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April 28, 2014 12:13 PM   Subscribe

Did you know that the Mister Softee jingle has words? And sheet music?
posted by grumpybear69 (30 comments total) 3 users marked this as a favorite

Oh Criminey! Now I have THAT in my head!
posted by Ruthless Bunny at 12:20 PM on April 28

La, la, la, la, la: Mister Softee meets Edvard Munch.
posted by wensink at 12:20 PM on April 28

I wonder if there are lyrics to the knife-sharpening truck's jingle. Cut you. Slice you.
posted by Beardman at 12:23 PM on April 28 [1 favorite]

I love the Mister Softee safety patrol painted on the back of the trucks. They're tirelessly dedicated to protect & (soft) serve.
posted by dr_dank at 12:24 PM on April 28 [1 favorite]

As a matter of fact, I used to see these commercials as a kid.
posted by Thorzdad at 12:25 PM on April 28 [3 favorites]

AAAAAAH! That fucking song!

One hot summer when my daughter was an infant we moved into my in-laws' poorly air conditioned attic bedroom while our house was being renovated. Living with in-laws is tough, with an infant, an extra hour to my commute each way, and the heat it was awful. Weekends were my time to sleep as I wasn't all week long, but across the street from their house was a playground and pool. Early, early Saturday and Sunday morning they would arrive, the Mister Fucking Softee trucks. They were only allowed to idle for a few minutes and therefore they circled between pool locations, two or three at a time, but never ever leaving a gap in coverage at any pool, and NEVER EVER TURNING OFF THAT GODDAMN JINGLE!
posted by The 10th Regiment of Foot at 12:28 PM on April 28 [1 favorite]

As a coping mechanism, I would spin out an epic tale to my then 8 year old son to its non-stop background tune. By the time the story got to a species of hyper-intelligent sharks living on the far side of the moon, Winter had come and the truck had gone.
posted by whuppy at 12:37 PM on April 28

♪ Do be do do do dooo be dooo be dooo be dooo dee doooo doh. ♪ ICE CREAM! ICE CREAM! THE ICE CREAM MAN IS COMING! THE ICE CREAM MAN IS COMING!!!! MA! MA!!!!! THROW DOWN SOME MONEY!!! THE ICE CREAM MAN IS COMING!!!!"
posted by zarq at 12:44 PM on April 28 [3 favorites]

It's how you knew it was Mister Softee and not the Good Humor man.
posted by tommasz at 12:48 PM on April 28

There's also this rap, which samples from the Mister Softee melody, by Hartford's own Humble the Rapper.
posted by gauche at 12:49 PM on April 28 [4 favorites]

I haven't clicked the links yet, and I'm not sure if I want to. Those fucking trucks would park right outside my building for hours, blasting that music, leaving me positive the words are:

Won't you please buy me an Ice-Cream Cone,
Or else I'm going to kill you.
Won't you please buy me an Ice-Cream Cone,
Or else you're going to die.
An ice-cream cone, an ice cream cone,
Oh won't you, won't you buy one
An ice-cream cone, an ice cream cone,
And then you're going to die.

There were more verses, but you get the general idea.
posted by Mchelly at 1:23 PM on April 28 [3 favorites]

Mister Softee drives past our house about twice a day all spring and summer long, and although I always threaten to get a milkshake, I'm usually not wearing pants or shoes or carrying a wallet. It's really sloth more than anything, since I can pick up the faintest whiff of the song on the breeze from half a mile away.
posted by uncleozzy at 1:27 PM on April 28

Wow. British Mister Softees have a similar but not quite the same chime. Jauntier, somehow. The American one just sounds weird.
posted by ComfySofa at 1:30 PM on April 28

Now I know what I'll be singing under my breath for the next two weeks.

Another song with rarely-heard lyrics: the Morning Edition theme.
posted by sleepy psychonaut at 1:34 PM on April 28

Okay, the ice cream jingle I wanna know about is this one. Why the sound effects? Why the woman saying "hello" in that snarky "you're an idiot" tone of voice? What is up with that?
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 1:39 PM on April 28 [2 favorites]

You deluded fools.

From the earliest papyri come the story of Saf-Ti: half man, half soft-serve ice-cream cone, son of Sekhmet, god of destruction. For his insolence, Ra melted him and scattered his essence across the earth. But he vowed revenge. Sekhmet transformed the pieces of his son, making them irresistable to man. And when enough of mankind has partaken of his body, he will return and destroy creation. That is why his many moving temples play the ancient hymn:

He brings the fire, he brings the rain, hail to thee, lord Saf-Ti!
He'll wreck the world and begin again, hail to thee lord Saf-Ti!
The earth will open below us and devour all man
The fire and floods will claim all that's left, by Saf-Ti's mighty hand!

But the worst part of the legend...the worst part...I cannot speak about. Except to say it involves those clown-face popsicles.
posted by PlusDistance at 1:44 PM on April 28 [1 favorite]

Wow. British Mister Softees have a similar but not quite the same chime yt . Jauntier, somehow. The American one just sounds weird

I'd say the British version sounds at least 20% different...
posted by grumpybear69 at 1:45 PM on April 28

... oh, he's driving by right now, in fact.
posted by uncleozzy at 1:49 PM on April 28

I'm surprised nobody has mentioned the version by Drink Me, called "The Song of the Ice Cream Truck." I can't find the song online, but here are the lyrics, found here (scroll down to the comments):

Under the silvery summer moon
The fingerlings are spawning
Spreading their banners of cloudy roe
Along the sandy shore
High in the orchards the apricots
Grow weary of their corsets
Wantonly tumble In dishabille
In piles across the floor
Cynthia, Cynthia, can't you hear? The giddy bells are chiming
Over and over the glockenspiel
Pours out its endless tune
Here in the shadows behind your house
The summer grass is growing
Throw off your care and your cotton dress
Beneath the summer moon
posted by computech_apolloniajames at 1:59 PM on April 28

Don't forget Mr. Bunny
posted by lagomorphius at 2:02 PM on April 28 [1 favorite]

When I was in college, I lived in a hi-rise dormitory that overlooked Morningside Park. I pretty much heard every single thing that happened in that park and on 116th street that was remotely loud -- including the literally nonstop Mister Softee jingle coming from a truck on Morningside Av. To this day I still get annoyed when I hear it, although it's a bit nicer with the lyrics.

I also used to watch hawks patrol the park. I was about 30 stories up so they were roughly at my height. They would be cruising... and bam, they'd drop and grab some vermin. So awesome.
posted by wikipedia brown boy detective at 2:24 PM on April 28

I will always consider this version of the lyrics to be canon.
posted by dephlogisticated at 3:18 PM on April 28 [2 favorites]

I've always been a Turkey In The Straw man, myself.
posted by KingEdRa at 3:18 PM on April 28

The truck would circle our neighborhood, like it was coming in for the kill. But it was killing us with that song, and by no means softly, I might add (pun potentially intended). A primal scream and a knuckling of eyes squinched closed, for me and all my fellow listeners.

I'll agree about the lyrics: they salve the pain. But then the pain returns. Again. And again.
posted by datawrangler at 4:33 PM on April 28

Dear god. I haven't lived in NYC for a decade, and yet as soon as I saw this post I got the damn jingle stuck in my head. I was going to say you should put the offending material below the fold with a warning above, but what would it say: "Warning, Mister Softee-related material within"? "Not safe for haters of the Mister Softee jingle"? Whatever you said, the result would be the same. It's like going back in time to kill Hitler: there's no escape.

And yes, I just compared the Mister Softee jingle to Hitler. Anybody have a problem with that?
posted by languagehat at 5:01 PM on April 28 [4 favorites]

My favorite lyrical discovery is Albert Brooks' lyrics for National Geographic, from the beginning of the 1983 Twilight Zone movie: "Look at that city, let's continue to dig..."
posted by ericbop at 7:09 PM on April 28

as soon as I saw this post I got the damn jingle stuck in my head.

I've honestly concluded, after moving into a neighborhood with a persistent ice cream truck presence, that you could mount an insanity defense solely by playing that song for the jury, over and over again, for three or four hours straight.
posted by gauche at 8:48 PM on April 28 [1 favorite]

I haven't lived in NYC for a decade, and yet as soon as I saw this post I got the damn jingle stuck in my head.

On one of the Law and Order shows there was a throwaway line from someone who was originally from New York, but who then was living in Idaho under witness protection for a few years; she's back in New York and preparing for the trial at which she will be a witness, and observes to a friend that "whenever I got homesick I would hum the Mister Softee jingle."
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 9:27 PM on April 28

OMG, EmpressCallipygos, that "HELLO!" jingle ice cream truck lived in my neighborhood in Inwood constantly - it was the most stressful, grating sound to have emanating throughout the streets, and I couldn't even imagine getting close enough to that truck to order ice cream. Sheer torture!
posted by Neely O'Hara at 9:10 AM on April 29

Yes, of course, as does anyone who follows me on Instagram. Oh wait, Mister Softee.
posted by Eideteker at 12:42 PM on April 29

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