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Sci-Fi Spoilers!
April 3, 2014 4:50 PM   Subscribe


 
It's true, those eagles from Lord of the Rings are real assholes.
posted by gkhan at 5:00 PM on April 3


One of Mefi's own coming up in the listicle wo... I can't finish that.
posted by Sphinx at 5:01 PM on April 3


The Ocean at the End of the Lane - heh.
posted by GuyZero at 5:15 PM on April 3


I apparently don't read the right books. I've read only three from the "every book" list.
posted by Thorzdad at 5:19 PM on April 3


I now have to read Scalzi's books because those were awesome.
posted by Kitteh at 5:20 PM on April 3


Spoiler: there are a lot fewer books out there than you probably thought.
posted by b1tr0t at 5:28 PM on April 3 [16 favorites]


The Harry Potter ones -- except Harry Potter and the Casual Vacancy -- were weak.
posted by jeather at 5:29 PM on April 3 [1 favorite]


I did, however, like the spoilers for the Honor Harrington books in the comments.
posted by jeather at 5:31 PM on April 3 [3 favorites]


I now have to read Scalzi's books because those were awesome.

We don't claim him as "MeFi's Own" for nothin'.
posted by Thorzdad at 5:31 PM on April 3


The author of that listicle isn't even clever enough to declare it 'part one of an ongoing series'. Weak.
posted by Catblack at 5:31 PM on April 3


Didn't include Scalzi's "An Android's Dream": "a female protagonist who is part-sheep? there goes his feminist cred"

At least the comments filled in some Asimov and Heinlein, but desperately needs some Pratchett, Bradbury, LeGuin and (just for lulz) Card. Hoping they don't wait for next April Fools Day for Part Two.
posted by oneswellfoop at 5:49 PM on April 3


Weird that the GoT ones include spoiler warnings for the stuff that hasn't aired on TV yet. I mean, shouldn't it be obvious that there are spoilers?!
posted by PhoBWanKenobi at 5:51 PM on April 3 [2 favorites]


Show watchers can be stubborn like that.
posted by ChurchHatesTucker at 6:18 PM on April 3


What would have made this post funny is if you'd spoiled the list with a one-liner that didn't actually tell the reader anything much about the list.
posted by George_Spiggott at 6:19 PM on April 3


The Great Hunt: Turns out the hunt isn’t all that great.
posted by ersatz at 6:30 PM on April 3


The Infinite Jest one was pretty good, although I don't know why they aped Wallace's style for that one in particular when none of the other ones got style-aped.

Anyway, it had a good punchline, so I pronounce it acceptable.
posted by Sokka shot first at 6:42 PM on April 3


Aping Wallace's style is totes fun, it just takes: conscientiousness. Which is to say, wherewithal.
posted by psoas at 6:48 PM on April 3 [2 favorites]


I don't know why they aped Wallace's style for that one in particular when none of the other ones got style-aped.

Because the blog guy is not one of the three people who slogged it out to find out what The Entertainment actually was.

If anyone knows who the other two are, my wife would probably enjoy meeting them.
posted by localroger at 6:55 PM on April 3 [1 favorite]


oh, fun

Ringworld: Scrith can be holed. Luckily.
Riverworld: Infinite reincarnations aren't enough.
Stargate: Ra Ra Ra? Pfft Boom! Bah.
Last and First Men: 42.
The Time Machine: Weena wins.
9 Billion Names of God: Don't blink or you'll miss it.
posted by Twang at 7:41 PM on April 3


House of Leaves: m̸̖͉̯̙͙̗̮ͦͫ͒͗͌ͩ̄̀ͅį͕̘̈́͛͛̾̀n͎̦ͣ̄͘͡o̔ͭ̉͛͠͏͍t̘̖̫͎̖̞̤̄͜͞ͅa͈͑̍̈͒̂͜͡ǘ͛͒̆̏ͨ͟҉̩̲̳͕͙͚r̶̜̙͇̖͖͙͆͐̉͐̈́ͧ͛ͫ̐
posted by sandettie light vessel automatic at 7:48 PM on April 3 [7 favorites]


Weird that the GoT ones include spoiler warnings for the stuff that hasn't aired on TV yet. I mean, shouldn't it be obvious that there are spoilers?!

You'd think....But it's a weird article. Like a few of them (like the GoT ones) include actual spoilers that I'd be annoyed to read if I didn't know the books. But many of the rest are basically jokes (CS Lewis, DFW) or not really spoilers (Melville, Pullman, Old Man's War).

And reading the article title I genuinely wasn't sure I'd get spoilers. Which I know sounds silly, but given that it says "for every book ever" I was thinking it might be a high-level parody of genre cliches, rather than listing actual books.
posted by Pink Frost at 7:52 PM on April 3 [1 favorite]


Am I the only one annoyed that they used a Harry Potter banner for Twilight? Because come on.
posted by divabat at 8:11 PM on April 3




I did, however, like the spoilers for the Honor Harrington books in the comments.

Dammit, you made me read the comments! It was an accurate description, tho.
posted by annsunny at 8:38 PM on April 3


I didn't read The Last Colony, is it really space werewolves?
posted by turbid dahlia at 8:51 PM on April 3


turbid dahlia: "space werewolves" is a pretty good guess. Some kind of native intelligent hairy hominids living on Planet Roanoke, anyway.
posted by jenfullmoon at 8:58 PM on April 3


From the comments:

Gene Wolfe

The Shadow of the Torturer: Ummm... This is supposed to be really awesome...
The Claw of the Conciliator: Yeah... Everyone was talking about it...
The Sword of the Lictor: Well... I, uh, must be a little dense or something...
The Citadel of the Autarch: ... I guess I should stick to non-fiction.
posted by dangerousdan at 10:22 PM on April 3 [2 favorites]


From the comments as well:

Interview with a Vampire: Old people sure like to talk don't they

YES.
posted by Katemonkey at 3:01 AM on April 4 [3 favorites]


More like Ringworld: meet aliens, have sex with them
posted by GuyZero at 8:32 AM on April 4


turbid dahlia:

"I didn't read The Last Colony, is it really space werewolves?"

OF COURSE NOT. That description is nothing but DISPICABLE LIES. The werewolves NEVER ONCE go into space.
posted by jscalzi at 11:30 AM on April 4 [2 favorites]


_Crossroads of Twilight_: The novelization of the computer desktop spinny wheel.

I shrieked with laughter. And I am a Wheel of Time fan, variety: unabashed.
posted by seyirci at 3:07 PM on April 4


What the hell! No Roger Zelazny?
posted by gregjunior at 5:14 PM on April 4


That is pretty much exactly how I felt about the Gene Wolf books, too.
posted by rhiannonstone at 6:10 PM on April 4


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