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Real Pornhub comments. Spinning right round, baby right round.
May 23, 2014 7:53 PM   Subscribe

Like cheesy 3D animation and PornHub comments? Here you go!
posted by porn in the woods (49 comments total) 38 users marked this as a favorite

 


VERY TITS
posted by capricorn at 8:01 PM on May 23 [3 favorites]


This satisfies me in, grown up, mature ways
posted by The Power Nap at 8:03 PM on May 23 [23 favorites]


I like this one because A) it has nothing to do with sex and B) the back-and-forth rock of the text conveys goofy enthusiasm to me for some reason
posted by Rustic Etruscan at 8:08 PM on May 23 [6 favorites]


This is the MeFi link which I was waiting for since 2012!
posted by dgaicun at 8:14 PM on May 23 [1 favorite]


Metafilter: WORLDS MOST AWKWARD BUS RIDE
posted by duffell at 8:18 PM on May 23 [5 favorites]


What bobs.
posted by octothorpe at 8:45 PM on May 23 [4 favorites]


Digging Mr. Blameshifter whose internet plan doesn't seem to include embedded video scrolling controls.
posted by porn in the woods at 8:55 PM on May 23


There's the quality mefi we all miss.
posted by clvrmnky at 8:56 PM on May 23 [5 favorites]


Remind me never to use anyone else's keyboard.
posted by The Gooch at 9:09 PM on May 23 [1 favorite]


MetaFilter: this satisfies me in grown up, mature ways
posted by Gymnopedist at 9:16 PM on May 23 [5 favorites]


Today I learned that you can get stock photos of a dude giving a computer the ol Double Deuce.
posted by Mr.Encyclopedia at 9:38 PM on May 23


So, so good.
posted by Saxon Kane at 9:39 PM on May 23


"no homo but the names of the black guys?" is such a fucking amazing comment.

"I'm not gay, but I want to watch these particular men, naked, ejaculating, over and over again. These big, BIG black men."
posted by Saxon Kane at 9:47 PM on May 23 [11 favorites]


There's nothing like a good bob. You got bob dylan, bob newhart, bob odenkirk, bob fosse. Man, I love me a good bob.
posted by mcmile at 9:49 PM on May 23 [6 favorites]


I'm pretty sure they meant Bob from Blackadder 2.
posted by ROU_Xenophobe at 9:54 PM on May 23 [5 favorites]


"no homo but the names of the black guys?" is such a fucking amazing comment.

I don't even get why "no homo" is even necessary. C'mon, you're posting under an anonymous handle on PornHub. Ain't nobody gonna judge.
posted by Gymnopedist at 9:56 PM on May 23 [2 favorites]


I'm laughing a little too much at this.
posted by spiderskull at 10:05 PM on May 23 [1 favorite]


"I used to fuck women like that. Then i took an arrow to the knee."

Kudos for an before arrow but what does your knee have anything to do with fucking?

Or am I horribly naive about something?
posted by porpoise at 10:08 PM on May 23


It's a Skyrim joke.
posted by Holy Zarquon's Singing Fish at 10:09 PM on May 23 [1 favorite]


Most.Eponysterical.Post.Ever.
posted by pjern at 10:27 PM on May 23 [6 favorites]


How did they make this text? Can we make a plug-in to make all MeFi comments spin?
posted by zscore at 10:30 PM on May 23 [3 favorites]


Yeah yeah this is all hysterical until you date somebody who actually says mundane shit like this to you while making out

Granted, if when he said those things the words immediately flew from his mouth to spin around his head like some sort of bizarre animated halo, it might have been a lot easier to laugh instead of cry frustratedly
posted by Hermione Granger at 10:45 PM on May 23 [3 favorites]


while making out


Isn't that preferable to someone who makes those comments post-coital?
posted by mikeand1 at 11:15 PM on May 23


OK I just lost it on this one.
posted by mikeand1 at 11:19 PM on May 23 [5 favorites]


Damn. Now i wish Myspace was still a thing.
posted by bigendian at 11:53 PM on May 23


> Can we make a plug-in to make all MeFi comments spin?

Hey, yeah, maybe then everyone will get off our backs about being from the past!
posted by contraption at 12:03 AM on May 24 [4 favorites]


This week's AskMe: How do you install Windows 98 on an iPhone 4S?
posted by oceanjesse at 12:15 AM on May 24 [2 favorites]


Yeah yeah this is all hysterical until you date somebody who actually says mundane shit like this to you while making out

Yes. Mundane.
posted by kafziel at 12:19 AM on May 24 [3 favorites]


Hermione: you date somebody who actually says mundane shit like this

I'm not saying that you just ruined the Harry Potter movies for me, but...
posted by effbot at 2:20 AM on May 24


These (both tumblrs) are way funnier than I though they would be. Also, I wonder how PornHub see this, do they find it as funny as we do?

And I feel sorry for the guy who's pic says "masterbated a load of semen" just because the look on his face and the text are kinda incongruous.
posted by marienbad at 2:24 AM on May 24


bahahaha are these made with ulead cool3d? I swear there was either a mode in that, or a specific cheaper/shareware version of that which existed just to generate gifs of text... and it looked exactly like this.

This is some 1998, internet classic shit right here. I remember thinking it was really cool that my angelfire page had 3d animated text. i haven't thought about that app since my CPU was under 1ghz.

This week's AskMe: How do you install Windows 98 on an iPhone 4S?

this way. i've never seen anyone try it with win 98, nor do i have the free time, but i'm sure it's possible. people have even run XP as i remember.
posted by emptythought at 2:36 AM on May 24 [2 favorites]


There's nothing like a good bob. You got bob dylan, bob newhart, bob odenkirk, bob fosse. Man, I love me a good bob.\

ahhhh... I'm still in the room you know...
posted by HuronBob at 3:35 AM on May 24 [9 favorites]


> I wonder how PornHub see this, do they find it as funny as we do?

You mean the website that considers it okay to run ads like this? (worksafe, aside from frequent appearances of the Pornhub logo helpfully allowing others to assume that it might not be worksafe)
posted by at by at 4:15 AM on May 24 [1 favorite]


Yeah, those ads aren't made by pornhub...
posted by sodium lights the horizon at 4:32 AM on May 24


> Yeah, those ads aren't made by pornhub...

No, but they thought highly enough of them that they're holding a contest to hire one of the people who made them up. Presumably because they want to get more like 'em. Otherwise, I dunno... they probably would have gone elsewhere for a marketing manager.
posted by at by at 4:38 AM on May 24


"You mean the website that considers it okay to run ads like this?"

Not to put too fine a point on it, but they run a website full of fucking porn, so worrying about an ad campaign/contest seems somewhat moot.
posted by marienbad at 5:33 AM on May 24 [1 favorite]


they run a website full of fucking porn

The best kind of porn.

I mean, if you're into that kind of thing.
posted by murphy slaw at 5:45 AM on May 24 [4 favorites]


Actually a lot of those ads are very good, and very cleverly done.

The computers with the mice on opposite sides were excellent, so was the DIY one.

Also these spinning comments are KILLING ME DED
posted by feckless fecal fear mongering at 7:08 AM on May 24


Metafilter, please tell me what's wrong with those ads. I thought they were quite clever, innocent, and inclusive.

Although I imagine trying to explain to my kids what headphones, a tube sock, and a bottle of lotion have in common as we wait for the bus could be awkward.

but not the most awkward bus ride ever
posted by Slarty Bartfast at 7:48 AM on May 24


Dude you can't just drop that there and walk away
posted by feckless fecal fear mongering at 8:16 AM on May 24 [1 favorite]


If only there was one that said something about 'taters hard and soft'...
posted by The Vice Admiral of the Narrow Seas at 8:42 AM on May 24 [1 favorite]




I feel sorry for the guy who's pic says "masterbated a load of semen" just because the look on his face and the text are kinda incongruous.

I disagree. I always have a look of impish glee on my face after I've just completed "masterbating a load of semen."
posted by Saxon Kane at 9:05 AM on May 24


i mean gnats for god's sake. gnats.
posted by feckless fecal fear mongering at 9:18 AM on May 24 [2 favorites]


... what the hell, I linked that gnats pic with my post last night, and the link worked in preview. What happened?
posted by kafziel at 10:49 AM on May 24


No, but they thought highly enough of them that they're holding a contest to hire one of the people who made them up. Presumably because they want to get more like 'em. Otherwise, I dunno... they probably would have gone elsewhere for a marketing manager.

Did your link used to go somewhere else? Because I don't see anything so obviously disgusting that it doesn't require you to give the barest amount of explanation.
posted by spaltavian at 12:59 PM on May 24


... what the hell, I linked that gnats pic with my post last night, and the link worked in preview. What happened?

God intervened

directly

it was merited
posted by mightygodking at 1:13 PM on May 24


at by: "You mean the website that considers it okay to run ads like this?"

Which of those ads do you not consider it okay to run?
posted by Bugbread at 1:46 PM on May 25


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