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What's wrong with a puppy or a kitty or a fluffy bunny?
January 17, 2002 8:40 AM   Subscribe

What's wrong with a puppy or a kitty or a fluffy bunny? A concerned relative called police to check on a Delaware man after the man failed to report to work, and police checking his apartment discovered the man's pet monitor lizards feeding on his remains.
posted by MegoSteve (43 comments total)

 
Hey, those bunnies can have sharp teeth. I once had a friend who got a cute, cuddly bunny for a pet. She named it Forester. Then it started biting people. At that point the family relocated the bunny's cage to the basement and renamed it Hecubus.

So, anyway, buyer beware. It's not just the lizards that can get you.
posted by mrbula at 8:49 AM on January 17, 2002


"It's a Veeeshish roohdent! Wit' big, shaarp, pointy teeeth!"

What? The Holy Grail.... c'mon....
posted by dong_resin at 9:01 AM on January 17, 2002


Hey, those bunnies can have sharp teeth. I once had a friend who got a cute, cuddly bunny for a pet. She named it Forester. Then it started biting people. At that point the family relocated the bunny's cage ....

I know you are just kidding around, but people get rabbits and do no work learning how to take care of them, usually including wrong kind of cage, wrong food, wrong handling, wrong training, etc -- I could give you a dozen reasons that rabbit was biting, and how it could have been solved. If you ever have a similar friend, send them here, first, please.
(sorry for the tangent, I'm a rabbit owner, and they are really frequently mistreated as you describe).
posted by malphigian at 9:03 AM on January 17, 2002


Seriously, watch the small furry ones. My first pet when I was four was a hamster I named Hey You. Hey You was a vicious little bastard and bit anyone who came near him, often drawing blood.
posted by jason at 9:04 AM on January 17, 2002


According to the cops where I used to work, a cat will give you a nibble after you die, especially if you aren't found for a while and they are hungry. Cops told me they once found an elderly woman who (amazingly enough) had about a dozen cats in the house. It was about a week-10 days before they found her, and she had apparently been moderately nibbled.
posted by UncleFes at 9:05 AM on January 17, 2002


It was about a week-10 days before they found her, and she had apparently been moderately nibbled.

Lets turn this around, if you were, somehow, trapped in your house for two weeks with no food and no way to get any food, would you consider eating your pet? I bet you might.
posted by malphigian at 9:06 AM on January 17, 2002


Puppies have certainly been known to nibble their deceased owners as the sad case of Marie Provost will attest.

She was a winner
who became a doggie's dinner
posted by MrBaliHai at 9:10 AM on January 17, 2002


I don't have a problem with it, just reporting. If I died and my cat was going hungry, I'd be OK with him having a nibble. I mean, I'm done. And I'd definitely have him on the spit before week's end if it was an eat-or-starve situation. I think he'd understand.

Plus kittens are typically "free to good home."
posted by UncleFes at 9:14 AM on January 17, 2002


To each his own. I've got two asian water dragons that despite being a little over a foot and a half long can chomp through a 1" thick fish in a single bite. Dogs are usually far more dangerous than reptiles.

(not my picture, but it's a good approximation)
posted by revbrian at 9:20 AM on January 17, 2002


Pet owners, whomever you are:
Listen up or you will not go far--
Keep your lizards well fed
Or soon you'll be dead
And they'll feast upon You Tartar.
posted by ColdChef at 9:24 AM on January 17, 2002


she had apparently been moderately nibbled

I'm sorry but that has made me laugh out loud at my desk.

moderately nibbled. - genius.
posted by Frasermoo at 9:24 AM on January 17, 2002


There was a Far Side Cartoon with a monitor lizard tossing aside his human mask and fessing up to his human girlfriend that we was in fact not human. .. the punchline went something like. . ."I'm not your dream lover. . I'm a monitor lizard and a dirty liar."

Mr. Larson is very averse to having his work posted on the net so I'll refrain finding and posting it, but it's one of my all time faves of his. .
posted by Danf at 9:36 AM on January 17, 2002


I read somewhere that man's best friend will give you 48 hours with no food alternative before he or she will start feasting on your remains.

My bassett hound told me I'd get 24 hours, tops.
posted by vito90 at 9:53 AM on January 17, 2002


My first thought, being a reptile keeper myself, was, what were these lizards doing out of their cages? But then I actually checked the link: Nile monitors. Great! Big, aggressive, foul-tempered. Invariably wild-caught imports. Usually need a room-sized cage, so of course people give them the run of the house instead. (Bad idea, whether you're currently decomposing on the kitchen floor or not.)

Why more people don't keep something sensible, like a cute, well-behaved, captive-bred, small spiny-tailed monitor is beyond me. Oh yeah, right, they cost more!
posted by mcwetboy at 9:56 AM on January 17, 2002


The local news coverage goes into more details. Somehow his cat survived also, as did his pet 2-inch-long hissing Madagascar cock roaches. I used to live in the same apartment complex, but never suspected any of my neighbors of harboring exotic reptiles. But I would have freaked out if one of those roaches escaped and made its way into my apartment.

MrBaliHai, I thought of Nick Lowe too on reading this morning's paper and seeing this story.
posted by bragadocchio at 10:07 AM on January 17, 2002


When my uncle died, they found him a couple of days later with his cat sitting right next to him. You figure it out for yourself.
posted by briank at 10:09 AM on January 17, 2002


she had apparently been moderately nibbled

I'm sorry but that has made me laugh out loud at my desk.

moderately nibbled. - genius.


My sentiments exactly. New tag line? Come on!!!

The pet store by my house (I live in Philadelphia) sells alligators. Real. Fucking. Alligators. Cute little buggers, about 9 inches long. So, I stroll up to the girl at the counter.

"What the..."

"People keep them in their own rooms, and during the summer in cages in their yards. They eat meat, and sometimes the owners come in and buy bunnies or chickens for them."

"What do you do when..."

"Well, the zoo used to allow them to be accepted as a donation when they got too large to keep, but they stopped doing that. I don't know what people do with them now."

I would like to see genetically modified alligators, who only grow to be about 2 feet max. I would keep one or two in a 100 gallon tank, but lock them up, of course. Lizards are cool.
posted by adampsyche at 10:11 AM on January 17, 2002


[I would like to see genetically modified alligators, who only grow to be about 2 feet max. ]

I've often thought of the exact same thing. There are alot of extremely cool animals in the world that get entirely too large. Having some mini-great-white's in the aquarium would rock.
posted by revbrian at 10:15 AM on January 17, 2002


are they certain that the lizards didn't kill the guy? all the pets of the world are busy organizing, and one day they'll all rise up, eat us and take over the world (before destroying themselves with constant infighting).
posted by tolkhan at 10:24 AM on January 17, 2002


1 foot high elephants. Now they, would rock.
posted by cashmein at 10:25 AM on January 17, 2002


man's best friend will give you 48 hours with no food alternative before he or she will start feasting on your remains.

Correct. This in fact happened, not to someone who is a friend of a friend, or a distant cousin of a relative, but to my Mom's next door neighbor, last year. Old woman, died of natural enough causes. Didn't find her for five days. Three hungry German Shepherds. It was the most macabre thing that has happened in that small town in recent memory.
posted by jessamyn at 10:27 AM on January 17, 2002


(From bragadoccio's link)
"They were pretty much his whole life,"
And he'll always be a part of them!

Wow, this gets more and more sad.
posted by nprigoda at 10:32 AM on January 17, 2002


Puppies have certainly been known to nibble their deceased owners ...

... man's best friend will give you 48 hours with no food alternative before he or she will start feasting on your remains.


see, i had heard (via my wife's forensic entomology professor) that cats will certainly partake of their dead owner's meat, but that dog's -- due to pack loyalty -- would actually starve themselves instead.

a google search (forensic dog eat) seems to indicate you people are correct: 1, 2, 3 (the last being from the very trustworthy straight dope)


regarding the case linked. thanks mcwetboy for the research on nile monitors. if they were indeed wild-caught ... frankly the dude deserved what he got. (send flames to he_deserved_it@lunamouse.com)
posted by danOstuporStar at 10:35 AM on January 17, 2002


1 foot high elephants. Now they, would rock.

....and stalk drunk folks for grins and giggles.
posted by elfgirl at 10:46 AM on January 17, 2002


Only marginally related, but check out this story about a tiger attack at the Boise zoo a few years ago. The poor woman got pounced by a tiger during a behind-the-scenes fundraiser tour, and then got shot by a police office trying to scare the tiger away.
posted by Mid at 11:18 AM on January 17, 2002


I'd like to have a herd of little tiny gazelles. Like less than a foot high. That'd be so cute.
posted by bshort at 11:22 AM on January 17, 2002


Sharon Stone's husband can tell you all about what it's like to be eaten by a dragon (not to mention a big lizard)
posted by briank at 11:59 AM on January 17, 2002


Potbellied Elephants! (beware pop-up obnoxion)

They'd be smart like elephants, but small like pigs!
posted by verso at 12:06 PM on January 17, 2002


forensic dog eat
posted by hotdoughnutsnow at 12:11 PM on January 17, 2002


House hippos make wonderful pets.
(links to RealVideo clip... consider yourself alterted.)
posted by likorish at 12:28 PM on January 17, 2002


Aw, hell. The clip's been moved. My bad. Trust me, they're very, very cute. You can see a photo of the house hippos here, near the end of the page.
posted by likorish at 12:31 PM on January 17, 2002


Found the house hippos at Backup Brain. You'll need Quicktime.
posted by likorish at 12:37 PM on January 17, 2002


I love the House Hippos. With tiny African animals, I would create a tiny African savannah in my back yard, with regular perennials as trees and some exotic grass for them to hide in. I could put in a slip'n'slide down the middle to act as a river for the crocs and hippos.

Then I would charge admission to the world's tiniest game park.

Hmmm....I think this has gotten way off-topic.
posted by Salmonberry at 1:13 PM on January 17, 2002


The house hippos are the cutest thing I've ever seen. Maybe I should downgrade that statement to house hyperbole. But it is cute.
posted by dness2 at 1:31 PM on January 17, 2002


2-inch-long hissing Madagascar roaches

Wow. That's some serious nightmare fuel.
posted by Cyrano at 1:33 PM on January 17, 2002


Hmmm....I think this has gotten way off-topic.

It's only a quick sunbathing misadventure from being right back on-topic.
posted by CrazyUncleJoe at 1:35 PM on January 17, 2002


check out this story about a tiger attack at the Boise zoo

Wow. I remember the tigers at the Boise zoo looking decidedly pissed off...their habitat was so small, it really just gave them room to pace. Now I know they were just waiting for the right moment...

And sometimes I'm sure my cats are trying to get me. One of them even took to laying right behind my legs when I was standing at the kitchen counter, so when I stepped away I would stumble over him. I figured they were just trying to get me on the ground, then they could have a moderate nibble.
posted by kittyloop at 1:57 PM on January 17, 2002


Lets turn this around, if you were, somehow, trapped in your house for two weeks with no food and no way to get any food, would you consider eating your pet?

to really turn this around, your pet would also have already died of natural causes. I think very few people would not take advantage of this. On the other hand, we humans can be pretty irrational, so that respect for the dead might keep some from eating the body until it was already going bad.

There was a piece at the obscure store a while back about a woman who's cat chewed off her lower lip while she slept. I love my cat, but sometimes I'm glad I'm a light sleeper...
posted by mdn at 2:46 PM on January 17, 2002


I'm frightened.
posted by brittney at 3:17 PM on January 17, 2002


There was a piece at the obscure store a while back about a woman who's cat chewed off her lower lip while she slept. I love my cat, but sometimes I'm glad I'm a light sleeper...

Make me really glad my current pet is an herbivore.
posted by malphigian at 3:31 PM on January 17, 2002


sorry folks, it was her dog.
posted by mdn at 3:36 PM on January 17, 2002


malphigian, as a former rabbit owner, I'm right with you on the Rabbit Rescue crusade. It was quite a rude awakening for me to find out what it was really like to have rabbits as pets, so I try to pass that information on to anyone I know who is considering getting some cute little bunnies...

But on-topic, this happened in my home town. Like bragadocchio, I lived in this apartment complex at one point in my life. I would like to see a picture of this guy because I have a sneaking suspicion I would recognize him.

I have pretty strong feelings about the private purchase and breeding of exotic animals (as in, I really wish people wouldn't) but I can't seem to summon up a good "he got what he deserved" reaction. Although, you have to wonder what a guy who kept seven big lizzards in a one room efficiency apartment could have been thinking.
posted by jennyb at 8:51 AM on January 18, 2002


Thank you to all involved for this delicious thread. A feast for the imagination.
posted by sacre_bleu at 9:12 AM on January 18, 2002


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