Comments on: Comments on 13796

Post number 13796

brian — Sun, 13 Jan 2002 18:03:49 -0800

President Bush fainted briefly in the White House residence Sunday after choking on a pretzel while watching the Baltimore-Miami playoff game on tv. Let the one liners begin...

By: mr_crash_davis

mr_crash_davis — Sun, 13 Jan 2002 18:18:51 -0800

OK, what the hell, I'll go first. Note to Dubya: Chew until soft. Swallow. Repeat as needed.

By: jragon

jragon — Sun, 13 Jan 2002 18:20:17 -0800

"Wait a second! This Enron thing might actually effect my polls!" (choke)

By: machaus

machaus — Sun, 13 Jan 2002 18:22:13 -0800

Pure Comedy Rold Gold

By: brian

brian — Sun, 13 Jan 2002 18:27:55 -0800

Oh yeah and BTW, the game did take place at Pro Player Stadium in Miami. That's in Miami-Dade county. That's in Florida.

By: thebigpoop

thebigpoop — Sun, 13 Jan 2002 18:32:27 -0800

Condi said, "Sir! Ken Lay spit on that pretzel."

By: mr_crash_davis

mr_crash_davis — Sun, 13 Jan 2002 18:32:28 -0800

"...the game did take place at Pro Player Stadium in Miami. That's in Miami-Dade county. That's in Florida." That's in the United States of America. That's in North America. That's in the Northern Hemisphere. Where the hell am I going with this?

By: Mach3avelli

Mach3avelli — Sun, 13 Jan 2002 18:33:53 -0800

In other news, Al Gore wanted to congratulate the Orioles in their triumph over the Heat.

By: thunder

thunder — Sun, 13 Jan 2002 18:49:37 -0800

"...and your entire empire... brought down... by one... little... cherry [pretzel]..." -Fifth Element (quote may be slightly off, but the point still stands) ;-)

By: MiguelCardoso

MiguelCardoso — Sun, 13 Jan 2002 18:49:39 -0800

"He said it (the pretzel) didn't seem to go down right,'' Tubbs said. So it turns out out he knew all along. Or was at least suspicious there was something wrong. Or something. But I guess he choked and fainted before he could be sure. So, come on guys, he's not all that stupid. As for those dogs still sitting in the same position while all around them the POTUS gasped and swayed, I thought they were quite intelligent too.

By: benjh

benjh — Sun, 13 Jan 2002 18:52:03 -0800

The pretzel was made by al Qaeda terrorists who infiltrated the Frito Lay plant. They are winning.

By: gazingus

gazingus — Sun, 13 Jan 2002 18:53:20 -0800

prezstall

By: mr_crash_davis

mr_crash_davis — Sun, 13 Jan 2002 18:56:17 -0800

I just popped by the Drudge Report and he has this story in super-big H1 font, with the flashing ambulance light over it. I can't decide if that's hilarious or sad.

By: sharksandwich

sharksandwich — Sun, 13 Jan 2002 18:57:01 -0800

Well, at least we have Dick Cheney to fall back...OH MY GOD!!!

By: MarkB

MarkB — Sun, 13 Jan 2002 18:59:06 -0800

Let this be a lesson to all you pretzel eaters out there.

By: brian

brian — Sun, 13 Jan 2002 19:03:14 -0800

Metafilter: 9:03 PM EST Washington Post: 9:04 EST

By: Eric Lloyd NYC

Eric Lloyd NYC — Sun, 13 Jan 2002 19:05:01 -0800

He said it didn't seem to go down right... that was never a problem for a certain Mr. Clinton.

By: ColdChef

ColdChef — Sun, 13 Jan 2002 19:05:35 -0800

"These pretzels are making me dizzy"

By: owillis

owillis — Sun, 13 Jan 2002 19:06:40 -0800

"We will find the people who manufactured these pretzels. We will find them, and smoke 'em out of their pretzel factories and also any countries harboring these rogue pretzel factories. We will bring these pretzel evildoers to justice." - Dubya

By: geoff.

geoff. — Sun, 13 Jan 2002 19:10:55 -0800

The real reason why he fainted? The blood rushed to his head and then didn't find anything there. BA-ZING!

By: scarabic

scarabic — Sun, 13 Jan 2002 19:14:44 -0800

Isn't it an indicator of low intelligence if one chokes on snacks twisted into complex shapes? As if the mouth and brain couldn't work together to sort the damn thing out, he choked on it. If he hadn't been concentrating on the football game he probably would have been fine.

By: y2karl

y2karl — Sun, 13 Jan 2002 19:14:55 -0800

NPR: 5:50 PST Metafilter: 6:03 PST

By: MrBaliHai

MrBaliHai — Sun, 13 Jan 2002 19:16:24 -0800

At least he didn't vomit the pretzel out in the lap of some foreign dignitary, so he's one up on his old man.

By: drywall

drywall — Sun, 13 Jan 2002 19:16:47 -0800

News stations are reporting that after the incident precautionary scans were taken. As expected, the neurological tests turned up negative.

By: headspace

headspace — Sun, 13 Jan 2002 19:17:59 -0800

He can't walk and chew gum at the same time, either. Ba da bum!

By: stbalbach

stbalbach — Sun, 13 Jan 2002 19:19:27 -0800

Florida cant win it everytime my friend.

By: stbalbach

stbalbach — Sun, 13 Jan 2002 19:28:57 -0800

In a surprise move, the USSC, in 5-4 splitt decision, overturned the ruling on the field and awarded the AFC wildcard game to the Miami Dolphins. Highlights at 11.

By: onegoodmove

onegoodmove — Sun, 13 Jan 2002 19:43:46 -0800

So there are more twists and turns in this presidency than well a ...

By: machaus

machaus — Sun, 13 Jan 2002 19:46:45 -0800

If only George senior had been a responsible parent and had Dubya turn off the TV and do his homework.

By: mr_crash_davis

mr_crash_davis — Sun, 13 Jan 2002 19:48:41 -0800

owillis, my wife and I won't be able to have sex tonight because we're still laughing over your comment. Thanks, or not.

By: panopticon

panopticon — Sun, 13 Jan 2002 19:52:31 -0800

Tens of millions of dollars are spent every year protecting the president. today we learned another way to ensure the life of the president: Bush should only be fed liquids through a straw.

By: MaddCutty

MaddCutty — Sun, 13 Jan 2002 19:57:00 -0800

Will those liquids contain any cocaine?

By: Optamystic

Optamystic — Sun, 13 Jan 2002 19:58:11 -0800

John Ashcroft has ordered that Jason Alexander be detained and tortured in a secret location. Preliminary reports indicate that the Attorney General hopes to gain pretzel-related information that Alexander may have gained during his brief tenure as a Rold Gold spokesman. The Attorney General denies that the portly actor is being punished for his role in the short-lived ABC sitcom "Bob Patterson".

By: owillis

owillis — Sun, 13 Jan 2002 20:01:18 -0800

"I'm quite certain, while Bill Clinton was president, he sold our advanced Pretzel-making technology to our enemies. Once again, we've been screwed by the Clintons." - Rush "There is quite obviously of pro-pretzel fascists living among us, coddled by The Left in order to destroy all we hold dear" - Andrew Sullivan "Why do the pretzels hate us? We should look to ourselves to find out the real roots of pretzel-hatred" - Anti-war activist "1,2,3,4... we don't want your salty war!" - Overheard at Pretzels for Peace rally "I am issuing a calm and well-mannered order to arrest anyone in the posession of pretzels or pretzel-making materials or paraphenalia, including dough or salt" - Ashcroft And now, the horse is laying there, dead, and I just have to stop whipping him. :) Glad to help, mr_crash_davis

By: owillis

owillis — Sun, 13 Jan 2002 20:02:21 -0800

correction: "There is quite obviously a Fifth Column of pro-pretzel fascists living among us, coddled by The Left in order to destroy all we hold dear" - Andrew Sullivan

By: gazingus

gazingus — Sun, 13 Jan 2002 20:07:03 -0800

evildoughers

By: fleener

fleener — Sun, 13 Jan 2002 20:10:05 -0800

These pretzels are making me thirsty.

By: benjh

benjh — Sun, 13 Jan 2002 20:12:30 -0800

After rethinking this... "Dumbass" Oh shoot, wait. That was pre-pretzel. How about "Royal Dumbass"?

By: riffola

riffola — Sun, 13 Jan 2002 20:29:56 -0800

"Auntie Anne's been taken into custody for questioning. Details at 11"

By: norm

norm — Sun, 13 Jan 2002 20:32:01 -0800

I passed out too, but that's just because that game was boooooooooooring.

By: TiggleTaggleTiger

TiggleTaggleTiger — Sun, 13 Jan 2002 20:36:16 -0800

I was watching the news and they quoted Bush as saying something about having not been out for too long as his "dogs hadn't moved" when he came around.
That's just what I want, a President that gauges the passage of time by the motion of dogs.

By: rodii

rodii — Sun, 13 Jan 2002 20:51:30 -0800

(Norm!)

By: panopticon

panopticon — Sun, 13 Jan 2002 21:22:09 -0800

good one gazingus

By: aeiou

aeiou — Sun, 13 Jan 2002 21:31:39 -0800

Make no mistake, those dogs didn't move.

By: Mo Nickels

Mo Nickels — Sun, 13 Jan 2002 21:36:17 -0800

Clearly, this isn't the first time his brain has been deprived of oxygen.

By: fleener

fleener — Sun, 13 Jan 2002 21:42:14 -0800

Just think of it. Cheney was one pretzel away from the presidency. We live in a dangerous world.

By: dglynn

dglynn — Sun, 13 Jan 2002 21:43:28 -0800

A commotion in another part of the restaurant, usually over before you realize what's happened. That surprised, bug-eyed look across the Thanksgiving table. A little girl, panicked and confused, running in the front door, silently seeking help NOW. You've all probably seen it before, or will before you're too much older. Remember anyone passing out? I mean, isn't that some serious choking?

By: bowline

bowline — Sun, 13 Jan 2002 21:46:40 -0800

Personally, I think this whole pretzel story is a cover to hide the president's case of relapsing-remitting MS.

By: rushmc

rushmc — Sun, 13 Jan 2002 21:47:47 -0800

And if he had died...would anyone have really believed it was the pretzel?

By: Mark

Mark — Sun, 13 Jan 2002 22:16:19 -0800

Anyone care to think that this really isn't that funny? Intelligent people choke too, and our President seriously almost died today. I'm not a huge Bush fan or anything, but I don't see why this thread is everyones chance to post their best zinger.

By: Allen Varney

Allen Varney — Sun, 13 Jan 2002 22:17:02 -0800

Fortunately, alert Secret Service agents quickly wrestled the pretzel to the ground.

By: Optamystic

Optamystic — Sun, 13 Jan 2002 22:21:04 -0800

but I don't see why this thread is everyones chance to post their best zinger. What would you have us use it for? Expressing condolences for a "tragedy" that did not take place?

By: kindall

kindall — Sun, 13 Jan 2002 22:25:14 -0800

I don't see why this thread is everyones chance to post their best zinger. See that message at the top of the thread? It says "Let the one liners begin." That's why it's everyone's chance to post their best zinger.

By: y6y6y6

y6y6y6 — Sun, 13 Jan 2002 22:25:21 -0800

I'm finding this a liitle odd. Has anyone here ever come close to choking to death? I have. You don't just sit in your chair till you pass out. Passing out from choking takes a few minutes, and in that time I can guarantee you'll be totally freaking out. You run down the hall, you call 911, you pound on stuff. It's a couple minutes of pure panic. And he just sits there? He doesn't even leave the room? Something is very fishy here.

By: obiwanwasabi

obiwanwasabi — Sun, 13 Jan 2002 22:29:43 -0800

Sure he could've got a Clinton staffer to give him some advice on swallowing...

By: swerve

swerve — Sun, 13 Jan 2002 22:35:30 -0800

"But Tubbs said that low heart rate made him more prone to fainting when the pretzel stimulated a nerve when it got caught in his throat." It's not fishy. It's a vascular reaction called a vasovagal response. The nerve tells the brain that the throat is blocked, and the blood vessels dilate automatically in response to increase flow to the central organs. If the heart doesn't compensate, the blood pressure drops suddenly and you pass out. It happened to me last week, minus the pretzel.

By: Doug

Doug — Sun, 13 Jan 2002 22:46:53 -0800

Mark: I certainly don't wish the president any physical harm, but come on... If he'd died choking on a PRETZEL? That's hysterical.

By: fleener

fleener — Sun, 13 Jan 2002 23:09:17 -0800

Clue: The doctor said, "he fainted due to a temporary decrease in heart rate." Sounds like he vagaled out. His heart rate slowed and he passed out. The same thing happens to old men sitting on the toilet while they're straining to do their business. Why choking would cause a vagal is beyond my explanation. But I submit that choking on a pretzel is more dignified than hitting your head on the bathroom sink.

By: pracowity

pracowity — Sun, 13 Jan 2002 23:31:15 -0800

Choking on a pretzel while watching a football game with dogs, with his wife obliviously yakking on the phone in the next room, would have been the almost* perfect way for him to go. Any god or demon worthy of the name could have nudged that pretzel one or two notches farther into his windpipe. That he came that close and did not die must be evidence of something, though of what, I don't know. ====================================== * He wasn't on his sixth Bud. Or was he?

By: verdezza

verdezza — Mon, 14 Jan 2002 00:05:11 -0800

If it'd been a pancake instead of a pretzel, we'd all be under house arrest.

By: Modem Ovary

Modem Ovary — Mon, 14 Jan 2002 00:39:00 -0800

(gasp , choke) Smithers!

By: stavrosthewonderchicken

stavrosthewonderchicken — Mon, 14 Jan 2002 00:47:25 -0800

New MeFi tagline proposal : Intelligent people choke, too.

By: roboto

roboto — Mon, 14 Jan 2002 01:15:26 -0800

"Pancakes? Very boring. Only in America would anyone eat the stuff you're supposed to fry fish in for breakfast. Only in America. Unless you're talking with some of that New Hampshire primary maple syrup or that white powdery sweet stuff, now that's a bull with horns of another color."

By: headspace

headspace — Mon, 14 Jan 2002 01:58:18 -0800

"Hi, this is Dr. Laura, you're on the air." "Hey there little lady, I am my kids' daddy. I've got a little moral dim-lemma here; see, my wife, she tends to spend most of the year as far away from me as possible, and as you know, a man has needs... well, I was tempted. There was pretzels, and I put one in my mouth. It was salty, and good. So I put another one in my mouth. And then another, and 'fore you know it, I was ass over head on the floor..." "Well, I'd say you got what you deserved." "Pardon?" "Look, you're a married man. What did you EXPECT to happen when you gave in and decided to snack up with those salty little tramps?"

By: diddlegnome

diddlegnome — Mon, 14 Jan 2002 02:26:01 -0800

Me: So does this mean that Dick Cheney temporarily assumed command while Bush was out of it? My boss: Temporarily?!

By: ZachsMind

ZachsMind — Mon, 14 Jan 2002 03:20:55 -0800

How many people are falling for this? Call me a conspiracy theorist but to me it's obvious Shrub was drinking and got himself in an embarrassing situation and his people over-reacted with their damage control. The guy was watching football. It was the weekend. He's got a booboo on his face. It's obvious to me that Shrub got drunk on beer and fell down. The spinsters around Shrub needed a quick response to give the media to explain away the little scuff on his face and they panicked. "Uh, he uhm.. choked on a pretzel." "A pretzel?" "Yeah. Uh he was watching football and uhm.. choked on a pretzel." "And that's why he's got a gash on his cheek?" "Uhm, yeah well it was a sharp pretzel." "Uh-huh. And the bump on his head?" "Yeah that.. well it was a heavy pretzel." Let's face it. Shrub's fallen off the wagon, and they don't have the heart to tell us. What I find the most amusing is how the doctor's saying because Shrub jogs regularly, this makes him more prone to fainting spells. That's why I don't exercise! It's too unhealthy!

By: kirkaracha

kirkaracha — Mon, 14 Jan 2002 03:22:30 -0800

Since most of his staff is from the Ford administration, he's trying to make them feel at home.

By: chrismear

chrismear — Mon, 14 Jan 2002 03:26:10 -0800

I quite liked the BBC's coverage of the story. At the top, a great photo of Bush staring down the evil pretzel menace, and then a helpful sidebar entitled "What are pretzels?", for those countries where pretzel-related attacks are not so rife. "Chewy salt-encrusted biscuit with distinctive, twisted shape, popular with beer"

By: bunnyfire

bunnyfire — Mon, 14 Jan 2002 04:54:03 -0800

The Bunny is not laughing. This is not the time to be having a dead President. (not that there is ever really a GOOD time...)

By: Carol Anne

Carol Anne — Mon, 14 Jan 2002 05:23:02 -0800

We should have expected this--collapsing while eating runs in the family: "There is no diplomatic way to faint. Former President George [H.W.] Bush found that out the hard way when he collapsed at a formal dinner in Japan a couple of years ago."

By: adampsyche

adampsyche — Mon, 14 Jan 2002 05:35:57 -0800

The Adam is laughing and will not be able to work today because all of my editorial efforts will go towards unsuccessfully topping the jokes already here. Yes, it was caused by evil-doughers. I love it.

By: ferris

ferris — Mon, 14 Jan 2002 06:08:16 -0800

Watch it guys - you should know you're either with us or you're with the pretzels.

By: MrBaliHai

MrBaliHai — Mon, 14 Jan 2002 06:22:58 -0800

Now that the pretzel attack has failed, we need to all be on the lookout for Killer Rabbits!

By: rodii

rodii — Mon, 14 Jan 2002 06:30:26 -0800

I hate to say it, but what Zach says rings true for me.

By: panopticon

panopticon — Mon, 14 Jan 2002 06:40:12 -0800

Next time Bush comes to New York City, all the pretzel vendors will be banned from the streets (to prevent the temptation). A little pretzel nearly took him out, can you imagine what would happen if he tried to eat one of those big ones?

By: niceness

niceness — Mon, 14 Jan 2002 06:54:45 -0800

Pretzels are for wimps, real leaders eat Twiglets.

By: rshah21

rshah21 — Mon, 14 Jan 2002 07:25:24 -0800

I'd just like to know where the Secret Service was - I mean, it doesn't sound like one second he was eating pretzels and then wham! he was out? Shouldn't they have noticed that he passed out and hit his head? Bueller?

By: solistrato

solistrato — Mon, 14 Jan 2002 07:50:51 -0800

Thank God it wasn't a Combo. That's all I'm saying.

By: artlung

artlung — Mon, 14 Jan 2002 08:08:06 -0800

This is the best take on this incident so far -- Edutainment!. Learn all about that wacky vagal response!

By: groundhog

groundhog — Mon, 14 Jan 2002 08:43:36 -0800

My first thought when I heard this was that he probably had an epileptic seizure of some type, and they're covering it up. If he was sick and running a fever, febrile seizures are not that uncommon. Seems a lot more likely than choking on pretzels, but as a person with epilepsy, I tend to think everything is neurological. Based on the man's natural facial expression, I've wondered if he may have recurring absence seizures.

By: rodii

rodii — Mon, 14 Jan 2002 08:51:25 -0800

My first thought when I heard this was that he probably had an epileptic seizure of some type, and they're covering it up. My god, don't they watch "The West Wing" in the White House?

By: niceness

niceness — Mon, 14 Jan 2002 08:58:55 -0800

It's bizarre, sounds like a cover-up story Bush would invent - doesn't he have people to invent believable bullshit for him?

By: dwivian

dwivian — Mon, 14 Jan 2002 09:19:23 -0800

Next time Bush comes to New York City, all the pretzel vendors will be banned from the streets Oh come on now. That's just another case of pretzel profiling.

By: stbalbach

stbalbach — Mon, 14 Jan 2002 09:29:02 -0800

This looks like a domestic

By: Mark

Mark — Mon, 14 Jan 2002 09:43:14 -0800

"Intelligent People Choke, Too" is already copyrighted by me. Sorry MeFi, no new tagline.

By: drywall

drywall — Mon, 14 Jan 2002 10:21:13 -0800

No doubt whoever's responsible for this also played some part in the CIA's exploding cigar/Castro plot.

By: Dreama

Dreama — Mon, 14 Jan 2002 11:20:13 -0800

It's obvious to me that Shrub got drunk on beer and fell down. Well thank you, Zach. I wasn't aware that you were omniscient and able to know things so concretely when you were no where near the events in question. You know, that could be a neat party trick. So tell me, what am I wearing today?

By: stevis

stevis — Mon, 14 Jan 2002 11:27:56 -0800

I do art better than I do one-liners... http://www.tevis.net/weblog/archives/binladen_pretzel_30q.jpg (Warning: self link. Sorry.)

By: Zootoon

Zootoon — Mon, 14 Jan 2002 11:39:26 -0800

The Guardian link guide to all things pretzel, especially useful for non-Americans like myself.

By: dina

dina — Mon, 14 Jan 2002 13:16:38 -0800

I have to say that i am also a little suspicious that bush might have fallen off the wagon. which is defintely NOT funny, whereas the pretzel thing totally is.

By: terrapin

terrapin — Mon, 14 Jan 2002 13:38:28 -0800

So tell me, what am I wearing today? Brown shirt and black boots? Just a guess. I think it is all Papa Bush's fault for telling his son... "Georgie. Don't eat that yucky broccoli. Have a nice wholesome pretzel."

By: fold_and_mutilate

fold_and_mutilate — Mon, 14 Jan 2002 13:54:27 -0800

"Bushtard", the illegitimate one... Sorry. That's neither funny ("this is really getting old!") nor cogent to the thread, nor even a true one-liner. And the epithet "Bushtard" is rightly intolerable to some, whereas the above comments are understandably OK. ...chuckle... Ah, hell, don't worry, that doesn't make sense to me either. Go figger... Let's just say the whole thing was an ass-salt on America's leadership by the very twisted and leave it at that, shall we?

By: swerve

swerve — Mon, 14 Jan 2002 14:10:08 -0800

"Vagaled" is a really good word. It sounds like Yiddish. "You just vagaled away all weekend, you lazy schmuck!"

By: nicwolff

nicwolff — Mon, 14 Jan 2002 14:14:39 -0800

I'd just like to point out that his dogs didn't move. Every dog I've ever known, if I fell to the floor they would have come over to sniff me. I'd like to suggest that either: 1. Bush's dogs don't like him, or 2. they're used to seeing him on the floor.

By: dejah420

dejah420 — Mon, 14 Jan 2002 14:39:19 -0800

Nicwolff raises an interesting point. I can't even move in my chair without my dog getting interested, in case I have goodies to share. :) If I fell over, my dog would certainly come over to see what was going on. (Because it might be play-time.) Also: Evil-doughers...greatest quip ever. :)

By: Ptrin

Ptrin — Mon, 14 Jan 2002 14:44:02 -0800

This should be a lesson to everyone NOT to snort coke and eat pretzels at the same time! And no wonder the Secret Service didn't intervene... they thought he was just getting a really good high.

By: Down10

Down10 — Mon, 14 Jan 2002 18:20:41 -0800

If the news keeps up this type of coverage, it might turn out to be a good year after all. This was like that time that Gorbechev almost choked on that piroshki. [insert rim-shot]

By: JoyG_n Josh

JoyG_n Josh — Mon, 14 Jan 2002 23:55:48 -0800

This comment thread is literally making my sternum burn. Guess I'm just not bright enough to comprehend the usefulness.

By: brian

brian — Tue, 15 Jan 2002 01:42:28 -0800

late AND wrong Josh, congrats.