He's smiling cause he's full of vodka.
February 17, 2014 8:57 AM   Subscribe

What if you performed clay forensic facial reconstruction on a bottle of Crystal Skull Vodka?
posted by The Whelk (45 comments total) 54 users marked this as a favorite

 
Ha! that's hilarious. Looks drunk. Drunk-smile.

I've always wondered what the "rules" are for these reconstructions. How do they know what the lips look like based on the shape of the skull alone?
posted by dabitch at 9:00 AM on February 17 [2 favorites]


That is beautiful.

I now want to do this with the plastic toy skull I got with the first issue of How Your Body Works magazine.

(Dude, a plastic skull for 99p? SO THERE.)
posted by Katemonkey at 9:01 AM on February 17 [1 favorite]


I knew that guy had a ponytail!
posted by mullacc at 9:01 AM on February 17 [6 favorites]


Now the real investigation begins:

Who did Dan Aykroyd murder to make the mold for the bottle?
posted by rock swoon has no past at 9:02 AM on February 17 [16 favorites]


Aliens, obviously.
posted by k5.user at 9:07 AM on February 17 [1 favorite]


Who did Dan Aykroyd murder to make the mold for the bottle?

His career?
posted by kmz at 9:09 AM on February 17 [39 favorites]


I've always wondered what the "rules" are for these reconstructions. How do they know what the lips look like based on the shape of the skull alone?

I'm not an expert, but from what I remember reading about this years and years ago, they use population averages. In forensic cases they may have educated guesses on age and gender from other bones which will narrow down the ranges. Obviously that doesn't apply to this case.
posted by muddgirl at 9:11 AM on February 17


Great to see that Gollum is modeling for vodka.
posted by hal_c_on at 9:16 AM on February 17 [7 favorites]


I'm guessing the model drank the contents before posing.
posted by arcticseal at 9:16 AM on February 17 [2 favorites]


That's so fucking creepy I can't even.
posted by slogger at 9:17 AM on February 17 [2 favorites]


After a hard decade of rigor mortis, relax with a facially-reconstructed Crystal Skull Vodka martini. Neat!
posted by Blazecock Pileon at 9:27 AM on February 17 [3 favorites]


Great project.
posted by So You're Saying These Are Pants? at 9:27 AM on February 17


Hello ... is it me you're looking for?
posted by chavenet at 9:33 AM on February 17 [17 favorites]


I've always wondered what the "rules" are for these reconstructions.

Me too. Here's what I learned.
posted by IndigoJones at 9:36 AM on February 17 [2 favorites]


This is quite funny, but I'd love to see it done by someone who didn't know they were talking about a liquor bottle. Would he still look as drunk?
posted by Rock Steady at 9:52 AM on February 17


Kinda neat. I guess it shows what elements were exaggerated for effect--bigger cheekbones and chin apparently make for a cooler looking skull (even if it implies a weird face).
posted by Hoopo at 9:54 AM on February 17


Who did Dan Aykroyd murder to make the mold for the bottle?

John C. McGinley?
posted by ZenMasterThis at 10:03 AM on February 17 [1 favorite]


AHHHHHHHH! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
posted by Lipstick Thespian at 10:11 AM on February 17 [1 favorite]


This reminds me (again, apparently) of a line from the Sam and Max story "Bad Day on the Moon":

"Give us one of those Elvis-shaped whiskey decanters."
"Yeah, we wanna drink from the neck-hole of the King."
posted by Mr. Bad Example at 10:16 AM on February 17 [5 favorites]


A scant bit more information on this Imgur gallery, which notes the images were pulled from the Crystal Skull Vodka Facebook page, where the images were posted without much information on who is the forensic artist behind this effort.
posted by filthy light thief at 10:22 AM on February 17


mullacc: "I knew that guy had a ponytail!"

I was not expecting a sensitive ponytail guy. I was expecting more of a mullet/hockey hair situation.
posted by Dr. Zira at 10:24 AM on February 17 [1 favorite]


It sort of makes sense that a liquor bottle would have jug ears.
posted by George_Spiggott at 10:26 AM on February 17 [3 favorites]


Surprisingly, more realistic/possible than I imagined.
posted by maryr at 10:57 AM on February 17


HEllO niCE tO MEet yOU my BRAIn is bOOZE....
posted by JHarris at 11:28 AM on February 17 [4 favorites]


He looks like half the guys at Burning Man.
posted by helmutdog at 11:37 AM on February 17 [1 favorite]


Yep, that was what ol' Ell looked like, back before he went down south to try to be in the pictures. All full spirit and zazz, like he figured there was something better for him than the life of an Idaho potato farmer, and by gum he was fixin' to go find out what that was. I guess I might not ever know how Mr. Aykroyd got over on Ell; probably the same way anyone gets got. You do something bad, and then you do something worse trying to fix it. Ma always knew Trouble was coming. She'd yell on the phone "Stay away from that Danny boy, Ell. He's no good." Ma had a way of knowing these sorts of things, like she and Trouble were speaking buddies and Trouble would always be sure to mention all its schemes for us. Anyhow, when the bank men showed up and told us Mr. Aykroyd owned our note now, we all considered it nothing more than the universe confirming that you always listen to Ma. The last time we heard from Ell, he told us it was all a big misunderstanding, and he was going to make it right. He and Mr. Aykroyd had worked out something so that we could keep the farm. Own it, free and clear, even. He didn't say what he had to do, but there was a thing in his voice that sounded like an old tired dog ready to be put down. I guess we'll never know how Mr. Aykroyd got over on Ell, but it's some small comfort to know why. So tonight I'm gonna go buy a bottle of Mr. Aykroyd's vodka and drink the whole thing, one shot at a time, in memory of Ell.

I miss him so.
posted by logicpunk at 12:12 PM on February 17 [14 favorites]


There was a Batman story once where the Joker took a photo of Batman's skull with an X-ray camera, and then announced that he would use forensic reconstruction techniques to sculpt the true face of Batman and reveal it to all of Gotham City on television. Batman tried to stop him before the broadcast, but failed, so the Joker went on the air and unveiled...

...a big lumpy blob of clay. With a smiley face drawn on.

Because the Joker doesn't know anything about forensic reconstruction. He just did it to screw with Batman.
posted by Faint of Butt at 12:40 PM on February 17 [24 favorites]


Not Dan Ackroyd therefore disappointing.
posted by MikeMc at 1:08 PM on February 17


*fighting urge to watch Gorky Park for the 18th time...*
posted by hearthpig at 2:02 PM on February 17 [1 favorite]


Did anyone else immediately think of the TV show, "That's Incredible"?
posted by ssmug at 2:26 PM on February 17 [2 favorites]


Hahahah! This link is hilariously twisted and weird. Thanks for posting!
posted by Conrad Cornelius o'Donald o'Dell at 2:38 PM on February 17


The crystal skull always tempts me in Bevmo, but then I come to my senses and realize my attraction is due to the Time - Life Mysteries of the Unknown ads of my childhood.
posted by benzenedream at 4:07 PM on February 17 [5 favorites]


Since it's a crystal skull, I was kind of expecting it to be Shia Labeouf.
posted by arcticseal at 4:30 PM on February 17 [1 favorite]


The crystal skull always tempts me in Bevmo, but then I come to my senses and realize my attraction is due to the Time - Life Mysteries of the Unknown ads of my childhood.

You say that like there's something wrong with it. In all seriousness, it's quite good vodka in a really cool bottle. If you drink vodka and like skulls, go for it.
posted by Faint of Butt at 5:08 PM on February 17 [1 favorite]


cause when you're done with the Vodka...you have a skull.
posted by The Whelk at 5:11 PM on February 17 [5 favorites]


My beloved Piratz Tavern has repurposed empty Crystal Head bottles into chandeliers.
posted by Faint of Butt at 5:31 PM on February 17 [3 favorites]


muddgirl: "I've always wondered what the "rules" are for these reconstructions. How do they know what the lips look like based on the shape of the skull alone?

I'm not an expert, but from what I remember reading about this years and years ago, they use population averages. In forensic cases they may have educated guesses on age and gender from other bones which will narrow down the ranges. Obviously that doesn't apply to this case.
"

I was lucky enough to take a course on facial reconstruction while at university, and while all the above is true, what was interesting to me was that there was a great degree of artistry in it, too, and being familiar with faces enough to make some guesses about what probably worked best. It was about 75% Science! Data! and 25% total art. A lot of people hear that and say "Well then it's not objective so BLAH BLAH BLAH FART", but they're missing the point: the idea isn't necessarily to make a perfect representation of a face from the underlying bones, but (in the case of criminal forensics) to create something similar enough that it jogs the memory of family or friends enough to say "Yeah, that could be her ..."
posted by barnacles at 5:39 PM on February 17 [4 favorites]


MetaFilter: BLAH BLAH BLAH FART
posted by Faint of Butt at 5:48 PM on February 17 [6 favorites]


Linked via the FPP: Best. Realdoll. Ever. There are no words.
posted by Joe in Australia at 5:49 PM on February 17 [4 favorites]


Was going to take a nap just now.


Nope, never going to sleep again.
posted by medeine at 6:26 PM on February 17 [2 favorites]


I would like to know what forensic artist collective decided that nostrils had to be big enough to pick with your thumb. I'm pretty sure I know several hundred people, and not one of them has nostrils big enough to pick with your thumb. Okay, one, but he never would. Really. Not "literally;" really. Now just stop it.
posted by halfbuckaroo at 8:11 PM on February 17 [1 favorite]


no surprise here....its a happy-go-lucky booze hound.
posted by quazichimp at 11:44 PM on February 17


> The crystal skull always tempts me in Bevmo, but then I come to my senses and realize my attraction is due to the Time - Life Mysteries of the Unknown ads of my childhood.

It is (or was at the last time I looked at it) a $30 bottle of vodka in a $15 container. I found it worth the price once just to have the bottle on my shelf, but I'd rather fill it up with Stoli or other similarly decent $30 bottle of vodka for future refills, and save the $15 premium for the skull that I already have (I can't imagine what I would do with multiple skulls).

I'm tempted to fill it with Pama just because a bright red skull would be way more interesting than one with vodka in it.
posted by mrzarquon at 12:17 AM on February 18


Best. Realdoll. Ever.

Someone is waaaaaaay too into Attack on Titan.
posted by maryr at 7:43 AM on February 18


We have two beer fridges and a liquor cabinet at work (yeah, sometimes I can't believe it either.) I'm getting a bottle of this for the cabinet.
posted by double block and bleed at 6:52 AM on February 23


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