It's not Portable Grim Reaper: The Terrifying Stress Watch, but Tikker
January 1, 2014 4:10 PM Subscribe
Tikker, the happiness watch, has three lines of digits: the first row is the years, the months and the days, and the second row is the hours, minutes and seconds. Till you die. (The third row is just the time of day.) To calculate your estimated time of death, you simply punch in a few details: your age, sex, country of origin, whether or not you smoke, stress level, similar to other life expectancy calculators. The idea is not to haunt people with a little grim reaper on their wrist, but to make them value life more, maybe even become more generous, though terror management theory studies have shown thoughts of death make people xenophobic. There may be another slew of studies in the future, once the watches are available.
The watch achieves middling popularity for several months until it's discovered that rather than being a statistical curiosity, the death clock is impossibly, terrifyingly accurate down to the second. No one knows why.
The plans are destroyed, the factories of all components are razed to the ground, and all manufactured units are tracked down, pulped, and dropped into the Marianas Trench.
posted by figurant at 4:23 PM on January 1, 2014 [36 favorites]
The plans are destroyed, the factories of all components are razed to the ground, and all manufactured units are tracked down, pulped, and dropped into the Marianas Trench.
posted by figurant at 4:23 PM on January 1, 2014 [36 favorites]
I just have a guy following me around whispering, "Remember, thou art mortal."
posted by leotrotsky at 4:25 PM on January 1, 2014 [31 favorites]
posted by leotrotsky at 4:25 PM on January 1, 2014 [31 favorites]
2014 is the year, should I live to 7/7, I reach the age my father was when he died. I don't need no stinkin' watch to tell me life is short.
posted by headnsouth at 4:26 PM on January 1, 2014 [5 favorites]
posted by headnsouth at 4:26 PM on January 1, 2014 [5 favorites]
That was interesting. The terror management folks (which I had never heard about before) positing "Some theorists have argued that it is not the idea of death and nonexistence that is unsettling to people, but the fact that uncertainty is involved" so theoretically having a date/time, even if it's a sort of fakey one (lord help me if I am going to live to be 94 but that's what the robot says) might be helpful to people.
posted by jessamyn at 4:27 PM on January 1, 2014 [2 favorites]
posted by jessamyn at 4:27 PM on January 1, 2014 [2 favorites]
Ok, now why on earth would I buy this? What if the AARP guy asks me what time it is when I'm buying life insurance? Won't that screw up my rate?
posted by oceanjesse at 4:27 PM on January 1, 2014 [4 favorites]
posted by oceanjesse at 4:27 PM on January 1, 2014 [4 favorites]
Analogophiles could just use colored beads (warning: do not choke on mortality beads)
posted by RobotVoodooPower at 4:28 PM on January 1, 2014 [5 favorites]
posted by RobotVoodooPower at 4:28 PM on January 1, 2014 [5 favorites]
figurant: This act of destruction proves to be a deadly mistake, as the last batch of watches produces all read the same time, no matter who puts them on. It was the only warning humanity would get of the great flensing.
posted by Grimgrin at 4:28 PM on January 1, 2014 [11 favorites]
posted by Grimgrin at 4:28 PM on January 1, 2014 [11 favorites]
Good for killing time I guess. But if it worked I would really be ticked off.
posted by hal9k at 4:39 PM on January 1, 2014 [5 favorites]
posted by hal9k at 4:39 PM on January 1, 2014 [5 favorites]
This article about Chris Crawford starts with his system of counting his days... and then goes on into gaming goodness.
posted by HuronBob at 4:45 PM on January 1, 2014 [1 favorite]
posted by HuronBob at 4:45 PM on January 1, 2014 [1 favorite]
Uhm, this appears to be an active kickstarter so doesn't that invalidate it as a metafiler post?
posted by Faintdreams at 4:48 PM on January 1, 2014
posted by Faintdreams at 4:48 PM on January 1, 2014
Faintdreams, the watch is really only a hanger for an otherwise very interesting post.
posted by estuardo at 4:53 PM on January 1, 2014
posted by estuardo at 4:53 PM on January 1, 2014
The Kickstarter was fully funded in November. Closed Kickstarters are okay.
posted by jessamyn at 4:58 PM on January 1, 2014
posted by jessamyn at 4:58 PM on January 1, 2014
Back in the 90s I remember there was a place you could order a desktop death clock from.
They took your age and other actuarial data as part of the order, and set the clock accordingly before shipping, so when you received it and opened the box the countdown would already be running. I thought that was a nice touch.
posted by ceribus peribus at 5:03 PM on January 1, 2014 [9 favorites]
They took your age and other actuarial data as part of the order, and set the clock accordingly before shipping, so when you received it and opened the box the countdown would already be running. I thought that was a nice touch.
posted by ceribus peribus at 5:03 PM on January 1, 2014 [9 favorites]
Cute idea, but, yeah, I've already outlived one of my parents; I think I can pass on this particular gadget....
posted by AsYouKnow Bob at 5:07 PM on January 1, 2014
posted by AsYouKnow Bob at 5:07 PM on January 1, 2014
Metafilter - warning: do not choke on mortality beads
posted by lalochezia at 5:08 PM on January 1, 2014 [2 favorites]
posted by lalochezia at 5:08 PM on January 1, 2014 [2 favorites]
I find that my tritium-illuminated watch makes a good memento mori. Thanks to the isotope's half life, it glows half as brightly every 12.33 years.
posted by sindark at 5:15 PM on January 1, 2014 [2 favorites]
posted by sindark at 5:15 PM on January 1, 2014 [2 favorites]
I take too much for granted too regularly. This would help me a lot.
posted by discopolo at 5:17 PM on January 1, 2014 [1 favorite]
posted by discopolo at 5:17 PM on January 1, 2014 [1 favorite]
The watch injects poison at the appropriate moment to make sure you don't outlast it. The terrifying part is what the gadget does To keep you going until then.
posted by GenjiandProust at 5:18 PM on January 1, 2014 [15 favorites]
posted by GenjiandProust at 5:18 PM on January 1, 2014 [15 favorites]
Life is too short for ugly watches.
posted by R. Mutt at 5:22 PM on January 1, 2014 [2 favorites]
posted by R. Mutt at 5:22 PM on January 1, 2014 [2 favorites]
Time for a trip to The New You.
posted by halfbuckaroo at 5:23 PM on January 1, 2014 [1 favorite]
posted by halfbuckaroo at 5:23 PM on January 1, 2014 [1 favorite]
The watch achieves middling popularity for several months until it's discovered that rather than being a statistical curiosity, the death clock is impossibly, terrifyingly accurate down to the second. No one knows why.
The plans are destroyed, the factories of all components are razed to the ground, and all manufactured units are tracked down, pulped, and dropped into the Marianas Trench.
Like some kind of.. machine of death? (note: these books are the best things I've read in a long time. they're fantastic)
Weirdly, the thought that, one day, I and every other person is going to die actually gets me out doing a lot more than I used to. So I approve of this watch for those folk who'd find it motivating!
posted by curious nu at 5:30 PM on January 1, 2014 [2 favorites]
Timex mortis conturbat me.
posted by octobersurprise at 5:36 PM on January 1, 2014 [6 favorites]
posted by octobersurprise at 5:36 PM on January 1, 2014 [6 favorites]
Just hearing about this contraption on NPR during my commute yesterday morning was enough to send me into a day-long existential crisis. Do not want.
posted by Shohn at 5:40 PM on January 1, 2014 [2 favorites]
posted by Shohn at 5:40 PM on January 1, 2014 [2 favorites]
When I was diagnosed with CUP (not curable) a bit over a year back, I had a D.O.A. tattoo. Not everyone gets the movie allusion, but I find it a helpful motivation not to waste time.
posted by raygirvan at 5:43 PM on January 1, 2014
posted by raygirvan at 5:43 PM on January 1, 2014
So posting this on January 1st is just a coincidence ... right?
posted by ZenMasterThis at 5:51 PM on January 1, 2014
posted by ZenMasterThis at 5:51 PM on January 1, 2014
NPR ran their piece yesterday, which was the first I heard of it. I found the bit where a couple agreed to each set and wear a watch for 24 hours and talked about their feelings throughout their day was interesting. I realized I buried that bit in the post, so I'll say the transcript is a good read, and the 8 minute segment is a good, quick listen.
posted by filthy light thief at 5:56 PM on January 1, 2014
posted by filthy light thief at 5:56 PM on January 1, 2014
which was the first I heard of it
I am considering posting much more about the postwright process, just in case.
Memento mori
posted by the man of twists and turns at 6:06 PM on January 1, 2014
I am considering posting much more about the postwright process, just in case.
Memento mori
posted by the man of twists and turns at 6:06 PM on January 1, 2014
Thanks to the isotope's half life, it glows half as brightly every 12.33 years.
I don't like radioactive decay as a metaphor. I can find an alternate nuclear metaphor for my mortality just by looking up. I intend to bloat as I slow down, then collapse but continue smoldering faintly for as long as possible.
posted by justsomebodythatyouusedtoknow at 6:09 PM on January 1, 2014 [1 favorite]
I don't like radioactive decay as a metaphor. I can find an alternate nuclear metaphor for my mortality just by looking up. I intend to bloat as I slow down, then collapse but continue smoldering faintly for as long as possible.
posted by justsomebodythatyouusedtoknow at 6:09 PM on January 1, 2014 [1 favorite]
Damn. Just discovered a snag: What if I out-live the watch?
posted by ZenMasterThis at 6:49 PM on January 1, 2014 [3 favorites]
posted by ZenMasterThis at 6:49 PM on January 1, 2014 [3 favorites]
It takes a lot of energy to keep Time running properly: Metropolis (1927). In the end, no matter how hard you work, it wins every time.
posted by cenoxo at 6:52 PM on January 1, 2014
posted by cenoxo at 6:52 PM on January 1, 2014
From The Time Keeper:
posted by cenoxo at 7:04 PM on January 1, 2014 [5 favorites]
Try to imagine a life without timekeeping. You probably can’t. You know the month, the year, the day of the week. There is a clock on your wall or the dashboard of your car. You have a schedule, a calendar, a time for dinner or a movie. Yet all around you, timekeeping is ignored. Birds are not late. A dog does not check its watch. Deer do not fret over passing birthdays. Man alone measures time. Man alone chimes the hour. And, because of this, man alone suffers a paralyzing fear that no other creature endures. A fear of time running out..
posted by cenoxo at 7:04 PM on January 1, 2014 [5 favorites]
As someone* once said, On a long enough time line, the survival rate for everyone drops to zero.
I disremember who
posted by BlueHorse at 7:37 PM on January 1, 2014
I disremember who
posted by BlueHorse at 7:37 PM on January 1, 2014
I'm ready to die. I've already lived longer than I expected to.
posted by mike3k at 9:02 PM on January 1, 2014 [1 favorite]
posted by mike3k at 9:02 PM on January 1, 2014 [1 favorite]
There's a movie like this, only the watch counts down to when you meet your soulmate.
posted by limeonaire at 9:06 PM on January 1, 2014
posted by limeonaire at 9:06 PM on January 1, 2014
My dad lived to 70. My mom lived to 50. My back envelope calculation is I will croak at 60.
This watch ain't real constructive. One more reminder of life's fragility is overkill. We have them already and constantly and everywhere already.
Oddly enough our social security administration actuarial tables say I am going to make 78 so I maybe could get eighteen bonus points I guess.
posted by bukvich at 9:18 PM on January 1, 2014
This watch ain't real constructive. One more reminder of life's fragility is overkill. We have them already and constantly and everywhere already.
Oddly enough our social security administration actuarial tables say I am going to make 78 so I maybe could get eighteen bonus points I guess.
posted by bukvich at 9:18 PM on January 1, 2014
Finally, something to conveniently alert me when it's my time for Carrousel so I may be renewed on time.
posted by Redfield at 9:31 PM on January 1, 2014 [2 favorites]
posted by Redfield at 9:31 PM on January 1, 2014 [2 favorites]
That linked calculator says I'll make it to 94. Apparently I'm not much afraid of death, as my first thought was "over my dead body."
posted by davejay at 9:37 PM on January 1, 2014
posted by davejay at 9:37 PM on January 1, 2014
As someone* once said, On a long enough time line, the survival rate for everyone drops to zero.
I disremember who
The Narrator/Tyler Durden, in Fight Club.
Anyway, what's with this pessimistic, glass-half-empty bullshit -- why not switch the watch so it counts how long you've already survived? I'd also prefer a timer option, especially to count "Time Survived Since Most Recent Stupid Decision." Reluctance to hit that reset button probably would have kept me from a whole lot of what I did last night.
posted by rue72 at 10:21 PM on January 1, 2014 [6 favorites]
I disremember who
The Narrator/Tyler Durden, in Fight Club.
Anyway, what's with this pessimistic, glass-half-empty bullshit -- why not switch the watch so it counts how long you've already survived? I'd also prefer a timer option, especially to count "Time Survived Since Most Recent Stupid Decision." Reluctance to hit that reset button probably would have kept me from a whole lot of what I did last night.
posted by rue72 at 10:21 PM on January 1, 2014 [6 favorites]
I disremember who
"Forget" is a useful word — one of the more useful ones, in my chequered experience.
posted by Wolof at 11:26 PM on January 1, 2014
"Forget" is a useful word — one of the more useful ones, in my chequered experience.
posted by Wolof at 11:26 PM on January 1, 2014
The perfect gift for your "we all work 80 hours per week here" software developer boss dude.
posted by maxwelton at 12:26 AM on January 2, 2014 [2 favorites]
posted by maxwelton at 12:26 AM on January 2, 2014 [2 favorites]
If this were an analog watch with hands that moved backwards and was also, you know, accurate, I'd buy one.
posted by karanlyons at 2:47 AM on January 2, 2014
posted by karanlyons at 2:47 AM on January 2, 2014
...when it's my time for Carrousel so I may be renewed on time.
We'll all be there cheering you on, Redfield. Be strong, bro — you can make it!
posted by cenoxo at 2:49 AM on January 2, 2014 [1 favorite]
We'll all be there cheering you on, Redfield. Be strong, bro — you can make it!
posted by cenoxo at 2:49 AM on January 2, 2014 [1 favorite]
Oh great.
They want you to get used to wearing the watch (voluntarily), so that when the time comes to wear it for real, you won't think it so strange to have a mandated expiration date. The corporate operational motif will be to validate the actuaries at all cost.
See, this is what we get for being baby boomers.
Inconsistency of response indicates that the countdown clock is the answer to the wrong question. Every analysis kicks straw dogs, though. Lots of people go see the elephant, and not all of them turn into amiable philosophers who run around smelling the roses. Some of them freak out and turn into gangbangers with pointy tattoos, or perhaps they implode, and spend their remaining days as pharmaceutical tinkerers, running RPGs on their computers, or hanging out in their back yard, following along behind the little animals. I have experienced several of these little existential epiphanies over the years, with various results. If it seems that, all in all, it was a positive experience, I must point out that, yeah, I'm still alive, but for the most part, I'd rather have stayed on Maui.
Please, the guy is selling watches. If you buy into this, get in touch with me for some ground floor opportunities regarding existential hot-dogs. No. Don't do that. I'm just joking. Life's too short to play those petty little games. Don't worry. Be Happy.
posted by mule98J at 10:50 AM on January 2, 2014
They want you to get used to wearing the watch (voluntarily), so that when the time comes to wear it for real, you won't think it so strange to have a mandated expiration date. The corporate operational motif will be to validate the actuaries at all cost.
See, this is what we get for being baby boomers.
Inconsistency of response indicates that the countdown clock is the answer to the wrong question. Every analysis kicks straw dogs, though. Lots of people go see the elephant, and not all of them turn into amiable philosophers who run around smelling the roses. Some of them freak out and turn into gangbangers with pointy tattoos, or perhaps they implode, and spend their remaining days as pharmaceutical tinkerers, running RPGs on their computers, or hanging out in their back yard, following along behind the little animals. I have experienced several of these little existential epiphanies over the years, with various results. If it seems that, all in all, it was a positive experience, I must point out that, yeah, I'm still alive, but for the most part, I'd rather have stayed on Maui.
Please, the guy is selling watches. If you buy into this, get in touch with me for some ground floor opportunities regarding existential hot-dogs. No. Don't do that. I'm just joking. Life's too short to play those petty little games. Don't worry. Be Happy.
posted by mule98J at 10:50 AM on January 2, 2014
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posted by Quilford at 4:20 PM on January 1, 2014 [1 favorite]