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Tis The Season To Secure Contain Protect
December 23, 2013 1:44 PM   Subscribe

The collaborative wiki-as-fiction site, Secure Contain Protect (previously), held a contest to determine which entry will get the coveted SCP - 2000 spot. The theme? Science Fiction. Read the winning entry here, and the rest of the alien-spaceship-crashing-memetic-virus-watching-living-TV-show-spreading contestants here.
posted by The Whelk (31 comments total) 28 users marked this as a favorite

 
Uh oh, haven't seen Thaumiel before.
posted by save alive nothing that breatheth at 1:51 PM on December 23, 2013 [1 favorite]


I'm too scared to click. So, I will sit here and observe comments for now.
posted by FJT at 1:58 PM on December 23, 2013


Uh oh, haven't seen Thaumiel before.

Take heart. It's literally the opposite of Keter.
posted by Iridic at 2:02 PM on December 23, 2013


This is, perhaps, why it's Thaumiel: SCP-1422

Thaumiel might mean two or more self-containing SCPs. However, it also might mean something that the Foundation is a danger to, that needs to be protected from us rather than the usual other way round.
posted by bonehead at 2:03 PM on December 23, 2013


Thaumiel is something that can counteract one of more keter SCPs (to further clarify Iridic's comment). And yay, I was following this and this is the one that I was hoping would win. Honestly, entries are all really worth reading. The writers really went all in for the contest.
posted by Hactar at 2:09 PM on December 23, 2013


Aghhhhhh..... Free time... Disapearing... Must... Read... Them all...

Containment failure! Initiate Procedure Theta-0!
posted by Kevin Street at 2:14 PM on December 23, 2013


The David icke lizard people anti-meme was pretty great.
posted by The Whelk at 2:25 PM on December 23, 2013


But is it Y2K-Compliant?
posted by radwolf76 at 2:26 PM on December 23, 2013


No personnel below Level 4/2000 clearance are permitted access to documentation regarding SCP-2000, or any protocols associated with its containment and upkeep. No personnel below Level 5/2000 clearance are permitted access to SCP-2000 below Sub-level 3. All personnel assigned to SCP-2000 must submit to neural archetype scan on a monthly basis. Personnel stationed on-site must submit to weekly scan, to be stored locally.

Level 4/2000 personnel or above stationed on-site are not permitted to leave Yellowstone National Park during the course of their assignment. In the event of transfer (either elective or compulsory), Class A amnestics must be administered, and false memories implanted consistent with assignment to other high-security or Keter-class SCP objects. Additional personnel may be assigned to SCP-2000 and granted temporary Level 4/2000 clearance at the discretion of the item's HMCL supervisor (currently Dr. Charles Gears) and O5 command.
This is so If all stories were written like science fiction stories.
posted by Foci for Analysis at 2:37 PM on December 23, 2013


This is so If all stories were written like science fiction stories.

In fairness, that part of it is meant to be extremely dry and clinical. I don't see it as a fault in this particular case.
posted by solarion at 2:44 PM on December 23, 2013 [2 favorites]


It's the completely dry, beaurocratic, form-filling element of SCP that I love so much. It's like if you actually got the read the case reports for the X-Files. That feeling of banal, exhaustively detailed government reports describing something mindbendingly otherworldly and horrible.
posted by The Whelk at 2:46 PM on December 23, 2013 [10 favorites]


Foci for Analysis: This is so If all stories were written like science fiction stories.

Or your average bureaucratease, written by someone who generally understands the topic but can't explain it in plain English. The example of "stereotypical science fiction" is actually more verbose, and overly detailed, and explains in too much detail an otherwise banal process.
posted by filthy light thief at 3:11 PM on December 23, 2013 [2 favorites]


This is so If all stories were written like science fiction stories.

Think of Lovecraft working for the Rand Corporation and writing for a very limited audience formed of technical individuals with insanely high levels of clearance. Furthermore, the author knows his print run is best described as 'triplicate".

And now you should be able to get in the spirit of things. I really liked SCP-2000 though I have to question the choice of Yellowstone if the intent is to survive extinction level events. The geothermals and stuff would be useful if it's a meteor strike or nuclear war which ends us all, but seems useless against the inevitability of the Yellowstone Caldera going boom. Sure the main chamber is located in a singularity but everything else about it will be annihilated. Iceland would have probably been a better location. Isolated, geothermal power available, and the volcanoes aren't strong enough to level a continent.
posted by honestcoyote at 3:36 PM on December 23, 2013 [3 favorites]


I would like to remind honestcoyote that all information about Project Save Point at the Thor Complex is restricted to O4 and above.
posted by The Whelk at 3:38 PM on December 23, 2013 [5 favorites]


Oh dear. It's debriefing time again for me. I do hope this will not entail procedure TRX-211. There's nothing worse, unless it's TRM-01, but I've not been that naughty. Besides, they'll need me for North Pole flyover watch tomorrow night for that entity, um, for Santa Claus!
posted by honestcoyote at 3:51 PM on December 23, 2013


always fear THE BRINGER OF GIFTS
posted by The Whelk at 3:56 PM on December 23, 2013 [5 favorites]


Attention, attention:

Pursuant to Resolution 1976.08.22 Charlie, the topics currently under discussion have been formally declared sensitive and subject to the Ghent Protocol. All participants with security clearance BLUEBELL and higher are required to recuse themselves but to continue monitoring the proceedings. Note that any speculation regarding the Ankara Incident is not relevant at present and should be avoided. Similarly, subjects WISHBONE, SALADIN, RECYCLING, and MOMOTARO are to be considered NOT RELEVANT. Be aware that any deviation from the protocol will result in sectioning.


That is all.
posted by TheWhiteSkull at 4:12 PM on December 23, 2013 [1 favorite]


Queen Of Diamonds.

It is done.

So, cat videos then?
posted by The Whelk at 4:15 PM on December 23, 2013


So, cat videos then?


This is your second warning.
posted by TheWhiteSkull at 4:35 PM on December 23, 2013


My own report
posted by The Whelk at 4:56 PM on December 23, 2013 [5 favorites]


It's the completely dry, beaurocratic, form-filling element of SCP that I love so much.

Indeed. SCP is all about The Man putting the ends before the means. The SCP is not happy about regularly performing Procedure 110-Montauk and brutally [EXPUNGED] 231-7 on a regular basis, but O5 knows they HAVE TO to prevent an XK-Class end of the world scenario. THEY MUST.

I think some IRL SCPs are the Gitmo detainees. Containment procedures: Solitary confinement, torture, lack of legal status, held in weird extraterritorial no-man's-land, NOT EVEN ALLOWED TO DIE. Obama doesn't want the detainees forcibly bound to their hopeless torment with regular feeding tube rape, but IT MUST HAPPEN. NO CHOICE. I'm sure the paperwork is immaculate.
posted by save alive nothing that breatheth at 5:38 PM on December 23, 2013 [2 favorites]


Oh god not this site again I lost 4 days the last time. No no no no nooooo
posted by Potomac Avenue at 5:38 PM on December 23, 2013 [3 favorites]


Y'know, I think SCP 2000 is a little too on the nose. The best SCPs lead you to construct your own horrifying conclusions. This one states what it is and what that means outright and then goes into detail on how it was achieved.
posted by Kevin Street at 5:50 PM on December 23, 2013


Does it? I love the ending and the idea that [redacted] Warning this area is off limits.
posted by Potomac Avenue at 6:17 PM on December 23, 2013


Iceland would have probably been a better location.

Elves.
posted by sebastienbailard at 1:17 AM on December 24, 2013 [1 favorite]


Be aware that any deviation from the protocol will result in sectioning.

How many sections
posted by Ray Walston, Luck Dragon at 10:11 AM on December 24, 2013


How many sections


Several.
posted by TheWhiteSkull at 11:06 AM on December 24, 2013


As many as it takes. No more, no less.
posted by radwolf76 at 11:08 AM on December 24, 2013


And this has single-handedly redeemed my Christmas. Thanks!
posted by dogheart at 6:45 PM on December 24, 2013


I'm not sure anything could ever top The Stairwell for me.
posted by Chrysostom at 7:48 PM on December 25, 2013


SCP-5308-J is the most terrifying one for me.
posted by sebastienbailard at 12:33 AM on December 26, 2013


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