommentsonstockphotos combines the (NSFW) comments left on porn sites with stock photography. (NSFW because of text).

Here are three safe for work examples, rehosted on imgur if you want to see what this is about:

1. http://i.imgur.com/LbZ05WR.jpg
2. http://i.imgur.com/fdjCjyn.png
3. http://i.imgur.com/7UO4UBr.png
posted by 2bucksplus (87 comments total) 20 users marked this as a favorite

 
I found these less funny than I had hoped. The first of the SWF was the funniest, mostly because of that awful smile.
posted by GenjiandProust at 9:19 AM on December 7, 2013


I find this stupid and unfunny.
posted by tylerkaraszewski at 9:24 AM on December 7, 2013 [10 favorites]


Seems like it should be funny but is instead deeply depressing.
posted by Sing Or Swim at 9:25 AM on December 7, 2013 [8 favorites]


I'm either:

A) A Bad Person, or

B) 12, or

C) Likely both

because I find this very amusing.
posted by InsanePenguin at 9:27 AM on December 7, 2013 [20 favorites]


I find them very funny and depressing. I'm complex.
posted by Alvy Ampersand at 9:28 AM on December 7, 2013 [38 favorites]


I find this serious and uplifting.
posted by naju at 9:29 AM on December 7, 2013 [8 favorites]


I find this utterly charming.
posted by Caskeum at 9:32 AM on December 7, 2013 [2 favorites]


I wonder what kind of person, either before or after viewing the products in PornHub, thinks to themselves "You know what this is missing? My commentary!"
posted by The Whelk at 9:34 AM on December 7, 2013 [37 favorites]


I'm sorry. These have me rolling.

Currently toward the top ... "Officially sated for the evening." LMFAO.

Love it.
posted by jayder at 9:37 AM on December 7, 2013 [2 favorites]


"I like the girl's praise about the cum shot's trajectory."
posted by jayder at 9:40 AM on December 7, 2013 [3 favorites]


That is truly wonderful.
posted by Tell Me No Lies at 9:46 AM on December 7, 2013


I wonder what kind of person, either before or after viewing the products in PornHub, thinks to themselves "You know what this is missing? My commentary!"

I can't tell if this is a meta/Meta joke or not; the primary difference between here and there, as far as I can tell, is that over there the users are literally wanking. Also, the percentage of Pornhub's userbase who are wearing pants is probably slightly higher than MetaFilter's.
posted by Alvy Ampersand at 9:49 AM on December 7, 2013 [12 favorites]


Killjoys. This one [sfw] is great. This other one [nsfw] is great if that's really a stock photo.
posted by ROU_Xenophobe at 9:50 AM on December 7, 2013 [5 favorites]


Some commenters have keen eyes. (all sfw)
posted by postcommunism at 9:52 AM on December 7, 2013 [4 favorites]


Metafilter: hottest cross eyed girl i've ever seen.
posted by pdq at 9:53 AM on December 7, 2013 [1 favorite]


I think these are hilarious.
posted by small_ruminant at 9:59 AM on December 7, 2013


I thought there would be ninja turtles.
posted by happyroach at 10:03 AM on December 7, 2013


I found 1 quite amusing.

PornHub has its own Joseph Gordon Levitt movie now.
posted by Artw at 10:03 AM on December 7, 2013


/wonders what the stock photo value of a picture of a cat on a laptop really is, since that's about a quarter of the photos I see on Twitter.
posted by Artw at 10:05 AM on December 7, 2013


Multipurpose.
posted by BrashTech at 10:08 AM on December 7, 2013 [4 favorites]


Officially added to vocabulary - WEINERFY
posted by louche mustachio at 10:17 AM on December 7, 2013 [4 favorites]


Metafilter: You know what this is missing? My commentary!
posted by Winnemac at 10:21 AM on December 7, 2013 [12 favorites]


Wouldn't "to weinerfy" be the act of adding a dong to something or someone? Perhaps using one's robe and wizard hat?
posted by ROU_Xenophobe at 10:23 AM on December 7, 2013 [2 favorites]


I know your pain, mate.
posted by fearfulsymmetry at 10:26 AM on December 7, 2013 [1 favorite]


The choice of photos to accompany the captions seems a little too on-the-nose for me. In general, I prefer the (sadly now defunct) Best Porn Comments twitter feed.
posted by Greg Nog at 10:28 AM on December 7, 2013


He just looks so peaceful
posted by louche mustachio at 10:28 AM on December 7, 2013 [2 favorites]


I know your pain, mate.

Well unless he means...
posted by fearfulsymmetry at 10:29 AM on December 7, 2013


I actually didn't expect to find these funny; this kind of thing rarely amuses me.

Nice fur burger woke the cat.
posted by _paegan_ at 10:33 AM on December 7, 2013


The choice of photos to accompany the captions seems a little too on-the-nose for me.

Yeah I noticed that too. "Well yes, that does look like the closest matching picture you could find to the knee jerk idea of who might say that."
posted by bleep-blop at 10:35 AM on December 7, 2013 [2 favorites]


best post december
posted by klangklangston at 10:38 AM on December 7, 2013 [5 favorites]


"That's not London" could be the new opposite of "well weapon!"
posted by Artw at 10:40 AM on December 7, 2013 [4 favorites]


This is amazing. It made me laugh so hard.
posted by FAMOUS MONSTER at 10:45 AM on December 7, 2013


. Also, the percentage of Pornhub's userbase who are wearing pants is probably slightly higher than MetaFilter's.

Data Point: NOT wearing pants.
posted by mikelieman at 10:46 AM on December 7, 2013 [3 favorites]


I see they re-use photos, weak
posted by fearfulsymmetry at 10:48 AM on December 7, 2013 [1 favorite]


I see they re-use photos, weak

Indeed, most people only look at porn sites once in their internet career.
posted by Tell Me No Lies at 10:52 AM on December 7, 2013 [1 favorite]


You know what would be better than porn comments on stock photos? Lorem ipsum text on porn photos.
posted by HuronBob at 11:12 AM on December 7, 2013


A woman is like the moon...when it is gone the night is dark and lonely...but when its full... the night becomes to day for some men... thx for the nice film

Bless.

Just out of interest, at what point does one leave a comment? Do you, like, pause mid-wank to add your insights? Why would you be bothered afterwards? I can't get rid of the image of all these dudes with their cock in one hand and frantically typing with the other. If that's the case, kudos on the relative lack of spelling mistakes.
posted by billiebee at 11:19 AM on December 7, 2013 [4 favorites]


We're probably dealing with professionals here. I'll bet they can write with one hand and get the job done with the other.
posted by octobersurprise at 11:23 AM on December 7, 2013 [4 favorites]


Is that Oregon? Such a pretty state.
posted by wallabear at 11:24 AM on December 7, 2013 [4 favorites]


I see they re-use photos, weak

That ain't London.
posted by Artw at 11:27 AM on December 7, 2013 [1 favorite]


There are comments on porn sites?
posted by Thorzdad at 11:32 AM on December 7, 2013 [1 favorite]


I can't even imagine who uses porn sites as a social network. I mean, I can imagine who does, it's just...
posted by KokuRyu at 11:35 AM on December 7, 2013 [3 favorites]


Easily the best: um, I'm pretty sure that would NEVER happen in real life!!!
posted by asnider at 11:36 AM on December 7, 2013 [1 favorite]


It's just a crying shame that "Jane" didn't feel like joining in...

This would be a great round-robin writing prompt — wank-crazed narrator comments on/complains about the porn version of a classic work of fiction.
posted by RogerB at 11:44 AM on December 7, 2013


I think these are funny!! :D
posted by ngsandy1618 at 11:52 AM on December 7, 2013


A user named Limerick_larry posts PornHub comments in the form of limericks. (NSFW text)
posted by Ian A.T. at 11:58 AM on December 7, 2013 [4 favorites]


Nice fur burger. Thanks, Grampa!
posted by Serene Empress Dork at 11:59 AM on December 7, 2013


Needs more Samuel Johnson III.
posted by Ice Cream Socialist at 12:04 PM on December 7, 2013


This had me smashed to bits.
posted by colie at 12:04 PM on December 7, 2013


ROU_Xenophobe, the technical name for that procedure is an "addadictomy."
posted by Nat "King" Cole Porter Wagoner at 12:07 PM on December 7, 2013 [1 favorite]


There's a guy on one site that leaves long review comments - like, 200-300 words - and judging by the timestamps, he's at it all day, every day. My friend told me this, by the way.

Kind of a buzzkill, to be honest. According to my friend.
posted by downing street memo at 12:35 PM on December 7, 2013 [1 favorite]


This is serendipitous to my launching my new tumblr: Metatfilter Comments on Stock Photography.
posted by birdherder at 12:51 PM on December 7, 2013 [40 favorites]


Birdherder, please post this to projects.
posted by oceanjesse at 1:03 PM on December 7, 2013 [6 favorites]


"I think she is indeed the lustful woman for which i was looking"
posted by zscore at 1:04 PM on December 7, 2013


That one where they made fun of a fetish I don't have, knee slapping hilarious!
posted by munchingzombie at 1:23 PM on December 7, 2013


Macaulay Cock-in
posted by Teakettle at 1:30 PM on December 7, 2013


He fuck like a squirrel.
posted by insufficient data at 1:31 PM on December 7, 2013


This is serendipitous to my launching my new tumblr: Metatfilter Comments on Stock Photography.
posted by birdherder at 12:51 PM on December 7
[13 favorites +] [!]


And please actually do this, because it has great promise.
posted by jayder at 1:31 PM on December 7, 2013 [7 favorites]


It's the expressions that really do it for me.
posted by insufficient data at 1:32 PM on December 7, 2013 [1 favorite]


(Also: is it weird that I find this one kind of sweet?)
posted by insufficient data at 1:37 PM on December 7, 2013


This is hysterical. Thank you for sharing. Boo on the killjoys.
posted by scaryblackdeath at 1:47 PM on December 7, 2013


As sweet as this?
posted by billiebee at 1:50 PM on December 7, 2013 [2 favorites]


I would waste so much time on that site, birdherder.
posted by KGMoney at 1:56 PM on December 7, 2013 [1 favorite]


And please actually do this, because it has great promise.
I'm pretty sure it would end in some sort of horrifying, flaming meta train-car-planewreck, but the journey would be worth it.

Make it happen, birdherder.
posted by kavasa at 2:00 PM on December 7, 2013 [3 favorites]


There's something off putting about the way on these sites they obsessively categorize by gender, number of people, ethnicity, etc... It's demeaning and dehumanizing.

And as for the porn sites...
posted by Artw at 2:04 PM on December 7, 2013 [4 favorites]


MetaFilter: Can we talk about that bullshit happening in Syria right now?
posted by Dr. Zira at 2:27 PM on December 7, 2013 [2 favorites]


Or they do.
posted by Tell Me No Lies at 3:14 PM on December 7, 2013


1st!
posted by Omnomnom at 3:17 PM on December 7, 2013 [1 favorite]


Thank you Saturday night Mefites, collectively you are very funny, I have laughed out loud at this thread.
Birdherder - I hope one day to write a comment worthy of featuring on your new blog. :)
posted by Dr Ew at 3:46 PM on December 7, 2013


1st!
posted by Omnomnom


I guess we will never really know if this was eponysterical.
posted by Artw at 3:50 PM on December 7, 2013 [1 favorite]


as i clicked i was really hoping i'd be above finding this funny, but i absolutely was not

it doesn't look like the relevant twitter account has been linked yet?
posted by a birds at 3:56 PM on December 7, 2013


That one where they made fun of a fetish I don't have, knee slapping hilarious!

What fetish are they making fun of?
posted by Hoopo at 4:05 PM on December 7, 2013


Brimping.
posted by Artw at 4:26 PM on December 7, 2013


I have no idea what that is and I'm afraid to Google it. Does it involve submarine sandwiches?
posted by Dr. Zira at 5:26 PM on December 7, 2013


Brimping seems to come from Matt Fractions' Sex Criminals, and as of yet no-one has defined it on the Internet, so your mind is free to imagine all sorts of horrors.

I assume it involves balloons and shrimp.
posted by Mezentian at 5:41 PM on December 7, 2013 [1 favorite]


it doesn't look like the relevant twitter account has been linked yet?

This one is basically already a Weird Tweet about bad porn comments.
posted by Rustic Etruscan at 6:53 PM on December 7, 2013 [1 favorite]


appropriately, the longest ones are the most uncomfortable
posted by Rustic Etruscan at 6:59 PM on December 7, 2013 [1 favorite]


I approve this comment.
posted by Joe in Australia at 7:10 PM on December 7, 2013 [6 favorites]


He's just saying what we've all thought.
posted by Mezentian at 7:25 PM on December 7, 2013


that premise is creepy as fuck either way, though. wish there were more We're Into Each Other, Let's Go porn and zero Here's How I'm Coercing You Into Fucking Today porn
posted by Rustic Etruscan at 7:39 PM on December 7, 2013 [2 favorites]


Also, you'd think after that much effort, I'd at least have gotten a callback.
posted by kyrademon at 8:15 PM on December 7, 2013 [4 favorites]


This is as old as graffiti on bathroom walls. Immature. Juvenile. And, of course, nothing can be funny unless it's about sex. I find the whole thing sad. Not just that site, but the lack of real communication (even sexual!) in exchange for hours of pornography on the web.
posted by Gerard Sorme at 8:27 PM on December 7, 2013


I can't tell if this is a meta/Meta joke or not; the primary difference between here and there, as far as I can tell, is that over there the users are literally wanking.

Soooo, what’s the difference again? Wait, are you saying…never mind.
posted by bongo_x at 9:54 PM on December 7, 2013 [2 favorites]


"I like a hot woman... the best kind"

*snort*
posted by pony707 at 8:13 AM on December 8, 2013


We all know this guy.
posted by Artw at 8:36 AM on December 8, 2013 [1 favorite]


Similar to this, from the depths of Tumblr, is Ignorant Facts.
posted by rubadub at 5:10 PM on December 8, 2013 [1 favorite]


The funny thing about this is that, if that's really stock photography, the photos make more sense than if they were, say, on Average Jane's website promoting chlorophyll bath oils or something. Thanks for this.
posted by undue influence at 11:55 PM on December 13, 2013


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