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To blockily go where no one has gone before
June 17, 2014 10:32 AM   Subscribe

Explore the U.S.S. Enterprise with Pixeltrek.
posted by Chrysostom (88 comments total) 27 users marked this as a favorite

 
This is wrong. The technical specifications do not put a restroom beside the bridge. They had to go much further to boldly go. All this effort and so much wrong.
posted by Nanukthedog at 10:35 AM on June 17 [1 favorite]


The technical specifications do not put a restroom beside the bridge.

Umm. What are you basing this on? Memory Alpha disagrees with you, and their accounting of it (which matches PixelTrek) is what I've heard from multiple sources for many years.
posted by tocts at 10:42 AM on June 17 [3 favorites]


This is great. Besides the arrow keys, what other keys are there?
posted by KokuRyu at 10:53 AM on June 17


Apparently you can boldly go where no internet denizen has gone before. But you can't actually do anything other than explore.
posted by zarq at 11:00 AM on June 17 [3 favorites]


I am just wandering around the front of the bridge, trying vainly to interrupt Riker and Wesley's reverie.
posted by Beardman at 11:00 AM on June 17 [1 favorite]


Do the elevators work?
posted by carter at 11:01 AM on June 17


When you enter a turbolift a menu button appears at the bottom of the screen. Click on it and you'll see a menu with level options.
posted by zarq at 11:02 AM on June 17 [1 favorite]


Do the elevators work?

The turbolifts work, but not to where you've never gone before -- only to where you've already been.
posted by cjelli at 11:05 AM on June 17 [1 favorite]


Wait, stairs? There are no stairs on the Enterprise! Coincidental stair-like rock formations on the planets below, sure, but not on the Enterprise!
posted by ckape at 11:06 AM on June 17 [2 favorites]


Is my brain broken, or was there an SNES Star Trek game or something that had an isometric view almost exactly like this?
posted by emptythought at 11:09 AM on June 17


What's the key stroke to make Riker sit down?
posted by dry white toast at 11:09 AM on June 17 [4 favorites]


What's the key stroke to make Riker sit down?

T
posted by fatbird at 11:10 AM on June 17 [1 favorite]


Since I can only play as Data, is there a way "the dancing doctor" can teach me some moves in the holodeck? And then I can practice with Holo-Tasha Yar?
posted by rocketman at 11:11 AM on June 17 [2 favorites]


Tribble storage is on Deep Space K-7. That's a space station, not even a starship. I don't know how you can get that confused.
posted by ckape at 11:13 AM on June 17 [3 favorites]


Kinda hoping to find Tasha Yar on the holodeck...
posted by KokuRyu at 11:20 AM on June 17 [1 favorite]


This is wrong. The technical specifications do not put a restroom beside the bridge. They had to go much further to boldly go. All this effort and so much wrong.

I always assumed that by the time they got to TNG era, the ship's computer just constantly beamed urine and feces right out of their bodies.
posted by ROU_Xenophobe at 11:23 AM on June 17 [5 favorites]


Strangely, it wasn't until this very moment that I realized how preposterously huge everyone's living quarters were.
posted by lucasks at 11:25 AM on June 17 [6 favorites]


But hey, this is a great time to go off about two things that have always bugged me about the Enterprise D:

1. Why the hell would you put the bridge at the top of the saucer section, where it's an obvious target and has no additional hull protecting it? Makes no sense at all. Bury the damned thing in the middle of the saucer section, or, better yet, the engineering hull. Since the ship is conned by viewscreen, not windows, there's no reason not to stash it deep within the ship.

2. Aha, you say, when shit gets real there's always the battle bridge! Which this game confirms is right next to the real bridge for some damn reason. So, again, there it sits with a giant VENT HULL HERE, ROMULANS sign on it.

Man. It's like this ship was just flat-out made up by someone who'd never been in a star battle before.
posted by COBRA! at 11:33 AM on June 17 [4 favorites]


Lieutenant Commander's log stardate 08423.6

The turbolifts appear to be malfunctioning, as they refuse to convey me to any location I have not previously visited. I have been forced to use the Enterprise's network of staircases and ramps to travel from deck to deck.
posted by eruonna at 11:35 AM on June 17 [1 favorite]


This is definitely reminiscent of the SNES game. I don't remember having much luck with that one, despite lots of enthusiasm.
posted by feloniousmonk at 11:37 AM on June 17 [1 favorite]


The battle bridge is not right next to the regular bridge, that's just an express turbolift.

Of course, the battle bridge is only really used to command the engineering section after saucer separation, in which case it is again sitting vulnerably right on the top.
posted by ckape at 11:37 AM on June 17 [5 favorites]


Since the ship is conned by viewscreen, not windows,

conned as in "Mr. Data, you have the conn"? I've always been confused about this terminology.
posted by rebent at 11:43 AM on June 17


Yes everyone's quarters are ludicrously huge for a spaceship. They should in reality make love hotels seem like McMansions, and instead several of them are comparable in size to an apartment in a world-class city.

Also I am amused to discover I am a little miffed that Worf has two doors to his quarters while senior officers have only one. I am choosing to rationalize it by pretending it's got something to do with his security function.
posted by winna at 11:53 AM on June 17


conned as in "Mr. Data, you have the conn"? I've always been confused about this terminology.

Conn (nautical)
posted by Chrysostom at 11:54 AM on June 17


Also I am amused to discover I am a little miffed that Worf has two doors to his quarters while senior officers have only one. I am choosing to rationalize it by pretending it's got something to do with his security function.

I always figured it was compensation for not having windows.
posted by audi alteram partem at 11:55 AM on June 17 [1 favorite]


Fire everything.
posted by vrakatar at 11:56 AM on June 17 [2 favorites]


Worf and Data were neighbors?
posted by drezdn at 11:59 AM on June 17 [1 favorite]


It remembers where you were when you closed the browser, too! So you don't have to worry about losing your place as you explore.
posted by winna at 11:59 AM on June 17


Why do doors, stairs, or size constraints exist in a world with transporters?
posted by blue_beetle at 12:00 PM on June 17


I'm with blue_beetle... I think I'd skip the stairs and just tell Scotty to beam me up.
posted by naplesbum at 12:03 PM on June 17


I'm on my phone, so I can't check this out, but...

Has there ever been a Trek game where you can wander freely around the entire Enterprise? Like a first-person level including every deck and section and Jeffries tube? With random uniformed crew members walking the corridors?

I can't be the only supergeek who would buy that in a hot second.
posted by escape from the potato planet at 12:03 PM on June 17 [6 favorites]


I found the place where Wes goes to "think."
posted by drezdn at 12:04 PM on June 17 [3 favorites]


There's a relative of Arex!
posted by drezdn at 12:05 PM on June 17


Why do doors, stairs, or size constraints exist in a world with transporters?

They don't really seem to be general turbolift-replacements. They're implied to require quite a lot of power and knob-fiddling to send someone somewhere, so installing a transporter in everyone's quarters wouldn't be feasible.

Plus, risk a transporter accident any more times than strictly necessary? No thanks...
posted by BungaDunga at 12:06 PM on June 17


What room do they Larp in?
posted by drezdn at 12:07 PM on June 17 [4 favorites]


Wouldn't there be more people who refused to use a transporter? I mean it does kill you and spawn a clone you a-la The Prestige, after all. (I read somewhere that it doesn't actually do that, but I think that's just Federation propaganda.)

Also, the SNES version of TNG was so freakin' hard. Thankfully, the wiki agrees with me.
posted by OnTheLastCastle at 12:08 PM on June 17 [1 favorite]


there it sits with a giant VENT HULL HERE, ROMULANS sign on it.

I was always under the impression that if the Romulans were in a position to pick the specific part of the hull to vent, you were fucked anyway.
posted by fatbird at 12:14 PM on June 17 [2 favorites]


You always aim at the weapons or the engines first.
posted by OnTheLastCastle at 12:18 PM on June 17


escape from the potato planet : Has there ever been a Trek game where you can wander freely around the entire Enterprise? Like a first-person level including every deck and section and Jeffries tube? With random uniformed crew members walking the corridors?

I remember playing with the Star Trek: The Next Generation Interactive Technical Manual at the Ontario Science Centre in the 90's, and thinking it was amazing. Looking at Youtube footage it looks good for the time period. (The video doesn't show the interactivity, but the views are the same).
posted by Harpocrates at 12:37 PM on June 17 [3 favorites]


How many turbolift locations should be discoverable? I can't tell if I've run out of places to explore, but some doors don't seem to open (and it says it's still a work in progress)
posted by Pre-Taped Call In Show at 12:42 PM on June 17


Trek quarters were always large with the idea that they weren't just your shipboard accommodations, they were your permanent home.
posted by ROU_Xenophobe at 12:45 PM on June 17


Trek quarters were always large with the idea that they weren't just your shipboard accommodations, they were your permanent home.

Right. I've come to think of the Enterprise D as more of a floating military base than a ship. This explains a bunch of things, like the hotel-like interior, allowing families on board, all the recreational facilities, etc.
posted by Cash4Lead at 12:53 PM on June 17 [2 favorites]


I'm getting stuck! The floodgate door won't open for me :(
posted by rebent at 12:54 PM on June 17


Why the hell would you put the bridge at the top of the saucer section

For the skylight! Wait, did D have a skylight?

Trek quarters were always large with the idea that they weren't just your shipboard accommodations, they were your permanent home.

Remember how blown away Scotty was by the size of the quarters on the Enterprise D? It is the flagship, after all. Plus much larger than previous Enterprises.
posted by history_denier at 12:57 PM on June 17 [1 favorite]


Right. I've come to think of the Enterprise D as more of a floating military base than a ship.

Yeah, except I've seen military barracks and they too are much smaller than the housing on the Enterprise.

Even if it's your home there's no reason to have five hundred square feet or more per person if you get all your food from a box in the wall and your recreation is all done outside of your living space.
posted by winna at 1:02 PM on June 17


These drawings do seem to show stairs (seen most clearly on sheet 4).

And... a mall?
posted by Pre-Taped Call In Show at 1:22 PM on June 17


The Enterprise D was explicitly not a military ship, it was built for long term exploration. This is why the quarters are so large. The goal was that crewpeople would bring their entire families along with them. They are less cabin and more condo or apartment. This is also why the saucer separated. The idea being that if you had the opportunity to do it, you could protect the civilians by sending them off in the saucer.
posted by feloniousmonk at 1:25 PM on June 17 [3 favorites]


In one of their few savvy moves, part of the Starfleet requirements for the Galaxy class was to be able to act as a generation-ship in the event a godlike being flings it across the galaxy or further. Or, as the crew of ships named Enterprise call it, Tuesday.
posted by ckape at 1:27 PM on June 17 [12 favorites]


It's also a reflection of the Federation's prosperity. They don't use money, and they have the ability to turn energy into matter for trivial reasons. (Tea, Earl Grey, hot.) So why not build the spaceships really nice? I wonder what kind of budget Starfleet has, or how they even calculate it. Megawatts of energy per year?
posted by Kevin Street at 1:48 PM on June 17 [3 favorites]


By contrast, Deep Space Nine had the Defiant, which was a much smaller warship. It had far fewer amenities for the crew, and most of the crew quarters were 2-people to a room.
posted by zarq at 1:54 PM on June 17 [3 favorites]


Did they ever show the living quarters of anyone other than senior officers? It seems that Picard, Data etc. would have a lot more room than everyone else.

Wasn't there an episode late in the series where they followed four more junior members of the crew? Didn't they all share a room or suite?
posted by PlusDistance at 1:56 PM on June 17 [1 favorite]


Note the difference in starship emphasis prior to the Borg vs. after the Borg/throughout the Dominion.

The Galaxy class reflects a culture that is increasingly starting to resemble the Culture from Ian Banks' novels - unlimited wealth, so why not make giant flagships that are the best in *every* respect? That's pretty much what Riker's former CO (Captain DeSoto) is getting at in Tin Man when he says "Will, you getting soft on board that luxury liner?"

The Defiant class is very much the product of said culture having a sudden realization that, "Oh fuck, turns out we've still got major military challenges to deal with."

...the above is the single nerdiest thing I've written in a decade. I blame starting a TNG rewatch with my girlfriend for that fact.
posted by Ryvar at 1:57 PM on June 17 [12 favorites]


Wasn't there an episode late in the series where they followed four more junior members of the crew? Didn't they all share a room or suite?

You're thinking of Lower Decks.
posted by Ryvar at 1:59 PM on June 17 [1 favorite]


..and we see a glimpse of a more explicitly military Enterprise - D in the grimdark alternate timeline in Yesterday's Enterprise.
posted by COBRA! at 2:00 PM on June 17 [3 favorites]


Nice, COBRA.
posted by Ryvar at 2:04 PM on June 17 [1 favorite]


Now do the Nostromo please.

Please.
posted by Brainy at 2:13 PM on June 17


Why do doors, stairs, or size constraints exist in a world with transporters?

It is for just this reason that I got rid of lighters, matches, candles, and flash lights from my home because I have electricity! No doubt, in a future with transporters, I would be just as confident having a place with no doors or stairs so when I beam up to the 3rd floor to sleep and my power goes out, I'm just content to stay trapped in a room without a silly door!
posted by juiceCake at 2:16 PM on June 17 [3 favorites]


Sure, but it's a common trope. Look at the "houses on many worlds" in Simmons's Hyperion novels. Conversely, a similar culture in Harry Harrison's "A Tale of the Ending" always had two teleports in each room, just in case.

Individual power supplies are obviously required.
posted by Chrysostom at 2:37 PM on June 17 [1 favorite]


But you can't actually do anything other than explore.

To do otherwise would be to violate the Prime Directive.
posted by allthinky at 3:25 PM on June 17 [2 favorites]


ARGH WHY ARE THERE DOORS I CANNOT OPEN.

seriously if there are no objectives or puzzles or actions then why?!
posted by grumpybear69 at 3:49 PM on June 17


The continuity challenge with Yesterday's Enterprise was that in a an alternate history where the Federation and a long war with the Klingons, the a Enterprise-D would never have been built in the fashion that it was for all the reasons pointed out up thread.
posted by dry white toast at 3:53 PM on June 17 [1 favorite]


The barracks are where Ensign Expendable lives (uh, lived.)
posted by halfbuckaroo at 4:00 PM on June 17 [1 favorite]


Related: Star Trek Continues e03 (previously)
posted by BungaDunga at 4:45 PM on June 17 [1 favorite]


E.T.? E.T.?!?
posted by XMLicious at 4:55 PM on June 17 [1 favorite]


Hey, a nice reminder of how much the controls for NES classic Solstice sucked.
posted by Ferreous at 6:12 PM on June 17


Heh. I found Tribbles.
posted by nonspecialist at 6:20 PM on June 17


One thing that occurs to me now is that navigating the Enterprise-D is very confusing. All the doors look the same, and are labelled only in English (this is a ship that is constantly picking up aliens; the magic translator technology doesn't work on signage, does it?), set in a typeface that is so condensed as to render it all but illegible.

Think of any building with an elevator. When you're looking for the elevator, you know what you're looking for, and you know you're not going to mistake it for the door to someone's office or apartment or a ventilation shaft or anything. Not so on the Enterprise-D. That's gotta suck. Now imagine you're an alien looking for a place to poop.

What room do they Larp in?

That'd be the Holodeck, which is disappointingly not (yet?) included in this thing.

I found the tribbles, though!
posted by Sys Rq at 6:26 PM on June 17 [1 favorite]


So there are decks 1, 2, 3, 4, and 8 -- nothing in between? Or do I need to explore more?
posted by nonspecialist at 6:33 PM on June 17


METAFILTER: "I am just wandering around the front"
posted by Fizz at 6:52 PM on June 17


I am being subjected to a completist rematch of every segment of the Trek universe by my obsessive 11 year old Trekkie daughter, and (among various other absurdities of TNG) I am increasingly irritated by the fact that there are over 1,000 people living on the Enterprise, a large percentage of whom are the crew of the Enterprise, and only 6 of them ever beam down to the planet.

I mean, what exactly are all those crew members doing all day?

As far as I can tell, the jobs on the Enterprise are:
Doctor
Security guard
Head of security
Guys who stare at stuff in engineering
Therapist (one for the whole ship?)
Science officer
The People on the Bridge
Guinan.

What the hell everyone else is doing - who knows! Presumably someone cleans the replicator but we never see her.

Anyhow, Shouldn't some of those science people beam down to the planet sometimes, to like, collect scientific samples? Don't they need experts on various cultures or biologists or like someone else to check out new planets?

What is the fucking point of having so many staff people if you can just have Data do everything on every mission?

And also, big question: is there like, a sign up sheet for the holodeck? Or is it just reserved for our 4 or 5 lead characters? Because if you don't let the people use the holodeck, I predict serious mutiny.
posted by latkes at 6:58 PM on June 17 [1 favorite]


Cool post though. My kid is going to love it.
posted by latkes at 7:00 PM on June 17


Well, latkes, one thing to consider is that we only really ever see one shift of the crew. So, depending on how many shifts there are (three, maybe? I knew once!), that would up the numbers a bit.

Plus, families.
posted by Sys Rq at 7:02 PM on June 17


OMG, what a great show Star Trek: Night Shift would be!!
posted by latkes at 7:09 PM on June 17 [9 favorites]


So, depending on how many shifts there are (three, maybe? I knew once!), that would up the numbers a bit.

I can't believe I know this, but: under Picard, the Enterprise had 3 duty shifts. When noted hardass Edward Jellicoe briefly took command, he switched to three duty shifts, causing a tiff with Smilin' Bill Riker. Whether they went back to 3 upon Picard's return is left unaddressed, I think.
posted by COBRA! at 7:12 PM on June 17 [1 favorite]


I think the objection is a bit overstated. We actually do often see other people, including other people on away teams, other people doing random jobs (xenobotany or whatever), other people on bridge duty. It's just that (1) They're not the people that the show is typically about, so they're usually minor players in the story, easily forgotten or even overlooked; (2) In the case of the bridge specifically, when something major goes down, the A Team is called to the bridge, day or night, and the B Team gets out of the way.

Next time you watch, keep an eye on how often a bridge scene starts off with someone other than the usual suspects on bridge duty, often then getting out of their seat to make room for one of the usual suspects who has just walked onto the bridge. It happens more often than you might think.
posted by Flunkie at 7:21 PM on June 17 [2 favorites]


Final complaint about TNG, because finally, I have a forum to complain about this!

Riker seems like a total dick and he's always yelling at everyone and also Picard is all the time yelling especially when he's talking to the big TV screen and like, surely in this age they have the technology to amplify his volume so he doesn't have to yell to talk to the Romulans on screen or whatever.
posted by latkes at 7:41 PM on June 17


surely in this age they have the technology to amplify his volume so he doesn't have to yell to talk to the Romulans on screen or whatever.

He's like my dad using Skype.
posted by Sys Rq at 7:43 PM on June 17 [5 favorites]


This needs some missions. Spot can be the protagonist!
posted by Ray Walston, Luck Dragon at 9:48 PM on June 17


Yes everyone's quarters are ludicrously huge for a spaceship. They should in reality make love hotels seem like McMansions, and instead several of them are comparable in size to an apartment in a world-class city.

Also I am amused to discover I am a little miffed that Worf has two doors to his quarters while senior officers have only one. I am choosing to rationalize it by pretending it's got something to do with his security function.


1. well i mean, it's a huge ship. like really, really massive. most of their quarters seem to be shoved into curved sections of the ship where it's not like anything else super useful could fit or would need to be.

2. i think, like some dorm rooms or hotel rooms, his room is just two smaller rooms combined into one big one. maybe they ran out of senior officers quarters and just combined two smaller like, O2 or O1's quarters into his room. Still an awesome upgrade from the current navy though where below an O4 you're not getting a single berth.

Wasn't there an episode late in the series where they followed four more junior members of the crew? Didn't they all share a room or suite?

Everyone had their own room, even if it was small. This wasn't true as someone else said above on the defiant. But even voyager which was a much smaller ship had individual cabins. Worth noting even janeways quarters weren't gigantic like that though. Some of those cabins are bigger than my apartment.

Anyhow, Shouldn't some of those science people beam down to the planet sometimes, to like, collect scientific samples? Don't they need experts on various cultures or biologists or like someone else to check out new planets?

At several times in every series, they imply that they're sending down a science team or more medics or engineers or whatever to analyze/work on/look at/deal with stuff on a planet they beamed down too, maybe with more security. lower decks, mentioned above, also shows a lot of the menial stuff that goes on aboard the enterprise.
posted by emptythought at 10:07 PM on June 17


There's more exploration of junior crew members and their environments in the Voyager episode Good Shepherd, although Voyager is Intrepid-class. We see how comparatively crappy it is down on deck 15, and that some junior crew have roommates as in a dorm (although it must be remembered that Voyager also has the Maquis crew of the Val Jean on board, which could have necessitated some double-bunking).
posted by obloquy at 10:31 PM on June 17


Roddenberry, being an ex navy man, demanded that the crew would have their own quarters. If you look at the old Franz Joseph blueprints of the original Enterprise, a huge amount of space offs taken up by quarters- and let's not forget how spacious the hallways were. By contrast, things like weapons and engines were fairly compact.

Also the Enterprise-D is huge- eight times the volume, and only twice the crew. They have the room to waste. They have room for tremendous redundancy of things like sensors and transporters.

One interesting thing that the NextGen technical manual said but was never shown is that large chunks of ship were supposed to be reconfigurable and were left unset at launch. That is, there were big sections that were like empty soundstages, waiting to be set up for specific missions.

The tech thinking on NewTrek was great. Pity about the society and the writing.
posted by happyroach at 10:32 PM on June 17 [1 favorite]


COBRA! They switched from 3 to three? I'm confused, or maybe just not getting the joke.
posted by Mister Moofoo at 2:24 AM on June 18 [1 favorite]


Switched from 3 to 4. I was tired when I typed. D'oh.
posted by COBRA! at 4:42 AM on June 18 [2 favorites]


@ROU_Xenophobe: I always assumed that by the time they got to TNG era ...

I was also surprised at the extremely retro design of the toilet cubicles: think how real-world ones have changed over 300 years, and this is another 300 years on. As Samuel R Delany described the process of taking nutrition in Nova (set in 3172), one might expect that "Half the process would seem completely incomprehensible; the other half, disgusting".
posted by raygirvan at 11:23 AM on June 18


I know! When I first stumbled upon a PixelTrekBathroom, I thought, "Gross, haven't we moved beyond toilet paper?" We've got sonic showers; shouldn't we have transporter-powered waste extraction technology? Or at least, like, bidets?
posted by lesli212 at 4:55 PM on June 18


No, in Lower Decks, everyone did not have their own room. Lavelle, the clueless hotshot, and Taurik, the Vulcan, share quarters. If Lavelle gets promoted, as he hopes, he'll get his own room. (In case he doesn't, Taurik suggests, in that oh-so-snotty way that Vulcans often do, that he put in for a new roommate.)
posted by lesli212 at 5:00 PM on June 18


shouldn't we have transporter-powered waste extraction technology?

I always assumed that by the time they got to TNG era, the ship's computer just constantly beamed urine and feces right out of their bodies.

they have the ability to turn energy into matter for trivial reasons. (Tea, Earl Grey, hot.)

"Half the process would seem completely incomprehensible; the other half, disgusting".


Oh, god. I think I know where they get the "bulk matter" from.
posted by Mister Moofoo at 1:19 AM on June 19 [2 favorites]


Keiko works in hydroponics - why do you think she's always wearing a wrinkled-nose expression of half-disgust? The morning after Meatloaf Night in Ten Forward, *she's* the one paying for it, believe you me.
posted by Ryvar at 4:53 AM on June 19


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