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January 9, 2014 4:38 PM   Subscribe


 
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posted by Potomac Avenue at 4:40 PM on January 9


I like my Leftnut Trickle infused gimlet on the rocks, thankyouverymuch.
posted by lalochezia at 4:43 PM on January 9


I preferred the World's Top 10 Hottest Cocktail Bars.
posted by komara at 4:49 PM on January 9 [6 favorites]


So are they exaggerating or do people really pay $17 for a drink? I'm not sure that I've ever paid more than ten.
posted by octothorpe at 4:55 PM on January 9


I prefer ridiculous overdone cocktails when I go out. But when I drink beer, it's Angry Goatface.
posted by Countess Elena at 5:05 PM on January 9 [5 favorites]


So are they exaggerating or do people really pay $17 for a drink?

Yes, yes they do. At least the silver foxes do. Come visit the Viagra Triangle, Chicago
posted by JimInLoganSquare at 5:05 PM on January 9


I once paid $18 for a gin and tonic. I don't let that particular friend choose which bar we go to anymore.
posted by ook at 5:12 PM on January 9 [5 favorites]


I could be perfectly happy drinking maybe six beers for the rest of my life

- Pilsner Uruquel
- Spaten Optimator
- Guinness
- Duvel
- Modelo Especial
- Long Trail Double Bag?

When I was young the appeal of beer was that you could order it in like two words. Now places near me have ten page beer menus, and all the ones I try are completely unenjoyable for me.

Beer, what happened.
posted by Teakettle at 5:13 PM on January 9


Teakettle: "Beer, what happened."

The Beer diaspora happened. And we're the better for it.

A 10 page beer menu is a good thing. I remember the days when craft beer meant Samuel Adams. Do you have any idea how much shit beer I drank in the '90s? Damn, I don't have any idea, how could you?
posted by Sphinx at 5:18 PM on January 9 [15 favorites]




Elderflower is such a yummy flower though!
posted by oceanjesse at 5:19 PM on January 9


Behind the curve. Everyone knows that the hip kids are only going to coffee and whisky joints now.
posted by clvrmnky at 5:21 PM on January 9


After putting on my cocktail snob hat suspenders and waxed mustache . . .

Any place billing itself as a Speakeasy that leads off with any sort of -tini and -jito drinks is best avoided. In fact, any place that has -tini and -jito drinks on the menu at all is probably not a very good place to be ordering cocktails.

Exceptions should be made for drinks that actually are Martinis and Mojitos. But they usually aren't.

The Manhattan bit is spot-on. That said, the next time I order a Manhattan at some overpriced steakhouse and wind up being served something that includes those atomic red cherries and that disgusting sugar syrup they're embalmed in, I'm going to leap over the bar and throttle the bartender. Double for the waiter if they shake the hell out of it.
posted by Vox Nihili at 5:37 PM on January 9


So are they exaggerating or do people really pay $17 for a drink?

I was once taken to some "secret" (the secret wholly depending on never reading Time Out New York, I guess) bar in SoHo. I don't recall if there were any drinks under $15 or so.

I drank Wild Turkey in the bathroom from a pint in my jacket pocket.
posted by griphus at 5:43 PM on January 9 [13 favorites]


Like a GENTLEMAN
posted by Potomac Avenue at 5:49 PM on January 9 [22 favorites]


When I started going to bars, you usually had the choice of Bud, Miller, Molson or if you wanted to get really wild, Heineken. Heck, you couldn't even get Coors. Ten page beer menus are probably excessive but I'd rather not go back to the early eighties.
posted by octothorpe at 5:51 PM on January 9 [1 favorite]


I was once taken to some "secret" (the secret wholly depending on never reading Time Out New York, I guess) bar in SoHo. I don't recall if there were any drinks under $15 or so.

I drank Wild Turkey in the bathroom from a pint in my jacket pocket.


I have never been to NYC, but this seems so quintessentially New York City to me, somehow.
posted by feckless fecal fear mongering at 5:58 PM on January 9 [9 favorites]


In bad detective novels people are always walking into a bar and saying "Give me a beer," which even in ye olde days of bud/miller/coors made as much sense as "gimme a cocktail."

The line between pretentious and tasty artisanal goodness is unfortunately blurry, and this menu captures the pretentious side nicely.
posted by Dip Flash at 5:59 PM on January 9


I bet the bartender wears a hat indoors
posted by Teakettle at 6:02 PM on January 9


"Angry Goatface Hopfuck IPA" is 75% of the beers in northern california... they sure got that one pegged.
posted by GuyZero at 6:13 PM on January 9 [2 favorites]


Those flower cocktails really do exist. Except you don't get them in bars, you get them from a florist. Go to 1-800-flowers.com and check out the website. And weep.
posted by St. Alia of the Bunnies at 6:18 PM on January 9


Ten page beer menus are probably excessive but I'd rather not go back to the early eighties.

For real. The fact that there are now lots of ridiculous choices available doesn't mean things were better back when there weren't any real choices.
posted by mhoye at 6:22 PM on January 9 [1 favorite]


Tin Gorilla Mocha Pumpernickel Molasses Stout

Take a sip. Now you know what "brown" tastes like.


Ha!
posted by Sticherbeast at 6:26 PM on January 9


In bad detective novels people are always walking into a bar and saying "Give me a beer,"

I tried that once when I was already really drunk and wanted to pretend that I was on The Wire. "I'll have a shot and a beer." "What kind of shot and what kind of beer?" (To myself: Well that didn't go as planned.)

For the record, ordering a shot and a beer when you're already really drunk is not a good idea. But you don't get to pretend that you're on The Wire if you order a ginger ale.
posted by Dasein at 6:27 PM on January 9 [6 favorites]


So are they exaggerating or do people really pay $17 for a drink? I'm not sure that I've ever paid more than ten.

Sure! While I'll more typically pay $10 to $15 or so for a fancy cocktail, I have also paid up to $20. The former is a "meeting friends for a drink or two after work" thing, the latter is "super-duper special occasion" thing. Neither are ever a "paying those prices for a long night of many drinks" thing.
posted by misskaz at 6:28 PM on January 9 [3 favorites]


Loved this! So true. I live in Boston, where this type of menu is all over everywhere.

And ditto upthread the avoidance of -jito and -tini endings on any menu. You want Bippity Boo drinks, go to PJ O'Pootertoots and order 'em with your hot wings that smell like cafeteria trays.
posted by Lipstick Thespian at 6:33 PM on January 9 [8 favorites]


"Angry Goatface Hopfuck IPA" is 75% of the beers in northern california... they sure got that one pegged.

Yep. I like hops but I could really do with a break from the IPA arms race.

Hand-in-hand with this, and maybe also fuelled by the "let's brew a trippel" fashion: craft beers are getting stronger and stronger. Not everything has to be 8%+.
posted by We had a deal, Kyle at 6:38 PM on January 9 [3 favorites]


I'm not totally sure what your intention was but now I want literally nothing more than a Blippity Boo at PJ O'Pootertoots.
posted by griphus at 6:38 PM on January 9 [16 favorites]


Dasein: "I tried that once when I was already really drunk and wanted to pretend that I was on The Wire. "I'll have a shot and a beer." "What kind of shot and what kind of beer?" (To myself: Well that didn't go as planned.)"

Depends on the bar. There are plenty of places around here that have a shot and a beer specials that change every so often, and while you'd generally order them by name ("old grandad and olympia") it wouldn't be strange if you just said "shot and a beer".
posted by danny the boy at 6:46 PM on January 9 [1 favorite]


I have to admit I feel kind of lost and disappointed when I go into a bar that doesn't have these silly drinks on a menu. If I wanted to just pour raw alcohol down my throat I could drink straight vodka at home. Trying to order a drink with more than 2 ingredients is too hard (bartender doesn't know how to make it, it's too loud for them to hear me, I have 5 seconds to place an order before I get stampeded, they don't have this or that ingredient, etc.)
posted by bleep at 6:48 PM on January 9


The out-hopping thing was so spot on. Once it tastes like biting into grapefruit peel, what's the point? I have a couple of facebook friends who are always trying to one-up each other with their latest uber hoppy discovery, and it totally reminds me of macho chile guy. "Ghost Pepper poppers? Lame. You need to try my medical-grade-capsaicin-tossed wings, bro."
posted by gimli at 6:48 PM on January 9 [3 favorites]


octothorpe: "So are they exaggerating or do people really pay $17 for a drink? I'm not sure that I've ever paid more than ten."

This joke menu is accurate in every way to the majority of bars I've been to in SF and NY.
posted by danny the boy at 6:48 PM on January 9


bleep: "I have to admit I feel kind of lost and disappointed when I go into a bar that doesn't have these silly drinks on a menu. If I wanted to just pour raw alcohol down my throat I could drink straight vodka at home."

The problem is for every 10 bars that have drink menus, only 1 of them actually has someone working on that menu who can be called a "mixologist" (even though that is a colossally stupid name, like "foodie") and the other 9 are just making it up and slinging terrible attempts at unique drinks, because that's what people want now.
posted by danny the boy at 6:55 PM on January 9 [2 favorites]


I'm actually trying to work on a history of the Alexander, the drink that came before the Brandy Alexander and the only gin-based dessert cocktail that's any good.

So I guess I'm part of the problem.
posted by The Whelk at 6:55 PM on January 9 [2 favorites]


Back in the day my dad would just say "I'll have a draft" and there were rarely any follow up questions (probably because the bars/restaurants we were in only had one thing on tap).
posted by The Card Cheat at 6:55 PM on January 9 [1 favorite]


This is more typical of the prices in trendy places around here.
posted by octothorpe at 6:58 PM on January 9


Bahahahahaha 6 bucks for a 10oz pour of Brooklyn's latest shit stout. Fuck that place.
posted by lazaruslong at 7:00 PM on January 9 [1 favorite]


9 are just making it up and slinging terrible attempts at unique drinks, because that's what people want now.

I'm one of those people. I'd rather have somebody's terrible attempt at something unique than yet another amaretto sour or martini or Bailey's on the rocks.
posted by bleep at 7:08 PM on January 9


You want Bippity Boo drinks, go to PJ O'Pootertoots

SHUT UP AND TAKE MY MONEY ALREADY

Trying to order a drink with more than 2 ingredients is too hard (bartender doesn't know how to make it, it's too loud for them to hear me, I have 5 seconds to place an order before I get stampeded, they don't have this or that ingredient, etc.)

Vodka soda, splash of cran

Cassis & soda

Vodka, OJ, ginger ale

Limoncello on the rocks

All of these things are delicious, simple, and are far away from raw alcohol poured down your face hole.
posted by feckless fecal fear mongering at 7:09 PM on January 9


bleep: "I'm one of those people. I'd rather have somebody's terrible attempt at something unique than yet another amaretto sour or martini or Bailey's on the rocks."

Why don't you just go to a good bar instead...?
posted by danny the boy at 7:10 PM on January 9 [2 favorites]




I was down with this, and I laughed most heartily at the joke about the guy playing the stand up bass on Tuesdays (because it's true), but I am confused by the idea that there is a drink with a name so embarrassing you cannot order it.

I mean once you have ordered a Quick Fuck from a complete stranger, where else is there to go? (Well, beyond the Long Fuck).

(Well, this website claims there are cocktails like Fuck Me In The Ass Sideways and Throw Me Down and Fuck Me, but I'm not sure they're real.
posted by Mezentian at 7:17 PM on January 9


1) Obtain bomber jacket
2) Make drink
3) ????
4) Profit!
posted by feckless fecal fear mongering at 7:19 PM on January 9


I mean once you have ordered a Quick Fuck from a complete stranger, where else is there to go?

Vodka & Coke. Everyone on the planet should be ashamed of ordering that.
posted by feckless fecal fear mongering at 7:20 PM on January 9 [6 favorites]


So, the husband and the band were playing at a place in Dallas that prides itself on its craft beers, and caters to the popped-collar-dudes-with-tanorexic-girlfriends set. We got there early cause it was New Years and I had a rare chance to let someone else watch my precious angel child for the night while I went out and drank overpriced drinks.

Anyway, the banjo player showed up with his latest squeeze, an already-fairly-drunk young lady who happens to own a delightful brewpub in another town, and so was in the band's might-book-us demographic. Once the band started soundchecking, she, slightly drunker, decided I was her New Bestest Friend, and insisted on sitting next to me and ordering me drinks.

One of which was a Ballast Point Sculpin. Later, after she had passed out on my shoulder ("It's so soft!" she slurred) and been put in a cab back to her hotel, my husband asked "So what did that taste like?"

And I said (being a little buzzed myself) "Fish pussy" because to me that was the closest I could come to the right words. On further reflection "fish taint" might be more accurate, but either way: that was a stank-ass beer.
posted by emjaybee at 7:21 PM on January 9 [3 favorites]


Once it tastes like biting into grapefruit peel, what's the point?

Wait, grapefruit peel is a bad thing? I don't want to live on your planet.
posted by uncleozzy at 7:22 PM on January 9 [2 favorites]


Also what the hell. Sculpin is actually one of the more well-balanced IPAs... it's sort of a benchmark.
posted by uncleozzy at 7:24 PM on January 9


Vodka & Coke

They have that over at my local craft cocktail bar. It's called the "everyone's too drunk to go out and buy more mixer."
posted by griphus at 7:27 PM on January 9 [1 favorite]


Sorry uncleozzy, I knew someone would object. I can only report what my tastebuds told me. I'm sure it marks me as a weak hop-hating girly girl, but if so, well, so I am. There are some good beers from local breweries I love... Blood and Honey from the Revolver Brewery is amazing, and a lot of Saint Arnold beers I like.
posted by emjaybee at 7:29 PM on January 9


MetaFilter: On further reflection "fish taint" might be more accurate
posted by feckless fecal fear mongering at 7:40 PM on January 9 [3 favorites]


Come visit the Viagra Triangle, Chicago

What did they call it before March 27th, 1998?
posted by Steely-eyed Missile Man at 7:44 PM on January 9


Old Dude Square
posted by feckless fecal fear mongering at 7:52 PM on January 9 [1 favorite]


I did indeed order White Russians because I did not know the name of any other cocktail. For over a year. Thanks, Coen Brothers.
posted by GameDesignerBen at 7:53 PM on January 9 [2 favorites]


So are they exaggerating or do people really pay $17 for a drink? I'm not sure that I've ever paid more than ten.

Go to the lounge at the top of the Hancock Building in Chicago at sunset. Pay the price and realize it is worth it. Even though the lounge is overcrowded, overheated and rundown eighties chrome and glass decor.
posted by srboisvert at 7:55 PM on January 9 [1 favorite]


The Whelk - that is the bluest/purplest aviation I have ever seen. How do you find the creme de violette balances with the maraschino at that ratio?
posted by lizjohn at 8:03 PM on January 9


My new "go-to" drink when wandering the French Quarter in New Orleans is Jameson's and Ginger Ale. It's summery without having a parasol.
posted by ColdChef at 8:04 PM on January 9 [1 favorite]


Yeah there's a place like that in Toronto called Panorama. On the fortysomething penthouse of a building right downtown, views south over the campus of UofT and all downtown, or north up into the Annex.

Goooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooorgeous views. Just astounding.

Not good, overpriced drinks.

Shitty fucking food.

But sitting on the south patio in the summer at night, overlooking the campus and Queen's Park (the provincial legislature), it's just magic and you don't care.

My new "go-to" drink when wandering the French Quarter in New Orleans is Jameson's and Ginger Ale. It's summery without having a parasol.

Apart from the Jame-O, the rye & ginger is a Canadian classic.
posted by feckless fecal fear mongering at 8:06 PM on January 9 [1 favorite]


I've definitely paid $17 for a drink. sometimes it felt like highway robbery and sometimes it felt just perfect. atmosphere is everything.
posted by allysahn at 8:30 PM on January 9


I review bars for a living, and - this menu is accurate. Especially on the 'House "Manhattan"' - oh, you made it with your house-made artichoke bitters? Stop it stopit stopitstopit! It's a perfectly good drink! You don't need to mess with it!

Also plucked from reality: the last item, with "Hope you enjoyed the bartender saying 'that'll be fourteen' with a straight face!" There's a bar in Brooklyn that offers a $17 "Costmo" which exists only to soak rich idiots.
posted by Bill_Roundy at 8:39 PM on January 9 [1 favorite]


I'm wondering where all you people live who can get cocktails for much under $17?
I'm guessing the US, because it sure as hell hasn't been around here for a decade or more.

Hell, I can't even get a scotch for much less than $10 (or a pint, these days).
posted by Mezentian at 8:41 PM on January 9


I cut my teeth on cocktails at an award-winning bar where regardless of how delicious and fantastical they are they're rarely priced over $10. That's where I learned my Fancy Drinkin while I did everything I could to imbibe away a huge bar credit that I'd earned.

This of course led me to hold in disregard all other bars of lesser caliber that claimed to have any sort of original cocktail menu. Recently, though, I thought to myself, "Why not give [local bar, name redacted] a chance? I mean it looks fancy-ish, right? Surely you're not so spoiled by Cure that you can't enjoy a good craft cocktail elsewhere?"

It was a miserable experience with a flat and unbalanced drink and I regretted having paid their asking price for it. I have returned to my previous award-winning strategy of If I'm Not Positive That the Bartenders Know Their Shit I'm Just Going to Order Whiskey Neat.

okay that's an exaggeration but not by much. I mean I truly am spoiled by having trained my palate with some of the best, and I certainly have encountered a lot of bars that have custom cocktails that really don't deserve to be brought into existence, but it's not all that bad out there, and it's getting better and better by the day.

Having said that: whiskey. You can't ever go wrong with just ordering whiskey. No mixers required. Just pick a whiskey that you don't have at home and that fits into your price range for the night and drink it.

[further clarification: I'm totally blowing all of this out of proportion. I can name ten bars in New Orleans easy that have cocktails that'll blow your mind but leave your wallet intact, and I've never seen a guy in the corner playing upright bass at any of them.]
posted by komara at 8:43 PM on January 9 [3 favorites]


My new "go-to" drink when wandering the French Quarter in New Orleans is Jameson's and Ginger Ale. It's summery without having a parasol.

Hey, that's what I'm drinking right now, at home, in bed, suffering from a horrid sinus infection and resulting multi-day insomnia.

Maybe I need that parasol after all.
posted by bibliowench at 8:53 PM on January 9


I have definitely been to the bar with the first menu, even out here in the Balkans - it's even got speakeasy in the name.

I love the beer one though, it reminds me I need to go out to this pub and drink lots of Jackhammer IPA this weekend.
posted by Dr Dracator at 8:55 PM on January 9


There's a restaurant I go to a lot despite the fact that it's quite spendy, because it is located across the street from the symphony hall where I rehearse and it's open when I get out of rehearsal. They have a $16 manhattan on the menu. It is fucking delicious.

This menu is extremely on-point in its hilarity though.
posted by KathrynT at 9:07 PM on January 9


I preferred the World's Top 10 Hottest Cocktail Bars.
posted by komara at 7:49 PM on January 9 [5 favorites +] [!]

I read this whole thing in Stefon's voice.
posted by Uther Bentrazor at 9:32 PM on January 9 [2 favorites]


Last time I went to a fancy beer bar, I ordered the "smoked porter" on a whim. It tasted like a campfire. I made my friend finish it. Have not been back.

My go-tos are high alcohol, low give-a-fuck, such as margaritas on the rocks and Long Islands. Yes, I am trashy.
posted by pony707 at 9:39 PM on January 9


Hey, that's what I'm drinking right now, at home, in bed, suffering from a horrid sinus infection and resulting multi-day insomnia.

My Gran's recipe for the cold or flu is as follows:

1 hot buttered rum
1 aspirin

repeat as necessary.
posted by feckless fecal fear mongering at 9:44 PM on January 9


There is, or was, a bar in Tokyo where a pre-Mrs. Ghidorah girlfriend and I paid something like $60 for one drink each. It was in the Caretta building in Shiodome. The bar was on the forty-sixth floor, and the seats at the bar were essentially on the floor, with a well area underneath for your legs. The bar was set in front of the window, and the area behind the bar was sunken, so essentially you saw almost all window, not the bar and bartenders. The lights were low, and the acoustics made it so you could hear the person you were talking to, but all the other noise just sort of went away. The view spanned from Roppongi Hills on the left to Tokyo Station on the right, and at night was absolutely gorgeous. It was only after we sat down that we saw, in the menu, the 1,500 yen 'table charge' for each person, which meant just by sitting down, we'd paid thirty bucks already. Still, it was a fantastic gin and tonic, and the ambiance was awesome.
posted by Ghidorah at 9:52 PM on January 9


I would like to volunteer as The Whelk's research assistant.
Also, will trade home brewed stout for Crème de Violette.
posted by bashos_frog at 10:00 PM on January 9


There is (or was) a $50 cocktail at the bar in one of the Trump buildings in NYC, and IIRC a $10K cocktail garnished with a diamond of your choosing.
posted by bashos_frog at 10:02 PM on January 9


It was in the Caretta building in Shiodome.

i want to go to there

I would like to volunteer as The Whelk's research assistant.

i want to go to there
posted by feckless fecal fear mongering at 10:04 PM on January 9 [1 favorite]


There is (or was) a $50 cocktail at the bar in one of the Trump buildings in NYC, and IIRC a $10K cocktail garnished with a diamond of your choosing.

of my choosing? in that case I choose one of the Cullinans thanks
posted by feckless fecal fear mongering at 10:05 PM on January 9


Hana! It's funny cause it's true!
posted by OHenryPacey at 10:46 PM on January 9


Laphroaig is the order of choice most of the time since I am not a professional drinker and don't want to dither around the menu too much. Besides, I really love it and, as an added bonus, it impresses my friends who are professional drinkers and gives me enough camouflage so I can stay in their tribe long enough to finish my monograph.

There aren't too many mixes which involve Laphroaig, but there is the Smokeless Manhattan: Churchill's Port, Laphroaig Single Malt Scotch, and dashes of Orange Bitters. I have no idea if this is a good idea or an utter abortion but I'm tempted to go in for science.
posted by honestcoyote at 10:57 PM on January 9


Laphroaig also tastes like peat.
posted by Mezentian at 10:59 PM on January 9


Laphroaig also tastes like awesome.

(Though to be a TOTAL HIPSTER SNOB I'd rather have The Macallan)
posted by feckless fecal fear mongering at 11:09 PM on January 9 [1 favorite]


Red ales. I rarely go wrong with red ales.
posted by calamari kid at 11:10 PM on January 9


I don't know. Sometimes I get a red ale that is soothing and wonderful and the world is okay. Other times, I get a hoppy mess that makes me wonder why I'm drinking coriander.

Then again, I'm not a fan of super hoppy beers. I like ales, but they can be very, very hit or miss. I'm perfectly happy in a world where a new and ever growing variety of porters and stouts are popping up.
posted by Ghidorah at 11:33 PM on January 9


In bad detective novels people are always walking into a bar and saying "Give me a beer,"

I tried that once when I was already really drunk and wanted to pretend that I was on The Wire. "I'll have a shot and a beer." "What kind of shot and what kind of beer?" (To myself: Well that didn't go as planned.)

A bartender friend once told me about a besotted guy she saw through the front windows stumbling toward her establishment. He lurched up to the bar, slammed down an empty glass from whatever bar he'd just left down the street, and slurred "Gimme 'nother un!"
posted by zoinks at 11:49 PM on January 9 [1 favorite]


I'm perfectly happy in a world where a new and ever growing variety of porters and stouts are popping up.

I have no idea where you are but may I suggest Mill Street (anything honestly, but specifically) Coffeehouse Porter? It is delicious. Also it has real coffee in. And alcohol. Which makes it a perfect brunch beer.
posted by feckless fecal fear mongering at 12:12 AM on January 10


Also it has real coffee in. And alcohol. Which makes it a perfect brunch beer.

I like porters and stouts and coffee.
But they should never mix.

(No, the espresso Martini is also an abomnation).
posted by Mezentian at 12:16 AM on January 10


I like porters and stouts and coffee.
But they should never mix.


You have never tasted this beer. Porters and stouts often have flavours of caramel, coffee, and chocolate. This one just exaggerates those tendencies, and it is motherfucking delishhhhhhhhhhhhus.
posted by feckless fecal fear mongering at 12:20 AM on January 10


Well, okay. But you are buying.
posted by Mezentian at 12:21 AM on January 10


Deal. Come to Toronto and we're on.
posted by feckless fecal fear mongering at 12:22 AM on January 10


Back in the '90s, there was a pub in Kingston that offered the "High Roller Special" for something like $120; a bottle of Dom Perignon and a bucket of chicken wings. One of my regrets about my time there is that I never got a group of people together to go down and order it.
posted by The Card Cheat at 12:51 AM on January 10


Hitachino Nest Beer is one of the few Japanese microbrews that gets exported, though not their full lineup. If, however, you run across their espresso stout, it might change any notions about coffee flavors not belonging with stout. It's fantastic. Their 80 Day Stout is also fantastic, as is their porter. Sadly, most of their ales are all too hoppy/coriandery for me.

Also, if you ever get the chance, Minoh Stout out of Osaka is a revelation on tap. Bottled is okay, but bottled, there's just something missing. Baird Brewing, aside from having beautiful labels, has some fantastic beer, too. There's a ton of great beer in Japan, but the tax on beer (malt, specifically) is ridiculously high, and more than likely the reason why a grown man sitting next to me cracked open a tallboy of grapefruit flavored sho-chu based kiddie alcohol/canned backwash. A microbrew here can be as ridiculous as $5 a bottle, while this guy's 8% tallboy sugar rush costs less than two bucks. Gah.
posted by Ghidorah at 1:10 AM on January 10 [2 favorites]


canned backwash

thank you this is how i am going to describe canadian macrobrews from now on
posted by feckless fecal fear mongering at 1:25 AM on January 10 [1 favorite]


(Though to be a TOTAL HIPSTER SNOB I'd rather have The Macallan)

Huh. Macallan is this close to drinking Johnny Walker round here. If you want to go beyond Laphroaig, there's Lagavullin ("poster paint" according to a friend.) I like both, but then I like those strong peaty whiskys.
posted by MartinWisse at 1:33 AM on January 10


Try Bowmore
posted by Pruitt-Igoe at 1:48 AM on January 10


Really? That's unfortunate. I like Lagavulin a lot. And frankly if you gave me a glass of it I wouldn't be able to tell the difference between it and The Macallan.

But I know TM will please me so if I'm in the scotch mood that's what I'll order.

Bowmore I have had and if memory serves I asked the waiter for a glass and somehow a choir of angels showed up and started peeing in my mouth.

I'm not a watersports guy generally but...
posted by feckless fecal fear mongering at 1:50 AM on January 10


How do you find the creme de violette balances with the maraschino at that ratio?

Delightfully! Like a hint of a perfum rose before the herb of the gun knocks it back down. Wonderfully balanced, great to look at, fun background story.

There's a new (old?) variety of violette-type called Creme Yvette that I've seen once at the super fancy liquor store and I want to see how it compares ( apparently its more herby and less flowery, but I've never seen a cocktail for it and I want to try.)
posted by The Whelk at 5:07 AM on January 10


Oh and the peatest thing to ever rise from the frozen wastes like a big mummy is called PEAT MONSTER.

It tastes like your last son was just killed by a wild boar.
posted by The Whelk at 5:09 AM on January 10 [2 favorites]


( also if anyone has any leads on cocktails with amusing back stories, MeMail me.)
posted by The Whelk at 5:11 AM on January 10


It tastes like your last son was just killed by a wild boar.

TOO SOON.
TOO SOON!
My wounds are still fresh!
posted by Mezentian at 6:28 AM on January 10


"TOO SOON! My wounds are still fresh!"

Calm down, Steffon Baratheon. Jeez.

Also, I tried to keep a little bit of PEAT MONSTER on my shelf but the Laphroaig Quarter Cask and Caol Ila kept ganging up and taking its lunch money, so I had to ship it off. It just couldn't stand up for itself.
posted by komara at 7:32 AM on January 10


Hey now that there's brown liquor people in there: anyone know anything about Arran? I just got a bottle of 10-year-old Arran single malt from a vendor and I know nothing about liquor.
posted by griphus at 7:34 AM on January 10


It's an idiosyncratic one, doesn't have the velvet smooth smoke that people seem to really value but the herbal notes and such are different enough that not everybody is gonna like it but the people who do like it will really really like it. I'd defiantly have it at a tasting for comparison purposes.
posted by The Whelk at 7:45 AM on January 10


I'd defiantly have it at a tasting for comparison purposes.

Defiantly is the best way to drink liquor.
posted by pemberkins at 8:05 AM on January 10 [1 favorite]


So mixing it with ginger ale: venial sin or mortal sin?
posted by griphus at 8:06 AM on January 10


Defiantly is the best way to drink liquor.

*snarls, bites neck off whiskey bottle, drinks from broken bottle while glaring angrily at you, wipes mouth with sleeve smearing blood over cheek in the process* You looking at me, bucko?
posted by KathrynT at 8:16 AM on January 10 [2 favorites]


During the course of the three years I lived in Richmond, VA it went from a $3-4 pint town to a $7 10oz pour town. Jimmies were rustled and I went to a lot more Joe's Inn Happy Hours.
posted by a halcyon day at 8:21 AM on January 10


Yep. I like hops but I could really do with a break from the IPA arms race.

Quoted for truth.
posted by Strange Interlude at 8:42 AM on January 10 [1 favorite]


So mixing it with ginger ale: venial sin or mortal sin?

I'm making a noise only dogs can hear right now but it probobly wouldn't be bad in a ginger-y, herb-y cocktail provided you didn't totally lose the flavor in the process.
posted by The Whelk at 8:55 AM on January 10 [1 favorite]


I sometimes feel like I was the only person in this town who was arguing against the hop race in our local beer industry. The beer menu made me laugh, but it illustrates pretty well why I either drink what I make in the garage or Lonestar at the Horseshoe Lounge.
posted by Seamus at 9:13 AM on January 10 [1 favorite]


See, I'm more-or-less okay with the state of hops--meaning that many beers are too hoppy, but I think we crested the hill a few years ago and are headed back to earth--but I'm really not okay with the ABV race.

Which is, incidentally, why I don't usually drink cocktails. I enjoy the flavor of a well-crafted cocktail, but if I can't drink a gallon of it without needing to be mopped up off the floor, it's just not going to work for me.
posted by uncleozzy at 9:40 AM on January 10


See, I'm more-or-less okay with the state of hops--meaning that many beers are too hoppy, but I think we crested the hill a few years ago and are headed back to earth--but I'm really not okay with the ABV race.

I generally agree with you but I do think that some of the highish ABV Belgian beers are the very best beers in the world however that tops out at around 14%
posted by srboisvert at 9:59 AM on January 10


The hop race is long since over, at least outside of California; among sufficiently snobby beer types it's all about sours now.

Though for my next batch of homebrew I kind of want to brew a quintuple IPA and call it Gibbering Hopfucker. Though at that point I might as well soak a handful of Cascade hops in Everclear and call it a day.
posted by Itaxpica at 11:12 AM on January 10 [1 favorite]


Make it Amarillo and I'm sold.
posted by uncleozzy at 12:25 PM on January 10


The hop race is long since over, at least outside of California; among sufficiently snobby beer types it's all about sours now.

Sours are so so good and you'll never convince me otherwise!

Although, I do hope we don't wind up with Atomic Warhead Ultra Triple Sourfuck...
posted by showbiz_liz at 5:41 PM on January 10 [1 favorite]


Hey now that there's brown liquor people in there: anyone know anything about Arran?

Single cask malt, green cardboard box with a handwritten label listing a ridiculously high ABV? You don't want it, just send it over and I'll take care of it for you.
posted by Dr Dracator at 11:23 PM on January 10 [1 favorite]


yeah, the sours race can end anytime. I used to drink sour beers, like 25 yrs ago when i was first homebrewing and hadn't yet figured it out. anyone can make vinegar, but it isn't refreshing, and bears no resemblance to what makes beer interesting.
posted by OHenryPacey at 11:20 AM on January 11


My husband sent me out in the teeth of a blowy rainstorm to get beer because he was watching our local sportsball game, and I went to the beer aisle and just could not stop giggling. I texted him "They don't have Angry Goatface Hopfucker here, do you want me to get the next best thing?"
posted by KathrynT at 3:59 PM on January 11 [1 favorite]


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