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How to Stop a Wedding
May 7, 2014 11:35 AM   Subscribe

An illustrated guide. "Enjoy life with your bride or groom. Be aware, however, that you're never guaranteed a storybook ending. Someone who is likely to walk from a wedding may be afraid of commitment, and insecure in relationships. This could pose problems for your relationship."
posted by 912 Greens (89 comments total) 19 users marked this as a favorite

 
How did they know I was thinking about stopping a wedding this very morning!
posted by OnTheLastCastle at 11:39 AM on May 7 [2 favorites]


These wiki-hows are unintentionally hilarious, and yet useful......
posted by St. Peepsburg at 11:41 AM on May 7


WikiHuh?
posted by evidenceofabsence at 11:42 AM on May 7


From the warnings: "Unless you want to face immediate repercussions or you're dealing with a very understanding family, it might be a good idea to move to a different part of the country afterward. You should have a job and place to live in mind before you depart."
posted by zachlipton at 11:43 AM on May 7 [4 favorites]


Surprisingly well illustrated.
posted by GuyZero at 11:46 AM on May 7 [4 favorites]


Ever tried to stop a wedding? It's impossible to get one when you really need it.
posted by octobersurprise at 11:46 AM on May 7 [3 favorites]


I'm pretty sure if your illustrations are going to have the person objecting to the wedding while doing Doctor Who cosplay, you should make clear in the text whether or not this costume is part of a successfully stopped wedding.
posted by MCMikeNamara at 11:46 AM on May 7 [13 favorites]


The pull quote could alternative be replaced with the last five minutes of The Graduate, I think.
posted by dismas at 11:52 AM on May 7 [2 favorites]


How often do people ever stop weddings? Is that a thing? (I know when my friend was getting ready to get married, the minister muttered something about how she always hustles pretty quickly through the "does anyone object" question because you never know when there is a smart alec in the audience.)
posted by Multicellular Exothermic at 11:54 AM on May 7 [3 favorites]


I'm pretty sure if your illustrations are going to have the person objecting to the wedding while doing Doctor Who cosplay, you should make clear in the text whether or not this costume is part of a successfully stopped wedding.

Based on how my wife feels, David Tennant could have stopped my wedding, no question.
posted by Bulgaroktonos at 11:55 AM on May 7 [34 favorites]


Express your undying devotion to the bride or groom (if you're breaking up the marriage for romantic reasons).

Oops, knew I should have read to the end of that sentence before carrying out this plan.
posted by ambrosen at 11:55 AM on May 7 [5 favorites]


I keep trying to put my finger on why this is so weird, outside of the fact that, well it is Wikihow.

I have come to the conclusion that the sense of professionalism, the illustrations, and the tips that sound like they come from experience has made it clear that this person has stopped MANY weddings of attractive white people using a variety of methods and has learned from experience.

Note the related Wikihow: "How to have a great wedding" (Tip 1: Do not invite the author of this wikihow)
posted by blahblahblah at 11:57 AM on May 7 [21 favorites]


I have come to the conclusion that the sense of professionalism, the illustrations, and the tips that sound like they come from experience has made it clear that this person has stopped MANY weddings of attractive white people using a variety of methods and has learned from experience.

"Source: Am Hugh Grant"
posted by Etrigan at 11:58 AM on May 7 [21 favorites]


I have come to the conclusion that the sense of professionalism, the illustrations, and the tips that sound like they come from experience has made it clear that this person has stopped MANY weddings of attractive white people using a variety of methods and has learned from experience.

I figured that the incredibly strange tone of it comes from an edit war between the crazy people who created this article and the slightly more sane editors who tried to inject some reason into the end product without killing it outright.
posted by FAMOUS MONSTER at 12:01 PM on May 7 [4 favorites]


If you're planning on stopping a wedding, consider trying to learn ASL on another occasion. One new experience at a time! (Unless, of course, you will need to know ASL to stop the wedding.)
posted by octobersurprise at 12:04 PM on May 7 [4 favorites]


I get that this is funny, especially the bit where they take themselves so seriously, but the idea of stopping weddings really bothers me. There's a lot of arrogance in the idea that you know better than someone else whether this is a good decision for them, and the willingness to interrupt such a hugely important moment that is both personal and public seems really disrespectful; this is someone else's time and their decision and it's horribly arrogant and inappropriate to inject yourself into that. If you don't know the person well enough to talk to them ahead of time about your concerns you really have no business deciding you know what's best for them (I mean, unless, as previously mentioned, you are David Tennant).
posted by Mrs. Pterodactyl at 12:05 PM on May 7 [14 favorites]


this isn't a joke? Also, that woman in illustration 5 looks like she's about to get really, really violent.
posted by sweetkid at 12:05 PM on May 7


I'm also reading this article as a joke, but:

When the reverend, marriage celebrant, or judge asks if anyone should object to the marriage, ...

This happens in so few weddings these days, at least in weddings that are actually done by people who perform them on a regular basis (as opposed to people who were "ordained" on the internet and whose only exposure to weddings is through TV and movies). There's no legal need for it, and it just allows random drunk asshats who've read WikiHow articles the chance to make things awkward.
posted by ChrisTN at 12:07 PM on May 7 [6 favorites]


If you don't know the person well enough to talk to them ahead of time about your concerns you really have no business deciding you know what's best for them

That is precisely why the insightful tipster suggests you "approach the bride or groom several days or even weeks before the wedding." That, and because "weddings are expensive, and the earlier a doomed wedding is called off, the better."
posted by drlith at 12:09 PM on May 7


Wasn't the original point of the objection question to let people say if the one of the about to be marrieds was already married or if there was a consanguinity problem? It makes sense in a small community to ask that question since there might not be a better way of finding out, but it seems kind of silly in 2014.
posted by Bulgaroktonos at 12:11 PM on May 7 [8 favorites]


Yeah Bulgaroktonos, that's what I had heard about the original point of the objection phrase as well.
posted by sweetkid at 12:13 PM on May 7


This happens in so few weddings these days, at least in weddings that are actually done by people who perform them on a regular basis

Yeah, this was not a part of our wedding. My mother is an Episcopal priest and she didn't perform the service but she helped us figure out how to structure it within the parameters of the Book of Common Prayer*. She said she never uses that part because it's inappropriate and just kind of a minefield. There are also parts that say things like "Marriage between a man and a woman is sacred as the marriage between Jesus and the church is sacred" and we were like "Well, the Maid of Honor is Jewish, a bunch of our other friends are Jewish and/or atheists, the priest is gay, one of the readers is gay and Jewish, one of the readers is a former Catholic lesbian**, another is a former Catholic nun, the guy giving the homily is a former Catholic priest married to a different former Catholic nun, and, when you get right down to it, the bride is bisexual and is marrying a man because she happened to fall bonkers in love with what's-his-name and not because of his sex or gender, so maybe this line is not a good choice for us."

*Episcopal alternative to the Bible
**"Former" applies only to Catholic; she is still a lesbian.
posted by Mrs. Pterodactyl at 12:16 PM on May 7 [17 favorites]


Previously on AskMe.
posted by ChrisTN at 12:16 PM on May 7 [1 favorite]


There's a critical alternative missing: Seethe in repressed anger while waiting for the option to smugly say, "I told you so."
posted by CBrachyrhynchos at 12:16 PM on May 7 [15 favorites]


On the origins of marriage objection: In the bygone days of charlatans, swindlers, elopements and bad record-keeping, "speak now or forever hold your peace" was a last-ditch effort to bring to light any illicit shenanigans that would nullify a wedding in the eyes of God.

If you go to the London Lives website and do a search for "bigamy" you will uncover tons and tons of cases where someone was accused (and often convicted) of marrying while their "former" spouse was still alive.
posted by Rosie M. Banks at 12:17 PM on May 7


If you're planning on stopping a wedding, consider trying to learn ASL on another occasion. One new experience at a time! (Unless, of course, you will need to know ASL to stop the wedding.)

Warning: ASL is not a universal sign language and in fact is almost completely unrelated to British Sign Language. Learn the sign language of the bride or groom well beforehand.
posted by ocschwar at 12:19 PM on May 7 [9 favorites]


Unless the groom has a crazy lady in his attic, and he is married to her, there is never a good way to stop a wedding.
posted by Ruthless Bunny at 12:21 PM on May 7 [12 favorites]


President Josiah "Jed" Bartlet: Is this a joke? If it's a joke, it's both funny and well-executed. But I think you and I both know that it's not.
posted by craven_morhead at 12:21 PM on May 7 [2 favorites]


My mother is an Episcopal priest and she didn't perform the service but she helped us figure out how to structure it within the parameters of the Book of Common Prayer*.

You made me curious--I looked it up, and I'm a bit surprised that the option to object is still technically part of the ECUSA liturgy in the BCP. So I'll temper my earlier statement a bit: it could be a lot more common in Episcopal weddings than I'd realized. I know that it's not part of the liturgy in my own denomination.
posted by ChrisTN at 12:21 PM on May 7


Not all does the BCP feature the objection line to the audience, it also has the priest ask it of the couple. They need to be very sure.
posted by Bulgaroktonos at 12:24 PM on May 7


I'm a bit surprised that the option to object is still technically part of the ECUSA liturgy in the BCP

Just because it's in there doesn't mean it's used very often; I think Episcopalians are basically the religious and ritualistic equivalent of out-of-control hoarders who can't throw out bits of string. I once almost kicked my husband out of bed for suggesting that versions of the 1982 Hymnal in red binding were equally valid, and I'm still mad at him for the time he said it was maybe possibly okay to start considering updating the hymnal with a new version altogether. We do not let things go.
posted by Mrs. Pterodactyl at 12:26 PM on May 7 [15 favorites]


Not all does the BCP feature the objection line to the audience, it also has the priest ask it of the couple. They need to be very sure.

Then it would probably have helped to ask it at the beginning of the service so when the jackass groom refused to look at the bride during the ceremony she wouldn't have spent the entire service believing the whole relationship was an elaborate practical joke and that you were going to say no.

I WAS TERRIFIED.
posted by Mrs. Pterodactyl at 12:28 PM on May 7 [11 favorites]


Mrs. Pterodactyl: suddenly, I want to shake your husband's hand.
posted by ChrisTN at 12:29 PM on May 7


Married seven years and she's still angry about that.
posted by Bulgaroktonos at 12:30 PM on May 7 [16 favorites]


Also, Wikihow in general is an amazing repository of crazypants tutorials bordering on outsider art. Examples include:

How to Buy Pantyhose for Men: "Don't be shy, and let your wife know that you received a men's pair of pantyhose. Tell her that you also want to have a chance to cover your legs with nylons, and even if she believes that it's not sexy, try to explain her that it's popular ... The "metro sexual" term defines men that are taking care of themselves, and wearing nylons is part of it. Offer them to buy a pair and try them, and tell them to give you a reason why you shouldn't wear them! Bet that they will enjoy them ... Wear them under your pants, but spread the word around you! Don't be shy, people will first laugh, which is a common reaction to what seems unusual, but after reflection, people will understand that it's cool!"

How to Act Like Edward Elric from Fullmetal Achemist: "Get extremely angry when people call you short. (DO NOT hit anyone. Just do one of his rants.) ... Be emotional. (Teen angst. Angst, angst, angst!) ... When traveling, take trains a lot, or walk."

How to Like Speed Racer: No, not how to act like him or look like him. This is a guide to how you - yes, you - can like a TV show: "Watch the show frequently. The more you expose yourself to it, the more details you might notice about it. Try to understand the show and the points it is making. If you like, sketch out a rough outline of the storyline, and read over it a few times."

How to Crack Down on Your Mister "Right" Because Your "Mrs" Right: "MATES, make sure his mates aren't drug addicts, and think with their dicks. All my boyfriends mates who are like that i stopped him seeing because its wrong. he hangs with his nice friends though."

How to Teach Your Enemy a Lesson: "Everyone has an enemy. The relationship between enemies, however, is definitely not a good one - enemies can get annoyed with each other quickly ... When he/she is doing something, make it better it like the crowd never has seen."
posted by FAMOUS MONSTER at 12:30 PM on May 7 [19 favorites]


My personal favorite terrible Wikihow.
posted by Bulgaroktonos at 12:32 PM on May 7 [5 favorites]


Am I the only one here who thinks that's a good element to have in the ceremony?

It's a way to say "these two are no longer dating, they are no longer courting, they are marrying, and you've been brought here because you are asked to accept and support them in this step."

The only real problem is that it's saying "ship's about to sail in 5 seconds" when in fact the ship sailed 10 caterers and 5 rented tuxes beforehand.
posted by ocschwar at 12:32 PM on May 7 [3 favorites]


Am I the only one here who thinks that's a good element to have in the ceremony? It's a way to say "these two are no longer dating, they are no longer courting, they are marrying, and you've been brought here because you are asked to accept and support them in this step."

Good weddings can ask the assembled guests if they love and support the couple as they begin this new phase of their life together, and allow them to provide a collective "yes." That feels very different than fishing for objections, to me.
posted by ChrisTN at 12:35 PM on May 7 [1 favorite]


Yeah, to go back to the BCP the line is:

Will all of you witnessing these promises do all in your
power to uphold these two persons in their marriage?

People: We will.
posted by Bulgaroktonos at 12:36 PM on May 7 [1 favorite]


The only real problem is that it's saying "ship's about to sail in 5 seconds"...

I am now really, really regretting not having someone bellow that out at my wedding right before the final vows. Caterers and tuxes be damned
posted by PlusDistance at 12:40 PM on May 7 [4 favorites]


Someone on Twitter asked if this were a hoax; it seems like a hoax.
posted by willF at 12:44 PM on May 7


Given all the other crazy bullshit on Wikihow, I'm pretty confident it's not a hoax. Although it probably looked a lot nuttier initially.
posted by FAMOUS MONSTER at 12:45 PM on May 7


Technically not a hoax, per se. I mean, you could do any or all of the stuff mentioned in the article. Just as long as you're good with burning every bridge in your life, help yourself.
posted by ChrisTN at 12:46 PM on May 7 [1 favorite]


How to Teach Your Enemy a Lesson:

First, clearly explain the lesson objectives (you can save time if you print them in the syllabus).

Next, consider active learning or problem-based learning as a strategy.

It's a good idea to keep lecturing to 15 minutes or less before changing topics or starting an exercise.

Speak in a clear, well-modulated voice so your enemy can hear you clearly, even from the back of the room.

Make sure that your lesson design includes assessment with clear, measurable outcomes.
posted by GenjiandProust at 12:51 PM on May 7 [35 favorites]


My personal favorite terrible Wikihow.

My favorites: How to Make People Think You're Immortal, How to Call in Sick, and How to Wear Novelty Socks.
posted by octobersurprise at 1:00 PM on May 7 [1 favorite]


No mention of fainting, swooning, or yelling, “Fire!” What kind of self-respecting wedding-stoppage guide is this?
posted by The Underpants Monster at 1:05 PM on May 7 [1 favorite]


See old fashioned clothes alone aren't enough to seem immortal, I've thought about this because I have a fantasy of retiring to a small town and convincing school children that I'm a vampire. You need to make it clear that you exist in a huge variety of time periods. Victorian clothes one day, sure, but 70s clothes the next, togas the next, a sixteenth century ruff the next. It has to be all mixed up, so that it's clear that you've lived in all these different periods and are just pull shit out of your immortal closet.
posted by Bulgaroktonos at 1:09 PM on May 7 [10 favorites]


How to Stop a Gay Wedding:

1. Actively or passively elect the most conservative government officials possible
2. Do nothing to stop them from the inevitable
posted by SassHat at 1:16 PM on May 7 [7 favorites]


Unless the groom has a crazy lady in his attic, and he is married to her, there is never a good way to stop a wedding.

Counterpoint: the Purple Wedding from a Game of Thrones.
posted by misha at 1:21 PM on May 7 [2 favorites]


Also, is there anyone in the English-speaking world whose parents DIDN'T make some riff on "Speak now, or forever hold your peace" into a joke about using the bathroom before a car trip?
posted by The Underpants Monster at 1:31 PM on May 7 [11 favorites]


Jeez, what a lot of fuss over such a simple thing. A few pounds of Semtex on a delayed timer ought to do the trick.
posted by Rangeboy at 1:42 PM on May 7 [1 favorite]


How to stop a wedding, if you are Jack Bauer.
posted by DevilsAdvocate at 1:55 PM on May 7 [1 favorite]


How to Wear Novelty Socks.

wut?
posted by sweetkid at 2:08 PM on May 7


How to make up ridiculous crap that people take seriously.
posted by Pudhoho at 2:14 PM on May 7


Also, why would anyone want to stop a wedding ceremony?

More like: "Step on the gas there, Padre, so we can get at the food and liquor."
posted by Pudhoho at 2:17 PM on May 7 [1 favorite]


Surprisingly well illustrated.
posted by GuyZero at 11:46 AM on May 7 [3 favorites −] Favorite added! [!]


But also a bastion of white privilege!!
posted by Bwithh at 2:18 PM on May 7


Do non-WASPs ever fantasize about stopping a wedding?
posted by GuyZero at 2:24 PM on May 7


Aside from "I have just arrived in time to tell you that your husband-to-be is already married and there was no way to tell you sooner," ala Jane Eyre, I am trying to think of what anyone could have called out that would have made me say "Oh ok, let's stop this wedding and talk about this."
posted by emjaybee at 2:25 PM on May 7 [1 favorite]


Do non-WASPs ever fantasize about stopping a wedding?

yes because movies
posted by sweetkid at 2:26 PM on May 7 [1 favorite]


Also, Wikihow in general is an amazing repository of crazypants tutorials bordering on outsider art. Examples include:

Wow. I'm sure that years ago I landed there a few times after looking for some kind of mundane information about humidifiers or something, found it was not helpful, and never looked back. I have so much catching up to do!
posted by Room 641-A at 2:27 PM on May 7


"Well, the Maid of Honor is Jewish, a bunch of our other friends are Jewish and/or atheists, the priest is gay, one of the readers is gay and Jewish, one of the readers is a former Catholic lesbian**, another is a former Catholic nun, the guy giving the homily is a former Catholic priest married to a different former Catholic nun, and, when you get right down to it, the bride is bisexual and is marrying a man because she happened to fall bonkers in love with what's-his-name and not because of his sex or gender, so maybe this line is not a good choice for us."

Mrs. Pterodactyl, I love this! Sounds like a heckava wedding

WHY wasn't I invited!?!?!!!
posted by BlueHorse at 2:47 PM on May 7


I've been to several wedding recently where the bride and groom got legally married a few days before the ceremony. In a few, no one even "officiated," people just stood up and said nice things about the couple while they stood there in the traditional "standing before the people with an altar like thing in the background" - usually the altar like thing was a pretty naturey bramble covered trellis or somesuch that some one made in a backyard Meet the Parents style.

It's really nice.
posted by sweetkid at 2:51 PM on May 7


I fantasized about objecting to my cousin's wedding (note: cousin is a jerk and I felt sorry for his intended). However, as was noted above, nobody actually says that part in a wedding any more, plus I was 18 or 19 years old and nobody was gonna listen to me on that one.

They ended up having an ugly divorce, so yeah, I was right.
posted by jenfullmoon at 2:56 PM on May 7


How often do people ever stop weddings?

Not often enough!
posted by Alexandra Kitty at 2:58 PM on May 7 [2 favorites]


I once asked an ancient Church of England priest I know whether anyone had ever stood up and said anything at the "due cause or just impediment" bit of the BCP marriage service. He said no, although he'd had people come to him before the service to say that they thought it was a bad match and could he do something about that? (No.)

It is, as has been mentioned, a test for consanguinity or bigamy (the due causes or legal impediments against a marriage), and as the Church of England used to be the only church in England that could perform legal weddings (until 1836, fact fans), the form of the ceremony had some legal significance. You've still got to get the banns read and one of you must be a resident of the parish (or get a special licence from the bishop, as I did) to be legally married by a C of E priest.

For the person, above, who said that the BCP is an alternative to the Bible in Epispocalianism: shush. It is nothing of the sort, and such suggestions are heretical. Everyone knows it's slightly more important.

(in quires and places where they sing, here followeth the flame war)
posted by Devonian at 2:58 PM on May 7 [9 favorites]


It is, as has been mentioned, a test for consanguinity or bigamy (the due causes or legal impediments against a marriage), and as the Church of England used to be the only church in England that could perform legal weddings (until 1836, fact fans), the form of the ceremony had some legal significance. You've still got to get the banns read and one of you must be a resident of the parish (or get a special licence from the bishop, as I did) to be legally married by a C of E priest.

Just as a side note, the North Carolina marriage-equality lawsuit filed last week centers on the fact that ordained ministers under state law formalize the legal relationship and can possibly be charged with a misdemeanor if they perform the ceremony in the absence of a valid license.
posted by CBrachyrhynchos at 3:04 PM on May 7


...Book of Common Prayer... (Episcopal alternative to the Bible)

Whoa, this is not a little bit misleading to say the least. It's not like we're talking the Book of Mormon or the Book of Scientology here. At best you can call it an adjunct to the bible, specifically crafted for the Anglican/Episcopal church, but alternative - no, absolutely not.

(The whole subject of varying editions of English bibles and books of prayer is a whole separate subject, and quite fascinating if you like that sort of thing. And then there's the language.)
posted by IndigoJones at 5:02 PM on May 7 [1 favorite]


If you don't know the person well enough to talk to them ahead of time about your concerns you really have no business deciding you know what's best for them

When this is depicted in movies and TV (which is the only place it actually happens AFAIK), the stopper is usually rushing towards the Church at the last second and couldn't have talked to the person any earlier because Plot Points and because a big wedding with everyone there in a big building is a lot more dramatic than a quiet phone conversation with three weeks to spare.
posted by drjimmy11 at 5:09 PM on May 7 [1 favorite]


For the person, above, who said that the BCP is an alternative to the Bible in Epispocalianism: shush. It is nothing of the sort, and such suggestions are heretical. Everyone knows it's slightly more important.

This is like the "Methodists don't like sex because it might lead to dancing" joke isn't it?
posted by deadwax at 5:28 PM on May 7


It did look like it was illustrated by the same guy who did the Joy of Sex, using all the models who didn't have beards.
posted by arcticseal at 6:33 PM on May 7 [3 favorites]


I think that was a joke IndigoJones. Or at least that's how I took it.

Similarly growing up as an Episcopalian I always heard the joke:

How many Episcopalians does it take to change a light bulb?

Chaaaange? My grandmother gave that lightbulb to the church 30 years ago!
posted by Carillon at 6:49 PM on May 7 [3 favorites]


Also my mother calling us God's frozen people.
posted by Carillon at 6:51 PM on May 7 [2 favorites]


emjaybee: "Aside from "I have just arrived in time to tell you that your husband-to-be is already married and there was no way to tell you sooner," ala Jane Eyre, I am trying to think of what anyone could have called out that would have made me say "Oh ok, let's stop this wedding and talk about this.""

Theoretically objectable impediments include:
  • bride or groom underage
  • one partner still being married to someone else
  • too closely related -- by blood OR by marriage OR by adoption. Typically it's problematic to divorce your spouse and marry their child (your stepchild), for example. You also can't marry your sibling if, say, both of you were adopted and are not related by blood. You also can't adopt a child, wait for them to grow up, and then marry them, as every family law textbook ever will tell you repeatedly.
  • one partner has taken holy orders and/or a perpetual vow of chastity and has not been released from it by the proper authorities (Religious ceremonies only, obvs)
  • one partner has been kidnapped (I mean to force them to get married), most typically the bride by the groom but theoretically it could be the bride by her own parents, or by his parents, or by other people; and of course the groom could be the victim in which case vice versa
  • mental incapacity to contract marriage (basically you have to know what you're attempting to do or you're not allowed to do it), most typically when someone has very low IQ or serious brain damage, but also if they're really drunk or stoned
  • coercion, which may include abuse in various forms, monetary coercion, family coercion, threats to withhold child visitation, etc.

    I'm sure I'm forgetting a few. And yeah, it all dates to earlier eras with limited recordkeeping when discovering impediments was much more difficult. But also, today it's relatively trivial to undo a marriage that shouldn't have been formed in the first place; in the 1800s (say), a woman who got married and later had the marriage declared invalid risked considered very damaged goods (because of the sex and whatnot) and have her future prospects seriously diminished as a result. Divorce was much more difficult, and religious questions about undoing a sacramental marriage also entered the picture. Today it's like, "Wow, it's super unfortunate your wife's parents actually kidnapped and drugged her to force her to marry you; luckily nobody cares that you've had sex and getting this annulled is just some paperwork and maybe a hearing or two."

  • posted by Eyebrows McGee at 8:28 PM on May 7 [2 favorites]


    Oh I did forget one! If you (the groom) kill Wife #1 so that you can marry Wife #2, OR Wife #2 murders Wife #1 so she can marry you, or you conspire to do so, or anyone hires contract killers, in most Christian denominations that's an impediment to marriage that's objectable at the ceremony. BEST LAW & ORDER IDEA EVER.
    posted by Eyebrows McGee at 8:36 PM on May 7 [3 favorites]


    For random bits of WikiHow goodness, try WikiHow-TXT.
    posted by klausness at 8:38 PM on May 7


    and as the Church of England used to be the only church in England that could perform legal weddings (until 1836, fact fans), the form of the ceremony had some legal significance.

    This is legally true of the period 1753-1836. But prior to 1753, although you had to have the banns published and be married by a priest of the C of E in order for church law to acknowledge the marriage, under common law, marriage was made by consent: if a couple mutually exchanged vows, even if they were alone, they were married.

    This is the source for the fuss in "Measure for Measure", so it's one of those things you learn when you teach it.
    posted by jrochest at 9:32 PM on May 7 [1 favorite]


    IndigoJones: "...Book of Common Prayer... (Episcopal alternative to the Bible)

    Whoa, this is not a little bit misleading to say the least. It's not like we're talking the Book of Mormon or the Book of Scientology here.
    "

    It's a joke! Explanation of joke: Episcopalians are more familiar with the BCP than the Bible, ha ha.
    posted by ocherdraco at 11:49 PM on May 7


    Tiny footnote for Arcticseal: the illustrator of those beards in the Joy of Sex was Chris Foss, better known for his epic SF-novel covers and concept work on movies including Alien, Superman and Flash Gordon.
    posted by Hogshead at 12:54 AM on May 8 [1 favorite]


    "Weddings are expensive, and the earlier a doomed wedding is called off, the better."

    Tell that to Tom Archer, who jilted his wife-to-be at the altar just one week ago on BBC radio's longest-running soap.

    "After months of grand planning, in Thursday’s episode Tom Archer, sausage magnate—a proto-J.R. Ewing with pork as his obsession rather than oil—ended his relationship with Kirsty just as they were about to exchange vows. He felt, he told his grandmother, that after the death of his big brother John he became the “heir not the spare” in his family, and the prospect of marriage suddenly made him feel like the adult he was thrown into becoming. Kirsty, understandably, was not impressed at being dumped on her dream day, and her bereft wail filled the church.” - The Daily Beast.

    And very dramatic stuff it was too. Poor Kirsty.
    posted by Paul Slade at 1:48 AM on May 8 [1 favorite]


    I, for one, would have appreciated it if someone had stopped my wedding.
    posted by infini at 5:43 AM on May 8 [2 favorites]


    One day, I shall write the story of the war within a semi-rural parish in the 70s between the BCP traditionalists (the Prayerbook Liberation Organisation as it was termed by some, headed by a bearded churchwarden known as Yasser) and the vicar who wanted to introduce a more modern liturgy (Series 3) for some services. Some of the more unusual engagements even made the Times.

    One day. It is not yet safe so to do.
    posted by Devonian at 7:52 AM on May 8


    After months of grand planning, in Thursday’s episode Tom Archer, sausage magnate—a proto-J.R. Ewing with pork as his obsession rather than oil—ended his relationship with Kirsty just as they were about to exchange vows.

    I wonder if Tom knows Abe Froman, the sausage king of Chicago.
    posted by ChrisTN at 7:56 AM on May 8


    If you like the illustrations on how to stop a wedding, you're going to love How To Make A Citizen's Arrest
    posted by palegirl at 8:08 AM on May 8


    " ... Kirsty, understandably, was not impressed at being dumped on her dream day, and her bereft wail filled the church."
    posted by octobersurprise at 8:11 AM on May 8


    I wonder if Tom knows Abe Froman, the sausage king of Chicago.

    Meh, none of them hold a candle to Cut-Me-Own-Throat Dibbler.

    If you like the illustrations on how to stop a wedding, you're going to love How To Make A Citizen's Arrest

    What sells the disruption of the peace illustration is the guy in the background with a grin on his face waving to the gunman.
    posted by CBrachyrhynchos at 8:26 AM on May 8


    Oh my god, do not get me started on Tom Archer's wedding. Thanks to the magic of technology, here in 2014, a guy in Chicago can listen to the podcast of a British soap opera that started 25 years before he was alive and get so angry that people on the "L" look a little concerned.

    (And though I loved that Daily Beast article, I would only call Tom a proto-J.R. Ewing if you mixed the charm of Larry Hagman with saddest sad sack who ever sadded a sack.)
    posted by MCMikeNamara at 11:50 AM on May 8


    Theoretically objectable impediments include:

    Having found the perfect moment to shout, "STOP!! Hammertime."
    posted by evidenceofabsence at 12:57 PM on May 8 [2 favorites]


    including Alien

    Now that's the way to stop a wedding.
    posted by arcticseal at 2:35 PM on May 8


    "And now on Radio 4, it's time for The Archers, the way it sounds to people who don't really listen to The Archers but, you know, sometimes it's on."
    A sketch from John Finnemore's Souvenir Programme.
    posted by Lexica at 3:14 PM on May 24 [1 favorite]


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