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*sniff* I'm getting some citrus...I'm getting some vodka...
February 6, 2014 4:47 PM   Subscribe

Classic Cocktail Review: Diet Dew and Vodka
posted by Drinky Die (84 comments total) 12 users marked this as a favorite

 
I generally find that diet sodas are terrible mixers. Might as well use water or nothing at all. What I like about this video, though, is that he is so serious. Two thumbs up.
posted by Literaryhero at 4:52 PM on February 6


I cant believe it. I am actually drinking a diet dew and vodka at this very moment.
I did not have any orange juice or grapefruit juice in the house.
posted by quazichimp at 5:03 PM on February 6 [4 favorites]


Pepsi Max works just great as a mixer for any brown liquor.
posted by turbid dahlia at 5:08 PM on February 6 [2 favorites]


Well there's actually a scientific basis for the diet soda+liquor thing...

Assuming you're a cheapass who cares about bang per buck.
posted by emptythought at 5:09 PM on February 6 [2 favorites]


"Lingering finish of straight vodka" and deep sadness and most of my twenties.
This cocktail probably has a name, but I refused to find out or to give it one for all the years that I drank it.
posted by Countess Elena at 5:13 PM on February 6 [4 favorites]


Hahaha this is just brilliant.
posted by teh_boy at 5:14 PM on February 6 [1 favorite]


You could call it "Questionable Choices"
posted by filthy light thief at 5:15 PM on February 6 [12 favorites]


375 views since September 2012, great find!
llamamaul 1 year ago

Dude are u kiddin lmao this is a fuckin joke ur smelling the fuckin dew and vodka lmao (freshly cut grass)( one of the cornerstones of evaluating a fine beverage ) lol ur a fuckin joke dude
Ah, youtube.
posted by cosmic.osmo at 5:18 PM on February 6 [3 favorites]


I have also refused to name my Fresca and Gordon's cocktail (it's generally Gordon's because that's the cheapest vodka I know that isn't rotgut).
The worst drink I ever had was Minute Maid Orange and Aristocrat vodka, in a dorm in college, naturally. It could have substituted for Antabuse.
posted by Countess Elena at 5:20 PM on February 6 [1 favorite]


"...a note of ceder, vanilla, tabackey...
"Boozy"
posted by filthy light thief at 5:21 PM on February 6 [1 favorite]


In the spirit of Leonard Reviews Frozen Pizza.
posted by TheWhiteSkull at 5:21 PM on February 6 [3 favorites]


I cant believe it. I am actually drinking a diet dew and vodka at this very moment.

I'm sure you know you are not alone.
posted by Drinky Die at 5:26 PM on February 6 [1 favorite]


Oh, there's nothing like gin and vodka and Fresca to evoke those high school weekend nights with the parents away.
posted by octobersurprise at 5:46 PM on February 6 [1 favorite]


Huh. I thought the *sniff* was meant to indicate weeping, and it made perfect sense that someone drinking Diet Dew and vodka might have a sad...
posted by allthinky at 5:52 PM on February 6 [1 favorite]


In fact, it's a shame John Hughes died before he could complete his masterpiece, Gin & Vodka & Fresca.
posted by octobersurprise at 5:53 PM on February 6 [1 favorite]


This reminds me of my entirely unoriginal creation of vodka and wegmans lemon seltzer, the "vodka goodnight"

Though I would imagine that it was less vile by the sheer fact that it contained no my dew.
posted by Ferreous at 5:54 PM on February 6


I have also refused to name my Fresca and Gordon's cocktail (it's generally Gordon's because that's the cheapest vodka I know that isn't rotgut).
The worst drink I ever had was Minute Maid Orange and Aristocrat vodka, in a dorm in college, naturally. It could have substituted for Antabuse.


Man y'all on here really don't know how to loser.

Powdered lemonade, warm water, and some kind of awful skul type stuff. On thanksgiving day at 2am.

It was actually so terrible that i could taste it for more than a day afterwards vaguely in the back of my throat. The awful fake sugar powdered lemonade taste... yick.

I also have PTSD from vikingfjord and blue bubblegum jones soda, mixed 1/1. I can't even drink BB jones anymore.

The worst i've ever had though, was lime jaritos and vanilla stoli. It tasted like some new kind of childrens extra-flavored cough syrup, or pure mountain dew soda syrup that they use in restaurant soda fountains. I drank it, because dammit i wasn't letting nearly the last of my vodka go to waste, but FUCK.

My friend has me beat though, with this. "Better than horsemilk", he said.
posted by emptythought at 5:56 PM on February 6 [10 favorites]


The complete deadpan delivery of the line "It's the kind of drink you'd want to drink when you're in college or when you're just hanging out and no one's around" is just masterful.
posted by evisceratordeath at 5:56 PM on February 6 [6 favorites]


My self experimentation here is suggesting this would be a good drink to have before hitting a party and not really a classic "no one's around" drink. It makes you very smiley and chatty. Most drinks make me chatty, but smiley is not generally something I do. It's pretty pleasant. It would probably be a very bad idea to drink it all night though because the caffeine alertness is masking the inebriation and this could make you start doing crazy stuff down the line. It's the standard Four Loko/Buckfast situation. I do think the moral panic over caffeine/booze combinations is overstated, but it does make for a different experience people may not be fully prepared for.
posted by Drinky Die at 6:02 PM on February 6


ProTip: Diet Dew goes great with Walgreens sushi.

Hands down one of the things I miss most from working downtown.
posted by robocop is bleeding at 6:07 PM on February 6 [1 favorite]


If you have Netflix and have not watched Somm, I recommend it. It's exactly like this, only ramrod straight.
posted by mudpuppie at 6:16 PM on February 6 [2 favorites]


The most appalling vodka drink I've encountered was the "astronaut screwdriver" which involved drinking a couple of shots off the top of a bottle of vodka to make room for the Tang powder. They then screwed the top back on the bottle and shook to dissolve as well as possible. I did not hate myself enough that day to actually try the stuff, but did watch on in horror as my friends killed the bottle.
posted by Karmakaze at 6:16 PM on February 6 [10 favorites]


My liquor cabinet has, in total: Frangelico, marshmallow vodka, and Malibu. These go good with ice cream, cocoa and Diet Coke respectively. I have too much respect for my Fresca to mix it with anything.
posted by jessamyn at 6:19 PM on February 6 [8 favorites]


freshly. cut. grass.
posted by cristinacristinacristina at 6:22 PM on February 6 [1 favorite]


Technically, this is a "mixed drink", not a cocktail.

Although, I suspect this could be marketed as one of those "hard" soft drinks all the kids are/were drinking these/those days.
posted by clvrmnky at 6:25 PM on February 6


I haven't smoked a cigarette in 20 years, but that drink really goes well with one.
posted by surplus at 6:29 PM on February 6


Technically, this is a "mixed drink", not a cocktail.

Right, he should have added some bitters at least. Here is a good guide for bitters/soda combos. The only really citrus soda it brings up is Orangina and it suggests Peychaud's so that would probably be the right choice to mix with the Diet Dew.
posted by Drinky Die at 6:31 PM on February 6


Metafilter: Better than horsemilk

Also. In a jam I'll mix vodka with literally anything drinkable.

When you're in that position, truly anything will dew.
posted by feckless fecal fear mongering at 6:36 PM on February 6 [3 favorites]


As far as I am concerned the purest vodka is essentially water plus ethanol and gin is the original flavored vodka, of which I am a fan. The recent trend of flavored vodkas is a bit of fun and easy to use versus buying actual fruit, but ultimately, plain vodka is water plus ethanol.

There's a virtue to that, but to review a drink of Diet Dew with plain vodka is to review Diet Dew watered down with 60% water and 40% ethanol... unless something magical happens between the ingredients of Diet Dew and ethanol.
posted by linux at 6:41 PM on February 6 [1 favorite]


One summer afternoon in a pirogue motoring around an oxbow lake, I drank Mountain Dew and vodka both warmed by the sun; it was the vilest tasting drink of my life and marks my step across the line of self-respect. I knew from then on that I'd drink anything with alcohol in it. Oh, I held on to pretense for a while but I knew deep inside that I would drink anything if I would drink hot Mountain Dew and vodka!
posted by Anitanola at 6:50 PM on February 6 [6 favorites]


Back when I was an 18 year old living in Israel, the dirt-cheap supermarket in the Russian quasi-ghetto I was living in (Bat Yam, for anyone at home who knows from Israeli Russian quasi-ghettos) sold a soda called Super Drink (not the Hebrew for Super Drink; the English name Super Drink rendered in the Hebrew alphabet). Super Drink (pronounced with 'r's from the back of the throat like in French, since that's how the Hebrew R is pronounced) came in about thirty different flavors and cost 50 cents for a 2-liter bottle. Cheap vodka and blue Super Drink (which we came to call the Super Drank) came to fuel many a terrible decision during that time in my life.
posted by Itaxpica at 6:51 PM on February 6 [13 favorites]


(Actually, that supermarket was called, of all things, Super Douche, but that's a different story)
posted by Itaxpica at 6:53 PM on February 6 [3 favorites]


I defer to Peggy Olson on this one.

“You need three ingredients for a cocktail. Vodka and Mountain Dew is an emergency.”
posted by peppermind at 6:55 PM on February 6 [11 favorites]


I suppose this might be the place to announce to the world my conceptual art piece, a cocktail I call the "Vegan Haggis". A dram of ridiculously expensive single malt whiskey mixed with the same quantity of soymilk.
The point is you're never supposed to make it, because it would be huge waste.
It's a conceptual thing.
posted by uosuaq at 6:57 PM on February 6 [5 favorites]


Aggressively missing the point here, but I can't help thinking that whiskey and real actual fresh soymilk would go pretty well together...
posted by this is a thing at 7:03 PM on February 6


There may or may not be video of me, at Lollapalooza II (I think, it might have been III), after having drunk significant amounts of sun-warmed vodka and cheap OJ that we'd managed to sneak into Molson Park in Barrie, Ontario (as well as a non-trivial quantity of 'shrooms), complaining about the blanket confiscation policy at the gate. I have never seen this video, but I am told it exists.

And that it is hilarious.
posted by TheWhiteSkull at 7:04 PM on February 6 [1 favorite]


"Let's discuss the mouthfeel of diet dew and vodka."

I'm pretty sure that, until now, this phrase has never been uttered by anyone who isn't a US military agent attempting to extract information from prisoners at Guantanamo Bay.
posted by koeselitz at 7:07 PM on February 6 [10 favorites]


no no no fresca gets mixed with tequila. sheesh
posted by 5_13_23_42_69_666 at 7:08 PM on February 6 [3 favorites]


You could call it "Questionable Choices"

"Bad Idea Jeans," anyone?
posted by wenestvedt at 7:09 PM on February 6 [1 favorite]


Coca-cola and peppermint schnapps? Tasted like a candy cane doing something bad.
posted by wenestvedt at 7:14 PM on February 6 [5 favorites]


Not a mix, but the worst drink I ever had was One Cup Ozeki. Room temperature.
posted by Hoopo at 7:24 PM on February 6


It is vodka. how does this not just taste like 'mixer' + alcohol. Yeah it's funny, but it would have been better if it went for flavored liquors like gin or whiskey.

Note that this is also why I like vodka. It tastes like your mixer. You know what you're getting.
posted by efalk at 7:26 PM on February 6


"Better than horsemilk"

"Oh, I never tried that," exclaims the alcoholic who shares my brain (as Russell Brand puts it).
posted by Anitanola at 7:27 PM on February 6 [2 favorites]


emptythought: My friend has me beat though, with this. "Better than horsemilk", he said.

Wait, what? McCormick Vodka and store-brand chicken broth? Compared to Horse a gift from heaven! milk? The milk from horses, which is said to be "a popular gourmet food with a uniquely delicious flavor and subtle nuances found in no ordinary dairy product," with "fruity undertones," and "a smooth finish"?

First, has he had horsemilk, or is that some weird slang for whiskey and soy milk or some other drink you would only ingest upon a dare, when you are not yet legally allowed to buy alcohol? Second, is vodka and chicken broth a real thing? Or only a mix foisted upon unsuspecting rubes and those who desire "exotic" drinks? (Google books preview)
posted by filthy light thief at 7:32 PM on February 6 [1 favorite]


I think the worst drink I've ever had is kombucha + gin (at a party at a new-agey/hippie camp).
posted by aka burlap at 7:39 PM on February 6 [1 favorite]


Vodka Red Bull > Vodka Dew.
posted by empath at 7:40 PM on February 6 [1 favorite]


I suppose this might be the place to announce to the world my conceptual art piece, a cocktail I call the "Vegan Haggis". A dram of ridiculously expensive single malt whiskey mixed with the same quantity of soymilk.

Hrmmm...all I have is low fat vanilla soy milk and Old Crow? I'm not sure if I should proceed.
posted by Drinky Die at 7:40 PM on February 6


I've decided not today, maybe tomorrow after some deep personal reflection.
posted by Drinky Die at 7:41 PM on February 6


Good call, Drinky Die: I think you have refused the "Drinky" and so will dodge the "Die" tonight.
posted by wenestvedt at 7:50 PM on February 6 [2 favorites]


The worst drink I ever had was handed to me at a party when I was 17. Apparently, I'd really pissed someone at that party off, because who the hell thinks spiced rum and grapefruit juice would go well together?
posted by peppermind at 7:51 PM on February 6 [1 favorite]


This reminds me of my twist on the Screwdriver, called "The Philips Head": vodka and shitty orange soda. It tastes like desperation in a dollar store!
posted by Greg Nog at 7:54 PM on February 6 [4 favorites]


Good call, Drinky Die: I think you have refused the "Drinky" and so will dodge the "Die" tonight.

You're right, the phytoestrogens in the soy milk might give me cancer. Why take the chance?
posted by Drinky Die at 7:54 PM on February 6 [2 favorites]


> This reminds me of my twist on the Screwdriver, called "The Philips Head"

I always thought the "Philips Screwdriver" was vodka and milk of magnesia.

Or is that a Pile Driver?
posted by sourcequench at 8:02 PM on February 6 [4 favorites]


uosuaq: "A dram of ridiculously expensive single malt whiskey mixed with the same quantity of soymilk. The point is you're never supposed to make it, because it would be huge waste. It's a conceptual thing."

I just made one.

1 oz unsweetened organic soymilk
1 oz Macallan 12
1/2 tsp brown sugar

Shaken, strained into a demitasse, garnished with grated espresso bean.

Not bad, though I might try again tomorrow morning with a hot version.
posted by danny the boy at 8:26 PM on February 6 [7 favorites]


Shaken, strained into a demitasse, garnished with grated espresso bean.

Whose liver were you eating with it?
posted by localroger at 8:28 PM on February 6 [5 favorites]


Ah, Tang and Vodka. I call it the "Buzzed Aldrin".
posted by sourwookie at 8:35 PM on February 6 [7 favorites]


Wait what Drinky Die? We need a report stat. Danny the boy posted with scotch and sugar, but clearly old crow is a superior choice. It was partially responsible for our best president, Ulysses S Grant so you know it's good!
posted by Carillon at 8:39 PM on February 6 [1 favorite]


I'm not sure I'm crazy about his presidency, but I damn sure reject directly confederate honoring bourbon. "Rebel Yell" huh? Guess the yell itself sounds pretty cool but I'm not giving the people responsible for marketing it in 2014 my cash. Old Crow it is for me.
posted by Drinky Die at 8:46 PM on February 6


Fair enough. Plus I think rebel yell is wheated and old corw is delicious.
posted by Carillon at 9:06 PM on February 6 [1 favorite]


filthy light thief: First, has he had horsemilk, or is that some weird slang for whiskey and soy milk or some other drink you would only ingest upon a dare

Yep, he has. He lived on a farm that had all kinds of animals for a couple years, and his mom is a farmgirl. I think he was being somewhat sarcastic, but he does really hate horsemilk.

And he didn't try it on a dare or anything, he was camped out in his exs house cat sitting while she was out of town, and those were the ONLY two things in her fridge... and he didn't want to leave the house, so he went for it.

aka burlap: I think the worst drink I've ever had is kombucha + gin (at a party at a new-agey/hippie camp).

Whaaat, gin+kombucha with a float of a tiny bit of midori is the signature drink("the lohan") at the redwood, which is one of my favorite bars in seattle. They sell garbage can loads of them, and everyone loves them.

Maybe it was made with too much gin, or weird nasty infused kombucha or something. Because as a basic concept, that drink is great. With very neutral or citrusy kombucha its basically a gin and tonic++

OH OH, i thought of another good one too. At a particularly low and heavy drink point of my life, living in a flophousey share house full of mice and rotting garbage with no kitchen and only one real cup i hid in my room 99% of the time and only used for water, we started doing this* with our empty beers to make cups.

I was drinking luke warm hawaiian punch and the cheapest handles of vodka the liquor store carried out of topless beer cans. Laying on piles of moldy laundry knee high, and watching netflix on a blurry rear projection TV.

Yep. Nasty.

*actual photo, not from google images. i don't know why i felt like noting this, but i was mostly amazed that i was able to find it in my photo library.
posted by emptythought at 9:11 PM on February 6 [2 favorites]


Yeah that's pretty nasty emptythought. I thought mine was bad which was 60% vodka and 40% bad vanilla ice cream. Maybe vodka andice cream can work but in those proportions it's awful.
posted by Carillon at 9:25 PM on February 6


My friend has me beat though, with this. "Better than horsemilk", he said.

One of my friends has this drink he sometimes makes called the foghorn, which is the juice from canned chicken mixed with gin. Every so often he tries to get people to dare him to drink one, but everyone's just like "why would I want you to do that?" so eventually he gives up on the dare aspect of it and just drinks it anyway.

*shrug*
posted by aubilenon at 9:28 PM on February 6 [2 favorites]


"snif...yeah, mostly vodka, mostly vodka."

I really enjoyed this.
posted by ActingTheGoat at 10:11 PM on February 6


The best part of this review was the part at the end where he said that Diet Mountain Dew and Vodka is "a great alternative to Sierra Nevada Pale Ale or Green Flash West Coast IPA." Yep, sounds like it. Because Diet Dew and Vodka is pretty much what most IPAs taste like. Heh.
posted by koeselitz at 10:25 PM on February 6 [1 favorite]


You've got me poking around the archives--I had no idea there were so many drunkalogs on MetaFilter!
posted by Anitanola at 11:44 PM on February 6


though I might try again tomorrow morning with a hot version.

well if you absolutely must do this sort of thing for breakfast, earl grey tea with soymilk and a shot of whiskey is actually quite nice.
posted by 5_13_23_42_69_666 at 12:05 AM on February 7


"what most IPAs taste like. Heh."

I haven't watched his channel, but there are many beer lovers who believe west coast IPA's are for people who really don't like beer or malt. They want hops to cover everything up with the taste of fresh cut grass -- preferably grass from a lawn infested with wild onions.
posted by surplus at 1:22 AM on February 7 [1 favorite]


It's a long, ridiculous story that led it it, but my worst drink ever was something called (for long, ridiculous reasons) the Nerd Bike: Combined in a blender, a whole apple, a juiced orange, honey, a significant quantity of gin, and, out of desperation to get the blender running to smush the apple, water. Then more water. Then more gin. Then it was mushed through a sieve. Yeah. That was the Nerd Bike. It has a little jingle and everything.
posted by mostlymartha at 2:37 AM on February 7 [1 favorite]


On the subject of mixed drinks: A friend of mine once mixed contact lens cleaning solution and vodka. I've made a couple of regrettable drinks in my time - whiskey and orange juice, red Martini and coffee - but I've never even come close to such lunacy.
posted by soundofsuburbia at 3:44 AM on February 7


Red Campari.
posted by soundofsuburbia at 3:50 AM on February 7


Data, I think the chip is working.
posted by LogicalDash at 4:02 AM on February 7 [2 favorites]


1 oz unsweetened organic soymilk
1 oz Macallan 12
1/2 tsp brown sugar


why on earth would you do this to The Macallan which is basically angels peeing on your tongue
posted by feckless fecal fear mongering at 4:38 AM on February 7


I literally can't tell if this guy is kidding or not. If not, there's a lesson here in not going outside your wheelhouse.
posted by Bunny Ultramod at 5:58 AM on February 7


Ways you can think you're becoming an adult, even though you're only 13: Mountain Dew and whiskey tastes good.

Ways you can tell you're becoming an adult, even though you're only 19: Sunny D and vodka tastes like you're being stabbed in the back of the throat by gummi bears.

Ways you can tell you're too old for this shit, even though you're only 24: When somebody at a basement show gives you a can of Miller Lite that you know has had a shot of raspberry Smirnoff added to it, you take a sip and immediately leave, rather than finishing it because, hey, you can't just not drink it.

Reading this I suppose it makes me look a drunk with no taste, but I assure you, I was just extremely cheap in my youth.
posted by aaronetc at 9:03 AM on February 7 [1 favorite]


I literally can't tell if this guy is kidding or not. If not, there's a lesson here in not going outside your wheelhouse.

He is 100% kidding.
posted by aubilenon at 11:56 AM on February 7 [1 favorite]


Metafilter: no taste but I assure you, extremely cheap in my youth
posted by Carillon at 2:41 PM on February 7 [1 favorite]


I can only add to the chorus of "awful drinks" with Mikeschlager, which is as it sounds, Mike's hard lemonade plus Goldschlager.
posted by mrgoat at 3:26 PM on February 7


So this seems as good a place as any to share the story of my current favourite drink.

To set the scene, picture a hot, dry summer when you're temporarily broke so prefer to drink what you already have in the house. Luckily, I had a pretty well stocked liquor cabinet to start with.

The first iteration was something similar to a very tall tom collins: a 1.25 litre bottle of soda water with a quarter cup of sugar, quarter cup of fresh lemon juice, half cup of gin and a splash of grapefruit bitters just for fun. A respectable batch cocktail! It was delicious and cheap, only requiring I buy a bottle of club soda and a couple of lemons. Plus, I could drink it all night at a party and not worry about setting my drink down or having to find another one; it was all in one bottle with a cap. Awesome!

A couple of weeks go by and I start to get lazy. Squeezing lemons is hard work! And that really is too much sugar. So I halve the sugar and use the fake lemon juice from the fridge. Then I remember I hate fake lemon juice and, really, do I need that sugar at all? Oh shoot, my gin just ran out. So now I'm drinking soda water with grapefruit bitters and vodka. That's still a pretty respectable mixed drink, right? One night I notice the added bonus that: it's hot, everyone has a water bottle everywhere, I'm carrying around a water bottle, no one seems to mind. Drinking in public achievement unlocked!

Then one day: I'm running late, no soda water, damn. But I have an old soda water bottle, okay, fill it from the tap, add some vodka and run. On the bus, remember I forgot the bitters. Oops! But hey, it's actually not that bad. Repeat the next night. Yeah, I think this works.

And that's when I realise my new favourite mixed drink is... vodka and tap water. I'm not sure if it's brilliant and or a new low. But I can drink it anywhere, including in most pubs, I don't have to alternate with water as there's plenty in there already, it's about as low cal as you can get from an alcoholic drink, I can always top up half a bottle with more water if the night is running long and it takes approximately 10 seconds to assemble a drink that will last all night.

And I'd bet money that it's a better experience than diet Mountain Dew and and vodka. What a waste of good vodka.
posted by mosessis at 9:48 PM on February 8 [2 favorites]


Hmm, you still have one ingredient left to remove.
posted by Drinky Die at 9:52 PM on February 8


Yes, but then I'm back to a classic cocktail: extra dry vodka martini. Not quite sure I'm ready for that yet.
posted by mosessis at 11:05 PM on February 8


Well, then one to switch out. The point is the tap water is already present in the vodka. Switch to everclear and tap.
posted by Drinky Die at 11:18 PM on February 8


Switch to everclear and tap

My boyfriend was telling me just yesterday that there was a time when he mixed vodka and everclear and drank it.

He doesn't, I think, remember much of the ensuing shenanigans.
posted by feckless fecal fear mongering at 9:32 AM on February 10 [1 favorite]


when he mixed vodka and everclear and drank it.

At least I suppose he diluted the everclear somewhat? I remember thinking shots of everclear were a great idea in college. We did them once, then everclear was relegated to its proper place in jungle juice with lots of mixers and fruit cocktail.

I miss the days when I could get cheap everclear. Over here it's called Polish Spirit and it's about as expensive as vodka but not nearly as nice (especially if you can stock up on cheap 1L's of Smirnoff 100 proof in duty free).
posted by mosessis at 5:40 PM on February 11


Everclear is great for making infusions like limoncello or whatever. You use it to extract all the yummy alcohol-soluble flavor compounds, and then dilute it to something reasonable like 30%-40% ABV or whatever.
posted by aubilenon at 5:57 PM on February 11


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