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Paul is Dead. There will never be another.
February 3, 2014 10:09 AM   Subscribe

Every psychic animal dreams of claiming the throne vacated by the late Paul the Octopus. Super Bowl XLVIII crushed many of those dreams. Especially disappointing was the fall of Buffett the Manatee who, from his tank at Sarasota, Florida's Mote Marine Laboratory & Aquarium, had correctly called the last six Super Bowls.
posted by Naberius (31 comments total) 5 users marked this as a favorite

 
For a minute I thought the title was referring to Paul McCartney. That would have sucked.

Octopus--calamari.
posted by stormpooper at 10:13 AM on February 3 [1 favorite]


They all have nothing on Marshawn Pinch, the hermit crab who's living in a tiny Seahawks helmet.
posted by hellojed at 10:14 AM on February 3 [8 favorites]


That's a shame, because I for one am always looking for something stupid to believe in. Now it's back to "democracy", I guess.
posted by the quidnunc kid at 10:16 AM on February 3 [13 favorites]


Add me to the list of people who hadn't realized how hard it's going to hit them when Paul McCartney dies. Jesus, that gave me a scare.
posted by Sing Or Swim at 10:22 AM on February 3 [3 favorites]


You can still believe! See, if significantly less than 50% of the animals get it right (or one animal over multiple trials), that can't be explained by chance either! So obviously they have psychic ability, but they're afraid of it or in denial and are repressing the psychic knowledge. Lots of animals getting it wrong this year means that most of them really are psychic, they just need to be encouraged to believe in themselves.
posted by echo target at 10:22 AM on February 3


You had me at "every psychic animal dreams"
posted by clockzero at 10:31 AM on February 3 [1 favorite]


Sometimes it's comforting to be reminded that civilization has changed very little since 8000 BC.
posted by Lutoslawski at 10:38 AM on February 3 [7 favorites]


Marshawn Pinch isn't living in the helmet; it's been attached to the top of his shell with animal-safe sticky stuff of the same sort used to keep rockwork together in our other tanks. It doesn't interfere at all with his quality of life and he probably doesn't know it's there.
posted by a power-tie-wearing she-capitalist at 10:44 AM on February 3 [2 favorites]


I am bothered by the photo of Buffett's diet. It suggests that he eats a lot of leafy greens along with an aquarium attendant. That is very bad planning, since, once a manatee tastes human flesh, well, all bets are off.

Also, if Buffet is managing six out of seven correct predictions, I'll suggest that he's doing better than most OpEd pundits, so perhaps you should cut the guy some slack, even if he devours the occasional shrieking person now and again.
posted by GenjiandProust at 10:47 AM on February 3 [5 favorites]


Every psychic animal dreams of claiming the throne vacated by the late Paul the Octopus.

I loved this prog album.
posted by Sangermaine at 10:48 AM on February 3 [3 favorites]


LOL DUMB ASSES
posted by Foci for Analysis at 10:49 AM on February 3


LOL DUMB ASSES

I don't believe that any donkeys were consulted. And how can you call them dumb with those soulful eyes? You are basically a mean person.
posted by GenjiandProust at 10:53 AM on February 3 [2 favorites]


That's a shame, because I for one am always looking for something stupid to believe in. Now it's back to "democracy", I guess.

... vote #1 quidnunc kid ... ?
posted by Navelgazer at 10:54 AM on February 3 [3 favorites]


GenjiandProust: I don't believe that any donkeys were consulted.

I searched for "forecasting donkey" and all I found was a trinket similar to the very common weather stones.
posted by filthy light thief at 10:59 AM on February 3 [1 favorite]


Jimmy Fallon's puppies disappointed me.
posted by inturnaround at 11:10 AM on February 3


Hah! I mentioned Paul The Prognosticating Octopus last night during the game (and raised a beer to his memory) when my kids were asking about sports predictions.

Oh, Paul…. *sniffle*
posted by wenestvedt at 11:11 AM on February 3


Is Buffett the Manatee related to the Sage of Omaha?
posted by Area Man at 11:13 AM on February 3 [1 favorite]


Especially disappointing was the fall of Buffett the Manatee

Came in for the "Oh, the huge manatee!" joke, left disappointed still shaking my head about the safety on the first play.
posted by fuse theorem at 11:15 AM on February 3 [4 favorites]


I'm a Beatles fan, and that plus the news about Hoffman made my breath seize when I read the post title. If that was the intention, well done, and also {{disapproving eyes emoticon}}.
posted by seyirci at 11:21 AM on February 3


The rumor is true! After his death Paul was mysteriously replaced by a look-alike left-handed dreamboat guitar-playing octopus found in an underwater garden in the shade.
posted by dances_with_sneetches at 11:28 AM on February 3 [1 favorite]


I'm sticking with Teddy the Porcupine, because well, you don't argue with a porcupine!
posted by oneswellfoop at 12:11 PM on February 3 [1 favorite]


Not only a sucker for the bass, Paul was no sea cuc on the footy field, going prawn on the assist from Percy Arrrvin for a quick scuttle into the underwater coral cave.
posted by JamesMytton at 12:26 PM on February 3


I'm sticking with Teddy the Porcupine, because well, you don't argue with a porcupine!

Well I won't criticize him, poor guy has a lot of pricks on his back already.
posted by the quidnunc kid at 12:34 PM on February 3


Buffett the Manatee cannot be faulted for calling the game wrong. How can any manatee--no matter how well funded--be expected to grasp why Denver cratered so badly?

The reason? The Curse of the Tebow-bino. Just as the Boston Red Sox were kept from a win in the World Series because of their improvident sale of the Bambino to the New York Yankees, so, too, will the Denver Broncos spend at least six decades without a Super Bowl win because they sold Tim Tebow to the New York Jets. Especially since Tebow was expressly gotten rid of to make room for the hapless Peyton of the Most Valuable Sorrows.

Check back in 2174, Bronco fans. Take it from a life-long Red Sox fan--only the passage of time can Reverse the Curse.
posted by rdone at 12:45 PM on February 3 [1 favorite]


The reason? The Curse of the Tebow-bino.

Maybe. But much more likely, the Magic of our Mighty Defense. Seattle still is not getting the respect we deserve from all species.
posted by bearwife at 1:08 PM on February 3


I was very impressed with Seattle. I have a feeling that Seattle and SF will be dominating the NFL for years to come.

Payton Manning Superbowl record = 1 W, 2 L

Eli Manning Superbowl record = 2 W, 0 L

Manning Brothers Combined = 3 W, 2 L

Tom Brady Superbowl record = 3 W, 2 L

Conclusion: 2 Mannings = 1 Brady
posted by Seymour Zamboni at 1:13 PM on February 3 [2 favorites]


What happened was that it was Matt Schaub on the field impersonating Peyton Manning. I hope the real Manning is OK.
posted by Renoroc at 1:23 PM on February 3


I don't trust any psychic animals unless they are:

1.) Deadly as all hell, and
2.) Madly enraged.

The dark arts of prognostication must not be taken lightly, and those who enter in without the willingness to pay the cost will get naught but feeble results.
posted by Navelgazer at 1:59 PM on February 3 [1 favorite]


tangential, but obligatory
posted by randomkeystrike at 2:27 PM on February 3


I'm going down to Cowtown, the cows are friends with me
Lives beneath the ocean, that's where I will be
Beneath the waves, the waves, and that's where I will be
I'm gonna see the cows beneath the sea

Here's another clue for you all
The walrus mollusc was Paul.
Oh, yeah . . .

 
posted by Herodios at 4:45 PM on February 3 [1 favorite]


........
posted by Sys Rq at 4:47 PM on February 3


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