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6 haircuts/year x $20 per haircut x 10 years = $1200 in savings.
December 18, 2013 7:43 AM   Subscribe

FLOWBEE OFFICIAL HOW TO
HOW NOT TO
HOW TO WITH A PARROT
HOW TO ON LIVE TV
HOW HOW?
DELUX EDITION
SHAVE YOUR OWN HEAD BY ACCIDENT
MISHAP FLIGHT

(Who orchistrated this downfall?)
(Battle of the Titans: FlowBee vs. RoboCut)

B-SIDE

The Best Boys' Haircut Videos
HERE YOU CAN FIND THE BEST MALE HAIRCUT VIDEOS THAT ARE DISPOSABLE IN YOUTUBE. THE OLDIES, THE NEWEST ONES, EVERYTHING... BE WELCOME.

Featuring:
Rubben's flowbee haircut
posted by grobstein (42 comments total) 18 users marked this as a favorite

 
Flagged as Flowtastic.
posted by Potomac Avenue at 7:46 AM on December 18, 2013 [2 favorites]


H/T to the young rope-rider for putting me on to Flowbees and remembering the parrot. Previously.
posted by grobstein at 7:47 AM on December 18, 2013


TBH as a bald guy who shaves his own head sometimes, causing hair to fly in every direction no matter what I do, this crazy shit might actually be helpful.
posted by Potomac Avenue at 7:52 AM on December 18, 2013


Flowbee stories from Mefites over the year:
quite simply the best consumer product I own
paulsc trilogy: 1, 2, 3
His office became a free haircut demo zone
I come from a family of Flowbee users
Flowbee your cat!!!
posted by grobstein at 7:53 AM on December 18, 2013 [2 favorites]


Whenever the shed/inhaled hair got to be too much with my dear departed Maine Coon cat, I'd tell her the next step was the Cat Flowbee. Of course, she wouldn't even let me vacuum her, so it'd never have worked anyway.
posted by The Underpants Monster at 7:56 AM on December 18, 2013 [2 favorites]


I remember a college friend lamenting to me our freshman year about how he needed to get a haircut and didn't know how to do it because his entire family (mom, dad, 3 kids) had been Flowbee'd his whole life. 18 years old and he had never had anyone but his mom and a vacuum cleaner cut his hair.
posted by phunniemee at 7:58 AM on December 18, 2013 [10 favorites]


From the fuss over the parrot, I thought that this was a video of a guy who'd trained his parrot to operate a Flowbee. I confess to being mildly disappointed.
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 8:00 AM on December 18, 2013 [4 favorites]


Ahahaha phunniemee it's like home-schooling for your head.
posted by Potomac Avenue at 8:00 AM on December 18, 2013 [18 favorites]


SHAVE YOUR OWN HEAD BY ACCIDENT

I've been buzzing my own hair for about a decade now--I think I've paid for maybe three haircuts in that time--almost always to 1/4" (and occasionally to 1/8"). It is an absolute miracle that only twice have I had the experience of running the clipper across my head and thinking, "Gee, that's cold," only to realize that I'd forgotten to attach the guide.

I've actually been holding off cutting my hair for the last couple of weeks because it's such a pain to clean up. Maybe I ought to look into the Flowbee.
posted by uncleozzy at 8:02 AM on December 18, 2013


My dad still uses his flowbee. Actually, he does a good job. I'd say he is a candidate for actually having saved $1200 over 10 years but before he had a flowbee he was cutting his own hair anyway. So it was a timesaver for him but not money saver. I'll have to chide him for being a spendthrift this Xmas.
posted by ian1977 at 8:03 AM on December 18, 2013


Owned a Flowbee and was openly mocked by at least one friend. I don't know, there's this planet with semi-intelligent apelike creatures living on it. This bristly stuff grows out of their heads, and they employ various weird alien devices to cut it off. I'm not sure the Flowbee is any weirder than anything else...
posted by Sing Or Swim at 8:08 AM on December 18, 2013 [5 favorites]


Flowbee in Spaaaaaaaaaace!

Kind of.
posted by bondcliff at 8:09 AM on December 18, 2013


It's sucking my will to live!
posted by Pogo_Fuzzybutt at 8:18 AM on December 18, 2013 [8 favorites]


Well do you end up looking like you cut your hair with a vacuum cleaner? Or do people only make fun once you foolishly tell them what you're doing to your head?
posted by 1adam12 at 8:18 AM on December 18, 2013 [2 favorites]


Well, that's one way to shave off $1200 from your budget.
posted by Nanukthedog at 8:20 AM on December 18, 2013


Free tip: no matter how hot and miserable your cat seems during a heat wave, do not attempt to Flowbee your cat.
posted by snickerdoodle at 8:26 AM on December 18, 2013 [4 favorites]


I lived in a house that had one of those central-vacuum systems that were popular as addons back in the 70s/80s. They had a vacuum outlet, of all places, in the bathroom. Who vacuums their bathroom? I used to call it "the Flowbee outlet" because that seemed like the most reasonable use for it.

Maybe I should have gotten one and tried it. Without having a running vacuum sitting right next to you, it'd probably be fairly pleasant.
posted by Kadin2048 at 8:31 AM on December 18, 2013 [2 favorites]


They had a vacuum outlet, of all places, in the bathroom. Who vacuums their bathroom?

We have a central vacuum with an outlet in our bathroom. The outlet covers are white, which blends into the tile better than it would blend into the painted bedroom wall, and the bathroom is also the most central location so the hose can reach to all the rooms. If the outlet was in a bedroom the hose couldn't reach all the way to the other side of the floor.

The more you know... doot doot doo doooo.

You're right though, it would be one kick-ass place to use a Flowbee.
posted by bondcliff at 8:54 AM on December 18, 2013 [2 favorites]


A friend came over yesterday to have me even up his Flowbee haircut. I'm not trained to cut hair, but, you know, he's not trained to Flowbee himself either so really who's judging who.
posted by pajamazon at 8:56 AM on December 18, 2013 [7 favorites]


It is an absolute miracle that only twice have I had the experience of running the clipper across my head and thinking, "Gee, that's cold," only to realize that I'd forgotten to attach the guide.

I have had a few experiences of a similar thing. When I had clippers with a more easily removed guard, I swept it across my head (*bzzzzzzzzzz*) then heard a slight *Sproing* noise.....

"What was that?" I idly wondered as the next stroke of the clippers started with *bRRRGGGGGGGRRRRRR* as it shaved me right down to the scalp.

Arses. The guard had completely sprung off and I had to spend ages kind of trying to blend it in so I didn't actually have a military style shaved head for the next few weeks while it grew back.
posted by Brockles at 8:59 AM on December 18, 2013 [1 favorite]


I remember a college friend lamenting to me our freshman year about how he needed to get a haircut and didn't know how to do it because his entire family (mom, dad, 3 kids) had been Flowbee'd his whole life. 18 years old and he had never had anyone but his mom and a vacuum cleaner cut his hair.

When I was a kid it was your mom, a pair of scissors and a bowl. My older brother was known as 'Beatle' during his childhood. Fortunately, I had wavy hair. I didn't get my haircut by an actual barber until I was 17 and paying for it myself.

Then at the age of 38 I moved countries and walked into an English hair salon and they said "What number?" and I had no fucking clue what they were on about! (Turns out it was numbered guides on hair trimmers - it is how they ask how short you want your buzz).
posted by srboisvert at 9:06 AM on December 18, 2013 [1 favorite]


> Who vacuums their bathroom?

me
posted by The corpse in the library at 9:07 AM on December 18, 2013 [5 favorites]


I've been buzzing my head with a #2 guard for 20 years. I'll admit that it often goes 2 weeks past when I really should cut it because I'm too lazy to walk to the kitchen to retrieve the broom and dustpan to clean up the mess I'll make. I'd like to think a Flowbee would solve that problem, but as we don't store the vacuum in the bathroom, probably not.
posted by COD at 9:10 AM on December 18, 2013


I've been buzzing my own hair for about a decade now--I think I've paid for maybe three haircuts in that time--almost always to 1/4" (and occasionally to 1/8"). It is an absolute miracle that only twice have I had the experience of running the clipper across my head and thinking, "Gee, that's cold," only to realize that I'd forgotten to attach the guide.

I could have written this exact same comment. The two times this decade I've made that mistake were both after waking up very early and not drinking any coffee first. Other than those incidents, I've been quite happy taking care of my own hair. The only hard part is keeping the back of my neck in decent shape.

No need for a Flowbee, though. I just shave my head in the shower and let all the hair flow down the drain. If hair is cut often enough the hairs are short enough not to cause any drain issues. Never had a clog in 10+ years.
posted by Thoughtcrime at 9:11 AM on December 18, 2013


2004 I looked and saw myself going Nixon/Chernobyl/asymmetrically bald and said 'fuck it, let's take a look'. It turns out Supercuts in the mall in West Des Moines Iowa charges the same for a haircut as it does for a ten second mow. That was the last time I paid $12 for five minutes attention. With all the felt lumps and crevasses and the potential unexposed whiteness I was afraid my head would look like a head of cauliflower or a Star Trek brain. I was happily suprised. Thank you Yul Brinner and Michael Jordan. I've saved thousands of dollars so far.

EIGHT YEARS EXPIERENCE PROTIP: Name brand trimmers/shavers are utter crap. Hie thee to the pet section of your favorite store to find a trimmer - the weight of the trimmer is more indicitave of quality that the brand - and in fact might be inversely proportional.
posted by vapidave at 9:26 AM on December 18, 2013


If you've never had the pleasure of getting your head shaved bald with a straight razor in an old school barber shop, you're missing out.
posted by planetesimal at 9:32 AM on December 18, 2013


I was just about to say what planetesimal said. It's worth springing for the whole thing: hot towel, hot cream, maybe a scalp massage. I usually get em done in either the old school barbershops or the new old school barbershops with hipsters dressed like 1800s carnies, depending on what's in the area. Worth whatever I pay every time.
posted by Ghostride The Whip at 9:37 AM on December 18, 2013


Who vacuums their bathroom?

Who doesn't? What am I gonna do, sweep? This isn't the 1400s.
posted by elizardbits at 9:56 AM on December 18, 2013 [24 favorites]


"Proper suction is the key to getting great looking haircuts with no clean up."

Yeah, god knows $20 isn't going to get it done.

"An up and down bouncing motion works best."

Mmm-hmm.
posted by yoink at 10:14 AM on December 18, 2013 [1 favorite]


If hair is cut often enough the hairs are short enough not to cause any drain issues. Never had a clog in 10+ years.

I'm looking forward to your future comment about the epic drain clog consisting of over a decade's worth of hair clippings.
posted by bondcliff at 10:49 AM on December 18, 2013 [5 favorites]


Nah, just move.
posted by Brockles at 11:16 AM on December 18, 2013 [1 favorite]


I'm confused about Jeff Parrot's barber story. He had a house fire that upset him therefore it took him four hours to have a haircut after living rough for six months? And the stylist was boring?
posted by potsmokinghippieoverlord at 11:26 AM on December 18, 2013 [4 favorites]


I really should just learn to shave my own head. I get a $10 Supercut #2 buzz once a month or so and it only takes her about 45 seconds to do it.
posted by octothorpe at 12:40 PM on December 18, 2013


If you shave your head, no need for the fancy 20 blade Mach Eleventy disposables out there. A standard two blade disposable works great once you've given it a quick buzz with some clippers.
posted by planetesimal at 1:37 PM on December 18, 2013


Flowbee Haircut Disaster is going to be the name of my next band.
posted by oozy rat in a sanitary zoo at 7:33 AM on December 19, 2013 [1 favorite]


Flowbee Haircut Disaster is going to be the name of my next band.

An 80s cover band, I take it? Maybe you should call yourselves "Flock of Flowbees"?
posted by yoink at 8:42 AM on December 19, 2013 [1 favorite]


An 80s cover band, I take it? Maybe you should call yourselves "Flock of Flowbees"?

FlowB40?
posted by The Underpants Monster at 9:42 AM on December 19, 2013 [3 favorites]


Oozy and the Flowbees
posted by DisreputableDog at 8:18 PM on December 21, 2013


I buzz my own hair with this thing, which is a set of clippers with a built in vacuum. It gets about 95% of the hair and is no larger than normal clippers. But it looks like they don't make it any more. If mine breaks or gets dull, I'm not sure what I'll do. Maybe get a Flowbee, but that seems like too much noise and bother.
posted by zsazsa at 8:41 PM on December 21, 2013


I still think of this thing as the Suck n' Cut from Wayne's World.
posted by oceanjesse at 11:27 PM on December 21, 2013


Relatedly.
posted by grobstein at 9:06 AM on December 22, 2013


But . . . but . . . but their hair looks so bad.
posted by mibo at 9:22 AM on December 22, 2013


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