Never sleep without earmuffs again. Maybe just never sleep again.
May 13, 2014 1:31 AM   Subscribe

Here's six minutes of glorious up-close video of a cockroach being surgically removed from a man's ear. No idea how it got in there, but I guess that's what the beauty of imagination is for.
posted by item (101 comments total) 14 users marked this as a favorite

 
A video I wish could unsee.
posted by key_of_z at 1:33 AM on May 13, 2014 [2 favorites]


Good luck.
posted by item at 1:34 AM on May 13, 2014 [1 favorite]


Nope.
posted by MartinWisse at 1:40 AM on May 13, 2014 [39 favorites]


Trust me, if I wanted to make you project yourself into the sun, I could make yourself project yourself into the sun and it wouldn't involve a youtube video.
posted by item at 1:46 AM on May 13, 2014 [1 favorite]


This is going to sound silly, but that was actually worse than I thought it would be.
posted by smoke at 1:48 AM on May 13, 2014 [32 favorites]


Most FPPs have a handful of favourites when they have four comments, but I see that this one has zero. Wonder why...
posted by Harald74 at 1:48 AM on May 13, 2014 [1 favorite]


Exemplary use of the tinylegsscratchinginearcanal tag.
posted by naju at 1:56 AM on May 13, 2014 [11 favorites]


Could be used in a "Clockwork Orange"-esque threat to get the kids to behave.
posted by TheSecretDecoderRing at 1:56 AM on May 13, 2014


wow, I guess the surgeon left that glistening egg sac in there to guarantee a repeat customer?
posted by serif at 2:05 AM on May 13, 2014 [2 favorites]


item, you are one of my favorite folks here at Mefi. But… I ain't clicking that link.
posted by flapjax at midnite at 2:18 AM on May 13, 2014 [7 favorites]


You guys are slipping...

This is one of the strangest videos I've seen in some time. I have no idea how this man got a cockroach wedged into his ear, or why
posted by Muppet Pastor at 2:18 AM on May 13, 2014 [33 favorites]


Well, hello again, wrong side of YouTube. It's been a while. There's an endless nightmare of links I don't want to click under the FPP video, but somehow I'm still clicking them. Oh, look, there's that crazy Indian blackhead scraping guy again.

My ears itch. Anyone got a q-tip?
posted by loquacious at 2:44 AM on May 13, 2014 [2 favorites]


I was working as office support years ago at the Alaska Dept of Health and Social Services. They were starting up a telemedicine program and the fellow in charge of the program had a demo from Juneau for people around the state. The camera went down his ear and revealed to people all over Alaska that he had a dead roach in his ear.
posted by Foam Pants at 2:56 AM on May 13, 2014 [3 favorites]


Look, I only put the cockroach in there to get rid of the earwig, OK?
posted by EndsOfInvention at 2:57 AM on May 13, 2014 [18 favorites]


I was really disappointed for most of the video. I was expecting a roach, and all I was seeing was just someone with a really big impacted earwax problem. But then, it delivered at the end.
posted by Punkey at 3:00 AM on May 13, 2014 [1 favorite]


flapjax, I had no idea. I need to post revolting links far more often.
posted by item at 3:07 AM on May 13, 2014 [1 favorite]


Haven't clicked the link, for reasons that include: I'm at work, I'm eating, and I don't wanna. That being said, I have a brother who once got a stinging insect stuck in his ear canal, which was obviously rather distressing.

My mum was instructed him over the phone to remove it by gently warming some cooking oil (up to skin temperature), holding his head horizontally and pouring it in - the insect floated out of his ear. I am not a doctor etc., but eh, it worked.
posted by YAMWAK at 3:09 AM on May 13, 2014 [2 favorites]


My mom worked for close to 40 years as a nurse at an otolaryngology (ear, nose, and throat) clinic. Removing cockroaches from ears happens more often than you might think.
posted by zardoz at 3:15 AM on May 13, 2014


Zardoz -- What makes them go in there? A safe, dark space, or something else?
posted by jrochest at 3:19 AM on May 13, 2014


It is well known that earwax is not only a the most favored food of all species of cockroach, but it is also an aphrodisiac essential to their mating rituals.
posted by loquacious at 3:29 AM on May 13, 2014 [17 favorites]


We found out that earwigs really have their name for a reason when one got stuck in my sister's ear. Wikipedia says, "Earwigs are not known to purposefully climb into external ear canals", so it was probably some sort of misunderstanding on his part.

The warm oil trick worked in her case.
posted by dhoe at 3:39 AM on May 13, 2014 [3 favorites]


The music made that pretty hilarious, actually.
posted by Decani at 3:44 AM on May 13, 2014


For the last few weeks my cheap but extremely crappy ISP has completely throttled youtube. I never thought it would be possible for me to be grateful for that, even if only for a moment.
posted by marsha56 at 3:44 AM on May 13, 2014 [2 favorites]


jrochest-- I don't know, I'd have to ask mom. I may be mixing it up with her reports of toddlers stuffing bugs up their nose that need to be removed.
posted by zardoz at 3:46 AM on May 13, 2014


Not Safe At All:

Something wasn't working properly. I was bleeding. Fundamentally. And for years I kept getting infections in my armpits and in my inner thighs that would eventually erupt with an icky green grey bloody puss.

Eventually at the insistance of my SO I went to the doctor, waited quite a while on the third floor with a hundred other people. My name was called and I went into a little tiny room and sat on the butcher paper on a little tiny table. A nurse came in and said I should get undressed. I did that, put on a paper thing, and waited maybe a half-hour nervously reading magazines. Waiting slowed time to a crawl.

Eventually the doctor came in with an intern. I laid on my left side [right leg forward] per his instructions and he inserted this weird plastic thing, like a telescope but looking to the side with a mirror, into me.

The MD took a look, eyeball to my butthole via that device, he instructed the intern to do the same. After they had seen I sat up and was bleeding. The MD said, "I have no problem prescribing pain medication and you are going to need surgery"

For some reason I don't like meds but I was pasty and damp so I accepted a prescription.

Here is where it gets good.

The MD and the intern left instructing me to wait, I put my clothes on and soon after a giant elderly imperious nurse at least six feet tall even without her nurse heels in her nurse whites wearing her nurse hat came into the examination room. She took me authoritatively by the elbow, led me to the elevator, rode three floors down with me and escorted me to the financial aid office - instructing me in no uncertain terms that I was to fill out the forms. Which I did, thanks to the encouragement. I would have bailed were it not for her.

When surgery day came there were about ten people attending in a cold dry room, all of them very businesslike which was simultaneously scary and reassuring.

They fixed it.

It turns out that Hospitals charge seperate from surgeons. As a result of my application for financial aid Iowa didn't charge me a single cent. Neither did the surgeon.

I haven't had an infection in the decade since.
posted by vapidave at 3:50 AM on May 13, 2014 [7 favorites]


Well? What the fuck was it???
posted by ShawnString at 4:12 AM on May 13, 2014 [47 favorites]


The earwax was more disgusting than the cockroach.
posted by candyland at 4:14 AM on May 13, 2014


I wish it had the original sound as well, because there's no way there wasn't an "Oh my God!" and possibly a scream when that bug came out.

They fixed it.

You can't tell that story without mentioning what kind of insect was extracted from your anus.
posted by Dip Flash at 4:18 AM on May 13, 2014 [14 favorites]


I'm fascinated by biology and love a good surgery video. We and every other creature are interesting machines and it's great to get a look under the hood.

But yeah, fuck no on this.
posted by Brandon Blatcher at 4:19 AM on May 13, 2014 [1 favorite]


JESUS FUCK, VAPIDAVE, FINISH THAT STORY RIGHT NOW
posted by tzikeh at 4:37 AM on May 13, 2014 [13 favorites]


WHY DO YOU HATE BREAKFAST? WHY, WHYYYYYY?
posted by Ice Cream Socialist at 4:38 AM on May 13, 2014 [1 favorite]


FLAGGED VAPIDAVE AND EVERYONE ELSE ITT FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUY-
posted by Potomac Avenue at 4:41 AM on May 13, 2014 [12 favorites]




vapidave, I swear to god
posted by sonic meat machine at 4:52 AM on May 13, 2014 [6 favorites]


Vapidave if that was just a giant setup so that you can say something about all of us having a bug up our butts so help me
posted by tzikeh at 4:57 AM on May 13, 2014 [9 favorites]


It was a cat - the icky green grey bloody puss.
posted by Segundus at 4:58 AM on May 13, 2014 [4 favorites]


I felt a great disturbance in the Blue, as if millions of MeFites suddenly cried out in terror and were suddenly silenced...
posted by radicalawyer at 5:00 AM on May 13, 2014 [2 favorites]


Great dieting video!
posted by Alexandra Kitty at 5:01 AM on May 13, 2014 [2 favorites]


After the khan clip which caused me untold nightmares as a child I got up the nerve to watch the fpp, it was mild by comparison ...

to which I can only conclude, ear worm ok, brain worm not.
posted by fistynuts at 5:06 AM on May 13, 2014 [1 favorite]


I wear earplugs to bed. The wife snores. I have to thank her now.
posted by Splunge at 5:17 AM on May 13, 2014 [3 favorites]


NOPE
posted by blue_beetle at 5:20 AM on May 13, 2014 [3 favorites]


It was an angry adolescent Cthulhu that ran out of meth a week ago - or like swallowing a porcupine ass first and washing it down with a Drano chaser.

Either that or sometimes when you get a torn colon the muscle and tissue attach without completely healing so you essentially have a permanent open wound that constantly has shit being rubbed in it and your immune system priortizes defending one area while sacrificing another.

Or so I heard from the very good Dr. Mortens.

I like the Cthulhu theory better so I'm going to go with that.
posted by vapidave at 5:24 AM on May 13, 2014 [12 favorites]


My vote is on Gregor Samsa.
posted by inturnaround at 5:26 AM on May 13, 2014 [1 favorite]


Nope.
posted by turbid dahlia at 5:35 AM on May 13, 2014 [2 favorites]


I transcribed for an ear, nose and throat doctor for a while who got all sorts of weird foreign body cases.

My favorite involved a small plastic soldier a child had put up his nose. The op note of the removal was hilarious: "I visualized the foreign body; it was a cowboy, and he was armed." Another time a child had managed to get a bean lodged in her sinuses which germinated; her mother knew there was a problem when her breath became chronically bad. This time the op note indicated "patient has a live beanstalk in her head."

Cerumen impactions are pretty common, and cerumen is designed to trap and envelope whatever gets in one's ear, so having bits of dead cockroach (assuming the individual lives where cockroaches are common) there is probably not all that rare a condition. Looks horrifying, I know, but I for one am grateful for sticky wax that prevents such things going further.

I bet that person's hearing improved dramatically after the removal.
posted by kinnakeet at 5:37 AM on May 13, 2014 [22 favorites]


My father had had bad hearing in his left ear for as long as he could remember. One day he was being examined by a dr and remarked that his hearing was noticeably worse in his left ear. So the dr looked, and looked. Finally he said "Oh Sammy." (Not his real name, even tho he doesn't use the internet)

The dr grabbed a rubber bulb full of warm water and an emesis basin. He squirted some of the water in his ear and had him tilt his head. The emesis basin rang out with a small thud. My father looked in the bowl, and there was a pencil eraser.

"My hearing has been much better ever since," he still says.

Maybe I should have named him "Forrest, Forrest Gump" in the story, because that's what he sounds like. But he was, as he still tells us when this story comes up, a theatrical carpenter. That means he cleaned his ears with pencil erasers or 20 penny nails, cut his finger- and toenails with dikes and filed them on a belt sander.

Anyway, I think if I ever found a roach in my ear, I'd end it all on the spot. No amount of extraction or subsequent showering would ever allow me to sleep again.
posted by nevercalm at 5:58 AM on May 13, 2014 [1 favorite]


Filed under "Links I Will Never Click On". Along with the various "Nope" links.
posted by tommasz at 6:24 AM on May 13, 2014 [4 favorites]


I just streamed the new Swans album (see two FPPs up on the main mefi screen), clicked on this video, muted the youtube audio, and sat back to watch and listen. Delightful. They worked perfectly together!
posted by umbú at 6:37 AM on May 13, 2014 [2 favorites]


I'll admit I've got some sort of weird ASMR for this sort of video. This place (the south bay ent research center or whatever) has a ton of wax removal videos like this (minus the cockroach). Its .... fascinating to watch
posted by ish__ at 6:48 AM on May 13, 2014 [2 favorites]


This FPP seems a weirdly honorific response to this one; posted 30 minutes beforehand.
posted by wensink at 6:49 AM on May 13, 2014


I just streamed the new Swans album (see two FPPs up on the main mefi screen), clicked on this video, muted the youtube audio, and sat back to watch and listen. Delightful. They worked perfectly together!

You got your 139052 in item's 139050!
posted by nevercalm at 6:49 AM on May 13, 2014 [1 favorite]


See? I told you my ear was bothering me.
posted by Nanukthedog at 6:51 AM on May 13, 2014


My friend in law school, who grew up in the projects, said that roaches in the ear were a common thing, because, he said, they like to eat ear wax, which I believe was said upthread.

So, why was the impacted wax dark? Or was that another bug; honestly, my gag reflex kicked in at some point and I had to shut it off and now after the asshole story I'm having a hard time typing because my body wants to get away from this.
posted by angrycat at 7:06 AM on May 13, 2014 [2 favorites]


Just to be really clear about what this is. This is not a video of a cockroach being extracted from a man's ear. This is a video of a dead cockroach, and that cockroach's molt, being extracted from a man's ear. So, effectively two cockroaches.

This is why I use the Q-tips every night, doc. For safety reasons.
posted by oneironaut at 7:14 AM on May 13, 2014


My wife thinks "she" is the real-life Christine.

A Harbor Blue, 1957 4-door Bel Air (since Plasti-Dipped to flat black). "She" (whom we'll call Christine II, for the purpose of this post), is my obsession, the focal point of thousands of dollars spent, and the supreme target of vitriol from my wife. My wife won't even sit in Christine II, and abjectly refuses to even get behind the wheel.

Understandably perhaps, as the steering wheel has come off in my hand (thankfully not while at speed), flat tires, wheel bearings freezing, engine problems, suspension issues, and great frustrations to even the most competent classic car, specialist mechanics.

You may think, as I did, that the above is merely par for the course for a 55+ year old car... But that doesn't explain the small injuries to tow-truck drivers who have gotten behind the wheel to move it, or the car accidents they've had taking it to the shop (where there was no damage to Christine II), moving violations, or other "oddities" which have happened to people transporting or working on her. My regular tow guy (yes, I'm a regular) lost his truck and went out of business. The new guy was promptly injured mysteriously when he moved it.

And of course, there was the time, last December, when I tried troubleshooting an electrical problem under the dash. In the weeks before, I had noticed that the gauge light and dome light were intermittently working, and then also noticed that the tail lights and brake lights would go out along with these. Some research led me to the fact that all four of these are on the same circuit, and the intermittent nature of this led me to believe it was a loose/faulty wire (no fuse box in this car).

So, there's me, at night, trying to source a problem under the dash, with my handy dandy desk lamp and a mish-mash of wires which had been repeatedly cut and repaired by God knows who for decades.

And a moth.

Now, the moth is important, not because he gently lit upon the faulty circuit, like a divine avatar of some mechanical Higher Power, showing me exactly where to focus my non-existent electrical abilities, but because he... it... decided that at a particularly critical juncture in my cursing, sweating, frustration, he would land on the side of my head, perhaps to stare fondly at his artificial sun-love.

I saw the moth from out of the corner of my eye, nothing more than a brown blur, and then felt a tickle on my face between my cheek and my ear. Out of instinct and annoyance, I swatted at my face... and then felt something... odd.

A crawling tickling in my ear, a loud noise, a sharp pain... and confusion turning to terror.

I leapt out of the car and started grabbing at the side of my head. My wife, who was in the garage, naturally assumed I was being electrocuted, so she started shaking me for some reason. My 3-year old, started wailing out of confused shock.

I know now that if you have a live bug in your ear, there's two things you shouldn't do: Move suddenly and expose yourself to loud noises. Both of which were occurring at that moment simultaneously.

My command of the English language cannot ever quite describe what was going on inside my head during this (figuratively and literally). A scrabbling tickling, with an incredibly loud vibration, and of course, intense pain.

I yelled at my wife to get the dustbuster, the one with the little, flip down, pointy nozzle. She stared at me dumbfounded and utterly confused. Tears coming out of my eyes, I yelled for the dustbuster again. I can't imagine what she thought I was going to do with it, but she ran and got it. I flipped the switch and (Mistake 1) jammed the nozzle as far into my ear as it would go. The moth panicked, and the gibbering pain ensued again.

My brain, not really being able to process the sensations of what was occurring, went into brownout mode. I lost leg control and fell to my knees. It flickered back on, and in my panic I thought "VACUUM CLEANER. MORE POWER!" (Mistake 2).

It is important to note that I had not yet explained or even hinted to my wife what was going, so I think she thought I was having a psychotic break. I threw the dustbuster across the garage and ran into the house, my stunned wife and crying child rapidly following.

I found the vacuum cleaner in the bedroom and was fumbling with the cord when my wife grabbed it out of my hand and began to yell at me to calm down (she later told me she was practicing the hysteria-breaking tactics she learned as a 911 operator). However, the yelling just caused the moth to go into a spastic freak out again, so I got to experience my second temporary brain shutdown of the evening. Regaining muscle control, I grabbed the cord from her hand, and hit the power button on the vacuum cleaner. I removed the floor attachment and stuck the open hose to the side of my head. After a minute of feeling nothing but the sucking rush of air and roar of wind. I turned off the vacuum cleaner.

Finally, I had the opportunity to explain to my wife what was going on, and I saw a flash of bemused skepticism on her face. Relief flooded through me, as I was sure the vacuum cleaner had sucked it out, until... BZZT. FLUTTER. SCRAPE... BZZZZZZT (3rd brain shutoff).

At this point, I was out of DIY solutions, and I was in no condition to google "moth in ear," so I went to the emergency room. The whole way there, about 20 minutes, the moth would remind me he was still alive with his struggling and fluttering.

When we got there, the ER doctor couldn't see anything in my ear canal. Apparently in my idiot attempts to remove it through suction, the moth had burrowed as deep as it could go. Still, they took my word that "THERE IS SOMETHING IN MY FUCKING HEAD!" and sent a nurse to get a giant syringe full of saline to flush whatever was in there out.

Thanks to crappy insurance, $1300 and 5 minutes later, there was a tiny brown moth floating in a white tray in a pint of saline solution.

I can unequivocally state the following: There is no relief I have ever experienced which can match the relief of having a live bug removed from my head.

Coming home, mentally and physically exhausted... trudging through the garage... it could have been my imagination or just residual ear damage, but I thought I heard a low rumble, almost like a metallic chuckle.

I still love my little Christine II though...
posted by Debaser626 at 7:22 AM on May 13, 2014 [80 favorites]


I'll admit I've got some sort of weird ASMR for this sort of video. This place (the south bay ent research center or whatever) has a ton of wax removal videos like this (minus the cockroach). Its .... fascinating to watch

I am hypnotized by these videos. What is ASMR?
posted by Theta States at 7:24 AM on May 13, 2014


...how can it be so deep

how
posted by peachfuzz at 7:49 AM on May 13, 2014


Oh my god, Debaser. Oh my god.
posted by misskaz at 7:52 AM on May 13, 2014 [8 favorites]


Watching that video was very satisfying. Almost as satisfying as the sound of my recycling glass hitting other recycling glass inside the massive recycling box. But not quite.
posted by Solomon at 7:53 AM on May 13, 2014 [1 favorite]


I hate all of this. Why am I still reading??? WHY?!
posted by Sophie1 at 7:54 AM on May 13, 2014 [2 favorites]


Nope.
posted by longdaysjourney at 8:12 AM on May 13, 2014 [1 favorite]


Oh man. No way am I watching that video but this thread was worth it for Debaser626's story.
posted by EndsOfInvention at 8:16 AM on May 13, 2014 [1 favorite]


As an addition, I also remember the ER nurse who worked on me said that he used to work in Hollywood, FL, which is a more urbanized area and has a greater population of lower-income folks.

He made it very clear that I was lucky it was "only" a moth, as for an insect, they're kinda soft and fluffy, and not really crawlers.

In his experience, roaches were the more common ear infiltrator, and due to their spiny legs and natural spiky protrusions are far more painful. He noted that they were most often found in the ears of people who had been living in unsanitary conditions, flophouses and squatter-type homes.

Though, perhaps most disturbing, he stated that through his years of working in the ER, he learned that there was a specific type of scream that we humans make when there is a live bug in our ears. That when the doors of the ER would open and the patient would be carted in, he could usually tell that it was another "roach in ear" due to the unique pitch, cadence, and percussion of the scream the person was making as they were brought into the main room.

Good times.
posted by Debaser626 at 8:42 AM on May 13, 2014 [23 favorites]


I haven't even clicked the video link - just reading the comments and my skin is crawling all over.

This may not be the place to repeat childhood stories from growing up in India about millipedes crawling into your ear and laying eggs and then coming boiling out in a crawling writhing mass of teeny tiny scrabbling legs...
posted by RedOrGreen at 9:02 AM on May 13, 2014 [2 favorites]


Oh Jesus help me that was my limit.
posted by colie at 9:14 AM on May 13, 2014 [3 favorites]


Still NOPE.
posted by blue_beetle at 9:27 AM on May 13, 2014


Yeah. Just no.
posted by Johnny Hazard at 9:37 AM on May 13, 2014


I must have clicked on the wrong link because I am just watching kittens licking each other. OH WELL!
posted by aubilenon at 9:38 AM on May 13, 2014 [3 favorites]


Oh look, it's the nopetopus! I have a really strong stomach, I am usually ok with scenes of carnage and in my stupid teenage years, I was known to visit Rotten.com for giggles.

I am not clicking on that link. Even if I do, noscript on this browser will prevent me from seeing it. Even if I disable noscript, flash does not get along with this copy of firefox. I have never been more glad of this problem.
posted by Hactar at 9:58 AM on May 13, 2014 [1 favorite]


Debaser626: "I yelled at my wife to get the dustbuster, the one with the little, flip down, pointy nozzle. She stared at me dumbfounded and utterly confused. Tears coming out of my eyes, I yelled for the dustbuster again. I can't imagine what she thought I was going to do with it, but she ran and got it. I flipped the switch and (Mistake 1) jammed the nozzle as far into my ear as it would go. The moth panicked, and the gibbering pain ensued again. "

I laughed so hard my children think there's something wrong with me.
posted by Eyebrows McGee at 10:04 AM on May 13, 2014 [6 favorites]


I laughed so hard my children think there's something wrong with me.

ARGUABLY THERE IS
posted by KathrynT at 10:20 AM on May 13, 2014 [16 favorites]


I am so happy this FPP was posted in the morning, so I have a fighting chance of forgetting this before I try to go to sleep but can't because oh my god is something crawling into my ear?!? (And I didn't even watch the video; these comments are enough.)
posted by sfkiddo at 10:23 AM on May 13, 2014


Without getting into too much gross detail, I have a recurring deal where my right ear gets impacted with wax. It's happened about three times in my life where it gets to the point that I have to get it cleaned out at the doctor's. They'll remove about a tenth of the wax that they took out of the guy in this video's ear, which is still a hell of a lot.

You get used to your ear being kinda full of stuff, so even having that relatively little amount of crap taken out of your ear changes everything. You can definitely hear better. You don't realize how used you are to the world sounding muffled until it's not, even if it's just been different for several days. And your entire head feels lighter. After getting your ear cleaned out you get really dizzy for a few minutes as your ear canal gets used to not being full of crap. It's unsettling, in a good way.

So with this guy and his treasure trove of wax, oh, and a giant cockroach? I bet he felt like his whole world was different. Probably felt like he could run faster, jump higher, and the world sounded crisper than he ever thought possible. The air tasted sweet for him that day, I tell you that.
posted by joechip at 10:42 AM on May 13, 2014 [5 favorites]


Nuh, as I believe it has already been remarked, ope.
posted by Wolfdog at 10:47 AM on May 13, 2014 [1 favorite]


My eighty-seven year old grandmother has worn the same variation-on-frosted-helmet hairstyle since approximately 1955. She has her hair set once or twice a week (and never washes her hair herself). Between beauty shop visits, she teases, picks, sleeps in elaborate pastel chiffon scarf and hairpin contraptions and uses gallons of hairspray. Over the past few years, she's been losing her hearing, most of which she attributed to age, but recently, whilst wintering in Florida, she kept having vertiginous episodes that seemed to derive from an inner ear problem. She went through several rounds of antibiotics before a specialist finally took a good hard look inside her ear and found a semi-opaque buildup atop her ear drum. It was hard as a rock and mostly impermeable. She was given softening drops and several weeks later she went back and they pulled out what was approximately sixty years of AquaNet build-up. Nana was mildly disturbed but thrilled at her recovered hearing and equilibrium. She didn't give up the hairspray, though she does put cottonballs in her ears now before she sprays.
posted by thivaia at 10:49 AM on May 13, 2014 [17 favorites]


A bee f***ed my ear when I was a kid. Not clicking.
posted by mikurski at 11:32 AM on May 13, 2014


This is why I use the Q-tips every night, doc. For safety reasons.

You know that's actually making your ears worse, yeah? Q-tips are the primary reason folks get cerumen impaction.

I spend a lot of time in hearing clinics, and you would not believe how common bugs in the ear are.
posted by Lutoslawski at 12:03 PM on May 13, 2014


I am hypnotized by these videos. What is ASMR?

ASMR. More commonly refers to the tingly sensation some people get watching videos of people whispering. Cool story about it on This American Life.
posted by Lutoslawski at 12:04 PM on May 13, 2014


Hmm, interesting. Thank you, item; through your post I have learned the following things:

1) I do not want to watch a cockroach being extracted from someone's ear, and thus will not click on that link (or the other videos linked in-thread);
2) however, I will happily read a thread with stories that are equally horrifying and enjoy the hell out of them;
3) vapidave likes to taunt us (I'm glad you're OK though);
4) Debaser256, his wife, and their dustbuster are badass! But not as badass as that moth.
posted by hurdy gurdy girl at 12:16 PM on May 13, 2014 [5 favorites]


During my childhood our town was swarmed with miller moths. I made the mistake of leaving a glass of water on my bed stand under my nightlight. I woke up late in the night and took a drink from the cup without looking. My mouth was filled with crunchy drowned and crawling half drowned moths who had flown into the water because of the reflection from the light.
posted by humanfont at 12:58 PM on May 13, 2014


> My eighty-seven year old grandmother has worn the same variation-on-frosted-helmet hairstyle since approximately 1955.

Oh, God, Aquanet crust. My 80s hairdryer used to have a disgusting rind of that stuff from me laminating my hair like some kind of Nagel print character. Looking back I'm surprised that the hairdryer didn't explode like a bomb.

This story isn't about that, though, nor removing crap from ears. But it is about my grandma and hair spray.

My grandma had a similar hair care regime. Salon visits twice a week at least. Not much hair left to set and style, either, maybe from all the hairspray and chemicals. I'm still not sure if it was vanity or habit, but no one in my family tried to earnestly talk her out of it because if it was comforting to an 80-something stroke-surviving widow, so be it.

I was attempting to help her declutter her bedroom for the Nth time, and the whole house still had bits and pieces of the 50s and 60s in it, and at some point we came across a seriously vintage can of hair spray. It may have actually been Aquanet. The design of the label indicated early 60s. It was about 2003 when this happened.

Before I could even understand what was happening she had the damn thing uncapped and was expertly spraying her whole head with it in that way that probably only a classy middle class 50s housewife could, by gassing about a cubic meter of air around her head and shoulders and rolling her head in the mist not entirely unlike a freshly washed retriever finding a pile of manure - serene and satisfied, totally self possessed and unconcerned.

It was like a chemical insecticide fogger went off. The hair spray was so intensely chemically scented in a way that wasn't the Aquanet that I knew in the 80s at all, not to mention rather... off smelling and probably kind of rancid.

"Grandma! What the heck are you doing!!?" I gasped, recoiling from the toxic cloud.

"Hem, I probably shouldn't have done that. I have no idea how old this is." she acknowledged to her credit.

Between that and the hidden stash of 60s era jello in the pantry, and the Ant Incident where said ants staged a minor raid on said pantry and jello, where her first move was to grab a can of vintage bug spray and start bombing it over actual food instead of letting me clean it up manually -- I learned first hand how casually she and her generation took to and embodied the phrase "Better Living Through Chemistry".

Which would explain why my mom was basically a total hippy, where the strongest cleaning chemical in the house was diluted household ammonia. She used to tell us outlandish tales about Grandma and the horrors that used to lurk in spray cans but we didn't believe her.
posted by loquacious at 1:18 PM on May 13, 2014 [4 favorites]


This post just inspired me to write a GreaseMonkey/TamperMonkey script called MeFi Nope. It adds a "nope" link to every post on the front page. If you click it, the post is forever hidden. The things I put up with....
posted by rouftop at 2:34 PM on May 13, 2014 [4 favorites]


NO NO NO NO NO I REFUSE TO BELIEVE THIS IS EVEN REAL NOPE NO THANK YOU NO.
posted by sarcasticah at 2:43 PM on May 13, 2014


Luckily the intro to that video was long enough for me to come to my senses and close the tab. NOPE TODAY!
posted by telegraph at 3:38 PM on May 13, 2014


I watched it. Seems that I've previously vaccinated myself by watching other videos. A few years ago, my wife and I discovered that I have some hearing loss in my left ear. And I was actually hoping the my ENT doctor would find a plug of wax or a bug. Instead it just plain old hearing loss.

Watching the little hook thing jab inwards toward the ear was actually more disturbing.

But all these videos need to show the foreign object with a ruler to give a sense of scale.
posted by Cog at 4:31 PM on May 13, 2014


So I can see the big brown bug chunk that comes out, that looks like a roach. What the hell were the two big black chunks that came out before that?
posted by spikeleemajortomdickandharryconnickjrmints at 4:49 PM on May 13, 2014


Protip: wear pantyhose over your head when you go to bed!
posted by Pronoiac at 5:21 PM on May 13, 2014


Protip: Never go to sleep
posted by aubilenon at 5:25 PM on May 13, 2014 [3 favorites]


Hrk. Urgh.

Body horror is best horror.
posted by Monochrome at 6:22 PM on May 13, 2014 [1 favorite]


I've never been so happy that I live on a somewhat loud block and sleep with earplugs every night.
posted by nevercalm at 6:40 PM on May 13, 2014


I watched it. Not gonna click any of those "related" ones on the page though. They are really nope-tastic.
posted by mzurer at 8:56 PM on May 13, 2014


TO EVERYONE: You're welcome.
posted by item at 10:24 PM on May 13, 2014 [9 favorites]


No, thank you, item. We're, uh, all on your porch. Well, and lawn, and some people are in the back yard.

We, ah, want to thank you personally by, hmm, taking you out to play baseball! At night. In a cornfield, which is why we have these torches, to light it off I mean up and these, uh, long, pointy pitchforks are so we can clean up the field a little.
posted by loquacious at 11:21 PM on May 13, 2014 [3 favorites]


My ear bug story from an earlier thread. Several other good ones in there too.

Nothing tops the mental image of the dustbuster to the head, though, that is literally the best
posted by churl at 6:43 AM on May 14, 2014


I made my boyfriend watch the whole video as soon as I got home and immediately felt better. It's like the tape in The Ring.
posted by peachfuzz at 9:25 AM on May 14, 2014 [3 favorites]


joechip: "After getting your ear cleaned out you get really dizzy for a few minutes as your ear canal gets used to not being full of crap. It's unsettling, in a good way."

This could actually be caused by the doctor using water that is cooler than body temperature. When I was a teen I had wax removed from my ear while my doc was having his water heater replaced. He had to use cold water and warned me that this would affect my inner ear and make me dizzy for a while. It sure did.
posted by Splunge at 10:49 AM on May 14, 2014


I'm an ENT doc and I've pulled all kinds of things out of ears. Most recently, a 6-year-old girl came in with my nemesis - a popcorn kernel - in not one but BOTH ear canals. They are the perfect size for going in and not coming out. I asked her why she put them in there and I couldn't argue with her response: "they were warm!"

But I've never seen anything like I did in residency when I was called to the ER in the middle of the night for a guy with a draining right ear. I looked in the ear and couldn't really tell what was going on. It just looked like a tiny bomb had exploded. Pus, blood, wax, desquamated debris. Just...nasty. So I began to debride the ear canal so that I could at least see the ear drum. And out comes a leg. Then an antenna. Then another leg and possibly a bit of head. But mainly just mush. It was one of the worst external ear infections I've ever seen.

I told the guy that it looked like he had a small roach in his ear and that based on the infection that it must have been there for awhile. He told me he'd had a dream that a bug crawled in that ear but when he woke up, there was a twinge of pain but nothing else, so he ignored it. When was this dream, you may ask? SIX MONTHS BEFORE!

A cockroach. Rotting in his ear. For six months. LHM.
posted by robstercraw at 11:00 AM on May 14, 2014 [10 favorites]


Anyone else immediately think of The Passion According to G.H.? I'm convinced that story was about a severely phobic person having a psychotic break, which she perceived as a mystical revelation.

If someone with a phobia of roaches went through THIS experience, I imagine it would be enough to make them snap like a twig.
posted by dreymond at 3:12 PM on May 14, 2014 [1 favorite]


Here's another one, aptly entitled "THIS IS NOT IMPACTED WAX".

It must be so itchy and painful having the, uh, foreign bodies removed, but it must feel fucking terrific once they're gone.
posted by gingerest at 6:01 PM on May 14, 2014


When asked by patients about the grisly details of these sorts of things, can a doctor just say "Are you sure you wanna know, because you probably don't wanna know" or maybe ask if they'd like to request a made-up story that'd be less traumatizing?
posted by TheSecretDecoderRing at 8:04 PM on May 14, 2014


Here's another one , aptly entitled "THIS IS NOT IMPACTED WAX".

Related video: "Top Five Cysts of All Time: Beautiful and Explosive."
posted by Dip Flash at 8:28 PM on May 14, 2014 [1 favorite]


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