Santa? Let me tell you about Santa.
December 25, 2013 9:35 AM   Subscribe

 


You cannot parody the Star Wars Holiday Special, because if it did not actually exist nobody would believe that such galactic levels of suck could be packed into 60 minutes of NTSC videotape.
posted by localroger at 9:59 AM on December 25, 2013


Best part about the Star Wars Holiday Special? All of it is 100% canon.
posted by The Whelk at 10:10 AM on December 25, 2013 [18 favorites]


"Easter came early."

Five stars.
posted by Room 641-A at 10:15 AM on December 25, 2013 [2 favorites]


You cannot parody the Star Wars Holiday Special, because if it did not actually exist nobody would believe that such galactic levels of suck could be packed into 60 minutes of NTSC videotape.


It was not. Two hours of Bea Arthur, Harvey Korman, and Jefferson Starship.
posted by ricochet biscuit at 10:28 AM on December 25, 2013


I'm sorry, I can't forgive the segment where we got to watch Uncle Lumpy enjoying softcore holographs.
posted by radwolf76 at 10:32 AM on December 25, 2013 [1 favorite]


You too can be "retired!" with comfort and ease! Just walk into our mobile lifetime retirement booths and feel the weight of a messy world just melt away!
posted by The Whelk at 10:33 AM on December 25, 2013


I'm sorry, I can't forgive the segment where we got to watch Uncle Lumpy enjoying softcore holographs.

With his daughter-in-law and grandson in the room, no less. (And I think he is just Lumpy; Uncle Lumpy is the backup mod on The Comics Curmudgeon.).
posted by ricochet biscuit at 10:46 AM on December 25, 2013


It's even worse. My PTSD's been blocking my memory again. Lumpy's the son, Itchy was the family elder.
posted by radwolf76 at 10:51 AM on December 25, 2013


They call him "Rick Deckard". Heresy!

(But a pretty good video.)
posted by jiawen at 10:51 AM on December 25, 2013 [1 favorite]


Rick Deckard is just what this particular Nexus-6 Deckard model goes by.
posted by The Whelk at 10:54 AM on December 25, 2013 [3 favorites]


Obviously the Star Wars Holiday Special you remember is never the one that actually aired, because the human mind is too limited to comprehend such a massive wad of suck all at once.
posted by localroger at 10:59 AM on December 25, 2013


I just spent 20 minutes on Wokkieepedia to see if I was right that Lumpy was the son and by the time I escaped, it had already been communicated here.
posted by MCMikeNamara at 11:02 AM on December 25, 2013 [2 favorites]


I maintain that he's never called "Rick" in the movie. The credits list him as simply "Deckard". It's part of my ongoing theory about who's a replicant in Blade Runner.
posted by jiawen at 11:07 AM on December 25, 2013


I know what you mean MCMikeNamara. I got sidetracked because I didn't know that they'd added T-Level and D-Level to the canon hierarchy in the holocron database.
posted by radwolf76 at 11:07 AM on December 25, 2013


>It was not. Two hours of Bea Arthur, Harvey Korman, and Jefferson Starship.
And a Boba Fett cartoon.


Honestly, if you aren't watching 15 minutes of wookies growling and snuffing at each other without subtitles, you're just another part of the secular War On Life Day.
posted by JHarris at 11:53 AM on December 25, 2013 [5 favorites]


Honestly, if you aren't watching 15 minutes of wookies growling and snuffing at each other without subtitles, you're just another part of the secular War On Life Day.

It is one of the gifts that spreads far and wide: imagine (or recall, as the case may be) those uninterested in some Star Wars TV show who is reading or doing a jigsaw or something in the next room. "What on earth is he watching in there?" this relative might well ask around minute seventeen of dialogue-free growls and barks.
posted by ricochet biscuit at 12:16 PM on December 25, 2013 [1 favorite]


Then that relative walks into the room and happens to arrive just as Lumpy's incredibly disturbing holocircus gad-about begins, green-leotarded demons and hallucinations all....
posted by JHarris at 12:20 PM on December 25, 2013


Oh, and it's worth noting what the "real" names of Chewbacca's relations are, according to Wookiepedia:

Father: Attichitcuk ("Itchy")
Wife: Mallatobuck ("Malla")
Son: Lumpawaroo ("Lumpy")

(I feel like I just read off the instruction screen for the Star Wars universe version of Pac-Man.)
posted by JHarris at 12:23 PM on December 25, 2013 [1 favorite]


Is this video as bad as I think, or has my lack of interest in Blade Runner soured me?
posted by Mezentian at 2:18 PM on December 25, 2013


It doesn't have to be either/or. It was silly and mildly entertaining, and I still like BR.
posted by sneebler at 2:30 PM on December 25, 2013 [1 favorite]


You cannot parody the Star Wars Holiday Special, because if it did not actually exist nobody would believe that such galactic levels of suck could be packed into 60 minutes of NTSC videotape.


More shocking still: it's actually two hours long.
posted by ShutterBun at 2:47 PM on December 25, 2013 [1 favorite]


Mezentian: no, I'm a Bladerunner fan and this sucks. Maybe it's supposed to be ironically shitty in the spirit of the Star Wars xmas special though.
posted by wuwei at 3:14 PM on December 25, 2013 [1 favorite]


wuwei, most of what doesn't seem to make much sense bladerunner-wise in the OP vid is directly riffing on the SWCS.
posted by localroger at 3:30 PM on December 25, 2013




Star Wars Holiday Special complete with 1978 commercials

I feel a great disturbance in the Force, as if millions of browser instances suddenly cried out in horror and then were suddenly closed.
posted by localroger at 4:38 PM on December 25, 2013 [5 favorites]


Worse. Can you hear that sound? That dull roar?
Someone, somewhere, near you is about to hear Dianne Warren singing.
Someone, somewhere, near you is about to watch Itchy masturbate.
posted by Mezentian at 4:47 PM on December 25, 2013 [1 favorite]


Mezentian: no, I'm a Bladerunner fan and this sucks. Maybe it's supposed to be ironically shitty in the spirit of the Star Wars xmas special though.

Yes, that's the whole point. Everyone knows the Star Wars Holiday Special is legendary-bad, The Nerdist just applied that badness to another movie. (I AM A HUMOR EXPLAINER ROBOT BEEP BEEP BOOP)
posted by JHarris at 5:24 PM on December 25, 2013 [3 favorites]


When George Lucas goes to Hell he will find the only movie of his playing anywhere is an IMAX 3-D showing of the Star Wars Holiday Special at the parade ground stadium of the San Francisco Armory.
posted by localroger at 5:56 PM on December 25, 2013 [5 favorites]


"Mr. Deckard, that's not my kind of Holiday Special."
posted by Stoatfarm at 7:58 PM on December 25, 2013


I so wanted this to be real.
posted by lordrunningclam at 5:24 AM on December 26, 2013 [1 favorite]


Shit sandwich.
posted by dbiedny at 2:14 PM on December 26, 2013 [1 favorite]


Do you think I'd be working in a place like this if I could afford a real holiday special?
posted by ActingTheGoat at 10:03 AM on December 27, 2013


I've seen things you people wouldn't believe... Attack frocks to admire off the shoulder of Bea Arthur. I've watched balance beams glitter in the dark near a wookiee who waits. All these moments will be lost in time, like old VHS tape. Time to sigh.
posted by jiawen at 2:17 AM on December 28, 2013 [1 favorite]


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