Move your TOILET PAPER to the belt, you putrid jockey of filth.
March 15, 2014 7:29 AM Subscribe
A Preliminary Phenomenology of the Self-Checkout. An essay in six parts.
- The Daredevil: A quick breath, and a shake of the head. Focus on the present, the task at hand. Come on. You are resolved to acquire these bourgeois lemons at day-laborer prices. Focus.
- The Greeter: As a greeter, obviously my primary responsibility is to the machines. I joke sometimes that I answer to the machines, but really that’s only half a joke. I guess the joke’s other half would be that I’m their boss, that they answer to me. Which they do, in a manner of speaking, once I swipe into ‘em.
- The Ghost in the Machine: What claim do you have to the items on my belt? Place the item on the belt, I admonish, when you do not place the item on the belt. Place the item in the bagging area. I am the one who must play peace officer to your vigilantism.
- Locke & Marx: In this case, we are allowing consumers to perform the exact same job the laborers once did. The position of the grocery store checkout clerk is primed to suffer a fate worse than obsolescence.
- Chris Martin of Coldplay: But here we are, chap, you’re still asking me: How did Coldplay get inside the self-checkout machines?
- The Daredevil (part two): “What I’ve done is…” You decide to speak openly, ploddingly, and quietly, spelling out the events of your misdeed. “While using the self-checkout machine… I deliberately misrepresented what I was buying.”
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