Clever girl...
March 7, 2014 5:58 PM Subscribe
This happens every day at my house. My cat is supposed to be on a diet and she knows that I have a hard, cold heart. So she ruthlessly pursues my 4-year-old around the kitchen, unleashing a series of MeeeeOWs that only increase in intensity. If the 4-year-old can make a run for it, she does. Too often, though, the child is cornered and forced to give the cat some of her Fat Kitty food. Is my cat grateful? No. She chows down on the fat kitty food with a resentful glare, because she would really like some delicious wet cat food instead.
posted by Ostara at 6:13 PM on March 7, 2014 [5 favorites]
posted by Ostara at 6:13 PM on March 7, 2014 [5 favorites]
Clever girl. Oh yes yes yes who's a clever girl, wessums, little snuggly kitty!
posted by Admiral Haddock at 6:17 PM on March 7, 2014 [4 favorites]
posted by Admiral Haddock at 6:17 PM on March 7, 2014 [4 favorites]
It's not perfect but it is lovely. Cheers!
posted by cleroy at 6:18 PM on March 7, 2014 [1 favorite]
posted by cleroy at 6:18 PM on March 7, 2014 [1 favorite]
They're moving in herds. They do move in herds.
posted by arcticseal at 6:36 PM on March 7, 2014 [10 favorites]
posted by arcticseal at 6:36 PM on March 7, 2014 [10 favorites]
Intense!
posted by panaceanot at 6:40 PM on March 7, 2014
posted by panaceanot at 6:40 PM on March 7, 2014
The cats would have sniffed the kids out in a trice. And a tiny tabby can accelerate from 0 to 30 at will, turn on a penny, stop on a dive and give you back change. They hunt and kill for fun. Those kids would be toast.
posted by wotsac at 6:40 PM on March 7, 2014 [5 favorites]
posted by wotsac at 6:40 PM on March 7, 2014 [5 favorites]
Someone make a version where the kids are crispy slices of bread.
posted by panaceanot at 6:42 PM on March 7, 2014 [1 favorite]
posted by panaceanot at 6:42 PM on March 7, 2014 [1 favorite]
Has science gone too far?
posted by 2bucksplus at 6:56 PM on March 7, 2014
posted by 2bucksplus at 6:56 PM on March 7, 2014
I really hate the internet sometimes.
posted by crashlanding at 6:56 PM on March 7, 2014
posted by crashlanding at 6:56 PM on March 7, 2014
You really cat the caternet somecats?
posted by 2bucksplus at 6:59 PM on March 7, 2014 [15 favorites]
posted by 2bucksplus at 6:59 PM on March 7, 2014 [15 favorites]
If the internet is pissing you off, press paws.
posted by panaceanot at 6:59 PM on March 7, 2014 [18 favorites]
posted by panaceanot at 6:59 PM on March 7, 2014 [18 favorites]
Admiral Haddock, I'll have you know I've talked exactly like that to my youngest cat. She's relentless and moves like the wind for purposes including harassing the other cats and snuggling with me. She can see me starting to lie down from another room, and be on top of me before my head hits the pillow.
posted by wotsac at 7:33 PM on March 7, 2014 [1 favorite]
posted by wotsac at 7:33 PM on March 7, 2014 [1 favorite]
See, the thing is, you can't scare off raptors by turning on the vacuum cleaner.
posted by xingcat at 7:58 PM on March 7, 2014 [8 favorites]
posted by xingcat at 7:58 PM on March 7, 2014 [8 favorites]
This stressed me out in a way I was NOT expecting. O_O
posted by These Birds of a Feather at 8:09 PM on March 7, 2014
posted by These Birds of a Feather at 8:09 PM on March 7, 2014
See, the thing is, you can't scare off raptors by turning on the vacuum cleaner.
This is unconfirmed.
posted by codacorolla at 8:13 PM on March 7, 2014 [10 favorites]
This is unconfirmed.
posted by codacorolla at 8:13 PM on March 7, 2014 [10 favorites]
It's a mewnix system!
posted by Sys Rq at 8:37 PM on March 7, 2014 [6 favorites]
posted by Sys Rq at 8:37 PM on March 7, 2014 [6 favorites]
Wait until Mewman steals the eggs in a can of shaving foam.
posted by arcticseal at 8:59 PM on March 7, 2014 [1 favorite]
posted by arcticseal at 8:59 PM on March 7, 2014 [1 favorite]
The funny thing is, house cats are actually really small and cuddly animals that aren't super intimidating though they can bite and scratch you pretty good. They really were alluding to Utah cats but they sound dorkier so they stuck with the house cat.
posted by lordaych at 9:11 PM on March 7, 2014 [6 favorites]
posted by lordaych at 9:11 PM on March 7, 2014 [6 favorites]
A house cat, huh? OK, try to imagine yourself in the Metafilter Period. You get your first look at this "six foot house cat" as you enter the living room. He moves like a kitty, daintily, making soft meows. And you keep still because you think that maybe his visual acuity is based on movement like T-Rex - he'll lose you if you don't move. But no, not the kitty. You stare at him, and he just stares right back. And that's when the attack comes. Not from the front, but from the side...
...from the other two cats you didn't even know were there. Because Kitty's a pack hunter, you see, he uses coordinated attack patterns and he is out in force today. And he slashes at you with this...
A retractable claw, like a razor, on all his toes. He doesn't bother to bite your jugular like a lion, say... no no. He slashes at you here, or here...
...Or maybe across the belly, spilling your intestines. The point is, you are alive when they start to eat you. So you know, try to show a little respect.
posted by Ghostride The Whip at 9:32 PM on March 7, 2014 [8 favorites]
...from the other two cats you didn't even know were there. Because Kitty's a pack hunter, you see, he uses coordinated attack patterns and he is out in force today. And he slashes at you with this...
A retractable claw, like a razor, on all his toes. He doesn't bother to bite your jugular like a lion, say... no no. He slashes at you here, or here...
...Or maybe across the belly, spilling your intestines. The point is, you are alive when they start to eat you. So you know, try to show a little respect.
posted by Ghostride The Whip at 9:32 PM on March 7, 2014 [8 favorites]
That was everything that I hoped it could be. I for one dread the day that the Internet stops producing such wonderful crap.
posted by no mind at 9:53 PM on March 7, 2014
posted by no mind at 9:53 PM on March 7, 2014
I have no idea how these people got their cats wedged in this bunker, or why.
posted by mbrubeck at 10:00 PM on March 7, 2014
posted by mbrubeck at 10:00 PM on March 7, 2014
Oh come on, young lady! Just tie your brother to a length of rope and pull him slowly across the floor! This wl keep the cats distracted for quite a while. Long enough to escape, at least.
posted by GenjiandProust at 10:06 PM on March 7, 2014 [1 favorite]
posted by GenjiandProust at 10:06 PM on March 7, 2014 [1 favorite]
Damn cat knocked the dishes off the counter again. This calls for the 10' tall Spray Can of Instant Obedience.
posted by dhartung at 11:13 PM on March 7, 2014
posted by dhartung at 11:13 PM on March 7, 2014
Mrs. Tibbles will find a way.
posted by Joey Michaels at 11:34 PM on March 7, 2014 [1 favorite]
posted by Joey Michaels at 11:34 PM on March 7, 2014 [1 favorite]
Am I a bad person for rooting for the keetoms?
posted by happyroach at 11:57 PM on March 7, 2014 [1 favorite]
posted by happyroach at 11:57 PM on March 7, 2014 [1 favorite]
It always bugs me when foley artists dub in random meows just because there's a cat in the scene. Because 95% of the time, it's clear the cat is in a mood or action that doesn't involve meowing.
posted by sebastienbailard at 1:17 AM on March 8, 2014 [7 favorites]
posted by sebastienbailard at 1:17 AM on March 8, 2014 [7 favorites]
Fake. Those cats took way too long to knock shit off of the tables.
posted by raztaj at 7:35 AM on March 8, 2014 [3 favorites]
posted by raztaj at 7:35 AM on March 8, 2014 [3 favorites]
The funny thing is, house cats are actually really small and cuddly animals that aren't super intimidating
Try telling that to a bird.
posted by localroger at 8:25 AM on March 8, 2014
Try telling that to a bird.
posted by localroger at 8:25 AM on March 8, 2014
They were fools to think they could cage the beasts.
posted by homunculus at 9:59 AM on March 16, 2014
posted by homunculus at 9:59 AM on March 16, 2014
I want to see the cats take on one of these chickens.
posted by homunculus at 5:46 PM on March 20, 2014
posted by homunculus at 5:46 PM on March 20, 2014
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posted by LogicalDash at 6:09 PM on March 7, 2014 [3 favorites]