Chimp Fashion

June 27, 2014 12:26 PM

For the first time, Primatologists have observed chimps in the wild spreading a cultural fad through their troop.
posted by symbioid (52 comments total)

How lovely.
posted by dng at 12:29 PM on June 27, 2014 [1 favorite]

Kids these days, their wild music, their senseless gyrations, grass hanging out of their ears...

*shakes walker and guards lawn*
posted by hippybear at 12:30 PM on June 27, 2014 [7 favorites]

I have no idea how these chimps got blades of grass in their ears or why.
posted by ChurchHatesTucker at 12:39 PM on June 27, 2014 [8 favorites]

Man hipster fashion is so strange. I wonder how long till I see these on sale at Urban Outfitters?
posted by msbutah at 12:40 PM on June 27, 2014 [3 favorites]

We were putting grass in our ears in the '80s. This makes me feel so old!
posted by scody at 12:46 PM on June 27, 2014 [9 favorites]

TEN WARNING SIGNS YOUR TEEN IS "EARGRASSING"
posted by Legomancer at 12:46 PM on June 27, 2014 [57 favorites]

MetaFilter: spreading a cultural fad through their troop.
posted by sexyrobot at 12:51 PM on June 27, 2014 [3 favorites]

You won't believe where this chimp sticks this blade of grass next!
posted by The 10th Regiment of Foot at 12:52 PM on June 27, 2014 [9 favorites]

Still not as cool as putting an onion on your belt.
posted by NoMich at 12:52 PM on June 27, 2014 [21 favorites]

Millenial chimps with their ear grass are ruining everything.
posted by bleep at 12:54 PM on June 27, 2014 [5 favorites]

Turns out that whole poop throwing thing was just chimp hipsters being ironic. They've since moved on to riding around on tricycles while smoking one-dollar cigars.
posted by Atom Eyes at 12:56 PM on June 27, 2014 [7 favorites]

Chimpsters. They're called chimpsters.

Do I have to do everything myself?
posted by The Gaffer at 12:57 PM on June 27, 2014 [27 favorites]

I always thought flinging poo was a cultural fad. It is when WE do it...
posted by oneswellfoop at 12:59 PM on June 27, 2014 [2 favorites]

"...have created a tradition with no discernible purpose ..."

I think "discernible" is the important word here...

My wife has no clue as to why I do most of the stupid stuff I do, but you can bet I have VERY good reasons!
posted by HuronBob at 12:59 PM on June 27, 2014 [3 favorites]

I suspect the purpose is to feel pretty.
posted by maxsparber at 1:03 PM on June 27, 2014 [3 favorites]

Caesar is nonplussed.
posted by wensink at 1:06 PM on June 27, 2014 [1 favorite]

"The "grass-in-ear behavior," as scientists have termed it"

Scientists.
posted by crazylegs at 1:13 PM on June 27, 2014 [21 favorites]

I'm so glad it turned out to be eargrass and not those ghastly drop-crotch pants that look good on absolutely no one.
posted by elizardbits at 1:20 PM on June 27, 2014 [13 favorites]

Dude, check it out, all the cool chimps are doing it. You want to be one of the cool chimps, don't you?
posted by tommasz at 1:24 PM on June 27, 2014 [1 favorite]

The other troops, meanwhile are all "What is UP with them and the grass in their ears? I HATE those ear-grass-wearing assholes!"
posted by emjaybee at 1:25 PM on June 27, 2014 [3 favorites]

Left is right and right is....










...gay! The answer is gay!

Oh eighties, never change.
posted by mudpuppie at 1:32 PM on June 27, 2014 [1 favorite]

Fucking Julie's always got to be better than everyone.
posted by srboisvert at 1:43 PM on June 27, 2014 [12 favorites]

If you're going to Chimp Francisco,
Make sure to ... You know.
posted by RobotVoodooPower at 1:47 PM on June 27, 2014 [10 favorites]

But you know what they can't do? Make fetch happen.

It's never gonna happen, Gretchen.
posted by Mchelly at 2:09 PM on June 27, 2014 [2 favorites]

Didn't chimps also invent Twerking?
posted by ZenMasterThis at 2:15 PM on June 27, 2014 [1 favorite]

In all seriousness, I find this to be philosophically troubling.
posted by truex at 2:16 PM on June 27, 2014 [2 favorites]

I already have an inherent distrust of primates, and this is not helping.
posted by truex at 2:16 PM on June 27, 2014

Well, now I guess I know what I'm wearing to tonight's meetup.
posted by Ufez Jones at 2:22 PM on June 27, 2014 [8 favorites]

do you think they are waiting to grass your ears when you least expect it?
posted by elizardbits at 2:23 PM on June 27, 2014 [2 favorites]

because tbh i think that might be a valid concern
posted by elizardbits at 2:23 PM on June 27, 2014

just your ears, elizardbits.
posted by symbioid at 2:25 PM on June 27, 2014

joke's on them cause i was eargrassing before they even knew it was cool
posted by elizardbits at 2:28 PM on June 27, 2014

* quietly removes grass from ears *
posted by sandettie light vessel automatic at 2:37 PM on June 27, 2014 [12 favorites]

Psh, call me when growing grass out of your ears is cool.
posted by resurrexit at 2:52 PM on June 27, 2014 [1 favorite]

I already have an inherent distrust of primates, and this is not helping.

Given how the largest group of them act, I don't blame you!
posted by Celsius1414 at 3:01 PM on June 27, 2014 [6 favorites]

Whatever, ear grassing is lame. Totally mainstream. Even parents are doing it. Now, ass grassing, that's pushing the envelope.
posted by Hairy Lobster at 3:08 PM on June 27, 2014 [2 favorites]

Start with a cage containing five monkeys chimps. (clearly I can't claim to be the author of this text)

In the cage, hang a banana on a string and put stairs under it. Before long, a chimp will go to the stairs and start to climb towards the banana.

As soon as he touches the stairs, spray all of the chimps with cold water.

After a while, another chimp will make an attempt with the same response - all of the chimps are sprayed with cold water. Keep this up for several days.

Turn off the cold water.

If, later, another chimp tries to climb the stairs, the other chimps will try to prevent it even though no water sprays them.

Now, remove one chimp from the cage and replace it with a new one.

The new chimp sees the banana and wants to climb the stairs. To his horror, all of the other chimps attack him. After another attempt and attack, he knows that if he tries to climb the stairs, he will be assaulted.

Next, remove another of the original five chimps and replace it with a new one. The newcomer goes to the stairs and is attacked. The previous newcomer takes part in the punishment with enthusiasm.

Replace the third original chimpwith a new one. The new one makes it to the stairs and is attacked as well. Two of the four chimps that beat him have no idea why they were not permitted to climb the stairs, or why they are participating in the beating of the newest chimp.

After replacing the fourth and fifth original chimps, all the chimps which have been sprayed with cold water have been replaced. Nevertheless, no chimp ever again approaches the stairs.

Why not?

“Because that’s the way it’s always been done around here.”
posted by allkindsoftime at 3:16 PM on June 27, 2014 [5 favorites]

What do you call a chimp with grass in each ear?
Anything you like, she's too damn cool to care.
posted by sleepcrime at 3:25 PM on June 27, 2014 [2 favorites]

The "grass-in-ear behavior," as scientists have termed it...

Long and hard. That's how these scientists thought about that. Long and hard.
posted by brundlefly at 3:31 PM on June 27, 2014 [4 favorites]

do you think they are waiting to grass your ears when you least expect it?
because tbh i think that might be a valid concern

Are you saying the chimps are developing Weapons of Grass Destruction?
posted by Greg_Ace at 3:57 PM on June 27, 2014 [2 favorites]

You can't make an omlette decorate a chimp without breaking some eggs pulling up some grass.
posted by hippybear at 4:02 PM on June 27, 2014 [2 favorites]

The chimps put grass in their ears because their lives are dope and they do dope shit.
posted by fuse theorem at 4:28 PM on June 27, 2014 [12 favorites]

You can't decorate a chimp without pulling up some grass.

Oh man, I am so stealing this, and saving it for some day in the future when I can whip it out and sound all Mysterious and Philosophical!
posted by Greg_Ace at 4:29 PM on June 27, 2014

These chimps are just a bunch of grassholes.
posted by mistersquid at 5:12 PM on June 27, 2014 [1 favorite]

But then large companies come along and commercialise it and produce expensive blades for your ears with all sorts of fancy gadgets and so on.

They call it Google Grass
posted by Just this guy, y'know at 7:40 PM on June 27, 2014 [5 favorites]

Although some chimps prefer the more elegant style of the competing brand's products, Banana.
posted by Greg_Ace at 7:55 PM on June 27, 2014

Why do the chimps put grass in their ears?
No-one can hear with grass in their ears.
After a while the reason appears:
They do it 'cause parents say No!

eargrass, meet earworm
posted by Quietgal at 8:18 PM on June 27, 2014

Damn dirty apes. Get my lawn off of you.
posted by mean square error at 8:51 PM on June 27, 2014 [2 favorites]

I'm just a modern guy, of course I've had grass in the ear before.
posted by klangklangston at 9:19 PM on June 27, 2014 [2 favorites]

Obviously they haven't heard that you're not supposed to stick anything smaller than your elbow in your ears!
posted by Greg_Ace at 9:33 PM on June 27, 2014

The site is unreadable on an iphone. I just can't understand why people go to so much effort to turn text - which is highly readable, searchable, and works well with all devices - into something with huge locked headers, slidey-uppey menus, and entreaties to join their mailing list. At one point there was only room for six half-lines of text on my screen. I'd email them about it, but the idea of customer contact is apparently something else they have abandoned.
posted by Joe in Australia at 1:58 AM on June 28, 2014 [2 favorites]

Having just read several (truly glowing, like, nearly raving) reviews for Dawn Of The Planet Of The Apes, I am now a bit concerned about this new development reported in this FPP.
posted by hippybear at 1:17 PM on June 28, 2014