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Unhung Hero
February 17, 2014 4:17 PM   Subscribe

Patrick Moote's marriage proposal was rejected in front of a large crowd at a UCLA basketball game. When he asked his former girlfriend why, she told him it was because his penis was too small, which led to him creating a cockumentary called Unhung Hero.

The video at the top is simply a shorter version of the video near the bottom of the article.
posted by gman (151 comments total) 11 users marked this as a favorite

 
I have always disliked these stunt proposals. If me asking you to spend your life with me isn't special enough on it's own, I'm staying single.
posted by thelonius at 4:27 PM on February 17 [69 favorites]


Any post with cockumentary in the tags is nearly required reading.
posted by RolandOfEld at 4:28 PM on February 17 [8 favorites]


Something about life handing you lemons.
posted by jquinby at 4:31 PM on February 17 [1 favorite]


I don't believe a word of this.
posted by Ironmouth at 4:33 PM on February 17 [72 favorites]


Came in to find the cockumentary tag. Was not disappointed at all.
posted by deezil at 4:33 PM on February 17 [6 favorites]


Jesus. She could have made something up.
posted by Ray Walston, Luck Dragon at 4:34 PM on February 17 [10 favorites]


She could have made something up.

"I'm sorry, the ring is too small".
posted by arcticseal at 4:37 PM on February 17 [6 favorites]


Small penis, or really big balls? It probably takes a bit courage to make a non-porn movie about your junk; for public viewing, anyway.
posted by Blazecock Pileon at 4:38 PM on February 17 [1 favorite]


Jesus. She could have made something up.

She did. The real reason? Whoo, boy.
posted by GenjiandProust at 4:40 PM on February 17 [55 favorites]


I don't believe a word of this.

Nope. I call marketing stunt.
posted by T.D. Strange at 4:40 PM on February 17 [9 favorites]


Nope. I call marketing stunt.

Spend some time googling penis hoax. I am not saying I disagree with you, just that you'll have a lively time googling.
posted by jessamyn at 4:42 PM on February 17 [132 favorites]


I have always disliked these stunt proposals. If me asking you to spend your life with me isn't special enough on it's own, I'm staying single.

I think the point of them is to show that you care enough to put in effort and make yourself vulnerable, neither of which are actually bad things. I get not liking the stuntiness of them and if it's not for you that's cool and fine but they can be done as a demonstration of feeling and not just as an attention-seeking gesture.

Something like that isn't how Mr. Pterodactyl proposed to me, either, which is for the best, but these aren't always just empty gestures full of horrible cynicism and jackassery; how and when you propose is a very personal thing, even when it's done in a big, public way.
posted by Mrs. Pterodactyl at 4:46 PM on February 17 [6 favorites]


I hear it's a very staged documentary. But it's on TPB so I will check it out.
posted by Napierzaza at 4:47 PM on February 17


Yeah, I'm just getting Balloon Boy kind of flashbacks. When big public awfulness happens to someone who just happens to be the sort of person who'd love to make it into a documentary or a reality TV show, I don't think one can really trust it after that.

And I know some people are just silly, but if it was that much of an issue, why hadn't she dumped him previously?

But yeah, at the same time, I'm still a little curious.
posted by Sequence at 4:47 PM on February 17 [2 favorites]


Scathing review on IMDB...
What becomes clear instead is the extent of Moote's masochism and the degree to which he must have eroticized the humiliation he supposedly feels. In other words, his shame and penis-related self-esteem issues become both his favorite topic and a kind of weapon that he wields against others. (That's most clear in the scenes in which he discusses his under-endowment with his parents and his ex-girlfriends; if you're not careful, you'd think Moote was being vulnerable and candid. Another likely interpretation, however, is that Moote draws pleasure from making people squirm.) I never believed his fiancée turned down his marriage proposal because of his penis size (there are so many other reasons why she might not have wanted to marry him, his fulminating neuroses and Olympian narcissism among them, that she'd never have needed such a superficial motivation). I never believed he seriously intended to try most of the treatments he supposedly considers. Mostly, I never believed that Moote was actually naïve enough to believe that pills and penis pumps (both of which he does try) would have any effect on the size of his junk. In other words, he depicts fake angst for fake impact. As a prolonged, Borat-like publicity stunt, it's certainly original. As a documentary, it never measures up.
posted by jessamyn at 4:48 PM on February 17 [60 favorites]


Is this the same guy who wants to send you pizza rolls?

So he started filmin'
Ain't never gonna stop
Gotta keep on obsessin'
Someday he's gonna make it to the tip

And be an un hung hero, got room in his drawers
He's an un hung hero
He took one ego, un hung hero, stars in his eyes
Unhung hero, he'll come alive tonight


Big coincidence he's a filmmaker and comedian. On the other hand what do you figure an accountant would do? So...

Some vaguely interesting issues on objectification in the embedded video re: double standard, e.g. if you said a woman's breasts were too small and you wouldn't marry her. (perhaps the most dangerous one being groin kicks to men are hilarious)

Buuuuuut *shrug* I don't believe there's the slightest shred of reality in anything broadcast like this anyway. No proof, but you can just sorta feel it.

I am not saying I disagree with you, just that you'll have a lively time googling
*turns on Roy Clark's Orange Blossom Special* *googles slow at first, then faster*
What. I like googling to banjo music s'all.

That's most clear in the scenes in which he discusses his under-endowment with his parents...
Dad, why do I have such a small penis?
'Just, for the lova God clean your damn room. Ok?'
Did the older boys laugh at me when we were in scouts and the
'Ahm gonna go in the garage.'
But I'm filming why my tiny
'Film my ass'
posted by Smedleyman at 4:49 PM on February 17 [1 favorite]


I hear it's a very staged documentary.

But it's a very small stage.
posted by The Riker Who Mounts the World at 4:49 PM on February 17 [8 favorites]


Pics or stfu
posted by fullerine at 4:49 PM on February 17 [5 favorites]


Yeah, I guess they are really natural for some couples. Not me though. If I were you, however, I wouldn't take relationship advice from me.

block that pronoun!
posted by thelonius at 4:49 PM on February 17


>>I don't believe a word of this.

>Nope. I call marketing stunt.


Thirded.

If that was really an issue for her, why was she continuing to date him enthusiastically enough to garner a proposal? Physical issues aren't like personality conflicts-- she wasn't thinking that if he really loved her and really tried, his penis would get larger.

Secondly, assuming that they weren't having an EXTREMELY acrimonious breakup, who would ever admit to that motive for rejecting a proposal? And if they were having an acrimonious breakup, why would he believe something designed to hurt?

Sounds more like "So we're not getting married, but I got an idea for a film that is SURE to get noticed. How awesome is this? Just stick to the story. It's weird, but you must feel enough remorse about how things turned out to do this for me!"
posted by Mayor Curley at 4:50 PM on February 17 [7 favorites]


Wow, GoPro is really getting creative in their viral ad campaigns.
posted by Nelson at 4:50 PM on February 17 [4 favorites]


I have always disliked these stunt proposals. If me asking you to spend your life with me isn't special enough on it's own, I'm staying single.

For real--asking someone to marry you in front of the biggest crowd you can find is manipulative, and if you're not sure they a) want that and b) will say yes, you kind of deserve what you get.

It reminds me of this. He's going to go through his whole life thinking girls don't like him because he [has a small penis]. But really, it'll be because he's an asshole.
posted by almostmanda at 4:51 PM on February 17 [12 favorites]


As a documentary, it never measures up.

I see what u did there reviewer
posted by stenseng at 4:52 PM on February 17 [4 favorites]


Wow, GoPro is really getting creative in their viral ad campaigns.

Even their micro models need a sizable attachment point.
posted by T.D. Strange at 4:54 PM on February 17 [3 favorites]


and the degree to which he must have eroticized the humiliation he supposedly feels
Hadn't occurred to me at first but there are guys like this. Typically they approach guys in bars or go on craigslist instead of make whole documentaries, but...
posted by Smedleyman at 4:56 PM on February 17


Poor little thing.
posted by planetesimal at 4:59 PM on February 17 [1 favorite]


As a prolonged, Borat-like publicity stunt, it's certainly original.

How can something be both Borat-like and original?
posted by heyho at 5:00 PM on February 17 [2 favorites]


Cock on
posted by asok at 5:00 PM on February 17 [1 favorite]


Personally I don't think any hard evidence is necessary when claiming that "public rejection" viral videos are fake or set-up or humiliation comedy bits or whatever one wants to call them. Seems to me like the fastest, cheapest way to go viral. Isn't there always some completely uninvolved person filming the kiss cam just in case?
posted by muddgirl at 5:06 PM on February 17 [1 favorite]


I think the point of them is to show that you care enough to put in effort and make yourself vulnerable, neither of which are actually bad things.

I think the point is to make it much harder for the girl (it's almost always the girl being asked in the stadium, right?) to say no.
posted by cell divide at 5:09 PM on February 17 [28 favorites]


Some vaguely interesting issues on objectification in the embedded video re: double standard, e.g. if you said a woman's breasts were too small and you wouldn't marry her. (perhaps the most dangerous one being groin kicks to men are hilarious)

If a girl was to say no because my penis was too small I'd prefer to think of it as having dodged a bullet. Or at least that the bullet went through my thigh and didn't wreck any major organs.

People may be shallow. That's their prerogative. Not quite sure what we're supposed to do about it besides tut-tutting which is not really producitve.
posted by Talez at 5:10 PM on February 17 [1 favorite]


A comedian motivated to make a fool of himself, based on self-esteem issues?

Inconceivable!
posted by markkraft at 5:12 PM on February 17 [8 favorites]


I have always disliked these stunt proposals. If me asking you to spend your life with me isn't special enough on it's own, I'm staying single.

I concur. Proposing in a stadium is kind of like breaking up in a crowded restaurant. "You wouldn't want to [say no/make a scene] and have all these people think you're an asshole, would you?" It's a control move, and it sucks.

If it really happened, good for her for owning the role that was forced upon her.
posted by Sys Rq at 5:13 PM on February 17 [15 favorites]


HuffPo is publishing cuckold erotica now? It seems to have been truncated, I missed the girlfriend getting impregnated by the improbably endowed cable repair guy while Mr. Small was forced to watch.
posted by benzenedream at 5:13 PM on February 17 [10 favorites]


HuffPo is publishing cuckold erotica now?

You won't believe what happens next!
posted by asterix at 5:15 PM on February 17 [26 favorites]


In the immortal words of Randy Newman:

"She will laugh at my mighty sword,
Laugh at my mighty sword.
Why does everybody have to
Laugh at my mighty sword?
Lord help me, if You will. . . ."

A Wedding in Cherokee County
posted by rdone at 5:16 PM on February 17 [3 favorites]


so, how do we know she really said that to him? - how do we know this isn't some kind of stunty revenge move for being rejected for his stunty proposal? - doesn't it make her sound shallow, and well, slutty?

sounds like something that would happen in a patriarchy, right?

why are we believing him?
posted by pyramid termite at 5:21 PM on February 17 [5 favorites]


Seriously though, if a woman doesn't want to marry a guy because the guy isn't doing it for her in the sack, amongst other reasons... sounds like she's making a good decision. It doesn't sound like she is objectifying him, as much as saying that he's simply not doing it for her. It's not as though he hadn't had the opportunity to convince her that there were a huge variety of ways in which he could please her.

Frankly, having someone put you on the spot by asking you to marry them in front of a stadium full of people seems like a good enough reason to refuse a proposal. Maybe it all comes down to him being too much of a jackass to imagine spending the rest of her life with?!
posted by markkraft at 5:22 PM on February 17 [2 favorites]


"Isn't there always some completely uninvolved person filming the kiss cam just in case?"

My ex was featured on the kiss cam once - framed as they will - the man next to her was her father.
posted by vapidave at 5:22 PM on February 17 [1 favorite]


Big coincidence he's a filmmaker and comedian. On the other hand what do you figure an accountant would do?

Double-entry!
posted by Joe in Australia at 5:23 PM on February 17 [9 favorites]


Double-entry!

two thrusts and he's done?
posted by pyramid termite at 5:24 PM on February 17


doesn't it make her sound shallow, and well, slutty?

No?
posted by jessamyn at 5:24 PM on February 17 [46 favorites]


I would be so much more interested in a documentary about public proposals gone wrong than a documentary about the size of this one dude's dick.
posted by Sara C. at 5:25 PM on February 17 [38 favorites]


I think the point of them is to show that you care enough to put in effort and make yourself vulnerable, neither of which are actually bad things.


I'm gonna have to go ahead and sort of disagree with you there,
1. These stadium proposals add a bunch of pressure and make a spectacle out of what seems like a fairly intimate moment.
2. Then he goes out and makes a movie about his dick.
3. Profit!
posted by ActingTheGoat at 5:25 PM on February 17 [3 favorites]


doesn't it make her sound shallow, and well, slutty?

Where the hell did you get that idea from?

It's explicitly stated in the first link that the size of his penis was one of several issues.
posted by Brandon Blatcher at 5:27 PM on February 17 [1 favorite]


More often than not the "stunt proposals" are from dudes who know their girlfriend wants to be proposed to in some grandiose or "original" way. The pressure is actually often on the dude despite what it looks like. I'm no MRA but I don't think these typically involve guys trying to trap an unwilling partner into a guilt tripped miserable marriage.
posted by lordaych at 5:27 PM on February 17 [3 favorites]


Yeah, I wasn't satisfied by this documentary because I felt like the story didn't give me enough to work with. Maybe if I watched it on high def it would seem like a bigger deal.
posted by octobersurprise at 5:27 PM on February 17 [3 favorites]


Did UCLA win?
posted by srboisvert at 5:27 PM on February 17 [10 favorites]


…I never believed his fiancée turned down his marriage proposal because of his penis size (there are so many other reasons why she might not have wanted to marry him, his fulminating neuroses and Olympian narcissism among them, that she'd never have needed such a superficial motivation…

Well but I think it's interesting that the reviewer doesn't make the imaginative leap to also consider the possibility that Moote's personality issues (so to speak) are an internalization of society's superficial valuation of men's and women's bodies. That his narcissism or whatever is a direct, learned consequence of how we act towards those who are different, etc. I think that would open up a more empathic understanding of what's going on here.
posted by polymodus at 5:27 PM on February 17 [1 favorite]


Re big public proposals in general -- one thing I'm sort of aware of due to the fact that many/most of my girlfriends are married now is that a lot of couples sort of arrive at "we are going to get married", and then the actual proposal is done as a big stunt. Because the guy knows she's going to say yes. Because it ultimately was a decision they arrived at together months before The Proposal.

I frankly think this is stupid, but, hey, at least it explains the logic behind stunt proposals. If you're doing that, the stakes are probably pretty low.

Which I suppose is another point in the "this is probably fake" column. Who would do this if they didn't already know the answer would be yes?
posted by Sara C. at 5:28 PM on February 17 [5 favorites]


LOL at HuffPo being considered some untarnished parcel of journalism integrity.
posted by Brocktoon at 5:31 PM on February 17 [3 favorites]


I just think it's sad that all of his friends will be calling him "Jumbotron" for the rest of his life.
posted by The Riker Who Mounts the World at 5:32 PM on February 17 [9 favorites]


Huh. The last time I tried to make a movie about my penis I got arrested, and this guy gets posted to huffpo and mefi?

I guess it wasn't such a good idea to film it in the library.
posted by loquacious at 5:34 PM on February 17 [8 favorites]


"Who would do this if they didn't already know the answer would be yes?"

How about some neurotic with low self-esteem, who was so narcissistic and wrapped up in themselves and their own need to be loved that they acted out of desperation, after their partner voiced displeasure about how they were routinely treated by them? How about someone who utterly failed to communicate adequately with their partner, both verbally and non-verbally, and who obviously let their fears control them, without thinking things through?
posted by markkraft at 5:35 PM on February 17 [2 favorites]


His ex should make her own documentary. He must have been pretty deluded if he thought that proposal would go over well. There's no WAY he didn't already know she thought his dick was small. No way in hell. I feel for anyone who ain't packin' but this guy is a [in my best Ace Ventura voice] lah'HOO..-zuh'HER!!
posted by ReeMonster at 5:35 PM on February 17


"For real--asking someone to marry you in front of the biggest crowd you can find is manipulative, and if you're not sure they a) want that and b) will say yes, you kind of deserve what you get."

I got in an acrimonious argument with one of my very favorite mefites on this topic, because he publicly proposed to his wife and I'd argued that it was a very inconsiderate and selfish thing to do. I've always felt bad about that argument.

In retrospect later, I decided that there's some class of relationships where although the two people have not explicitly talked about marriage, there's some (*hand-waving*) level of communication such that both people are totally and certainly on the same page and the proposal is, in some sense, entirely expected and there's no doubt about the outcome.

But ... I still feel weird about it. Absent some actual talk about marriage where the other person has been clear that they want to get married (and not "someday" or "in the next few years" but "I'd be happy for us to be officially engaged"), I just don't know how you can really be certain. And if you're not certain, if there's any chance that the other person may not be certain about saying "yes", then asking them in a big public display is just not fair to them.

I guess also there's something more ambiguous that rubs me the wrong way. The public performance of it? Which shouldn't be a problem for me because I pretty much believe that marriage is a social, not private, institution. So not that it's in public and social (like, I don't know, asking at a family holiday get-together or a special event with friends or similar) but as a spectacle, in front of hundreds or thousands or millions of people, complete strangers. That ... just doesn't seem right to me, like it's a missing something important.

Anyway, per another thread's discussion about skepticism, in this case I see extremely strong reason to be skeptical. Given how he's capitalizing on this, it seems pretty likely that it was all staged from the beginning. Or, per the previous comments, he could be such a jerk that she wasn't in on it, but he knew that she'd say "no" and so the outcome was intended on his part.
posted by Ivan Fyodorovich at 5:36 PM on February 17 [4 favorites]


There's no WAY he didn't already know she thought his dick was small. No way in hell.

Yep, he said as much in the first link of the post. He totally knew it was one of several issues in the relationship.
posted by Brandon Blatcher at 5:38 PM on February 17


I hear it's got a real shot at an Oscar for Best Documentary, Short Subject.
posted by yoink at 5:38 PM on February 17 [10 favorites]


This story is bullshit. But public proposals are often real and it's extremely normal to be in an LTR where you both have essentially decided to marry but there's still a demand for the whole rigmarole. The "original" or "outstanding" proposal, the expensive blood diamond, etc. The diamond is the nasty part. Judging anyone for a public proposal otherwise should be up to the recipient alone, because there's a good freaking chance that they built up the expectation for a spectacle.
posted by lordaych at 5:38 PM on February 17 [3 favorites]


“Ow! My balls penis!”
posted by acb at 5:39 PM on February 17 [3 favorites]


This whole thing was faked. This kind of overly public, overly embarrassing refusal is plot device, not reality.
posted by mochapickle at 5:39 PM on February 17


she wasn't thinking that if he really loved her and really tried, his penis would get larger.

Shit.
posted by Horace Rumpole at 5:41 PM on February 17 [1 favorite]


pyramid termite: why are we believing him?

People around here will easily fall victim to a logical phallus-y.

But I suppose thats a Moote point.
posted by dr_dank at 5:41 PM on February 17 [6 favorites]


Let's face it, someone asks you to marry them in front of that many people say yes. Then tell them no in private. It's not a legally binding contract.
posted by Splunge at 5:47 PM on February 17 [11 favorites]


If anyone wants to stunt-pretend to propose to me so that I can turn you down and jumpstart your movie career, I will be happy to. You provide the reasoning I am supposed to stick to (and the tickets) and we can backdate some Flickr photos and work out some sort of profit sharing.
posted by jessamyn at 5:49 PM on February 17 [32 favorites]


Judging anyone for a public proposal otherwise should be up to the recipient alone, because there's a good freaking chance that they built up the expectation for a spectacle.

FWIW I judge the whole couple when stuff like this happens.

I don't judge that hard, though, I guess. I'd put "elaborate public proposal" up there with "throws birthday party in expensive restaurant and expects guests to pay" and "nude self-portrait displayed in public area of the house". Merits an eye-roll for sure, but whatever, narcissists gonna narcissify.
posted by Sara C. at 5:51 PM on February 17 [9 favorites]


Sara C.: Who would do this if they didn't already know the answer would be yes?

Classic case of blaming the little guy rather than those who are too big to fail.
posted by gman at 5:53 PM on February 17 [5 favorites]


If anyone wants to stunt-pretend to propose to me so that I can turn you down and jumpstart your movie career, I will be happy to. You provide the reasoning I am supposed to stick to (and the tickets) and we can backdate some Flickr photos and work out some sort of profit sharing.

Ok.
posted by Brandon Blatcher at 5:55 PM on February 17 [2 favorites]


I feel for anyone who ain't packin'

You have to feel for it? Oh, man, that's harsh.
posted by octobersurprise at 5:59 PM on February 17 [3 favorites]


Let's face it, someone asks you to marry them in front of that many people say yes. Then tell them no in private. It's not a legally binding contract.

I've often wondered how many of those grand public proposals end up with a trip to the altar. I'm sure there is selection bias at work here but none of my acquaintances who have been married 15+ years tell engagement stories involving crowded public auditoriums.
posted by Tell Me No Lies at 6:00 PM on February 17 [1 favorite]


I guess also there's something more ambiguous that rubs me the wrong way. The public performance of it?

My boyfriend teaches high school. This year, he assured his students that anyone who interrupted his class on Valentine's Day to deliver flowers, stuffed bears, or whatever, to any of his students would be loudly booed. Partly because it's annoying for class to be interrupted, but also because high school boys (and, yeah, it's usually boys in this scenario as well) seem to have kind of a blind spot where they really love attention and the best gift anyone could give them would be to be the center of attention--so it follows that the sweetest thing they could possibly do for their girlfriend/crush is to make a big declaration of their feelings in front of people. It doesn't occur to them that the gift of jointly being a public spectacle is not a thing everyone wants. It's embarrassing, and it makes the girl look like an asshole if she doesn't return those feelings. Regardless of her response, though, the boy gets one thing he wants out of it--the attention.

I'm sure a lot of people decide, like adults, together, that they'd like to be married, and the grand gesture that follows is kind of sweet but also perfunctory and unsurprising. I also believe there's a nonzero number of immature men who haven't moved past belief that the nicest thing they could give a woman is the thing they, too, would want. And that is, of course, being the center of attention. I think this is the same thing driving young men to send women unsolicited dick pics.
posted by almostmanda at 6:02 PM on February 17 [22 favorites]


Want to talk about drama and pressure, there's Best Wedding Proposal Ever !! (The Americana at Brand, Glendale, CA) from some TV show called "MOBBED". It started out as a mock fight during dinner and turned into some grand Disney-esque outdoor spectacle with a thousand flash-mob dancers and they'd flown her family in and he wanted them to get married RIGHT THEN AND THERE.

Rewatching after a couple of years now, I would have paid money to see her say "Sorry, you suck in bed." and turn and walk away. THAT would be epic, and deserved after the spectacle that was put on.
posted by mrbill at 6:10 PM on February 17 [6 favorites]


"'She rejected my basketball proposal because my penis was too small' will play after the ad." OK, thanks.
posted by bowline at 6:13 PM on February 17 [1 favorite]


... Oh Jessamyn, for well over a decade I have pined for thy hand...

... yet, all hopes dashed against the rocks of despair, only to be told I have a small vocabulary ....
posted by jkaczor at 6:18 PM on February 17 [3 favorites]


Jesus. She could have made something up.

She did. He's terrible in bed.
posted by dobbs at 6:22 PM on February 17 [1 favorite]


"She did. He's terrible in bed."

I prefer to believe that she's telling the truth about that part.
posted by Ivan Fyodorovich at 6:35 PM on February 17


> doesn't it make her sound shallow, and well, slutty?

"And that's for knowing the difference!"
posted by The corpse in the library at 6:38 PM on February 17 [2 favorites]


Howard Stern did this bit 30 years ago. So he's unoriginal in addition to having a small penis.
posted by seymourScagnetti at 6:41 PM on February 17 [4 favorites]


What a tool.
posted by His thoughts were red thoughts at 6:41 PM on February 17 [1 favorite]


narcissists gonna narcissify.

Narcissists gonna narcissus
posted by pullayup at 6:48 PM on February 17 [5 favorites]


I think that public pressure proposals, especially when the proposer knows the answer already, which has to be the case, (otherwise he would have braved a truly intimate situation in which to propose,) reflect a neurotic neediness.
posted by Oyéah at 6:49 PM on February 17 [1 favorite]


I guess it wasn't such a good idea to film it in the library.

It's all about location. If you'd stuck to making a silent movie, you wouldn't have had a problem.
posted by Ghidorah at 6:52 PM on February 17 [1 favorite]


Perhaps the official website would be a better link than the movie's Facebook page?

Penis size, and the ways in which guys get (ahem) hung up on it, would be a great subject for a documentary. From watching the trailer, I'm not sure this is it. The comments above about the project having a tinge of cuckold fetishism ring true to me.

At any rate, the official release date on iTunes is tomorrow, so hopefully this last burst of publicity helps.
posted by Dip Flash at 6:55 PM on February 17 [2 favorites]


Also, this guy needs to change his first name to Richard.
posted by loquacious at 6:56 PM on February 17 [1 favorite]


I want to see Sara C.'s documentary on proposals-gone-wrong. History Channel seems like a natural--maybe an episode of "Engineering Disasters?"
posted by maxwelton at 6:59 PM on February 17 [3 favorites]


I read this as "Patrick Moore" and am bitterly disappointed
posted by East Manitoba Regional Junior Kabaddi Champion '94 at 7:02 PM on February 17 [1 favorite]


Totally with those who think this is fake.
posted by sweetkid at 7:03 PM on February 17 [1 favorite]


Curiosity is getting the better of me:

In the dickumentary, does he cite the actual dimensions of his dingaling?
posted by nacho fries at 7:14 PM on February 17



There is, sort of. Unfortunately, one of the featured interviewees was less than honest about his true endowment.



I think that "No, because this is gauche and tacky and just hell no" would be a perfectly legit response to a big public proposal.
And then the mascot will hug you and get you a beer.
posted by louche mustachio at 7:14 PM on February 17 [2 favorites]


This kind of proposal seems like a low temperature variation on traditional bride kidnapping, with the crowd replacing the man's band of friends, and reluctance on the woman's part to violate the enormous mass of expectation by the crowd standing in for fear of violent force.
posted by jamjam at 7:15 PM on February 17


Whether this particular incident is true or not, some people want the grand, public proposal, and I'd rather trust the groom-to-be has a better understanding of what his bride-to-be wants (or vice-versa, when she proposes) than dismiss it as coercive and immature based on knowing nothing about the people in question other than that's not how I want it to happen.

Of course, the next step after thinking the guy is a douchebag for asking her in public is to think that the woman is lying if she seems happy about it. Because it's just as likely that the proposer didn't want to make a big deal, but knew that the proposee liked that sort of thing, and so tailored the moment for the joy of their beloved.

Or do people here know a lot more couples that wouldn't have gotten married except he asked in public and she couldn't say no, not then, not any time before the wedding, than I do? Because I don't know any, but if this actually happens, I'd be interested to hear.
posted by gadge emeritus at 7:16 PM on February 17 [4 favorites]


He looks like a really sad and grimy John Krasinski. I'm sure the "your penis is too small" was just a way for her to get him to let her leave the relationship, or why would she have bothered having sex with him again after the first time she got a feel of it.

How small is it, exactly? Does he ever say?
posted by discopolo at 7:25 PM on February 17


There is an air of theatricality about the; including 91 comments here. At some level everyone can identify with one or the other party, or both parties. Are we being too serious about it? As someone mentioned previously, this has Balloon Boy feels.
posted by GhostRider at 7:26 PM on February 17


Ballon Boy was more endowed.
posted by planetesimal at 7:27 PM on February 17 [2 favorites]


Also, someone cared about Balloon Boy, albeit temporarily.
posted by GhostRider at 7:29 PM on February 17 [1 favorite]


as a ucla basketball fan of over 50 years standing, i can attest that nothing like this ever happened during the wooden era.
posted by bruce at 7:35 PM on February 17 [7 favorites]


there are so many other reasons why she might not have wanted to marry him, his fulminating neuroses and Olympian narcissism among them, that she'd never have needed such a superficial motivation

Yep. This was on HBO a few months ago and I watched for long enough to learn of a fascinating paradox: the fact that a man has a tiny dick does not prevent him from being an enormous dick.
posted by The Bellman at 7:39 PM on February 17 [6 favorites]


Whether this particular incident is true or not, some people want the grand, public proposal, and I'd rather trust the groom-to-be has a better understanding of what his bride-to-be wants (or vice-versa, when she proposes) than dismiss it as coercive and immature based on knowing nothing about the people in question other than that's not how I want it to happen.

I'm guessing in this case he didn't have such a great understanding.

Though also, part of the problem with the huge public proposal is that I don't want to be part of your audience.
posted by jeather at 7:41 PM on February 17 [4 favorites]


I seriously doubt anyone doing the "one-kneed" proposal doesn't already know the answer. If not, he/she's probably been seriously manipulated in the relationship.
posted by chuckiebtoo at 7:43 PM on February 17


Well, yes it is rather a small organ but I never expected it to be played in an auditorium.
posted by X4ster at 7:49 PM on February 17 [5 favorites]


> narcissists gonna narcissify.

Narcissists gonna narcissus


Is there an echo in here?
posted by sebastienbailard at 7:50 PM on February 17 [18 favorites]


Y'know, I'm gonna withhold judgment until the reviews start coming in. Maybe small penises are surprisingly entertaining?
posted by zscore at 8:00 PM on February 17


Never give an inch.
posted by Pudhoho at 8:01 PM on February 17


Whether this particular incident is true or not, some people want the grand, public proposal, and I'd rather trust the groom-to-be has a better understanding of what his bride-to-be wants (or vice-versa, when she proposes) than dismiss it as coercive and immature based on knowing nothing about the people in question other than that's not how I want it to happen.

But this particular story is about a groom-to-be that didn't have a better understanding of what his girlfriend wanted.


Or do people here know a lot more couples that wouldn't have gotten married except he asked in public and she couldn't say no, not then, not any time before the wedding, than I do? Because I don't know any, but if this actually happens, I'd be interested to hear.


I don't think anybody is claiming that. These public proposals put a bunch of public pressure on the woman to say yes publicly, whether she wants to or not. Look at the comments in the OP, the linked YouTube video in the OP and in louche mustachios link and you will see people saying that she should have said yes in public and then let him down in private. There is pressure for her to perform for the crowd. Using a mob to help get someone to say yes in public to something they might rather have the chance to say no to in private isn't fair.
posted by ActingTheGoat at 8:01 PM on February 17 [1 favorite]


So Hedwigian.
posted by planetesimal at 8:06 PM on February 17


How small is it, exactly? Does he ever say?

He is examined by a doctor in the film who estimates that he is at the small end of normal (where normal is stated to be 4 to 6 inches erect). I think he confirms this estimate but I was multitasking and not paying close attention so I could be wrong.

Only watched the first few minutes because it wasn't funny or interesting. On review it seems everyone already figured this out.
posted by sockpup at 8:16 PM on February 17


Also, let us look at some empirical distribution functions so that we may better understand this phenomenon.
posted by zscore at 8:21 PM on February 17 [1 favorite]


I proposed to my wife of 12 years in an irish bar between my first and second sips of Guinness. Before I put the glass down on the table I had no idea I was going to do it.
posted by Sebmojo at 8:22 PM on February 17 [11 favorites]


He has eclipsed any objective measurement of his genital skill/size by first and foremost coming across as a massive anus - thus making anything else seem tiny in comparison.
posted by isopraxis at 8:25 PM on February 17 [1 favorite]


"I seriously doubt anyone doing the 'one-kneed' proposal doesn't already know the answer. If not, he/she's probably been seriously manipulated in the relationship."

Seriously? No, wait...seriously? Your claim is that everyone who ever does a "one-knee" proposal either knows they're getting a "yes" or they've been manipulated?

I can't not even what.
posted by Ivan Fyodorovich at 8:27 PM on February 17 [5 favorites]


I was talking with a guy who runs a veterans organization, on the topic of the wisdom of videos of military people returning from overseas and surprising their children at schools or games. They mostly horrify me, for the record. He had a worse story--a guy was headed for Afghanistan, but at the last minute, there was a delay in their actual flight date. So the guy decided to pop back to his house from the nearby base, planning to surprise his family. He unlocked the door and discovered the wife's boyfriend in the midst of unpacking his stuff for a long stay.
posted by etaoin at 8:28 PM on February 17 [7 favorites]


I'm sure there is selection bias at work here but none of my acquaintances who have been married 15+ years tell engagement stories involving crowded public auditoriums.

That's because 15 years ago it wasn't a thing: now there's the ubiquity of Facebook, YouTube, phone cams, etc., which only enhance the contagion/expectation effect (just like the explosion of Pinterest mason jar/haystack weddings). It's actually kind of depressing.
posted by blue suede stockings at 8:36 PM on February 17 [1 favorite]


> narcissists gonna narcissify.

>Narcissists gonna narcissus

>Is there an echo in here?


Thank you, ladies and gentlemen, you’ve been a wonderful audience. We'll be Hera all week...don't forget to tip the veal!
posted by pullayup at 8:39 PM on February 17 [4 favorites]


I'll bet he drives a really big truck.
posted by islander at 9:07 PM on February 17 [1 favorite]


Let's face it, someone asks you to marry them in front of that many people say yes.

No no, that's when someone asks if you're a god.
posted by like_a_friend at 9:11 PM on February 17 [5 favorites]


seigfried was a nothung hero.
posted by bruce at 9:20 PM on February 17


I seriously doubt anyone doing the "one-kneed" proposal doesn't already know the answer. If not, he/she's probably been seriously manipulated in the relationship.

Never underestimate just how clueless people can be about relationships.

In divorces for example it is pretty common for one person to never see it coming. I know a guy who's very surprised wife, when pressed for why she thought he had insisted on marriage counseling for the past four months, replied "I just thought you were being careful."
posted by Tell Me No Lies at 9:29 PM on February 17 [5 favorites]


Instead of him playing the dupe who's life is but a play, we play that role! It's The Truman Show, filmed as a selfie. We are unwitting, thinking that it is us watching him when really, we're his puppets.

The only way to win is to not play.
posted by five fresh fish at 9:56 PM on February 17 [1 favorite]


Nelson: "Wow, GoPro is really getting creative in their viral ad campaigns."

Wait til you see how long my dong is when I drop it from outer space and it hits the ground.
posted by symbioid at 10:07 PM on February 17 [2 favorites]


Everyone knows you don't propose at a basketball game. You do the public proposal at her sister's wedding, preferably as part of a toast.
posted by Nelson at 10:28 PM on February 17 [5 favorites]


A+ if the sister's wedding is the halftime entertainment at a basketball game.
posted by Pudhoho at 10:32 PM on February 17 [6 favorites]


if he really loved her and really tried, his penis would get larger

Well, in Whoville they say
that the Grinch's small dick
grew three sizes that day!
posted by XMLicious at 10:38 PM on February 17 [3 favorites]


Patrick Moore did an AMA on reddit (and he doesn't seem like a jerk at all, surprisingly).
posted by misha at 10:40 PM on February 17 [1 favorite]


I feel for anyone who ain't packin'

OH AM I TO GATHER FROM THIS THAT YOUR PENIS IS QUITE LARGE

THANK YOU FOR CLEARING THAT UP I WAS CONCERNED
posted by dersins at 10:50 PM on February 17 [9 favorites]


mason jar/haystack weddings

That doesn't sound Biblical
posted by thelonius at 11:21 PM on February 17 [2 favorites]


Patrick Moore did an AMA on reddit (and he doesn't seem like a jerk at all, surprisingly).

No it's Patrick Moote with a T. I'm betting that Patrick Moore had a huge penis.
posted by w0mbat at 12:08 AM on February 18 [1 favorite]


Patrick Moore was a huge penis.
posted by pracowity at 12:54 AM on February 18 [1 favorite]


Not incidentally, if you don't like public humiliation, public proposals are are a really bad idea, not to mention a totally (small) dick move because of the added pressure they put on the recipient.
posted by Decani at 2:25 AM on February 18


Where the hell did you get that idea from?

what do we say about guys who judge women on their bodies? - he's attempting to frame her as being the same way about men

it's an act of revenge - it's an attempt to make her look bad

It's explicitly stated in the first link that the size of his penis was one of several issues.

which is why the video's called "unhung hero"
posted by pyramid termite at 2:27 AM on February 18


There is a pretty good short documentary about this subject (the small dick, not the public proposal) from England called My Penis and I.
posted by h00py at 3:25 AM on February 18


"Is it because I have a cabbage for a a head?"
posted by whuppy at 5:58 AM on February 18 [7 favorites]


"the wisdom of videos of military people returning from overseas and surprising their children at schools or games"

i haaaaate those. they completely skim over just how difficult reintegration of the family can be. they let us feel like we're part of something, like we gave them a present. it reeks to me of "support your troops" which is to say, a hollow gesture to make us all feel better about this never ending military engagement while failing to do anything that actually supports our troops like making sure they have the necessary body armor while they're there and top notch medical care once their home.
posted by nadawi at 6:38 AM on February 18 [5 favorites]


on the topic of the post - i was pre-proposed to while i was breaking up with someone. sometimes people are just on wildly different pages.
posted by nadawi at 6:39 AM on February 18 [4 favorites]


what do we say about guys who judge women on their bodies?

There is no we here. You may say one think, depending on the situation, someone else may say something else.

- he's attempting to frame her as being the same way about men

You should check out some of the links in the post or read the reddit AMA.
posted by Brandon Blatcher at 7:16 AM on February 18 [1 favorite]


I'm surprised this is coming up now, since he's been promoting it for over six months already. Granted I haven't seen the doc, but Moote has seemed funny and ingratiating enough on Doug Loves Movies when he's appeared. He also made it out to be more about how men internalize society's opinions about penis size and less about the ex-girlfriend & proposal thing, but grar for everyone I guess.
posted by psoas at 7:34 AM on February 18


The links in the post I thought were misleading.

Some relevant quotes from the AMA:

"I blame myself for backing her into a corner where she felt like saying something like that was the only way out. I dont really think it matters to most but it really does to some. In most cases all the other stuff is so much more important though. It was really more of an investigation of why men care so much and why its such a sensitive subject."

"it was one of several reasons she didnt think we were right for each other and honestly probably the least important but when she said it thats really all I was hearing at the time."
posted by jeather at 7:35 AM on February 18 [1 favorite]


Whether this particular incident is true or not, some people want the grand, public proposal, and I'd rather trust the groom-to-be has a better understanding of what his bride-to-be wants (or vice-versa, when she proposes) than dismiss it as coercive and immature based on knowing nothing about the people in question other than that's not how I want it to happen.

Well, sort of.

My (now-husband) had a plan for a grand, public proposal. I accidentally sabotaged it by not going to the grand, public place, but that was proposal plan 1.0. And I would have loved it - but I definitely would have loved it and been so touched and cried buckets. I would have wanted to have a whole crowd to share how happy I was with.

That said, some guys think that the grandness of the proposal will make up for the shittiness of the relationship to sweep the person away. And you can't tell from the size of the proposal which type they are.

Fortunately, though, you can from the documentary!
posted by corb at 8:15 AM on February 18


Ok, I watched the documentary and it's pretty good. Is Moore being narcissistic and obsessive? Yeah, but that's dealt with and pointed out as close look at the $5 billion a year spent on penis enlargement. It's fascinating and crazy to see how many different techniques are used, the various sizes of condoms (55 at one condom maker) and how people respond to the question "Does size matter."

If you've got an hour and half, I highly recommend it.
posted by Brandon Blatcher at 10:22 AM on February 18 [2 favorites]


Has a woman ever proposed via Jumbotron?
posted by gottabefunky at 11:08 AM on February 18


Yes.
posted by jessamyn at 11:10 AM on February 18


If you've got an hour and half, I highly recommend it.

Pssht! I've got two and a half hours!
posted by The Riker Who Mounts the World at 11:16 AM on February 18


[searches snopes.com...]

[finds nothing]

Must be legit!
posted by schleppo at 11:50 AM on February 18


the $5 billion a year spent on penis enlargement.

But according to the US Census International Database there are only 3,613,262,318 men in the world. So some of you guys must have more than one.
posted by octobersurprise at 12:26 PM on February 18


You're not wrong, octobersurprise. You're not wrong.
posted by Sys Rq at 12:30 PM on February 18


Heavens, I hope he's careful, then. Two peen of unequal size might embarrass a man.
posted by octobersurprise at 12:40 PM on February 18


I did enjoy the visit he makes in the film to Haesindang Park, in South Korea.
posted by PandaMomentum at 1:32 PM on February 18


I think a lot of men who are obsessed with their penis size have low self esteem and character flaws which make them unattractive as partners (and not just sexually), so they latch on to this panacea --a larger penis-- thinking that it will solve all their problems. Given a choice, some women may prefer more girth or length in their partner but it's usually not a dealbreaker by any means. I mean, if you have a 2"-3" penis that could be a problem, but the low end of normal range is no...biggie. In fact, most complaints about penis size by women are about their partner being too large, thereby making sex uncomfortable and painful. It's just that it is much easier for some men to latch on to this one thing which has been "sabotaging" them their whole lives (at least in their mind), rather than improving themselves as a person and a mate, because that's too hard and requires much more effort and determination on their part than ordering a bogus penis enlarger.
posted by Devils Slide at 2:25 PM on February 18 [3 favorites]


I think a lot of men who are obsessed with their penis size have low self esteem and character flaws which make them unattractive as partners (and not just sexually)

Yeah, this comment strikes me as right. This was me in 2012 and before. The size issues subsided as I recognized the true importance of my other, much more pressing problems. They're still there, but they've lost their prominence for good.

It's just that it is much easier for some men to latch on to this one thing which has been "sabotaging" them their whole lives (at least in their mind), rather than improving themselves as a person and a mate, because that's too hard and requires much more effort and determination on their part than ordering a bogus penis enlarger.

And yeah, it's way easier to fixate on size than to fix the anxiety, the depression, the unhealthy body, the living at home, the poor social life, and so on. The alternative is hard enough that I could almost forgive the guys who give up and obsess over their dicks if they weren't so frequently obnoxious.
posted by Rustic Etruscan at 3:24 PM on February 18


I do not understand why dick shaming is acceptable. Ugly, guys.
posted by Ogre Lawless at 6:25 AM on February 19 [3 favorites]


...actually, I think this thread has been remarkably absent in penis shaming, if that's what you mean. Dick shaming, as in jerk shaming, is another matter.
posted by corb at 6:31 AM on February 19


On review I guess I'd meet you half way at "relatively restrained". Perhaps even "largely restrained". I read it burst-style where this comment pretty early on noting a double standard shifted my perceptual filter: penis shaming is A Thing strangely uncontested even here where we tend to pride ourselves on our sensitivities especially around uncontrollable characteristics. I felt that there seemed to be some clear exemplars which were atypically unenlightened. On review, most of it seems to be subject to "assume good intentions" but its difficult to say nah, none of those are played for little-dick lulz. I mean, its the OP hook, right? Dude with a little dick gets rejected for same (amongst others). It'd be not so much of a thing if it were "dude gets rejected at the arena because he's an asshole|just not in the cards|whatever". Its notable because he got called out for little dickism. Har har.<>

I guess the fact that we're invited to revel in the burn at least acknowledges that its impolite...
posted by Ogre Lawless at 11:56 AM on February 19


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