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“My time, unlike your schlong, grows short."
December 20, 2013 7:49 PM   Subscribe

A Christmas Boner is a complete retelling of A Christmas Carol, with the added wrinkle of Scrooge's constant erection. Completely puerile, completely giggle inducing.
posted by yellowbinder (27 comments total) 21 users marked this as a favorite

 
This is the best possible thing to do with public domain works. My wife thinks I've had a stroke.
posted by uncleozzy at 8:09 PM on December 20, 2013 [3 favorites]


Between this and The Pride And Prejudice link, I'm detecting a trend.

I call dibs on Wuthering Farts!
posted by sourwookie at 8:12 PM on December 20, 2013 [1 favorite]


Posted on MeFi Projects by JoeGoblin.
posted by filthy light thief at 8:29 PM on December 20, 2013


lol butts
posted by entropicamericana at 8:45 PM on December 20, 2013 [1 favorite]


its a Christmas miracle
posted by The Whelk at 9:02 PM on December 20, 2013 [1 favorite]


The Patrick Stewart adaptation is on TNT right now, and, not for the first time, I can't stop wanting Patrick Stewart to talk about his boner.
posted by MCMikeNamara at 9:09 PM on December 20, 2013 [5 favorites]


The internet is really really great
For porn
posted by charlie don't surf at 9:49 PM on December 20, 2013


Well, for this unfortunate soul, my schlong grows shorter every year. I believe it's some sort of curse.
posted by InsertNiftyNameHere at 9:57 PM on December 20, 2013


So that's where skinflint comes from.
posted by planetesimal at 10:05 PM on December 20, 2013


what is happen
posted by elizardbits at 10:26 PM on December 20, 2013 [1 favorite]


elizardbits: "what is happen"

Well, if this is addressed to me, I think it's somehow tied into my IQ decreasing every year as well. Not much I can do about either, as far as I can tell. I refuse to buy a 1964 and a half Ford Mustang and rub steroids on my armpits. That's just me, though. No offense to the guy on the TV commercial.

(And if this was not addressed to me, please forgive me and try not to make fun of me as best you can.)
posted by InsertNiftyNameHere at 10:34 PM on December 20, 2013


This got a rise out of me.
posted by a humble nudibranch at 10:36 PM on December 20, 2013 [2 favorites]


the added wrinkle of Scrooge's constant erection

I can state with some amount of experiential authority that erections normally remove the wrinkles.
posted by five fresh fish at 10:43 PM on December 20, 2013 [2 favorites]


i am definitely not asking for any details about your peen, o random internets stranger
posted by elizardbits at 10:57 PM on December 20, 2013 [6 favorites]


Thanks, but I think I'll wait for the puppet version, in which each part is played by an erect penis wearing a different character-condom, and Screwge finally gives the Crotchit family money for the Viagra prescription that's Tiny Tim's last hope.
posted by jamjam at 11:03 PM on December 20, 2013


SO! They laugh at my BONER, will they? I'll show them!
posted by louche mustachio at 12:00 AM on December 21, 2013 [6 favorites]


Scrooge's boner? TL/DR.
posted by PeterMcDermott at 2:38 AM on December 21, 2013


The best part is when Scrooge has a boner.
posted by Metroid Baby at 5:51 AM on December 21, 2013 [3 favorites]


O brave new world that has such boners in it
posted by ook at 6:34 AM on December 21, 2013 [2 favorites]


Lol Tiny Tim, amirite?
posted by spitbull at 7:07 AM on December 21, 2013


The Lord of the Books of the 55 Arse-Hymens of Stone
posted by drjimmy11 at 8:02 AM on December 21, 2013 [1 favorite]


I feel like the proper thing to do with this is to silently upvote it and move on. Sadly, this is Metafilter, where upvotes do not exist. But boners do.
posted by egypturnash at 8:57 AM on December 21, 2013


Hooray! I knew this was dumb enough for other people to like it! (I did the boner adding.) I would like to make an illustrated version happen for next Christmas. Or perhaps a Patrick Stewart narrated audio book, as he is familiar with the role.
posted by JoeGoblin at 9:47 AM on December 21, 2013 [1 favorite]


BTW, kind of funny, I submitted this book to Amazon as a kindle file, hoping to make it a free download, but before they will post it, they wanted to verify the PD status of the original. So they asked me to provide these two details:


1. The initial publication date of the works - if translated from another language, the initial publication date of the translated work - and URL(s) verifying this information

2. Each author(s) and translator’s first and last name and dates of death, and URL(s) verifying this information
posted by JoeGoblin at 9:50 AM on December 21, 2013 [1 favorite]


This cries out for a film adaptation, complete with constant "boyoiyoiyoiyoiyoing" springy sound effects.
posted by Reversible Diamond-Encrusted Ermine Codpiece at 9:59 AM on December 21, 2013 [1 favorite]


With all this boner talk, I quite miss my "lady pleasing" days.
posted by InsertNiftyNameHere at 2:51 AM on December 23, 2013


Gets better the, ah, longer you read into it.
posted by telstar at 11:29 PM on December 27, 2013


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