Mile (Legal) High Stadium

July 16, 2014 10:40 AM

"If I had done this in either of New York's baseball stadiums I would have bankrupted myself by the sixth inning."
posted by snottydick (29 comments total)

I just read this about half an hour ago, and 1) it made me very hungry and 2) thought it was hysterical. It also made me a little jealous. As a kid, I absorbed the "just say no" message completely, and I have almost no experience with marijuana. I feel like I'm too old to experiment now in my late thirties until it's legal where I am -- or I travel to where it's legal.

His snarky take-downs of Maureen Dowd's piece are also very satisfying.
posted by gladly at 10:46 AM on July 16, 2014

Jus' real quick, 'kine bud' made me snort water out my bubbler. Picturing a cow smoking a joint.
posted by carsonb at 10:56 AM on July 16, 2014 [1 favorite]

(Because it's always been 'kind' to me, though now UD tells me I've been in the wrong all along.)
posted by carsonb at 10:57 AM on July 16, 2014

This is pretty funny, but why do all the writers who are doing stoned journalism now feel the need to get just completely fucking ripped?

for someone who smoked a good chunk of an eighth in his rental car before the game. I also ate a cookie in the fourth inning as a booster rocket to remain in a comfortable orbit.

I mean, wow, that dude was hiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiigh. Most regular pot smokers don't individually smoke most of an eighth + a cookie for an afternoon out. That would be like "I wanted to see what watching baseball drunk would be like, so I drank a quick half dozen shots of whiskey in the parking lot and then had four martinis a little later."

And if he wasn't higher than shit, he needs to take a tolerance break.
posted by LooseFilter at 11:00 AM on July 16, 2014 [11 favorites]

Metafilter: needs spider fighting
posted by ricochet biscuit at 11:00 AM on July 16, 2014 [5 favorites]

There's some gold in there but I found it really unpleasant to read, structurally. Am I alone here?
posted by elr at 11:05 AM on July 16, 2014 [2 favorites]

His snarky take-downs of Maureen Dowd's piece are also very satisfying.

I had to go and read the Dowd piece after this one, because this was the first I'd heard of it. It certainly deserves the snark.
posted by brennen at 11:15 AM on July 16, 2014

Yeah holy shit that guy was high. I smoke, but I doubt I'd even be able to find my feet after smoking the better part of an eighth, let alone navigate into a stadium. AND a cookie?
posted by feckless fecal fear mongering at 11:22 AM on July 16, 2014

weed + baseball = nap-time
posted by Pudhoho at 11:29 AM on July 16, 2014 [3 favorites]

If Maureen Dowd is on your plane and there is an in-flight emergency, she will open the door and be sucked out screaming "but there was not a label suggesting I could be sucked from the plane in event of a door-opening."

Perfect.
posted by Halloween Jack at 11:29 AM on July 16, 2014 [2 favorites]

No, elr. Plus it had That Formatting.
posted by Melismata at 11:36 AM on July 16, 2014

Sure must be nice to live somewhere where it's legal
posted by smackwich at 11:48 AM on July 16, 2014

LooseFilter: This is pretty funny, but why do all the writers who are doing stoned journalism now feel the need to get just completely fucking ripped?

Because you can legally write about being really stoned. Why would anyone read about being slightly stoned? "The game was a bit more interesting than normal, which was pretty cool. The end." No one pays journalists to tweet stories, so you have to go all gonzo, or go home.
posted by filthy light thief at 11:51 AM on July 16, 2014 [1 favorite]

I like watching games at Coors Field, and recommend picking up a scorecard (previously) as a much less expensive and more rewarding way to follow the game.

Though as long as nobody's smoking in the stands or impairing themselves to the point they'd get hit by a ball, they're welcome to enjoy the game however they please.
posted by asperity at 11:57 AM on July 16, 2014

OMG talking about A Dog's Show! I used to love that show when i was growing up. Highlight of my tv-viewing week.
posted by gaspode at 12:16 PM on July 16, 2014

Baseball makes its own nothing. It's all baseball does, with every hit extending the life of the game. [...] It's right there in the rules: get a hit, and you just make more baseball. It can go forever. It can make an infinite and infinitely replenished amount of nothing.

Fantastic.
posted by Rock Steady at 12:21 PM on July 16, 2014 [9 favorites]

While this guy complains about Maureen Down and her lack of research, and rightfully so (hmmm, I've never had anything to drink before, I think I'll try this liter and a half of vodka in one sitting), but he should know that there are indeed pelicans in Colorado, and they're a native species even. Cherry Creek Reservoir even has a place at it called "Pelican Point", and there are a bunch of pelicans there...

Oh, and smackwich, it is indeed very nice. Especially when you have friends that are very good gardeners...
posted by Eekacat at 12:49 PM on July 16, 2014 [1 favorite]

but he should know that there are indeed pelicans in Colorado

I somehow lived here for 8 years before discovering this. It blew my mind.

I was high at the time, but I'm pretty sure it would have blown my mind anyway.
posted by brennen at 12:52 PM on July 16, 2014 [1 favorite]

Sure must be nice to live somewhere where it's legal


Oh, it is! As if Seattle needed more reasons to be awesome...
posted by stenseng at 12:55 PM on July 16, 2014 [2 favorites]

As a kid, I absorbed the "just say no" message completely, and I have almost no experience with marijuana.

Not me. Smoked all the time back then. Then just stopped.

I quit while I was a head.
posted by hal9k at 1:04 PM on July 16, 2014 [4 favorites]

smackwich: "Sure must be nice to live somewhere where it's legal"

greetings from Colorado.
posted by boo_radley at 1:21 PM on July 16, 2014 [1 favorite]

seriously it's like a non-stop kid rock concert cruise here now
posted by boo_radley at 1:24 PM on July 16, 2014 [5 favorites]

Sort of makes me want to go see a baseball game. Mostly, I don't understand why anyone over the age of 12 (and under the age of 75) would pay attention to baseball, but this finally makes sense to me.
posted by MtDewd at 2:08 PM on July 16, 2014

It was funny when the stores opened last week. ALL of the TV news had it on. And here in Seattle, there was only one store opening. And they had so little weed they would only sell a max of two, very expensive, grams. But it was a pretty ho-hum kind of affair, despite the news trying to make it a big story. The Seattle shop sold 11 pounds in two and a half days and ran out and closed for a week and a half.

Since it has been Verboten For so long, and so much scary non-sense has been spewed, this recent wave of legalization lets the people who believed it, and stayed away from that illegal weed, get an introduction from a respectable journalist, who at least pretends to not have partaken in the past.

We can only hope that editors will start saying, yeah, that's been done, find something new and interesting to write about.

Or just write about the end result ideas, Spider Fighting!, and leave out the, "we got baked on the weed and then..." Part of it. Which has already gotten old...
posted by Windopaene at 7:51 PM on July 16, 2014

This is pretty funny, but why do all the writers who are doing stoned journalism now feel the need to get just completely fucking ripped?

This is their one chance to feel the wind in their hair and pretend they are 'Gonzo'.
A month from now they will be bundled off to rehab (or summarily dismissed) when they submit this type of work.
posted by Pudhoho at 9:54 PM on July 16, 2014

The one legal public store that's opened in Seattle so far is only 1.4 miles from the baseball stadium. You could take the light rail and only have to walk a few blocks. Though you could probably also get one of the many quasi-legal delivery services to meet you right in the parking lot and have more money left over for footlongs. This does not sound like a bad time.
posted by bizwank at 12:40 AM on July 17, 2014

There's a rec store about five blocks from Coors Field, which is actually closer than the author parked.

*points and laughs at weed tourist*

*goes back to Kid Rock concert cruise*
posted by 7segment at 2:52 PM on July 17, 2014

"I loved that mannequin made of dicks."
posted by electricsandwich138 at 6:42 AM on July 18, 2014 [3 favorites]

This thread seems like an appropriate place for this.
posted by exogenous at 8:51 PM on July 23, 2014 [1 favorite]