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Recreation, Drinking, and Sea Monkeys
December 17, 2013 6:30 AM   Subscribe

This guy really wants to sell his sailboat.
posted by pjern (42 comments total) 15 users marked this as a favorite

 
Is "captain kurt" Cap'n Crunch's street name? Who?
posted by heyho at 6:38 AM on December 17, 2013 [1 favorite]


"the ability to t-bone a stand up paddle boarder"
posted by Drab_Parts at 6:41 AM on December 17, 2013 [4 favorites]


Google = Best slot machine ever invented. Insert letters instead of coins. Output hyperlinks instead of cash. Google is paid by 3rd party XYZ business for the participants pleasure of playing this terrible slot machine for "free". But participants pay end up paying in dead brain cells instead of cash and XYZ business trades cash for a snowflakes chance in hell of converting a mouse click to a sale.

That's ... fantastic.
posted by jbickers at 6:41 AM on December 17, 2013 [4 favorites]


Is "captain kurt" Cap'n Crunch's street name? Who?

I have no idea but this gave me the idea to re-read the entire thing in Jack Burton's voice and it is so much better now.
posted by griphus at 6:47 AM on December 17, 2013 [4 favorites]


This is what happens when you post drunk. (His post, not this comment.)
posted by cjorgensen at 6:49 AM on December 17, 2013


The two happiest days in a boat owner's life?
The day he buys his boat.
The day he sells his boat.
posted by Thorzdad at 6:52 AM on December 17, 2013 [10 favorites]


Captain Kurt = Captain Kirk?
posted by rsclark at 6:59 AM on December 17, 2013


Captain Kurt is obviously Kurt Russell in the screwball classic Captain Ron. Duh.
posted by item at 7:01 AM on December 17, 2013 [5 favorites]


I once gave away a Catalina 22.
posted by JPD at 7:01 AM on December 17, 2013 [1 favorite]


Not going for $5k, maybe 2. Actual red flags: no interior views, the sail is tied on messy without a sail cover (UV drastically ages a sail).
posted by sammyo at 7:04 AM on December 17, 2013 [1 favorite]


breathing atomic four gas powered exhaust fumes

An elegant and reliable engine for a more civilized age.
posted by RonButNotStupid at 7:05 AM on December 17, 2013


Oh and a funny clever add is quite a red flag, folks take their boats pretty darned serious.

(the atomic four is a well known engine, but it is not diesel) Why diesel? Gas vapor explodes, you can put out a match in a bucket of diesel.
posted by sammyo at 7:09 AM on December 17, 2013 [2 favorites]


Meth is a hell of a drug.
posted by Samuel Farrow at 7:09 AM on December 17, 2013 [1 favorite]


"Captain Kurt" is obviously Colonel Kurtz, and this boat sale is really a Heart of Darkness/Apocalypse Now metaphor. His post is really a warning that casting off the societal constraints of civilization leads one inexorably to return to a condition of complete and utter savagery. And also that composing "boat for sale" posts when one is drunk is a bad idea. The horror, the horror.
posted by mosk at 7:12 AM on December 17, 2013 [4 favorites]


Not going for $5k, maybe 2. Actual red flags: no interior views, the sail is tied on messy without a sail cover (UV drastically ages a sail).

Yeah, it's a nice enough boat that I imagine someone will take it off his hands, but one picture from far away, with no interior shots or close ups? Huge red flag that when you actually go see the boat, it'll be in terrible shape.

But it does come with a hull, so that's a plus.
posted by Bulgaroktonos at 7:17 AM on December 17, 2013


But who can resist the lure of the mystery box? It could be anything. It could even be a boat!
posted by Ghostride The Whip at 7:25 AM on December 17, 2013 [3 favorites]


my previous favourite re: sailboats and monkeys and craigslist
posted by elizardbits at 7:27 AM on December 17, 2013 [5 favorites]


Metafilter: a money pit, a fist pumping teeth grinding laser eating dance platform.
posted by wenestvedt at 7:28 AM on December 17, 2013 [1 favorite]


Please put "Monkey Sailboat" in subject so I don't accidentally delete your email.

That's a good life rule, to be honest.
posted by Bulgaroktonos at 7:29 AM on December 17, 2013 [4 favorites]


People in monkey suits need not apply!!
posted by sammyo at 7:35 AM on December 17, 2013


Having been hit in the head by a WOODEN boom I can confirm that sailboats are awesome!
posted by vespabelle at 8:03 AM on December 17, 2013 [1 favorite]


The two happiest days in a boat owner's life?
The day he buys his boat.
The day he sells his boat.


The day my father decided he had truly 'made it' was when he bought a 27-foot sailboat in 1970 and settled it into a rented dock in Marina Del Rey. In those days, that size of boat ran a few hundred dollars per foot, and those were 1970 dollars. Second only to our house as a purchase, and the culmination of his fascination with the sea that was not even dampened by being in a WWII Marine Air Corps bomber that was shot down over the Pacific (resulting in what he always insisted was a boring several hours in a raft waiting to be picked up by the right people). I know I'd have trouble getting onto any boat smaller than the Queen Mary after that experience. And the day he sold the boat was when he made his final commitment to starting his own business (which turned out to be a rather leaky business vessel). But until the day he died, he kept various nautically-themed items around him, the most notable being a print of this 'humorous art piece'.
posted by oneswellfoop at 8:11 AM on December 17, 2013 [8 favorites]


The two happiest days in a boat owner's life?
The day he buys his boat.
The day he sells his boat.


Counterintuitively then, buying and selling a different boat every day does not make you especially happy.
posted by tylerkaraszewski at 9:05 AM on December 17, 2013


Jack Kerouac meets Jack Sparrow. No sir, I don't think I'll be buying your boat.
posted by Ruthless Bunny at 9:08 AM on December 17, 2013


What are you? Some kinda boat broker? Getouttaheah.
posted by a halcyon day at 9:08 AM on December 17, 2013


MeFi: On the roof of your liquour store with a high powered riffle.
posted by The Bellman at 9:18 AM on December 17, 2013


Well, I've identified his problem immediately. His ad doesn't have a goddamned bowl of fruit anywhere in it!
posted by jph at 9:39 AM on December 17, 2013 [1 favorite]


Bulgaroktonos: Not going for $5k, maybe 2. Actual red flags: no interior views, the sail is tied on messy without a sail cover (UV drastically ages a sail).

Yeah, it's a nice enough boat that I imagine someone will take it off his hands, but one picture from far away, with no interior shots or close ups? Huge red flag that when you actually go see the boat, it'll be in terrible shape.

But it does come with a hull, so that's a plus.
Putting to sea in a boat that only cost $5,000 seems like a terrible idea.
posted by ob1quixote at 10:17 AM on December 17, 2013


Putting to sea in a boat that only cost $5,000 seems like a terrible idea.

There have been circumnavigations on smaller and for less. A Catalina that size would be a perfect boat to sail up and down the west coast. The small sailboats from the 70's had well (over) built hulls that except for major catastrophe are almost indestructible. Totally safe and reliable. And due to supply and demand and a down economy means many can barely be given away.

Hulls, no problem, now to be worth $5k what condition are all the other parts? Does the rigging need to be replaced? New sails are, well, for racing, way way over. All of that can be handled,, and often cheaply. BUT the first issue to think about for boat ownership is *where will you park*? Find a reasonable mooring or dockage and the boat is easy peasy.
posted by sammyo at 10:34 AM on December 17, 2013 [1 favorite]


The two happiest days in a boat owner's life?
The day he buys his boat.
The day he sells his boat.


Or,

Boat [boht]
noun

1. A hole in the water into which you pour all of your money.
posted by stenseng at 10:59 AM on December 17, 2013


You can simulate the experience of owning a boat by standing in the shower and tearing up hundred dollar bills.
posted by Luminiferous Ether at 11:36 AM on December 17, 2013 [5 favorites]


The two happiest days in a boat owner's life?

Boat [boht]
noun


Or,

How do you make a small fortune? Start with a large fortune and then become a boat owner.
posted by Reasonably Everything Happens at 11:42 AM on December 17, 2013 [2 favorites]


Want to invite a monkey for a sail boat ride

fess up elizardbits you wrote this. You desire both boatrides and monkey friends.
posted by The Whelk at 1:04 PM on December 17, 2013 [1 favorite]


I'm glad someone here already picked up on how he just sort of sliiiiiid the Atomic 4 in there. All of the reliability of the wind with none of the pesky safety of a diesel!
posted by zap rowsdower at 1:04 PM on December 17, 2013 [1 favorite]


Putting to sea in a boat that only cost $5,000 seems like a terrible idea.

I have a friend who picked up a Catalina that was being advertised on Craigslist for free. Sounds even sketchier, right? He drove down with some buddies from Vancouver (BC) to pick up this boat in Portland and they sailed it back up the coast. I don't think any of them had much sailing experience at that point -- at least not open-ocean experience. He got together a half dozen people to share the boat as a kind of co-op, with a system for keeping track of work hours, money and use hours. It's pretty great, actually.

Anyways, years -- and lots of money in repairs, maintenance and upgrades -- later, I saw this boat for the first time. At the head of Bute Inlet, about to embark on a 4 day sail back to Vancouver on this boat. To be honest, it looked a little rough, but it was a fine, fine trip and made me really regret leaving the coast to go live on the high prairie.


And, obligatory:
BOAT = Acronym: Break Out Another Thousand
posted by bumpkin at 1:40 PM on December 17, 2013 [1 favorite]


You can easily emulate the sailing experience at your home by taking a cold shower with your clothes on, ripping $20 bills and dropping them down the drain. OOPS I guess I should have previewed.
posted by Authorized User at 1:59 PM on December 17, 2013 [2 favorites]


Naja's is an awesome place - plenty of fine women go there.
posted by Chuffy at 2:39 PM on December 17, 2013


Uh.. ..I am pretty sure I know the guy selling this. He works in Santa Monica and used to live in east LA and bike to work (this is some hardcore biking effort, if you are not from LA). He bought the boat on a whim for like $100 after a 72 hour workday when he could not handle biking home. To my knowledge, this purchase marked the first time he had set foot upon a sailboat.
posted by holyrood at 4:56 PM on December 17, 2013 [2 favorites]


holyrood, perhaps he hasn't been back aboard it, making that also his last step upon a sailboat. (That would certainly explain the lack of interior photos for the ad.)
posted by wenestvedt at 5:07 PM on December 17, 2013


re-read the entire thing in Jack Burton's voice

Who?

Now I wish I had a credit card handy so I could register Jack Burton's account and come back and say "Jack Burton! Me!"
posted by ROU_Xenophobe at 5:36 PM on December 17, 2013 [2 favorites]


That's a cute & silly classified ad, but he sure as hell wouldn't get a cent from me without a sea trial & proper inspection!
posted by Bohemian Sailor at 7:32 PM on December 17, 2013


"... trapping crabs, getting crabs, ..."

Liked that.
posted by bonobothegreat at 11:14 PM on December 17, 2013


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