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On bitbuddychat everyone is talking about a scam some people fell for.
April 3, 2014 12:02 AM   Subscribe

Curious about Bitcoin but nervous about risking your hard-earned fiat dollars? Get the whole experience with the Advanced Bitcoin Simulator!
posted by Pope Guilty (47 comments total) 29 users marked this as a favorite

 
Related (although in a more serious matter): If you got about 17 mins, you can also read the recently released, unofficial Bitcoin FAQ, written by Reshma Khilnani [via HN].
posted by KMB at 12:42 AM on April 3


This is hilarious. Thanks.
posted by ob1quixote at 12:51 AM on April 3


If only this were a DOGEcoin sim, things would be different!
   wow
                 so trust
    such community      very profit
            to the moon

posted by Rangi at 12:56 AM on April 3 [6 favorites]


This is not obvious, but if you haven't mined a few bitcoins with the ASIC, you're at most about halfway through.
posted by Pope Guilty at 12:59 AM on April 3 [6 favorites]


What happens in the ending? I'm playing on ipad but I just get a blank screen
posted by Bwithh at 1:08 AM on April 3


Bwithh: I haven't tried on an ipad, but on my desktop, it takes about a minute of blank (black) screen before it progresses. If the issue is that you have a blank white screen, then I guess it's proceeding but the background color change function didn't work, so you'll have to try it in a different browser/on a computer, because the text from that point on is all white.
posted by Bugbread at 1:15 AM on April 3 [1 favorite]


>look no bitcoins
Seeing no bitcoins is like looking at the hole in your heart.
I wonder if you can acquire bitcoins without giving up no bitcoins. I wonder if you can acquire bitcoins.
posted by Rangi at 1:16 AM on April 3


I wonder if you can acquire bitcoins without giving up no bitcoins.

First you need to use the portable improbability drive with the atomic vector plotter and the tea.
posted by JHarris at 1:21 AM on April 3 [4 favorites]


It says I won. I don't believe it.
posted by aubilenon at 1:22 AM on April 3


Glad to see all my already-held beliefs about bitcoin confirmed.
posted by cthuljew at 1:42 AM on April 3


Rangi: "I wonder if you can acquire bitcoins."

You mean late-game, right? Because early-game: Buy at tacoX and then withdraw them.
posted by Bugbread at 1:45 AM on April 3


I have acquired 100,000 bitcoins by selling everything I own, and, uh some human beings I didn't actually own at all.

Can someone explain like I'm Calvin how to sell bitcoins? I mean, not to cheesy smelling neck beards with grocery bags of giftcards? Or greasy nightclub owners coated in finely powdered coke?
posted by loquacious at 1:58 AM on April 3


The achievements in this are amazing. Every time I play with it I crack up harder.
posted by emptythought at 3:38 AM on April 3


I just have to wait 22 months to withdraw to fiat currency...
posted by bystander at 3:38 AM on April 3 [2 favorites]


The only correct move is not to play.
posted by Thorzdad at 4:38 AM on April 3 [1 favorite]


The only correct move is not to play.

You see? It's realistic!
posted by Pope Guilty at 5:02 AM on April 3


I won. I won. I won.
posted by jet_manifesto at 5:22 AM on April 3 [2 favorites]


Now design a simulator for a bitcoin thread on MetaFilter.
posted by GenjiandProust at 5:32 AM on April 3 [2 favorites]


Now design a simulator for a bitcoin thread on MetaFilter.

It's so good, you didn't even notice it was a simulator!
posted by Pope Guilty at 5:41 AM on April 3 [8 favorites]


Now design a simulator for a bitcoin thread on MetaFilter.

10 PRINT "WHY U MOCK BITCOIN";
20 GOTO 10;


Whoa, that was realistic.
posted by Blazecock Pileon at 5:49 AM on April 3 [8 favorites]


Bitcoin is a simulacrum of real money. You know what they say about simulacrums...
posted by save alive nothing that breatheth at 6:03 AM on April 3 [1 favorite]


Bitcoin is a simulacrum of real money.

Not really related, but I started getting much more enjoyment out of Bitcoin articles and threads after I learned to mentally replace "Bitcoin" with "Franklin Mint Commemorative Coin".
posted by xbonesgt at 6:49 AM on April 3 [22 favorites]


The accomplishments/non-accomplishments list is great
posted by So You're Saying These Are Pants? at 6:58 AM on April 3


I won too! Worth sticking with it to the end.
posted by Joe Chip at 7:00 AM on April 3


Well now I know what late game is.
posted by So You're Saying These Are Pants? at 7:03 AM on April 3


If nothing happens for you after the screen goes dark, I think you can access the next part at this link.
posted by jepler at 7:06 AM on April 3


That said, I have not actually accomplished anything in the second part; if there's anything to do but move, look and wait, can someone drop me a hint?
posted by jepler at 7:23 AM on April 3


ah, just "wait" is not enough. You have to jnvg va yvar (rot13)
posted by jepler at 7:30 AM on April 3


Whoa, that was realistic.

You are missing a couple of lines of Bitcoin defense, a derail about paper money also having no worth, and suggestions of exchanges that are not scams.

That in a later thread turn out to be scams.
posted by GenjiandProust at 7:31 AM on April 3 [11 favorites]


if there's anything to do but move, look and wait, can someone drop me a hint?

Soup.
posted by Blazecock Pileon at 7:41 AM on April 3


This is by far the most eloquent criticism of Bitcoin to date.
posted by DWRoelands at 7:43 AM on April 3 [1 favorite]


You know what they say about simulacrums...

They make a sim out of u and lacrums?

lacra?
posted by aubilenon at 10:01 AM on April 3 [6 favorites]


Anybody know what I'm supposed to do once I get to the tax collector?
posted by ckape at 10:17 AM on April 3 [2 favorites]


They make a sim out of u and lacrums?

They make Similac out of you and rum?
posted by The Tensor at 10:40 AM on April 3 [1 favorite]


They kept all of my hard-clicked money. :(
posted by mudpuppie at 10:48 AM on April 3


You know what they say about simulacrums...

They say "It's simulacra!".

But I tend to hang out with pedantic assholes.
posted by benito.strauss at 12:57 PM on April 3 [4 favorites]


Anybody know what I'm supposed to do once I get to the tax collector?

You need more information.
posted by hap_hazard at 2:41 PM on April 3


I tried to eat the tax collector. Like I always do.
posted by So You're Saying These Are Pants? at 3:39 PM on April 3


Trolling is simulacrums of a art.
posted by save alive nothing that breatheth at 4:58 PM on April 3 [2 favorites]


Zhou Tonged - B.R.E.A.M. (Wu-Tang Clan - C.R.E.A.M)
posted by Golden Eternity at 10:18 AM on April 4


my brain immediately jumped to "Butts Rule Everything Around Me".

which i guess is eerily prescient of my assbrain?
posted by emptythought at 3:28 PM on April 4 [1 favorite]


I love the bitbuddychat.

On bitbuddychat it has been reported that the founders of a large bitcoin business have been arrested for money laundering. Some people are saying that the police being involved shows that bitcoin is being taken more seriously, which is good for bitcoin.
posted by autoclavicle at 5:38 PM on April 5 [2 favorites]


Honestly I don't know why you guys play parody coin games when you could play real coin games for like twenty bucks. I am some kind of a Dogecoin market maker on this one exchange right now, though I think that's just a fun distraction and if I keep it up it'll only be through automation.... Many bids such spread wow so liquid.
posted by save alive nothing that breatheth at 7:44 AM on April 6


Because cryptocurrencies are stupid and good only for parody.
posted by Pope Guilty at 8:43 AM on April 6


And so we invented Dogecoin, and it also lets you use a pretty good payments / digital cash technology.

What's hilarious is if the banks invented it you'd get posts about this pretty cool new technology. If Silicon Valley had invented it you'd get posts with a little grumbling about representation of minorities. But some anon invents it and, you guys on the Internet get a rage up...

I send out minor market research ... most people haven't even heard of the Ron Paul association with Bitcoin. My barista day trades...

There's a guy on Twitter stress testing his dogetech and establishing his honesty by running an honest Ponzi scheme in daily rounds. This is a very sensible business decision as long as I assume he got the proper legal advice.
posted by save alive nothing that breatheth at 12:26 PM on April 6


establishing his honesty by running an honest Ponzi scheme

You know, one of the funniest things about BitCoin is watching people fall for scams that were old when our parents were young, but the fact that you apparently don't comprehend that "establishing his honesty by running an honest Ponzi scheme" is in fact step one of the Ponzi scheme is just sad.
posted by Pope Guilty at 5:57 AM on April 7


establishing his honesty by running an honest Ponzi scheme

That's beautiful. Some people buy entertainment by paying their cable provider. I'd chuck $10 to the techno-utopian libertarians if they'd keep coming up with stuff like that. I'd give them $20 if in addition they'd promise to never vote again.
posted by benito.strauss at 7:49 AM on April 7


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