Cabal Member #1: I call to order the meeting of Elders, we who do evil
because we are evil.
Cabal Member #2: Hooray! Today we will do evil.
Cabal Member #3: Muwahahaha!
CM#1: Cabal Member #4 could you sum up our evil plans concisely so that
if these minutes ever fall into the hands of the innocent victims
they will know that we are evil?
CM#4: I would be delighted.
CM#4: First, our agents continue to blackmail officers to keep net
neutrality in place. This communist policy will tear down the
structure of capitalism and destroy the future of America.
CM#2: Oooh, that's evil.
CM#4: Second, our plans to interrupt Netflix streams just often enough
to anger people but not quite enough to get them to give up
continues apace. We have no particular goal for this program,
we just like to piss people off.
CM#2: Pointless plans are the most evil of all.
CM#1: Could someone hit Cabal Member #3? I think he's stuck.
(CM#2 punches CM#3 on the arm)
CM#3: Whew, thank god for that. CM#4 could you continue with your
summary of evil?
CM#4: This brings us to our current project. We have replaced six of
the seven sacred key holders to the internet with our own agents.
Who are evil. Unfortunately the remaining key holder is a white
male American between the ages of 35 and 45 with strong libertarian
CM#4: All of our attempts to subborn him have failed due to his possesion
of multiple firearms. Firearms work much like crosses in scaring
away our evil agents.
CM#2: Drat! How can we do our evil work if he is so well protected?
CM#1: Enough. We will have our agent Snowden pit the NSA against the
security community. In the confusion we will seize control of
his key and with it corrupt DNS!
CM#2: That's brilliant. And evil! Everyone, a toast to evil!
(they all toast)
CM#1: I hereby close this meeting. In the foyer you will find puppies
which we will torture and then eat.
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