13 Gods of the Internet

April 14, 2014 5:34 PM

13 Gods of the Internet Featuring Listikles, Faprodite, Poseodon...
posted by Chocolate Pickle (25 comments total)

This is <elided> brilliant.
posted by eriko at 5:42 PM on April 14, 2014

So, halfway through that list, I said to my partner: 'Aw, come on, they're mixing the Greek and Roman names for these gods.'

Athenapedia indeed.
posted by torisaur at 5:45 PM on April 14, 2014 [9 favorites]

I need to sacrifice a goat to Plutold.
posted by Faint of Butt at 5:59 PM on April 14, 2014

They forgot one of the most powerful Gods on the Internet today: "Notallmenmon" guardian of Niceguyhood.
posted by oneswellfoop at 6:04 PM on April 14, 2014 [10 favorites]

Needs a little Metaphilstopheles.
posted by jquinby at 6:08 PM on April 14, 2014 [9 favorites]

In his house at D'ARPA, dead Architechulhu waits dreaming.
posted by robocop is bleeding at 6:11 PM on April 14, 2014 [4 favorites]

oneswellfoop, that would be hilarious.

I think it's pretty telling that they didn't go after Nice Guys. Instead, they reinforce the tired argument that anyone who cares about feminism or other injustice is a humorless harridan. Their Wikipedia pedant is cast as a woman, when Wikipedia itself is overwhelmingly male. Most internet porn is made for men, but they indict a woman for it with Faprodite, because of course male lust is a woman's fault. And so on.

This list is pretty sexist, is what I'm saying. Which is a shame because the idea is great and if they were more dedicated to punching up it could've been pretty funny.
posted by amery at 6:20 PM on April 14, 2014 [21 favorites]

amery: Instead, they reinforce the tired argument that anyone who cares about feminism or other injustice is a humorless harridan.

I interpreted "Herabel" as a direct swipe at Jezebel's clickbait-y feminism-lite approach, not Internet feminists in general, just as Jupvoter is obviously aimed squarely at Reddit.
posted by tonycpsu at 6:24 PM on April 14, 2014 [2 favorites]

I can't stop admiring Sharemes's stupendous Twitter hat.
posted by oulipian at 6:39 PM on April 14, 2014

Considering they had to make puns on the name of Greek/Roman gods, and where possible on their role in their pantheons (Hermes and speed, Athena and wisdom), I think they did pretty damned well in getting relevant references on the relevant gods.

So I would think it misguided to indict the piece for either not calling out internet behaviour you think it should have, or to read so much into the goddesses of love and wisdom being converted into the internet, jokey equivalents of sexiness/porn and wikipedia.

And I also was glad for Athenapedia's comment, because I had also noticed the mix of Greek and Roman godnames. But trying to get Hephaestus into a punny internet reference would have a much higher degree of difficulty.
posted by gadge emeritus at 6:46 PM on April 14, 2014 [4 favorites]

Hephaestatus - He crafts an elaborate armor of facebook statuses to hide his inability to function socially in real life.
posted by DaddyNewt at 6:52 PM on April 14, 2014 [12 favorites]

They forgot one of the most powerful Gods on the Internet today: "Notallmenmon" guardian of Niceguyhood.

Yea i was like, wheres the guy who hates women? because i'll be in some deep dark corner of the internet looking at some obscure nerdy shit, and if there's a comment section or it's a messageboard i seem to somehow always run in to that. Shit is goddamn everywhere.
posted by emptythought at 7:00 PM on April 14, 2014 [2 favorites]

Many times have I gone to the shrine of Faprodite
posted by Ray Walston, Luck Dragon at 7:35 PM on April 14, 2014 [1 favorite]

Ha, I consulted wikipedia and found:

Mefitis or Mephitis, goddess and personification of poisonous gases and volcanic vapours
posted by jquinby at 7:35 PM on April 14, 2014 [4 favorites]

So, halfway through that list, I said to my partner: 'Aw, come on, they're mixing the Greek and Roman names for these gods.'

Athenapedia indeed.

The actual text for the Atenapedia comic makes exactly that point...
posted by Pogo_Fuzzybutt at 7:48 PM on April 14, 2014

The rage of Listikles son of Peleus,—O goddess of song, unfold! To search results the source of many woes! Which peopled the regions of death,—with shades of bloggers untimely slain...

(Yes, I know Hercules ≠ Achilles.)
posted by XMLicious at 7:50 PM on April 14, 2014 [1 favorite]

When I first clicked through, I thought that was going to be awful and juvenile. It's actually a fairly thoughtful attempt at cramming the most common internet personas into the whole Greco-Roman deity thing. Well, 'thoughtful' on a curve, that is: it seemed to be more clever than 99% of this type of thing. Some of them almost made me snort.
posted by dios at 8:09 PM on April 14, 2014

The actual text for the Atenapedia comic makes exactly that point...

That's the joke!
posted by Justinian at 8:50 PM on April 14, 2014

Plutold's Three Wolf Moon Cerberos is brilliant.
posted by a snickering nuthatch at 11:15 PM on April 14, 2014 [4 favorites]

They forgot the God of False Representation and Fakery: Trollius
posted by zardoz at 11:50 PM on April 14, 2014 [1 favorite]

Jupvoter is a weak and pathetic "god". The Internet is actually ruled by the shapeless all-seeing cosmic horror, NSA'TOTH.
posted by FJT at 12:11 AM on April 15, 2014

I suppose the Titans would consist of the likes of ARPÆrion, Alt.las and TCPrometheus ok I got nothin
posted by Spatch at 1:52 AM on April 15, 2014 [1 favorite]

This is mildly amusing.
What gets me is realizing that for some, or most, people the internet is lists, gifs, memes, facebook updates, some snark and occasional trolling.
It might be my age, but for me the internet is still the library of babel made real, endless knowledge, wonder, information, possibilities. It's kind of sad to think that people who actually grew up with the internet think of it as infantile noise.
posted by signal at 4:50 AM on April 15, 2014 [1 favorite]

My religion teaches that these gods were formed from the tears of the A-list bloggers
posted by thelonius at 6:51 AM on April 15, 2014

I need to sacrifice a goat to Plutold.
posted by Faint of Butt at 5:59 PM on April 14 [+] [!]


Shouldn't that be, "sacrifice a goatse" ?

I'll be here all week! Try the veal!
posted by Thistledown at 8:35 AM on April 15, 2014 [4 favorites]