Things not to say
July 11, 2014 11:11 AM   Subscribe


 
oh shit help me i am literally being eaten by a [REDACTED]
posted by emmtee at 11:17 AM on July 11, 2014 [1 favorite]


This is great but now I really want to say "Vajazzle." Mansplain that.
posted by loukasven at 11:17 AM on July 11, 2014 [3 favorites]


Don't say don't.
posted by clvrmnky at 11:18 AM on July 11, 2014 [2 favorites]


bingo wings?
posted by Thorzdad at 11:18 AM on July 11, 2014 [3 favorites]


Perhaps we should Use Sparingly instead, to potentialize scalable out-of-the-box best practices for proactive mindshare.
posted by the man of twists and turns at 11:19 AM on July 11, 2014 [7 favorites]


I like any blog titled after a line from the supremely awesome ADAPTATION.
posted by drjimmy11 at 11:20 AM on July 11, 2014 [2 favorites]


This is great. Carlie Lazar would make an excellent Dictator of the Universe.
posted by medusa at 11:25 AM on July 11, 2014 [1 favorite]


oh shit help me i am literally being eaten by a [REDACTED]

Mountain lion? Puma? Panther? Catamount?!?
posted by aubilenon at 11:26 AM on July 11, 2014 [3 favorites]


So far as I can tell, she hates business vernacular, teens, Sex in the City, Shakespeare, and warning labels. Eclectic, and more likely than average to be accidentally poisoned.

I would appreciate the site more if at the bottom it said "Just, don't."
posted by Clyde Mnestra at 11:26 AM on July 11, 2014 [7 favorites]


Its moving staircase, not this horrible made-up American nonsense word "escalator!" - actual period argument I read not long ago.
posted by The Whelk at 11:26 AM on July 11, 2014 [6 favorites]


Someone has too much free time.
posted by dortmunder at 11:27 AM on July 11, 2014 [4 favorites]


I had never ever even thought of saying "totes emosh" and now I am going to start. I feel totes emosh about lots of things lately, so it will come in handy.
posted by Frowner at 11:28 AM on July 11, 2014 [32 favorites]


I mean, I assume it's short for "totally" and "emotional". Maybe it's something else, though.
posted by Frowner at 11:28 AM on July 11, 2014


For a long time, I thought that "totes magoates" had something to do with moving one's goats around, though.
posted by Frowner at 11:29 AM on July 11, 2014 [15 favorites]


Someone has too much free time.

Like, everyone on this thread. And I do mean "Like."
posted by Clyde Mnestra at 11:29 AM on July 11, 2014


WHAT THE FUCK
posted by EXISTENZ IS PAUSED at 11:29 AM on July 11, 2014 [5 favorites]


please don't say "natch"
posted by nathancaswell at 11:30 AM on July 11, 2014 [6 favorites]


bingo wings?

Bingo Wings.

And yes, I have them. But a little shrug makes it okay.
posted by Ruthless Bunny at 11:31 AM on July 11, 2014 [1 favorite]


Yeah, so I made this. Hi.
posted by EXISTENZ IS PAUSED at 11:32 AM on July 11, 2014 [75 favorites]


Don't be yourself.
posted by kyp at 11:33 AM on July 11, 2014


For a long time, I thought that "totes magoates" had something to do with moving one's goats around, though.

It doesn't?.
posted by benito.strauss at 11:33 AM on July 11, 2014 [1 favorite]


Yeah, so I made this. Hi.

Now we know exactly who has too much free time.
posted by dortmunder at 11:34 AM on July 11, 2014 [5 favorites]


"Yeah, so I made this. Hi."

What is it?
posted by I-baLL at 11:34 AM on July 11, 2014


Well, MEFI'S OWN, it is.
posted by josher71 at 11:35 AM on July 11, 2014 [4 favorites]


My suggestion: people who say "Knock knock!" when you work in a cubicle. It is no longer cute and funny. That joke is ABC gum.
posted by jenfullmoon at 11:37 AM on July 11, 2014 [9 favorites]


Funky? Really? What if we're listening to Tower of Power?

But this one:

Don’t say “that awkward moment when”

Also drives me crazy! WHAT ABOUT THAT MOMENT WHEN!? OR HAVE WE JUST DONE AWAY WITH PREDICATES NOW!?
posted by Lutoslawski at 11:37 AM on July 11, 2014 [3 favorites]


Don't say "Join the conversation"

Don't tell Tom Ashbrook!

Also, given the extent to which I love early hip-hop, I wouldn't get very far without "funky".
posted by The Great Big Mulp at 11:39 AM on July 11, 2014 [2 favorites]


Don't say "personal brand". I would infinitely rather have to recite a list containing all the usual suspects ("moist", "adorkable", etc) than have to hear people refer to their "personal brand". Every time I hear it I have to remind myself that it's not some kind of nineties body modification fad but is in fact a thing we are all supposed to have.
posted by Frowner at 11:39 AM on July 11, 2014 [8 favorites]


It doesn't?

That is clearly toting only one goat, and is thus invalid.
posted by Frowner at 11:41 AM on July 11, 2014 [1 favorite]


Being on Mefi is part of my personal brand.
posted by josher71 at 11:41 AM on July 11, 2014


I assume it's short for "totally" and "emotional"

My first assumption is that it's a statement about sentient, mobile tote bags going online to virtually dance in a mosh pit.
posted by ROU_Xenophobe at 11:43 AM on July 11, 2014 [2 favorites]


I edited a document with the term "pre-tween" in it this week. Can we get that one added to the list?
posted by dortmunder at 11:44 AM on July 11, 2014 [1 favorite]


I would rather be swarmed by one thousand angry hornets than hear, "that being said" ever again. It makes me actively hostile.
posted by _Mona_ at 11:45 AM on July 11, 2014 [2 favorites]


As a too easily annoyed person who hates cutesy colloquialisms, this blog makes me want to give it a standing ovation.

Can we add shipping?
posted by The Gooch at 11:45 AM on July 11, 2014 [2 favorites]


Don't say "panties"? I don't understand why so many people find that word objectionable.
posted by WCWedin at 11:46 AM on July 11, 2014 [3 favorites]


Yeah, so I made this. Hi.

Aha! I knew too many of these were way too familiar for it to be a coincidence -- but you forgot "correlation does not equal causation."

And yes, I know you see what I did there.
posted by jamjam at 11:46 AM on July 11, 2014 [2 favorites]


Metafilter: your personal brand.
posted by clvrmnky at 11:47 AM on July 11, 2014 [2 favorites]


I am completely on board with "god particle" "orientated (!)" and "cray cray", but you leave me alone with my mani-pedi, damnit.
posted by Sophie1 at 11:47 AM on July 11, 2014 [3 favorites]


17 Aug 1 note

Don’t say “mansplaining”.


ut oh
posted by MisantropicPainforest at 11:47 AM on July 11, 2014 [3 favorites]


Don't say "I made this."
posted by clvrmnky at 11:47 AM on July 11, 2014 [8 favorites]


Hipster, totally becoming derogatory before people have even heard the word.

Also I have been saying body confidence before this guy grew his mustache, so I am going to have to bin it as another complainer on the net.
posted by psycho-alchemy at 11:48 AM on July 11, 2014


Don't say "panties"?

They're called girly gonch.
posted by Sys Rq at 11:48 AM on July 11, 2014 [2 favorites]


I can't give up "funky", I just can't. Although it's more of an ideal rather than a description in my case.
posted by tommasz at 11:49 AM on July 11, 2014 [2 favorites]


FWIW there's a different rationale behind each word: some are offensive, some just sound wrong, some are disagreeable in particular contexts but complete fine in others. Some I use myself. I fully expect cantankerous disagreement.
posted by EXISTENZ IS PAUSED at 11:49 AM on July 11, 2014 [4 favorites]


Bingo Wings: rarely mansplained.
posted by PeterMcDermott at 11:49 AM on July 11, 2014 [3 favorites]


Also I have been saying body confidence before this guy grew his mustache

I may be mistaken, but I don't think Carlie is a boy's name.
posted by Sys Rq at 11:49 AM on July 11, 2014


Oh, good, I can ask this:
What's wrong with "end of"?
posted by Etrigan at 11:49 AM on July 11, 2014 [2 favorites]


Can someone define POORS. Are they all the people in the world who have accumulated less wealth than I have?
posted by notreally at 11:50 AM on July 11, 2014




> 17 Aug 1 note

Don’t say “mansplaining”.

ut oh


Hmm. I almost didn't put that one on, and I've thought about taking it off several times. I don't use the word myself because I try to avoid using gendered criticism, but I do think it accurately describes a real life phenomenon, and I'm actually on board with other people using it. You know what, I'm taking it off now.
posted by EXISTENZ IS PAUSED at 11:52 AM on July 11, 2014 [13 favorites]


Don't say "panties"? I don't understand why so many people find that word objectionable.

I don't get it either, but I have a friend who totally hates the word. A while back I happened to be in her workplace on a saturday, so I covered her monitor with post-its with panties written and drawn on them. Monday morning I get a confused e-mail from her asking why the hell I was in her office on the weekend.
posted by 5_13_23_42_69_666 at 11:56 AM on July 11, 2014 [2 favorites]


people who say "Knock knock!" when you work in a cubicle

I do it to give them a chance to close whatever they are reading before I sit down in case they don't want me to see it. I could say "Hi," but that doesn't seem to get people's attention as much and I don't want to be the starer.
posted by soelo at 11:58 AM on July 11, 2014


This reminds me of the "HATE LIST" stuff you'd see on some personal websites in the late 90s -- great, thanks teenager webwriterer, now I know what you hate and therefore I shall calibrate my expectations accordingly! Oh well, flagged as harmless fun.

Wait, don't say "stay hydrated"? Jesus. Spoken like someone who doesn't work in massive heat/have to do workplace pee tests for hydration requirements. GOMFL REFLAGGED
posted by barnacles at 11:58 AM on July 11, 2014 [2 favorites]


This is making my Friday afternoon, I love it.

(thing I would add: Don't say "only in New York")
posted by troika at 12:03 PM on July 11, 2014 [1 favorite]


"bad optics"
"lensed"
"great capture"


I am sensing some feelings about photography.
posted by Pyry at 12:06 PM on July 11, 2014 [3 favorites]


I do say "knock knock" when I'm standing in the open door of someone's office because it seems sort of peremptory to just, you know, knock, what with the door being open, and it's helpful in performing secretarial...uh...adorkability...to have some kind of kitsch phrase to deploy. But perhaps everyone could get a little chime instead.

(That's a question - can one deploy "adorkable" so on in a strategic fashion? "Adorkable" is almost the second worst after "personal brand", though. )
posted by Frowner at 12:06 PM on July 11, 2014 [1 favorite]


Feels. I never understood people who have a visceral response to some seemingly innocuous word until "in the feels" became a thing. Don't say "is a thing." And cougar, agreed, although I take comfort in knowing that people around here who make stupid cougar jokes have a nonzero chance of getting their faces ripped off by an actual cougar.
posted by Lorin at 12:08 PM on July 11, 2014 [3 favorites]


don't say "nonzero chance"
posted by Lorin at 12:08 PM on July 11, 2014 [3 favorites]


Do you object to the concept of a personal brand, or to the phrase itself?
posted by Pyry at 12:08 PM on July 11, 2014


No "totes magotes"? Awww.

Missing: "going forward". Should be the first item in the list.
posted by Mei's lost sandal at 12:10 PM on July 11, 2014 [2 favorites]


"at the end of the day" (unless you use it literally, by which I mean literally literally, because then it's funny.)

"incentivize"

I'm sad "adorkable" is on the list though. I don't know a better way to say that.
posted by fritley at 12:11 PM on July 11, 2014 [2 favorites]


I mean, I really like this tumblr...partly because it feels sort of eighties avant-garde blank, and partly because it sort of conjures up a set of scenarios - it makes one hyper-conscious of language. Obviously, I'm going to say "cougar" if I'm talking about the animal or "end of", and for some reason "does what it says on the tin" still delights me (because I never get tired of imagining a tin full of angry meercats or artisanal nail files or whatever) and yet the tumblr conjures up a picture of a grimly commodified kind of internet language.
posted by Frowner at 12:11 PM on July 11, 2014 [2 favorites]


Can we not say "the feels"?
posted by ferret branca at 12:12 PM on July 11, 2014 [6 favorites]


Don't say "advertorial".
Don't say "monetize".
Don't say "sharing economy".
Don't say "disrupt".
posted by mhum at 12:13 PM on July 11, 2014 [1 favorite]


It all boils down to two rules:

1. Don't say anything that's already been said a million times to the point of cliché.
2. Don't say anything that's too unique sounding.

Use a slang-free third-grade level vocabulary and you should be fine.
posted by Metroid Baby at 12:14 PM on July 11, 2014


Don't say "hotting up".
posted by oulipian at 12:14 PM on July 11, 2014 [2 favorites]


Don't say vajayjay.
posted by brujita at 12:14 PM on July 11, 2014 [2 favorites]


I am reminded of something Dostoyevsky said in one of his novels in referring to a Jewish family. He (the character in the novel) referred to A Jew. A Jewess. And a Jewkin (for young one)...Reminded me of gerkin, a small gerk..or some sort of pickle
posted by Postroad at 12:15 PM on July 11, 2014



Do you object to the concept of a personal brand, or to the phrase itself?


How separable are these? I mean, I suppose my "personal brand" could be the brand I use for branding my personal cattle...

I loathe the idea that we're all supposed to be "building our brand" by making sure that our hobbies are interesting and make us more internet-fun! and employable!...that we are encouraged to think of our hobbies as "portfolios" and document our cooking projects so that we can tweet them or whatever, as if nothing we do has any meaning or content unless it's observed and favorited. I dislike, in particular, the pressure to produce a "quirky" yet "authentic" yet non-challenging and "good fit" public self so that potential employers can see that we're all young and fun but not too fun, opinionated but only on non-controversial things, etc.

I mean, I'd say I hate both the phrase and the thing.
posted by Frowner at 12:15 PM on July 11, 2014 [17 favorites]


Don't say a slick of lipstick
Don't say adorbs
Don't say adorkable
Don't say amuse bouche
Don't say apols
Don't say baby bump
Don't say bad optics
Don't say bang on trend
Don't say bingo wings
Don't say bitchy resting face
Don't say body confidence
Don't say bucket list
Don't say burglarized
Don't say butthurt
Don't say chemical-free
Don't say come-to-jesus talk
Don't say comedienne
Don't say cougar
Don't say cowgirl up
Don't say crash pad
Don't say cray cray
Don't say drop some coin
Don't say end of
Don't say ensconced
Don't say EPIC FAIL
Don't say Exactly What it Says on the Tin
Don't say fabu
Don't say fave
Don't say feisty
Don't say females
Don't say first world problems
Don't say forever home
Don't say Forsooth
Don't say funky
Don't say futurity
Don't say gifting
Don't say god particle
Don't say going forward
Don't say great capture
Don't say greetings and salutations
Don't say gusset
Don't say half-a-decade
Don't say Happy Hump Day!!!
Don't say haters
Don't say head cheese
Don't say headstrong
Don't say hella
Don't say heroine
Don't say hubby
Don't say hyper competitiveness
Don't say I see what you did there
Don't say I'd hit it
Don't say I'm going to go ahead and...
Don't say impactful
Don't say incredible journey
Don't say it
Don't say Join the conversation
Don't say Just threw up in my mouth a little bit
Don't say lady garden
Don't say Leader of the Free World
Don't say lensed
Don't say Let
Don't say leverages synergies
Don't say lifestream
Don't say lippy
Don't say Live life to the fullest
Don't say log on to our website
Don't say Looks like me before coffee!
Don't say lovely piece of kit
Don't say mani-pedi
Don't say mansplaining
Don't say marvy
Don't say methinks
Don't say Milady
Don't say moist towelette
Don't say mommy blogger
Don't say momversation
Don't say oozes charisma
Don't say oozes charm
Don't say opined
Don't say orientated
Don't say pamper
Don't say panties
Don't say pappy
Don't say penned
Don't say people and peoplettes
Don't say pet peeve
Don't say photographess
Don't say ping
Don't say poppet
Don't say preggers
Don't say prithee
Don't say problematical
Don't say product
Don't say Proust
Don't say pure gorgepot
Don't say put on your big girl pants
Don't say quirky
Don't say right out of central casting
Don't say robust action plan
Don't say sheath
Don't say shifting units
Don't say someone has too much free time
Don't say sophomore album
Don't say soz
Don't say spurt
Don't say stay hydrated
Don't say synergistic
Don't say take care
Don't say that awkward moment when
Don't say that
Don't say the inimitable
Don't say THIS
Don't say top gear
Don't say totally gorge
Don't say totes emosh
Don't say totes magotes
Don't say totes
Don't say toxins
Don't say Twas
Don't say uncanny valley
Don't say unforch
Don't say use your words
Don't say vajazzle
Don't say verbiage
Don't say webinar
Don't say well jeal
Don't say Well, he/she speaks quite highly of YOU
Don't say whilst
Don't say Who are you wearing?
Don't say writing about music is like dancing about architecture
Don't say yeppers
Don't say yummy mummy
posted by zamboni at 12:16 PM on July 11, 2014 [33 favorites]


I'd say, in fact, that the ideal "personal brand" is one of "adorkability" - cute, faux-unique, non-threatening, able to "geek out" about work-related stuff and golden age television in equal measure, but 100% unlikely to agitate for a union or say something off-brand in front of a client.
posted by Frowner at 12:17 PM on July 11, 2014 [4 favorites]


In my family we say "water your hump" for "stay hydrated." And yes, the camel's hump is actually fat, but whatever, it's fun to say.
posted by Lorin at 12:18 PM on July 11, 2014 [1 favorite]


> Oh, good, I can ask this:
What's wrong with "end of"?


Not sure if this is addressed to me, but in case it is: I put 'end of' on the list because here in the UK people often use it as a conversation ender and a way to 'win' an argument. It's basically short for 'This is the end of the conversation and this is me having the last word'. I think I put it on the list after seeing a UKIP MP on the news refuse to answer questions by walking away from a journalist while shouting 'END OF! END OF! END OF!'
posted by EXISTENZ IS PAUSED at 12:18 PM on July 11, 2014 [6 favorites]


Are you taking requests now? "Butthurt", please.
posted by Curious Artificer at 12:23 PM on July 11, 2014 [3 favorites]


please don't say "natch"

COME ON NATCH!!! *death drop*
posted by en forme de poire at 12:25 PM on July 11, 2014


here in the UK

Ah, that explains "panties" a bit, I suppose. "Gusset" is still kind of weird.
posted by WCWedin at 12:26 PM on July 11, 2014


A while ago (for reasons that now escape me) I tried to come up with the creepiest single word in the English language.

The winner was 'beauties'.
posted by emmtee at 12:26 PM on July 11, 2014 [2 favorites]


> Are you taking requests now? "Butthurt", please.

Added. I was astonished to find it wasn't on there already.
posted by EXISTENZ IS PAUSED at 12:29 PM on July 11, 2014 [2 favorites]


I really really really want people to stop saying mani/pedi. That drives me up the freaking wall and makes me totes emosh.
posted by Annabelle74 at 12:30 PM on July 11, 2014 [5 favorites]


Also, champs/champers (for champagne).

On the other end of the spectrum I really want to see "mortifying" used more often than just the embarrassing moment sections of teen magazines. It's such a great word!
posted by troika at 12:33 PM on July 11, 2014 [1 favorite]


This list is admirably comprehensive. My own such list would include many of the same, plus others that I don't think I found after reading the entire archive:

"Worldbuilding"
"Because reasons"
"This reminds me of Nightvale"
"Let the games begin"
posted by branduno at 12:33 PM on July 11, 2014 [3 favorites]


Don't say "special snowflake [details inside]".
Don't say "pro tip".

I have said 'pro tip'...
posted by joseph conrad is fully awesome at 12:34 PM on July 11, 2014 [2 favorites]


zamboni, that is hilarious.
posted by mathowie at 12:34 PM on July 11, 2014


I'm glad "Bitchy resting face" is on here. I like the concept (I am a sufferer of it) but I first heard it described as "Chronic bitch face" which feels less viscerally accusatory and hostile to me. "Chronic blank blank" is something a person can have, among many other attributes. Bitchy is something you are. Starting out with "Bitchy" just feels hurtful in my feels.

And no, I won't stop using the new slangs, they are so refreshing and evocative.
posted by bleep at 12:34 PM on July 11, 2014


Maybe if we're comprehensive enough we can render language down to its least offensive elements

A sort of Newspeaking if you will

That way nobody will have to think about things
posted by Ray Walston, Luck Dragon at 12:35 PM on July 11, 2014 [5 favorites]


I agree with almost all of these, but I don't get why people get their shits twisted over "moist".
posted by rifflesby at 12:35 PM on July 11, 2014 [2 favorites]


Is this even a thing? I mean, do Olds sit around thinking up stuff like this?
posted by happyroach at 12:37 PM on July 11, 2014 [1 favorite]


"Sportsball". An entire term created for the sole purpose of displaying aggressive ignorance and intellectual superiority.
posted by The Gooch at 12:38 PM on July 11, 2014 [6 favorites]


Metafilter: More likely than average to be accidentally poisoned.
posted by Billiken at 12:38 PM on July 11, 2014


Pretty much any word that's needlessly shortened drives me up a wall:

Brekkie
Adorbs
Totes
Presh (precious)
Lappy (laptop) (Seriously fuck off on that one)
Cellie (cell phone)
Preggo
Delish
Fam

Ugh. Now I need a xanax and a shower.
posted by _Mona_ at 12:39 PM on July 11, 2014 [12 favorites]


"The Girls" in reference to your breasts. Boobs, titties, fun bags...anything but "The Girls".
posted by Room 641-A at 12:39 PM on July 11, 2014 [6 favorites]


"Bishop ... don't say 'of fish.'"
posted by jbickers at 12:40 PM on July 11, 2014 [1 favorite]


"Relevancy" makes my spine go all twisty.
posted by mudpuppie at 12:41 PM on July 11, 2014 [1 favorite]


Now I need a xanax and a shower.

You mean a xanny and a sher.
posted by oulipian at 12:43 PM on July 11, 2014 [11 favorites]


"Fail" as a noun totes gets my goats.
posted by aubilenon at 12:43 PM on July 11, 2014 [1 favorite]


Don't say veggies.
Don't say special snowflake (period, at all).
Don't say shits and giggles.
Don't say jive turkey (because that is my thing to say).
Don't say sassy.
Don't say gal.
Don't say "Science!"
posted by ernielundquist at 12:43 PM on July 11, 2014 [1 favorite]


> And no, I won't stop using the new slangs, they are so refreshing and evocative.

Yeah, I use them myself. And my husband and I are particularly fond of taunting each other with infuriating abbreviations e.g. 'unforch', 'obvs', 'apols'.
posted by EXISTENZ IS PAUSED at 12:44 PM on July 11, 2014 [5 favorites]


And yeah, drjimmy11, the title is from Charlie Kaufman's Adaptation.

DONALD: It's only five hundred bucks!

KAUFMAN: (muffled by pillow) Screenwriting seminars are bullshit.

DONALD: In theory I agree with you. But this one is highly regarded within the industry.

KAUFMAN: Donald, don't say "industry."
posted by EXISTENZ IS PAUSED at 12:45 PM on July 11, 2014 [2 favorites]


UGH HUMP DAY the fucking hump day thing was the last straw in an already extremely fucking irritating relationship.

Actually I think it was a combination of that and the smug condescending insistence that homeopathic "medicine" was real and I was too stupid to understand why.
posted by elizardbits at 12:45 PM on July 11, 2014 [4 favorites]


Pretty much any word that's needlessly shortened drives me up a wall

Never go anywhere near Australia.
posted by zamboni at 12:46 PM on July 11, 2014 [4 favorites]


i dont know what a bingo wing is though
posted by elizardbits at 12:47 PM on July 11, 2014


_Mona_: Pretty much any word that's needlessly shortened drives me up a wall ... Ugh. Now I need a xanax and a shower.

Oh, relax and have a chockie!
posted by Greg_Ace at 12:47 PM on July 11, 2014


Is saying "vajazzle" with jazz hands okay? Because that should be okay.
posted by loukasven at 12:49 PM on July 11, 2014 [7 favorites]


anything but "The Girls".

DIRTYPILLOWS
posted by elizardbits at 12:49 PM on July 11, 2014 [4 favorites]


Don’t say “come-to-jesus talk”.

Say "come-to-Jesus-meetin'" instead, as in:

We're gonna half ta have a come-to-Jesus-meetin' and talk about your repentance. Otherwise, I'm gonna go all religious on yer ass.
posted by BlueHorse at 12:51 PM on July 11, 2014


Apophatic linguistics, by analogy with apophatic theology.
posted by You Can't Tip a Buick at 12:53 PM on July 11, 2014 [1 favorite]


Also not a fan of "hangry"
posted by aubilenon at 12:53 PM on July 11, 2014 [3 favorites]


"Artsy" hurts my ears.
posted by cazoo at 12:55 PM on July 11, 2014 [1 favorite]


Elizardbits, homeopathy is great! The only danger is you'll forget to take your medicine and die of an overdose. /oldjoke
posted by Ambient Echo at 12:59 PM on July 11, 2014 [3 favorites]


oh no a bingo wing is a mean thing and not delicious chicken wings that are served at bingo or given as a prize at bingo

im mad about it
posted by elizardbits at 1:02 PM on July 11, 2014 [14 favorites]


goddammit i knew butthurt was on there
posted by EXISTENZ IS PAUSED at 1:05 PM on July 11, 2014 [1 favorite]


:( elizardbits, I was hoping it would be like disco fries.
posted by ferret branca at 1:05 PM on July 11, 2014 [1 favorite]


Here are some further nominees for the list:

about to pop [to refer to pregnant people]
bio break
cleanse [used as a noun]
detox
exponentially
leverage [unless discussing use of an actual physical lever]
MILF [probably no one says this one anymore?]
pearl clutching
potty
statistically
strategic
synergy
the bottom line
waddle
well, actually
posted by medusa at 1:17 PM on July 11, 2014 [3 favorites]


Would be a good idea to post a line or two around why not say something.

gives it a touch of individuality.

also, helps understand the unknown cliches ... you know, for those "not in the know"

(which, incidentally is my proposed idiom for inclusion).
posted by TheLittlePrince at 1:19 PM on July 11, 2014


Chicky chicky parm parm, fortunately, is not on the list.
posted by entropicamericana at 1:30 PM on July 11, 2014 [6 favorites]


Don't say dwarfed.
posted by oceanjesse at 1:31 PM on July 11, 2014


Don't say terrorist.
posted by oceanjesse at 1:32 PM on July 11, 2014


"what's the ask?"
posted by ultraviolet catastrophe at 1:33 PM on July 11, 2014 [6 favorites]


Don't say "Hope me."
posted by under_petticoat_rule at 1:35 PM on July 11, 2014 [8 favorites]


Does Matt Groening still do this?
posted by BWA at 1:38 PM on July 11, 2014 [1 favorite]


whatevs
posted by odinsdream at 1:40 PM on July 11, 2014


I had to explain to a friend that the punch line of another friend's joke was "totes". Then I had to explain that it was short for "totally", which they thought was dumb. When I went on to explain that it was being used ironically, they understood the joke. The thing is, I am not even sure if it was being used ironically.
posted by soelo at 1:45 PM on July 11, 2014


I'm happy that this list exists.

I'm going to keep saying most of these things. (Except the ones that are pretty hurtful.)

Like everyone else I have suggestions:

quorum sensing
NoSQL
Hapax legomenon

Toward the bottom of this page, JWZ has a warning about this kind of thing. Kind of.
posted by poe at 1:51 PM on July 11, 2014


I am so glad to learn I am not the only person who hates the word panties.
posted by chaoticgood at 1:55 PM on July 11, 2014 [1 favorite]


Don't say, "Not to be rude, but..."
Don't say, "yummy" if your age is in the double digits.
Don't say, "It is what it is."
posted by The Underpants Monster at 1:57 PM on July 11, 2014


I LOVE the word "panties." Not as much as the word "underpants," mind you, but it's a close second. If they were my kids, I'd still throw panties a great birthday party, but I'd get underpants's cake from the good bakery.
posted by The Underpants Monster at 2:00 PM on July 11, 2014 [4 favorites]


Ooh, I thought of one! "Outreach." No, man, you're proselytizing.
posted by Sys Rq at 2:02 PM on July 11, 2014


My boss likes using "e-blast" which a unanimously loathed former coworker taught him as a better word for "relentless email spam". Also if he mentions making something "go viral" even one more time I cannot be held responsible for my actions.
posted by elizardbits at 2:04 PM on July 11, 2014 [1 favorite]


MetaFilter: created for the sole purpose of displaying aggressive ignorance and intellectual superiority.

That bit of snark aside, much of these do seem, 'IMHO', to be 'Get off my lawnisms' (feel free to add that to the list). It's odd to me that people get so pedantic about how language evolves, as if there is some natural law defining language or that it is static and unchanging. Sure it's fun to 'Hate On' kids, 'cuz kidz r dum', and the 'Case of the Mondays' crap your coworkers say is trite, and any words said in a sales meeting are meaningless at best, but to me this kind of thing comes off as a dogmatic style guide for the culturally superior 'fo shizzle'.

'That said' shit like gay, lame and butthurt are clearly offensive and should be avoided, so I guess 'Temba, his arms wide!' (is that a thing, probably not) for that.
posted by Colby_Longhorn at 2:05 PM on July 11, 2014 [3 favorites]


I would like to see, for each of these, the particular synonym one ought to use instead.

A brand-new one.
posted by rifflesby at 2:06 PM on July 11, 2014


"It is what it is." And that explains nothing.

"To grow your (______)." You better be talking about a plant of some kind, not a business or a sports team.

"Actually..." Actually, you're a pedantic joykill.
posted by cmyk at 2:08 PM on July 11, 2014 [3 favorites]


Don't say, "yummy" if your age is in the double digits.

Ditto "tasty". Unless you enjoy sounding like either a bad copywriter or a simpleton. Especially the fuck do not say "tasty treat."
posted by hap_hazard at 2:09 PM on July 11, 2014


I'm not sure what to replace "It is what it is" with.

I guess when someone says something like "It's too bad things are like that" I should say "Well, yes, it is too bad, but this is the way they are. Spinning our wheels and going around in circles about they way they should be is less interesting to me than accepting and understanding the way it is and thinking about ways to move forward with or around those givens."
posted by bleep at 2:13 PM on July 11, 2014


I guess when someone says something like "It's too bad things are like that" I should say "Well, yes, it is too bad, but this is the way they are so to avoid spinning our wheels and going around in circles about they way they should be is less interesting to me than accepting and understanding the way it is and thinking about ways to move forward with or around those givens."

Or possibly, "Yes."
posted by Etrigan at 2:14 PM on July 11, 2014 [1 favorite]


much of these do seem, 'IMHO', to be 'Get off my lawnisms'

Whereas advertising your failure to perceive a problem, as evidence of your cultural (and moral) superiority to your elders, will never go out of style, so you should just go right ahead with that.

no, seriously, do- you wouldn't believe how well it confirms our prejudices
posted by hap_hazard at 2:17 PM on July 11, 2014


Until VERY recently, I thought "it is what it is" was just a polite way of telling someone to shut up. As in, "Yeah, I know, but you keep just saying the same things over and over, and I'm done listening now."

I may have even used it that way. I don't remember for sure.
posted by ernielundquist at 2:23 PM on July 11, 2014 [4 favorites]


I work in marketing, I am forced to say (or at least not grimace at) words like "incentivize" and "marquis project with a critical footprint," and "growing our brand."

I try not to use it outside of work; instead I just curse a whole lot more. Drinking helps!
posted by emjaybee at 2:29 PM on July 11, 2014


"It is what it is." And that explains nothing.

I had a manager once who whenever I came to him with pretty much any complaint he'd respond with either "It is what it is" or "Walk it off" depending on whether it was something within his control or not. He wasn't the best boss.
posted by aubilenon at 2:30 PM on July 11, 2014


Don't say "Science!"

I feel that an exception should be made for those who are actively doing or teaching science, and/or are Thomas Dolby.
posted by dephlogisticated at 2:34 PM on July 11, 2014 [6 favorites]


Brekkie
Adorbs
Totes
Presh (precious)
Lappy (laptop) (Seriously fuck off on that one)
Cellie (cell phone)
Preggo
Delish
Fam

posted by _Mona_ at 2:39 PM on July 11



I didn't think I was all that hung up on specific words, and then I read this list....and actually shuddered.

(Although, as a child, I had a friend who responded during arguments with the phrase, "But still!" with no reason behind it. I still want to slap her.)
posted by blurker at 2:35 PM on July 11, 2014 [1 favorite]


Don't say "Science!"

I feel that an exception should be made for those who are actively doing or teaching science, and/or are Thomas Dolby.


Magnus Pyke!
posted by Etrigan at 2:36 PM on July 11, 2014


What is wrong with using the phrase "Greetings and Salutions" ?
posted by Faintdreams at 2:36 PM on July 11, 2014 [1 favorite]


It is what it is

i have a co-worker who says this most annoyingly to me

but then, i'm not the one who's taking pills to cope with it
posted by pyramid termite at 2:45 PM on July 11, 2014


oh and miss sir nose d'voidoffunk, this is just for you

enjoy!
posted by pyramid termite at 2:50 PM on July 11, 2014


It is what it is

This is one I say more often to myself (rather than to someone else), for the reason bleep mentions. I'm willing to deal with my continued usage of it.

I don't see Word on the list. That's one that doesn't drive me crazy, per se, but it does seem a bit silly (not that I've ever used any sort of illogical jargon or buzzword whatsoever...). When my son was younger, whenever he responded to something I said with nothing more than "Word", I'd ask "Which one?" One of the perks of being a parent is exasperating the hell out of your teenage child now and then! And as an added benefit, he eventually stopped using it around me.
posted by Greg_Ace at 2:53 PM on July 11, 2014


Do not say "get with," as in "Please get with so-and-so to set up the survey." This phrase "get with" is used where I work, and it needs to be punched right in the pie-hole that said it.

But otherwise I like my job, so no punching. But I seeeeeeeethe.
posted by datawrangler at 2:58 PM on July 11, 2014


You will take 'hella' from my hella cold hella dead hands.
posted by supercrayon at 3:07 PM on July 11, 2014 [4 favorites]


well yeah of course you shouldn't use "adorbs"; everyone knows it's spelled with a z at the end, not an s
posted by NoraReed at 3:18 PM on July 11, 2014 [3 favorites]


mansplaining

Hmm. I almost didn't put that one on, and I've thought about taking it off several times. I don't use the word myself because I try to avoid using gendered criticism, but I do think it accurately describes a real life phenomenon, and I'm actually on board with other people using it. You know what, I'm taking it off now.


I agree that it is a helpful word that while it makes me cringe, I've learned quite a bit from it and have actually improved my behavior because of it. Or at least been really conscious of it in a good way.

That being said, I'd kind of like to see the term reappropriated at some point to refer to wise and legitimately helpful old grandfathers that you can't help but love. After enough men actually stop the original motivation for its usage, perhaps.
posted by SpacemanStix at 3:19 PM on July 11, 2014


I don't understand the hate for "it is what it is". Yes it's a bit aggressive/dismissive, but some times things need to be dismissed, I think it's a great phrase when needed.

You keep complaining about something minor that I have no control over and isn't going to change and I'm sick of hearing about it and honestly you are putting more energy into the hate than it is worth? "It is what it is."

You keep acting like I can fix/change something that I honestly can't/won't and you won't take the hint? "It is what it is."

Someone's angry on your behalf for something you don't think is an issue, or at the very least something that you don't think is worth external anger? "It is what it is".

I'm not saying it's something I say regularly, but it has its uses.
posted by aspo at 3:21 PM on July 11, 2014 [3 favorites]


You want me to stop saying hella you can go fuck yourself. Go A's!
posted by Doublewhiskeycokenoice at 3:59 PM on July 11, 2014 [3 favorites]


Also don't reference the Dunning-Kruger effect when all you're really doing is calling somebody stupid. Thanks everybody, 'preciate it
posted by prize bull octorok at 4:08 PM on July 11, 2014


There are several things here that I enjoy saying, like cray cray and adorbs, and I'm afraid I can't stop.

My least favorite things to read and hear that no one has mentioned yet: "the funny" and "me likey."
posted by Karlos the Jackal at 4:08 PM on July 11, 2014 [1 favorite]


I've actually been keeping a list for a while.

Don't say "topping."
Don't say "panties."
Don't say "crave."
Don't say "gush."
Don't say "meander."
Don't say you're "struggling."
Don't say you're "really underwater right now."
Don't say you're "slammed."
Don't say you're "scrambling."
Don't say you're "buried."
Don't say you're "trying to get caught up."
Don't say "sooner rather than later."
Don't say "crack out the crinolines."
Don't say "get a jump on."
Don't say something is a "charticle" or a "listicle" or an "explodo."
Don't say someone is a "wag."
Don't say someone is a "gadabout."
Don't say someone is an "aficionado."
Don't say someone is a "music lover."
Don't say "cherished."
Don't say "tidbits."
Don't say "drilled down."
Don't say "sealed the deal."
Don't say "in ways big and small."
Don't say "bazillion."
Don't say "boodles."
Don't say "ballyhoo."
Don't say "bustling."
Don't say it's "rotating" when all it does is change.
Don't say "quickly" when it's wishful thinking.
Don't say everything is "ridiculous" or "random."

I've got the hate, that's for sure.
posted by limeonaire at 4:24 PM on July 11, 2014 [2 favorites]


"Moist" just seems to always have an unpleasant, 7th-grade-y leer to it.
posted by geeklizzard at 4:26 PM on July 11, 2014 [1 favorite]


Today I learned the words "Manther" and "Faguar" - please add them to your list immediately.
posted by bashos_frog at 4:35 PM on July 11, 2014


Don't say you're "really underwater right now.", "ballyhoo.", "bazillion.", "ridiculous" or "random.", "crave.", "gadabout."

The correct replacements for these are "under the shithammer", "hullabalution", "Brazilian", "crapsurd", "fiending for", and "dickhead".
posted by rifflesby at 4:36 PM on July 11, 2014 [6 favorites]


Hmm, at first I was worried that maybe I was losing my edge (don't say that, probably) because I couldn't think of things that weren't covered. I was wrong- there's still problems out there!

I think one of the issues here is stuff that was clever, ooh, maybe the first five times somebody said it, but after awhile, your metaphor calcifies into a cliche, or even just a shibboleth... and rather than producing a novel insight, it starts actually preventing thought. My recent favorites that I would be thrilled to never hear again-

"invisible backpack"
"punching down"
posted by hap_hazard at 4:37 PM on July 11, 2014 [3 favorites]


I'm not sure what to replace "It is what it is" with.

How about "So it goes."?
posted by Mr. Pokeylope at 4:45 PM on July 11, 2014 [2 favorites]


hap_hazard: I am completely with you on "punching down" (and its inverse "punching up").
posted by aspo at 4:51 PM on July 11, 2014 [1 favorite]


Don't say *
posted by sandettie light vessel automatic at 5:14 PM on July 11, 2014


EXISTENZ you're on Dooce.com now thanks to her guest blogger. (Though Heather reads and quotes from Metafilter all the time.)

Also, don't say "crazy busy."
posted by ThatCanadianGirl at 5:58 PM on July 11, 2014


My kneejerk response to "it is what it is" is "yes, that follows from 'a is a'." I blame Forum 2000.
posted by You Can't Tip a Buick at 6:42 PM on July 11, 2014 [1 favorite]


my suggestions:

my gay boyfriend
my heterosexual life partner
we're pregnant
meat curtains

but I say deliberately gross stuff like "swap gravy", so...
posted by bile and syntax at 6:48 PM on July 11, 2014


I was going to start a comment with 'For my part,' then got worried that that might be another one....
posted by Kronos_to_Earth at 7:07 PM on July 11, 2014


Today I learned the words "Manther" and "Faguar"

yea, though i walk in the shadow of the valley of death, i shall fear no evil, for i am the baddest mantherfaguar in the valley

whatever that means
posted by pyramid termite at 7:17 PM on July 11, 2014 [3 favorites]


This thread makes me want to start saying all of these all the time just to piss off folks who would judge others for such innocuous reasons...because aren't people who use arbitrary words we don't like JUST THE WORST PEOPLE LOL!?
posted by jnnla at 7:23 PM on July 11, 2014 [2 favorites]


Don't say "bration"
Don't say "cocontriting"
Don't say "systatly"
Don't say "derbidelers"
Don't say "sneakarang"
Don't say "calcomine"
Don't say "courbathenhes"
Don't say "litaing"
Don't say "curvalizathere"
Don't say "hoarities"
Don't say "forcus"
Don't say "uptirightens"
Don't say "shreated"
Don't say "wholmed"
Don't say "desickedly"
Don't say "fulfilly"
Don't say "equilars"
Don't say "garnfices"
Don't say "polinkrused"
Don't say "diximiching"
Don't say "gobbled"
Don't say "creous"
Don't say "sholer"
Don't say "freudoming"
Don't say "pomputious"
Don't say "ashiller"
Don't say "wantian"
Don't say "distonalloftly"
Don't say "brutionaviews"
Don't say "deritatic"
Don't say "heving"
Don't say "hurriding"
Don't say "fossess"
Don't say "wizatian"
Don't say "macampiroydown"
Don't say "negath"
Don't say "trandsons"
Don't say "offermitive"
Don't say "codevillegart"
Don't say "stonatte"
Don't say "clarit"
Don't say "mediscoutdo"
Don't say "boardendlages"
Don't say "puniala"
Don't say "evelus"
Don't say "stralikeeped"
posted by gwint at 7:30 PM on July 11, 2014 [14 favorites]


It's odd to me that people get so pedantic about how language evolves, as if there is some natural law defining language or that it is static and unchanging

I don't know, it seems more that some of these expressions correspond with social postures which signal off-putting disingenuousness or fawnery.
posted by dmh at 7:30 PM on July 11, 2014 [5 favorites]


but, but... gwint how can you have such beautiful words and NOT want to say them?

OHH I get it, you just want them all to yourself :(
posted by rifflesby at 7:38 PM on July 11, 2014 [2 favorites]


Oh, I hate people who talk like this! I hear this sort of thing *all* the time.

Don't say "My main hobbies are canning, & butterfly sexting"
Don't say "Sexting? Did I say that? I mean sexing"
Don't say "Like, determining gender, not, you know."
Don't say "I mean, not that they have genders they are butterflies of course but I feel that "sex" was getting needlessly ambiguous"

i love first dates
posted by Jon Mitchell at 7:40 PM on July 11, 2014 [6 favorites]


Getting old sure must suck.
posted by Uther Bentrazor at 8:11 PM on July 11, 2014 [2 favorites]


Today at work at the used bookstore I sold two slang dictionaries to a very elderly couple. By elderly I mean they looked to be heading into if not firmly ensconced in their mid nineties and by slang dictionaries I mean sort of (also!) 90s or earlier editions of, well, Slang Dictionaries. And I wondered as I sold them, are they trying to get up to date? Should I make some kind of friendly, lighthearted comment like, uh. . . . "Getting totes up on your slang there, huh?" Or maybe not. And totes is almost certainly not in those dictionaries but gnarly may well be. Anyway they paid for them and went away and I am just left with an image of them at home, maybe watching TV, maybe online, one shouting out words, the other frantically thumbing through two dictionaries "I have it Harold! It's right here!" as they navigate this odd new language.

totes is my personal bugaboo. Kill it with fire.
posted by mygothlaundry at 8:19 PM on July 11, 2014 [4 favorites]


Don't say "ain't."
Your mother will faint.
posted by The Underpants Monster at 8:38 PM on July 11, 2014


I know there's nothing wrong with it grammatically; I'm just concerned for your mother's health.
posted by The Underpants Monster at 8:39 PM on July 11, 2014 [1 favorite]


Getting old sure must suck.

It sure does - we're constantly having to put naive children in their place.
posted by Greg_Ace at 8:43 PM on July 11, 2014


Shortcut: rather than maintaining an ever-growing, probably limitless list of things not to say, avoid associating with people who try to speak in trendy or cutesy ways. It is your God-given right and much easier on the nerves.

And if you bump into such people anyway, let them do their thing. Maybe focus on whether their clothes are too baggy or too tight, or how they listen to that infernal racket.
posted by Clyde Mnestra at 8:45 PM on July 11, 2014 [2 favorites]


Also, don't say: "There's a ravenous monster behind you." Because if there isn't, it's just mean. And if there is, what good is it going to do, anyway?
posted by Clyde Mnestra at 8:48 PM on July 11, 2014 [4 favorites]


I hate how impact is used instead of effect... it gives me feels. >.>
posted by Deoridhe at 10:21 PM on July 11, 2014


Don't say "I'm looking at you, [TARGET OF IRE]."
posted by i_am_joe's_spleen at 10:37 PM on July 11, 2014


I have to say, I agree with this person about everything.
posted by evil otto at 10:57 PM on July 11, 2014


And wow, the more I read this, the more I agree with her. I want to support this person in her every endeavor. Can we nominate her for some kind of sociolingusitic referee position?
posted by evil otto at 10:59 PM on July 11, 2014


don't say 'stakeholders'
posted by toycamera at 11:48 PM on July 11, 2014 [2 favorites]


I have a bad attitude about "reach out" as an officespeak generic term referring to the abstract concept of contacting a person. Apparently it's a thing that people say, though?
posted by You Can't Tip a Buick at 12:34 AM on July 12, 2014 [3 favorites]


"I found the tea rather moist as well."
posted by Ray Walston, Luck Dragon at 1:04 AM on July 12, 2014


Don't use the word 'party' as a verb. I've always hated that.
posted by K.P. at 2:03 AM on July 12, 2014 [2 favorites]


"It sure does - we're constantly having to put naive children in their place."

Totes infra dig!
posted by Chitownfats at 2:28 AM on July 12, 2014


Silenced!
posted by Omnomnom at 2:39 AM on July 12, 2014


I have a bad attitude about "reach out" as an officespeak generic term referring to the abstract concept of contacting a person. Apparently it's a thing that people say, though?

I see it more in internet journalism than in office-speak. Story about bad thing done by internet start-up X. 'We reached out to Jane CEO, but she was not available for comment.' No you didn't 'reach out'. You sent a fucking email. STOP SAYING THAT. STOP IT.

My day is now ruined, because that phrase is in my head. So as a petty act of revenge, you've all just lost The Game.
posted by reynir at 3:00 AM on July 12, 2014 [4 favorites]


Don't say moreish.
posted by KatlaDragon at 7:53 AM on July 12, 2014 [2 favorites]


Like everyone else I have suggestions:

Hapax legomenon


:'(
posted by hapax_legomenon at 8:46 AM on July 12, 2014 [5 favorites]


The more I think about this, the more I think words are like any aesthetic element. Some are so good, serviceable, and solid that nobody gets tired of them. Others are serviceable and do the job, but become faddish instead of classic, and so, as with a surfeit of the sweetest things, the deepest loathing to the stomach brings.

It's like the simple, classic Doric column - nobody's ever going to object to one of those on a building. But something like shag carpeting, or a teal/mauve color scheme is only going to be all the rage and ubuguitous for a while before people get sick of the sight of it.
posted by The Underpants Monster at 9:47 AM on July 12, 2014 [1 favorite]


I think the phenomenon known as vocal fry belongs on this list. For some reason, it doesn't bother me when women do it, but when men do it, it makes me shudder on the inside.
posted by evil otto at 10:21 AM on July 12, 2014


INCORRECT, evil otto.

Men should use vocal fry all the time just like Frank Ocean does in Songs for Women.

He ranges from just a slight, kind of smoky fry to straight up doing that a-a-a-a-a thing like kids do. Do not even tell me that's not brilliant, because it is brilliant.
posted by ernielundquist at 10:44 AM on July 12, 2014


Like everyone else I have suggestions: Hapax legomenon. Neat, but there you're not supposed to say it twice, right?

Another suggestion:

Avada Kedavra

IT'S OKAY TO TYPE I HOPE BUT PLEASE DON'T SAY IT
posted by Clyde Mnestra at 10:44 AM on July 12, 2014


Men should use vocal fry all the time just like Frank Ocean does in Songs for Women

Yeah, but when the gross QA on my team talks like that at meetings, it's just gross.
posted by evil otto at 10:57 AM on July 12, 2014 [1 favorite]


The thing about "reach out" is that it is useful in an office context. It means "I want you to contact this person, and I don't care about what method you use to do it because seriously, just figure it out" or, in the past tense, "I contacted this person, it doesn't matter what method I contacted them."

However, in most situations, you can replace "reach out" with just "contact."

So why does "reach out" exist? For reasons I'm not certain of, I tend to think of "reach out" as holding a certain emotional valence that "contact" doesn't. This may be because I'm certain the first time I ever heard the phrase "reach out" was as part of the AT&T reach out and touch someone ad campaign. I had a hypothesis that maybe the rise of this phrase coincided with the ad campaign, but it seems like the ad campaign started after the rise of the phrase, at least if Google Ngrams is anything to go by.

Alternately, it may have an emotional valence just because of the way it describes the act of contacting someone; there is a certain implied vulnerability when you reach out to make a connection with someone, like in some small way you're bearing your soul to them, or at least stretching out of your literal-and-metaphorical zone and into theirs in order to bring the two together.

It's this emotional valence, — which might just be an artifact of me associating the phrase with an ancient ad campaign and so something that's only real inside my crazy head... — that makes "reach out" drive me up the wall. Because it's an expression that simultaneously (provided the emotional valence is real and not just in my head) implies that details don't matter, that you should just establish some sort of communication, any sort, in order to accomplish a goal, and also that there should be some element of soul-bearing or genuine connection involved, like the genuine connection in the AT&T ads. If you "reach out" in the officespeak sense, you might email, you might call, and depending on the medium of contact you may or may not be able to detect those small details from the ad, the ones that the cheesy ad family uses to show that they know each other deeply and care about each other deeply — but that doesn't matter, because the small details don't matter, because we're just trying to get work done.

Because of these complex associations that are difficult to square with each other, as a result the term "reach out" seems to say the following:
  1. Real connections don't matter, just get the work done.
  2. And also, while you're getting that work done, you need to pretend that a real connection is happening.
To me, "reach out" is a phrase soaked in performing obligatory disingenuousness.. "Reach out" does something that "contact" doesn't — it very gently suggests that you may be called upon to perform some potentially humiliating affective labor.

On the bright side, though, now I've got this song stuck in my head.
posted by You Can't Tip a Buick at 11:28 AM on July 12, 2014 [3 favorites]


Shooting an email. I hate it so much. Why are you shooting it? What's wrong with sending it? Is this just me?

I love some of the most annoying ones on this list, like adorbs and totes, because they are so aggressively stupid. I can't explain it.
posted by Mavri at 11:50 AM on July 12, 2014


I despise the following, and have suggestions. Please change from this to that:
'I love me some...' For 'I like...', or 'I enjoy ...'
'Sammy' For 'sandwich'
'Butt plug' For 'I love me a Sammy'
'BF' For 'Boyfriend'
'WTF' For 'I love me some BF Sammy'
Are we clear, now? WTF?
posted by breadbox at 4:55 PM on July 12, 2014


hella no?
posted by Greg_Ace at 5:14 PM on July 12, 2014


Don't say Ugh.
Don't say Um.

If internet advertisers only knew how much I loathe the phrase "Brooklyn Mom", they would surely stop using it to try to get my attention.

And yes, don't say "Mommy Bloggers".
posted by maggiemaggie at 5:52 PM on July 12, 2014


Selfie. Please. I would lose several fingers to make that word go away.
posted by Summer at 11:57 PM on July 12, 2014 [2 favorites]


If I don't say "ugh" is "barf" still ok?
posted by josher71 at 9:27 AM on July 13, 2014


Late to the party, but here are some of my words/phrases not to say:

YOLO
FOMO
DH/DD/DS (to refer to husband/daughter/son)
babymoon
push present
posted by SisterHavana at 6:18 PM on July 13, 2014


You people should know that I'm adopting all the words from everybody's lists so I can talk more like a cool young person.

I'm going to make a little list and keep it in my pocket.
posted by ernielundquist at 6:10 AM on July 14, 2014 [4 favorites]


Like this cool young person?
posted by troika at 8:49 AM on July 14, 2014 [2 favorites]


"peoplettes"? I know I have an irrational hatred of cutesy Briticisms, but WHAT IN THE ACTUAL FUCK
posted by psoas at 7:26 PM on July 21, 2014 [1 favorite]


> "peoplettes"? I know I have an irrational hatred of cutesy Briticisms, but WHAT IN THE ACTUAL FUCK

Yeah, this is on the list because someone posted self-promotional spam on the wall of a Facebook group I belong to that started with that phrase. I complained about it to my FB friends, which led to this conversation:

Me: Just saw some dude on Facebook (not a friend) start his post with "Greetings and salutations people and peoplettes." I may have to punch something.

Friend1: Is a 'peoplette' only half a person?

Me: Given that I'm sure he means women, and doesn't seem to realise that he's saying women aren't people, then... yes.

Friend2: Maybe it's a very small person?

Me: If dude means 'homunculus', dude should say 'homunculus'.
posted by EXISTENZ IS PAUSED at 9:06 AM on July 22, 2014 [1 favorite]


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