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Scilly Automatic: squally showers, becoming bisexual later, good
January 21, 2014 9:57 AM   Subscribe

And now the shipping forecast, issued by the Met Office UK Independence Party on behalf of Little England at 05:20 today.

Because UKIP councillor David Silvester claimed to know the mind of god, revealing that the floods that hit the UK recently were punishment for the country's passing of gay marriage laws, it made sense to replace the good old Radio 4 Shipping Forecast with a specialised UKIP version, which is just what Nicholas Pegg did.

There's also the UKIP Weather Twitter service for those in dangerous areas wanting up to the minute warnings of homosexuality caused floodings:
High winds at a garden centre in Kent after 2 men were spotted heading towards the plants without stopping to look at the ride-on lawnmowers
posted by MartinWisse (21 comments total) 5 users marked this as a favorite

 
more proof that homosexuals are in fact wizards.
posted by The Whelk at 10:02 AM on January 21 [4 favorites]


Married gays to tour drought-hit countries--The Daily Mash
posted by Thing at 10:09 AM on January 21 [2 favorites]


Also, the fellow who made this comment has been suspended by UKIP for doing so. I'm kinda glad of a political culture where even the looniest party won't brook such nonsense.
posted by Thing at 10:10 AM on January 21


Meanwhile, the Guardian finds scientific evidence that gay weddings do indeed cause floods.

(tl;dr - gay weddings = more weddings = more crying = more moisture in the atmosphere. And some even less plausible stuff, all in the name of mild wit)
posted by Devonian at 10:17 AM on January 21


That, and Jesus wept.
posted by de at 10:19 AM on January 21


You'd think that California wouldn't be suffering one of the worst droughts in memory if all of us married queers brought on more rain.
posted by gingerbeer at 10:34 AM on January 21


That's easily explained: it's floods in rain-swept nations like the UK; drought in hotter areas like California (and no doubt Sydney). Sigh.
posted by Pink Frost at 10:40 AM on January 21


That's why the Netherlands waited until 2001 to introduce proper gay marriage: first we made sure our dykes were high enough to withstand biblical punishments.
posted by MartinWisse at 10:40 AM on January 21 [12 favorites]


I love the Shipping Forecast--I have a t-shirt and a framed print to prove it--so this was brilliant and spot on for me.
posted by Kitteh at 11:02 AM on January 21


That's why the Netherlands waited until 2001 to introduce proper gay marriage: first we made sure our dykes were high enough to withstand biblical punishments.

Although the Dutch probably do have the highest dykes in the world.
posted by gyc at 11:13 AM on January 21 [14 favorites]


If Colorado embraces same-sex marriages, the title of highest dykes will belong to them.
posted by mfu at 11:29 AM on January 21 [2 favorites]


I can never remember which one is Nicholas Pegg and which is Simon Frost.
posted by Flexagon at 11:35 AM on January 21


Reminds me of the Gay News sketch on The Day Today.
posted by dng at 12:24 PM on January 21 [1 favorite]


the floods that hit the UK recently were punishment for the country's passing of gay marriage laws

It's raining men?
posted by octobersurprise at 1:52 PM on January 21 [1 favorite]


I rejoice in the fact that as in London three centuries ago, someone who performs an idiotic statement or act can be met with such a barrage of needle-sharp satire that they are forced to withdraw public life. I regret that now, as then, those most in need of removal have the thickest skins.
posted by Hogshead at 2:00 PM on January 21


Seriously, if your god can only communicate via natural disasters that at their worst just kill a bunch of random people, then isn't he kind of a tool?
posted by uosuaq at 3:17 PM on January 21 [3 favorites]


I'm kinda glad of a political culture where even the looniest party won't brook such nonsense.

Suspended for being ridiculed, not suspended for being a loony. UKIP are savvier than you might think on this front, and don't have the burdensome duty of having to have a coherent thesis like real political parties.
posted by ambrosen at 4:56 PM on January 21


Disasters happen to every country no matter what their policies regarding discrimination. God is supposedly an eternal creature so it's best to look at long term trends rather than one-off floodings or earthquakes or a temporary overabundance of frogs.

And the long term answer is something the conservatives really don't want to see. Look at the nations of the world which at least make a decent stab at equal rights for people of all sexualities. Look at the nations of the world which try persecution as a way of enforcing heteronormative behavior. Which country would you rather live in? Which country gives you the most opportunity? The United States or Saudi Arabia? Holland or Russia? United Kingdom or Uganda?

The message is clear. God wants us to treat each other excellently. The countries that do, or at least sincerely try, do better economically and in terms of quality of life than those that don't. This is evidence even idiots like Republicans or the UKIP can't ignore. Life in the UK may be far from perfect but it's better than every single nation which persecutes non-straight people.
posted by honestcoyote at 5:03 PM on January 21


God wants us to treat each other excellently.

As OP sums up most excellently, those who presume to know the mind of god, or God, are missing the point.
posted by devious truculent and unreliable at 4:17 AM on January 22


Considering only three of the ten commandments are illegal in Britain (assuming the false witness one equates to perjury), you'd have thought god would long ago have pushed us into the sea.
posted by dng at 8:18 AM on January 22


Possibly related: boobs cause earthquakes.
posted by homunculus at 6:49 PM on January 22


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