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Risk and Romance Among NBA Groupies
May 8, 2014 1:56 PM   Subscribe

The idea of a Bull's thigh muscle so freaks the other young ladies at the table that one of Miss Johnson's shrimps falls out of its cocktail sauce and Miss Mendoza holds her hand over her own mouth and screams. "This muscle right here," says Miss Boyd. "Right above the knee. My God! That's my downfall."
posted by the young rope-rider (32 comments total) 16 users marked this as a favorite

 
These young ladies do not have the bad taste to act like other young ladies. They are free, very free, spirits. They believe the morals of men and women are the same and refuse to be reduced to the role of sexual objects purely for the pleasure of men. No. These young ladies are the philosophers of the future. They turn men into sexual objects. Into beautiful creatures to be won.


Amazing. That it was unthinkable even 20 years ago that men could be sex objects.
posted by dilaudid at 2:07 PM on May 8


And for a moment the young ladies fall into a sort of gentle reverie, as each bethinks herself of her own favorite butt.

Amen
posted by elizardbits at 2:14 PM on May 8 [21 favorites]


"Caucasian-rumped..."

?
posted by bruce at 2:21 PM on May 8


Fascinating. Superficial attractive women and wealthy powerful men together?

I had never heard of such a thing.
posted by flarbuse at 2:21 PM on May 8 [4 favorites]


And for a moment the young ladies fall into a sort of gentle reverie, as each bethinks herself of her own favorite butt.

A strong contender for the most elizardbitsian sentence ever written.
posted by Holy Zarquon's Singing Fish at 2:24 PM on May 8 [16 favorites]


And who amongst us has not, at some point in our many days, befallen ourselves into the self same gentle reverie? Of bethinking ourselves of our own favorite butt?

The answer is I believe available to all: none of us.
posted by wemayfreeze at 2:30 PM on May 8 [8 favorites]


I mean, i hadn't, but NOW

I really like the voice of this article! I think I have more to say about it, but I'm'a turn it over in my head a little more.
posted by Greg Nog at 2:45 PM on May 8


I have meself just now befallen into a gentle reverie of a long ago Warriors/Spurs game when I had unaccustomed seats and was finally able to holler NICE BUTT RICHARDSON when he bent over as an opponent was preparing to shoot a free throw.

I sigh gently when I bethink of his beatific yet somewhat questioning visage as he glanced over his shoulder to see what ehr ehm hussy had expressed herself in so feminine a tone and in such refined words.

And I recall with some nostalgia that the (male) (decade-younger) friend who was accompanying me that fated evening refused to ever attend a sporting event with me again, which might have been due, in part, to my also hollering DUNCAN YOU SUCK for quite a bit of the event. Duncan of course did not suck in the slightest but he looked exactly like an ex-boyfriend who had dumped me cruelly perhaps six months prior.

As a side note, let me add that I had been awaiting such an opportunity for the entire season, which was, I believe, Jason Richardson's rookie year, and was determined not to do it unless (a) Richardson bent over facing away from me so that his celeb-butt was pointed my direction, and (b) an opponent was shooting, not a teammate. As he nearly always was on the opposite side of the key from my usual seats, this opportunity came only once and I shall never forget it but always hold it close in my heart.
posted by janey47 at 2:45 PM on May 8 [29 favorites]


NICE BUTT RICHARDSON


OK for some reason that might be the all-caps that jumped out at me and I just imagined NICE BUTT RICHARDSON as an obscure Revolutionary War hero as illustrated by Kate Beaton with an accentuated booty drawn in that particular way of hers and THAT IS WHY I AM UGLY LAUGHING LIKE AN IDIOT MR. JUDGEYPANTS OVER THERE anyway sorry for the derail do carry on.
posted by louche mustachio at 3:01 PM on May 8 [15 favorites]


Why are there more pictures than New Yorker-style comics in this article?
posted by oceanjesse at 3:27 PM on May 8


I like how the white skin color is the one that gets pointed out. Black is the norm.
posted by Omnomnom at 3:29 PM on May 8


Thanks for adding an important tag, elizardbits

(It's butts)
posted by the young rope-rider at 4:19 PM on May 8 [2 favorites]


and maybe the master peed in the bedroom

What the hell does that mean?
posted by Greg_Ace at 4:39 PM on May 8 [2 favorites]


What strikes me about the article is how much camaraderie there appears to be among the women. I wasn't picturing that; I think the pop culture has poisoned my perception of female friendship with too much Mean Girls and Real Housewives (and I don't even watch those shows).

The article could have used more pictures of aforementioned thigh muscles.

And who amongst us has not, at some point in our many days, befallen ourselves into the self same gentle reverie? Of bethinking ourselves of our own favorite butt?

The answer is I believe available to all: none of us.


Well ... actually maybe some of us ...
posted by kanewai at 4:55 PM on May 8 [1 favorite]


and maybe the master peed in the bedroom

What the hell does that mean?


She thinks there may be some white in the racial salad.
posted by janey47 at 5:19 PM on May 8 [2 favorites]


Wemayfreeze - when you say "none of us", you mean that none of us can resist thinking about our favorite butts, right? I got kinda confused.
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 5:20 PM on May 8


I have to say, the part where the author asks who in the group loves NBA players the most and Miss Power sticks her hands up so fast she falls over is inordinately charming.
posted by Holy Zarquon's Singing Fish at 6:15 PM on May 8 [2 favorites]


Some of this just makes no goddamn sense. Like this:

Before she finishes speaking—telling me that she has known a lot of players, basketball and football, and that Mike Tyson is a buddy and "has always been there for me as a friend, period. He's never disrespected me"—I feel like throwing myself down on a mossy bank and glazing myself with begonia pollen.

What does that even mean?
posted by limeonaire at 6:25 PM on May 8 [1 favorite]


janey47, tim duncan is notoriously afraid of sharks, so the next time you're within hollering distance and he's about to shoot, LOOK OUT A SHARK might be more effective than DUNCAN YOU SUCK.
posted by bruce at 6:32 PM on May 8 [4 favorites]


I feel like throwing myself down on a mossy bank and glazing myself with begonia pollen.

What does that even mean?


I don't know, this sounds like any number of our friends. We all can tell who they're shacking up with because of weird phrases they interject into common conversations.

I'm guessing the person who wrote that is hooking it up with some kind of florist or plant biologist.
posted by hal_c_on at 7:37 PM on May 8


I feel like throwing myself down on a mossy bank and glazing myself with begonia pollen.

What does that even mean?


I'm pretty sure the author is referring in a fanciful way to the speaker's syrupy easygoing New Orleans drawl.
posted by Greg_Ace at 8:33 PM on May 8 [1 favorite]


Fanciful is one word for it.
posted by limeonaire at 8:38 PM on May 8


"Smartass yankee judgemental" is another bless her heart.
posted by Greg_Ace at 8:49 PM on May 8


That takes me right back to Portland in the very late 80s, when the McCormick and Schmick's chain was just the two restaurants, the eponymous one and Jake's Famous Crawfish, the bars of both everywhere dark oak and glass, and jammed full of Blazers and their groupie legal secretaries drinking Irish coffee.

(I was a filthy-hippie college student and only got to see this firsthand when my parents came to town and bought me dinner. One time a girl from the bar was having a miscarriage in the bathroom and wouldn't let anyone help her.)
posted by gingerest at 8:54 PM on May 8


Superficial attractive women and wealthy powerful men together?

Yeah, the article is a hilarious diorama of people who utterly deserve each other.
posted by ThatFuzzyBastard at 10:02 PM on May 8


What's great about it that it's largely not judgmental about these women, unlike so many groupie articles.
posted by MartinWisse at 12:22 AM on May 9


I kind of lost track of what was going on when it suddenly jumped to him interviewing two men (I think). Like there was a link missing?

The end was oddly fairy tale-ish. Happy ending, but in a weird way.
All in all I liked it, and found it a fascinating read. The style and the idea of calling them "Miss Soandso" sounds oddly like Jane Austen, at least at the beginning. Which could sound like a mockery of the groupies, only it sounds affectionate instead.

I gasped at the racial "salad" bit, though. Is that not completely racist?
posted by Omnomnom at 2:31 AM on May 9


(Everyone gets that this article is a reprint from 1992, right?)
posted by gingerest at 3:13 AM on May 9


Do you mean my comment? Then yeah, but the salad paragraph would have been just as weird then, wouldn't it?
posted by Omnomnom at 3:54 AM on May 9


I've always kind of liked David Robinson because he's a Navy man. Now I think I like him a little more.
posted by CincyBlues at 4:27 AM on May 9 [1 favorite]


(I meant more generally but I suppose I assume racism should get better over time? Also the writer is E. Jean Carroll, a woman.)
posted by gingerest at 4:43 AM on May 9


ahh, sex just for sex's sake was achieved for a short time in the 70's, then some damn fool created sexually transmitted diseases and ruined the mood. It appears someone is trying to reinstate the fun.
posted by OhSusannah at 6:03 PM on May 22


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