Join 3,559 readers in helping fund MetaFilter (Hide)


1:35 p.m. For the first time, I heave.
July 18, 2014 10:20 AM   Subscribe

Figuring that honesty is the best policy, and that, at some point, it will become extremely difficult to conceal from the waitstaff the fact I have been sitting in the restaurant for 14 hours slowly eating mozzarella sticks, I decide beforehand that I will be up front with the TGI Friday's employees about the nature of my undertaking...
-My 14-Hour Search for the End of TGI Friday's Endless Appetizers
posted by griphus (127 comments total) 61 users marked this as a favorite

 
I repeat, Caity Weaver is a goddamned national treasure.
posted by padraigin at 10:22 AM on July 18 [27 favorites]


I've really enjoyed their series on "The best restaurant in New York" lately.
posted by 2bucksplus at 10:22 AM on July 18 [7 favorites]


Reading this was like watching a Saw movie: I know it's going to be technically competent, and I know I'm going to hate the subject matter, but I just can't help myself.
posted by Etrigan at 10:26 AM on July 18 [7 favorites]


The spirit of Jackass is alive and well in text form at Gawker!
posted by inturnaround at 10:26 AM on July 18 [1 favorite]


I blame the TGI Friday's test kitchen executive chef (a prepaid cellphone that Guy Fieri texts recipes to while high on whippets)

For this one parenthetical, Gawker Media, all is forgiven.
posted by prize bull octorok at 10:28 AM on July 18 [69 favorites]


wait wait wait

There's a restaurant at the Armani store?
posted by The Whelk at 10:32 AM on July 18


The ultimate calorie total of her mozzarellage was a little under 6,000, which is pretty impressive, but what really amazes me is the sodium count, which I've calculated at just over 12,500 mg. That's over 5 times a fairly liberal daily recommendation. Judging by the "salt hangovers" I've gotten from eating too much popcorn, I'm going to bet her next few days were pretty punishing.
posted by threeants at 10:32 AM on July 18 [3 favorites]


I soon learned the limit does not exist.

And yet, the author eventually stopped eating. I will not spoil the story by revealing the actual number of mozzarella sticks eaten, but it's not endless. I was deeply disappointed.
posted by GenjiandProust at 10:32 AM on July 18 [3 favorites]


Each plate of six contains 1,100 calories.

Seven plates of those. My god.
posted by winna at 10:32 AM on July 18


Whoops I spoiled the surprise. :(
posted by winna at 10:33 AM on July 18 [5 favorites]


I ask Gabby if she's had the mozzarella sticks, and what does she think of them? She tells me "They're good." Gabby and I are not yet good enough friends that we can be honest with one another.
posted by showbiz_liz at 10:35 AM on July 18 [31 favorites]


So you like mozarella sticks, eh?
posted by griphus at 10:35 AM on July 18


You are hereby sentenced to hard labor in the cheese mines.
posted by elizardbits at 10:36 AM on July 18 [3 favorites]


Spoiler alert:

"They taste like goddamn garbage."
posted by koeselitz at 10:36 AM on July 18 [4 favorites]


The ultimate calorie total of her mozzarellage was a little under 6,000, which is pretty impressive, but what really amazes me is the sodium count, which I've calculated at just over 12,500 mg. That's over 5 times a fairly liberal daily recommendation.

Professional competitive eaters (and doctors who have studied it) uniformly agree that the salt is the worst part of any competition -- your body can deal with a pure volume of food, but the sodium will fucking kill you.
posted by Etrigan at 10:37 AM on July 18 [3 favorites]


It's kind of weird that they made her do the whole boredom torture thing at the same time. I'll bet she could have eaten waaaay more mozzarella sticks if she had been allowed to read a mindless book or something. ask me how I know
posted by threeants at 10:37 AM on July 18 [46 favorites]


Wait, the deal is you only get one type of appetizer? Fuck that, NO DEAL Guy Fieri!
posted by kmz at 10:39 AM on July 18 [4 favorites]


Good mozz sticks are wonderous, but bad mozz sticks like these really are garbage. I would have gone with the potato skins, myself.
posted by sallybrown at 10:42 AM on July 18 [2 favorites]


Relevant and relevant
posted by lalochezia at 10:42 AM on July 18 [1 favorite]


The piece was, I think an astonishingly successful bit of meta-writing. Reading the article gave me the same bland and monotonous experience I expect I would have gotten from the experience itself.

Kudos!
posted by Walleye at 10:42 AM on July 18 [13 favorites]


Dammit, I was just about to post this! Oh well. It provided me with a much needed laugh today.

And yeah, I would have gone with potato skins too!
posted by Kitteh at 10:46 AM on July 18


also, "It is a stone's throw away from the Coney Island Wastewater Treatment Plant. "
posted by mikelieman at 10:49 AM on July 18


Potato skins, all the way.
posted by maryr at 10:50 AM on July 18 [2 favorites]


also, "It is a stone's throw away from the Coney Island Wastewater Treatment Plant. "

To be fair you can say that about basically anything in Sheepshead Bay.
posted by griphus at 10:51 AM on July 18 [3 favorites]


From the comments: #notallmozzarellasticks
posted by grumpybear69 at 10:52 AM on July 18 [19 favorites]


I clicked this to read it, read it, then excitedly went to Metafilter to post it, only to find that was where I'd discovered it.

It's me, I'm the mozzarella sticks.
posted by Ghostride The Whip at 10:53 AM on July 18 [71 favorites]


the mozzarella sticks were coming from inside the house
posted by threeants at 10:54 AM on July 18 [16 favorites]


When my brother and I were in our late teens, our family went to Red Lobster for their all-you-can-eat dinner: popcorn shrimp, flounder, crab legs, and something else, I think regular-sized fried shrimp. Whatever you ordered, you could get refills on any cheaper item, so we ordered the crab legs.

We aren't a normal family. Well, Mom is normal, but Dad is 6'2", brother is 6'4", and I'm 6'5". The three of us easily weighed 800 pounds at the time. We ate a lot of substandard seafood that night, a good 2 hours' worth. It's a treasured family memory.
posted by MrMoonPie at 10:54 AM on July 18 [17 favorites]


As a former waiter, I'm obsessed with the the waiters perspective. Did the first waiter get a tip? Why did she close the table? Couldn't she have transferred the table? Why did the second waiter end up charging her for a soda when opening a new table. Couldn't she open a new table and order a comped unlimited plate?

I used to go to a TGI Friday's at 11 oclock. Everything on their menu is better with beer.
posted by Gor-ella at 10:55 AM on July 18 [8 favorites]


Soon, Gawker will be hiring a new intern.
posted by boo_radley at 10:55 AM on July 18


@threeants: Have you checked the chicken?
posted by grumpybear69 at 10:55 AM on July 18 [2 favorites]


This article deserves the Pulitzer.
posted by goethean at 10:57 AM on July 18 [6 favorites]


Gabby tells me she is rooting for me and that I will win my week of vacation.

I am the martyr of this TGI Friday's.


LOL
posted by zakur at 11:00 AM on July 18


"Try our mouth-watering mozzarella sticks! Made from 100% recycled mozzarella sticks!"
posted by Atom Eyes at 11:02 AM on July 18 [5 favorites]


I wondered about the tip situation, too. And how did they decide who was going to inherit the section with a dead table for the evening shift?
posted by winna at 11:04 AM on July 18 [1 favorite]


America! You are so grand and golden!
posted by Nelson at 11:07 AM on July 18


What's worse, the extra weight gained from that ~8000 calorie day will never, ever come off. NEVER EVER.
posted by sutt at 11:14 AM on July 18 [1 favorite]


This article deserves the Pukelitzer.
posted by mazola at 11:18 AM on July 18 [9 favorites]


Did she get the week off?
posted by sammyo at 11:23 AM on July 18 [3 favorites]


This reminds me of Creative Loafing's report on staying at Waffle House for 24 straight hours.
posted by nicebookrack at 11:23 AM on July 18 [6 favorites]


Spinach dip. Always go for the spinach dip.
posted by Sweetie Darling at 11:26 AM on July 18


This article deserves the Pukelitzer.

I've known with my head that it's not pronounced 'pull-itzer prize' for a long time, but after today, thanks to mazola, I will know it with my gut.
posted by straight at 11:30 AM on July 18 [3 favorites]


It's spelled whip-its. Whippets are dogs.
posted by item at 11:36 AM on July 18 [12 favorites]


Spinach dip. Always go for the spinach dip.

Uh, you know that contains fiber, right?

As in, the stuff you find in sofa cushions and macramé owls??
posted by Atom Eyes at 11:42 AM on July 18 [1 favorite]


Red Lobster has a similar promotion called Endless Shrimp. I managed three plate loads. I asked the server how far other people took it and was told I didn't want to know.
posted by jonmc at 11:44 AM on July 18 [17 favorites]


"Try our mouth-watering mozzarella sticks! Made from 100% recycled mozzarella sticks!"

Which are ingeniously recycled bath mats.
posted by Pudhoho at 11:51 AM on July 18


It's spelled whip-its. Whippets are dogs.

Guy Fieri, eyes shut, deeply inhaling the belly of a confused, shaky little dog.
posted by griphus at 11:52 AM on July 18 [97 favorites]


It's spelled whip-its. Whippets are dogs.

I spent a pretty long time thinking that the drug was known as 'whippets' because it made you act hyper and crazed like a little dog. Then I got a job at a coffee shop and my eyes were opened.
posted by showbiz_liz at 11:53 AM on July 18 [5 favorites]


Guy Fieri, eyes shut, deeply inhaling the belly of a confused, shaky little dog.

At Tanagra.
posted by Faint of Butt at 11:56 AM on July 18 [77 favorites]


I used to go to a TGI Friday's at 11 oclock. Everything on their menu is better with beer.

Deep-fried pencil erasers taste good when you wash them down with beer.
posted by Pudhoho at 11:57 AM on July 18


Put this on continuous loop for the soundtrack.
posted by The 10th Regiment of Foot at 11:58 AM on July 18


I used to go to a TGI Friday's at 11 oclock. Everything on their menu is better with beer.

Deep-fried pencil erasers taste good when you wash them down with beer.


Beer tastes better when washing down deep-fried anything.
posted by The 10th Regiment of Foot at 11:59 AM on July 18 [6 favorites]


i made the terrible error of eating deep fried pickle chips last night and now I am like 90% sure I am bleeding out from my esophagus but oh god they are so tasty
posted by elizardbits at 12:03 PM on July 18 [12 favorites]


TGI Friday's is a house of madness with many doors.
posted by hot_monster at 12:04 PM on July 18 [2 favorites]


"Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, do these sound like the actions of a man who's had all he could eat?"
posted by The Tensor at 12:12 PM on July 18 [33 favorites]


I don't understand why you wouldn't just go to the Chinese buffet, where for about the same price you can get all-you-can-eat of 100s of different menu options, including shitty mozzarella sticks.
posted by drlith at 12:22 PM on July 18 [3 favorites]


I don't understand why you wouldn't just go to the Chinese buffet...

How are you going to get a blog post about a Chinese buffet to go viral?
posted by COD at 12:26 PM on July 18 [3 favorites]


For what will probably not be the last time in my life, I follow the instructions on the back of my ketchup bottle to the letter.
posted by shakespeherian at 12:29 PM on July 18 [6 favorites]


I'm confused by the other Gawker post, which treats it as much more crazy and unprecedented than it really is. I'm pretty sure giving people free and cheap food to get them to buy booze has been around for as long as food and booze have been around.
posted by roll truck roll at 12:34 PM on July 18 [1 favorite]


Oh man, the Chinese buffets around here are even worse than TGIF. Death in a steam tray.
posted by InfidelZombie at 12:35 PM on July 18 [1 favorite]


"Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, do these sound like the actions of a man who's had all he could eat?"

Well, there's a New Yorker cartoon waiting to happen.
posted by mykescipark at 12:36 PM on July 18 [4 favorites]


Professional competitive eaters

If it weren't for the fact that I listened to the BBC's on-site correspondent report from the MH17 crash site in Ukraine this morning, this phrase would be the most repulsive one I'd encountered today instead of merely the second.
 
posted by Herodios at 12:37 PM on July 18 [2 favorites]


Well, there's a New Yorker cartoon waiting to happen.

No it's from something actually funny.

I kid because I love, New Yorker.
posted by griphus at 12:38 PM on July 18 [4 favorites]


You can't say "the dining room was and remains suspended in a permanent state of Friday" about a Chinese buffet. Or even a Golden Corral.
posted by asperity at 12:42 PM on July 18 [1 favorite]


Re: Sodium - did you miss that on plate four she doubled-down:
4:17 p.m. I discover that grinding sea salt over the mozzarella sticks makes them more palatable.

4:18 p.m. I over-salt the sticks.
posted by achrise at 12:49 PM on July 18 [4 favorites]


i am going to run out of favorites at this rate you bastards
posted by The Whelk at 12:56 PM on July 18 [1 favorite]


Now on to The Neverending Story. (And it's written Pullet Surprise)
posted by dances_with_sneetches at 12:58 PM on July 18


It's spelled whip-its. Whippets are dogs.

I've been beaten to it, but I see this neither reason Guy Fieri would know this nor indication that the knowledge would stop him.
posted by maryr at 1:10 PM on July 18 [2 favorites]


Other countries have laws giving employees reasonable amounts of vacation, while Americans are reduced to entering into informal eating contests just for a little time off.
posted by Area Man at 1:15 PM on July 18 [12 favorites]


I was more than a third into the article when I realized it was written by a woman.
Apparently, with my gender-based prejudices, it had not even occurred to me that this stupid idea was not being done by a man.
posted by MtDewd at 1:17 PM on July 18 [27 favorites]


I send a text message to Max to ask if the offer of a free week's vacation is "a trick somehow," since Gawker Media has no formal vacation policy.

It doesn't? Of course it doesn't.
posted by We had a deal, Kyle at 1:19 PM on July 18


MEET UP
posted by whuppy at 1:25 PM on July 18 [5 favorites]


*Checks to see if someone made reference to Homer Simpson in ironic hell* yep

*Also checks to see if someone made reference to Homer Simpson as a remorseless eating machine* yep again

Well, my work is done here
posted by obscure simpsons reference at 1:26 PM on July 18 [17 favorites]


It doesn't? Of course it doesn't.

I know it's fun to rag on Gawker, but I'd work there.
posted by no regrets, coyote at 1:27 PM on July 18 [1 favorite]


MEET UP

I've been at that TGI Fridays at least a dozen times in my life (although not since Sandy) because it's right across the street from a movie theater we used to go to in high school. The view is really nice.

Also there's a really good (albeit grungy) seafood place right next door to it.

Well, my work is done here

Missed one.
posted by griphus at 1:29 PM on July 18


wait never mind

IGNORE ME
posted by griphus at 1:30 PM on July 18 [1 favorite]


an interesting parallel to the gawker "all you can read" model.
posted by rebent at 1:40 PM on July 18 [1 favorite]


I can't believe I ate the whole thing
posted by obscure simpsons reference at 1:51 PM on July 18 [3 favorites]


the mozzarella sticks were coming from inside the house

burn the house down, salt the earth
posted by palomar at 2:08 PM on July 18


take off and nuke the site from orbit

it's the only way to be sure
posted by feckless fecal fear mongering at 2:10 PM on July 18


I blame the TGI Friday's test kitchen executive chef...

Food chemist.
posted by Pudhoho at 2:22 PM on July 18


This was such a good article! Thank you!

I can't remember if I've ever told the story of the time I ate thirty White Castle burgers in a sitting, but it felt similarly grueling. Initially it seemed like a fun idea, because Westphal and I noticed that you could get a "Crave Case" of thirty, and we were hungry at the time, and we were all "ha ha i bet we could eat thirty burgers, ha ha ha, wouldnt that be fun, ha ha we're such strapping lads i bet we could EACH eat thirty burgers, ha ha!"

so

so we tried

And Westphal was like, "we should get high first, maybe, so we have the munchies?"

and I shook my head No. "This will be all about endurance. We will eat all thirty burgers because we MUST. Not because we will have any desire to do so." And Westphal conceded my point.

so anyway we each bought a Crave Case and brought them back to our apartment and put them on the floor in front of each couch, where we watched cartoons and ate them.

Westphal only got up to about 23, I think, before he admitted defeat. I was up to about 25 at the time, in pain and regretting all my life choices.

"Westphal, I would like to make a promise to you, right now," I said. He nodded. "I promise you: if I finish these burgers, I will NEVER EAT FOOD AGAIN."

He nodded.

I managed another burger, which joined its brothers in a puddinglike bolus in the center of my torso. I made a small moan noise.

"Okay, so here's what I'm thinking," said Westphal, "The next time we try this-"

-and I shot upright: "NO. There is NOT going TO BE a NEXT TIME. I HAVE FOUR BURGERS LEFT. I AM NOT DOING THIS AGAIN. I AM FINISHING THIS."

And I did! Getting the last burger in felt like stepping on garbage to fit the last bit into the can before you tie off the Hefty cinch-sac, but I got it in there.

Westphal said, "wow!" and I said "done" and he said "nice" and we both went to sleep in our bunk beds.

And the next morning, I did not feel good,

but after a few hours at work, I was like, "dang. I could kinda go for White Castle right now."
posted by Greg Nog at 2:22 PM on July 18 [101 favorites]


30 burgers, Greg? Jesus.

There's a little restaurant in mid-Michigan that posts your name on the wall if you eat X of their tiny burgers or coney dogs. When I was a kid, X was 6 burgers. Remembering this, I talked my cousin and his friend into trying it for dinner on the way back from the Upper Peninsula after having lunch at Clyde's (just north of the Mackinac bridge, serves enormous old-school burgers). So here we were, still regretting lunch, facing down the idea of 6 little burgers didn't seem so bad until we got there and realized that they'd upped the requirement to 8 burgers instead of 6. They're White Castle size burgers but man you don't realize how much they sneak up on you after a few. The last one was difficult. But my name is on the wall there, as are my cousin's and his friend. Immortalized in pink plastic.

I brought my (then 4 year old) son to the place last September. I showed him my name on the wall. He was impressed.
posted by caution live frogs at 2:36 PM on July 18 [7 favorites]


"I promise you: if I finish these burgers, I will NEVER EAT FOOD AGAIN."

greg you told that man a dirty fib
posted by elizardbits at 2:47 PM on July 18 [16 favorites]


The bean-counters at FiveThirtyEight have taken all the fun out of bean-plating the concept of "endless" junk-food eating by calculating the optimal servings:calorie ratio for all seven of the items on TGIF's appetizer menu. Their findings show that for an equivalent caloric intake as Weaver's 32 mozzarella sticks consumed, she could have ingested over two and a half times more garlic and basil bruschetta.
posted by Doktor Zed at 2:48 PM on July 18 [5 favorites]


I read it and enjoyed it but what robot chooses mozzarella sticks for this type of project when you have wings or pot stickers to choose from? Those are the definition of "slammable". I imagine you could eat thousands of pot stickers and not even tell!
posted by Carillon at 3:08 PM on July 18 [3 favorites]


> I imagine you could eat thousands of pot stickers and not even tell!

Well, what are you waiting for? If you stay till 1 AM, we'll give you a week off!
posted by languagehat at 3:13 PM on July 18 [10 favorites]


There where amazing pot stickers at the casino all you can eat buffet in Las Vegas with free champnage and yes there is an upper limit to how many pot stickers you can eat trust me
posted by The Whelk at 3:13 PM on July 18 [3 favorites]


As Cheryl said "YOU'RE NOT MY SUPERVISOR" AHEM.

But yes I'm sure there is and 1000 is a few too many. Just saying mozzarella is the wrong choice here if unlimited ness is indeed being tested.
posted by Carillon at 3:23 PM on July 18


I imagine you could eat thousands of pot stickers and not even tell!

With slightly more variety this is basically dim sum (at least the North Americanized version; I suspect dim sum in Hong Kong or Beijing would be a lot more varied). And it gets dangerous when you see the bill..
posted by feckless fecal fear mongering at 3:24 PM on July 18 [3 favorites]


lalochezia: Relevant yt and relevant yt

Also relevant
posted by Greg_Ace at 3:41 PM on July 18


Oh, Greg Nog. Thank you so much for making me laugh today. You have no idea how much I needed that.
posted by Sophie1 at 3:48 PM on July 18 [1 favorite]


When I was young and had a metabolism, I used to go to this little Italian restaurant near my house for all you can eat spaghetti night. It was good spaghetti for the first two plates, but after that, it developed a creeping banana flavor that would get worse the more you ate.

At first, I thought maybe they were adding banana flavoring to it to make me stop eating, but I'd wait till nobody was watching and have whoever I was with try it and nobody else could taste banana, so then I though that maybe it was some kind of cumulative banana effect, where it would build up in your mouth slowly, so you'd only start to notice it after some set amount (two plates).

But then, I realized this little family owned restaurant probably didn't develop cumulative banana flavoring technology as an all you can eat countermeasure just to save on spaghetti.

Somebody should, though.
posted by ernielundquist at 4:07 PM on July 18 [28 favorites]


I think that "banana flavor" might have been bile.
posted by maryr at 4:24 PM on July 18 [11 favorites]


Did you notice the banana taste at other times?
posted by feckless fecal fear mongering at 4:30 PM on July 18


And it gets dangerous when you see the bill..

I dunno. Most dim places I have gone, you eat for, what seems like 7 hours of constant eating, but the per-person charge is like$12.50US. I once paide something like $90 for a dim sum lunch, but that was in SF, so....

Dim sum is like a meal with no regrets (unless you are a vegetarian).
posted by GenjiandProust at 4:52 PM on July 18 [1 favorite]


Maybe other people have fancy banana flavored bile, but not me. I just had an extended gastrointestinal event, so my memories are pretty fresh.

And nope, never happened with anything else. Just that one very narrow circumstance.
posted by ernielundquist at 5:00 PM on July 18


I scanned through the article, assuming the whole time that the author was a guy. *ashamed*
posted by ShanShen at 5:01 PM on July 18 [1 favorite]


Or don't like shrimp Genjiandproust as I learned to my cost when I innocently took my shellfish adverse gf to my favorite dim sum joint. I thought everyone loved shumai!
posted by Carillon at 5:53 PM on July 18 [1 favorite]


No, I avoid the shrimps as well, and also the birds-nest-y things with claws sticking out of them. But yeah, dim sum always costs $12. It's magic.
posted by maryr at 6:37 PM on July 18 [1 favorite]


Well, "banana flavor" is one of the common flavor notes with Hefeweizen beers often. That happens because of a combination of the exact yeast used with Hefeweizens and... the addition of wheat and wheat malt instead of just barley malt.

So, in summary, my theory is that you had a little human brewery in your mouth slowing fermenting the spaghetti you were eating.
posted by skynxnex at 6:44 PM on July 18 [1 favorite]


"I wondered about the tip situation, too. And how did they decide who was going to inherit the section with a dead table for the evening shift?"

She said she tipped 1000% on about $3, so she did try to make up for it, a little. But not much. Thirty bucks for a two-top for seven hours is lost income.

I was impressed with Gabby.

It goes without saying that Weaver's writing is hilarious and I'm glad this was posted.
posted by Ivan Fyodorovich at 8:46 PM on July 18 [1 favorite]


My husband and I actually did the endless-apps thing at TGI Friday's last week after I mentioned to him that the internet was losing its shit about it. Not as an endurance challenge, and not particularly with the intention of getting most bang for $10 (it was half-priced-other-app night, so we both went overboard and supplemented with a second app), but we enjoyed ourselves.

I got the bruschetta, which have balsamic glaze and shaved Parmesan and frankly have absolutely no business being as good as they were at goddam TGI Friday's for god's sake what it's not even an Italian restaurant WHAT. Husband got the boneless wings and took advantage of the fact that though you cannot change appetizers, you can change wing sauces for each plate of your wings.

I think I went through three plates of bruschetta, not quite finishing the last, while he managed four plates of wings. We are, you will be not at all shocked to find out, not on a diet.

We waddled out after about two hours, both overfull and vowing to do it again because hot damn those bruschetta were amazing.
posted by Hold your seahorses at 10:00 PM on July 18 [8 favorites]


You have to give the restaurant credit for not quitting on this. In my 20s, my friends and I would go to all-you-can-eat places and they'd try to stiff you. They'd dissuade you from ordering, avoid your table, lose the orders and so on. They weren't providing huge portions and sometimes you'd have to really work hard to get them to bring as much food as you'd have got from simply paying the same for a bento box at the sushi place next door.
posted by Chaussette and the Pussy Cats at 10:01 PM on July 18 [1 favorite]


Oh, and Chaussette and the Pussy Cats reminds me - we, too, experienced the waitstaff at TGI Friday's as being really chill and not at all obstructing our ability to eat as much as we could stomach of the endless apps. I mean, our waitress wasn't sprinting to refill everything the second it was empty, but neither did we find ourselves sitting around waiting for our order to be refreshed, which is what typically happens with, say, Olive Garden's "unlimited" soup/salad/breadsticks deal.
posted by Hold your seahorses at 10:05 PM on July 18 [2 favorites]


This article is just wonderfully, wonderfully written.
posted by jnnla at 10:41 PM on July 18 [2 favorites]


I lost interest in mentalfloss and avoided all thinks gawker some time ago but I'm going to re-evaluate which sites I'll visit - based solely on which sites Caity Weaver appears on.

That article was the most entertaining, witty, and hilarious piece of journalism I've read in years.

I'm a bit stunned that I haven't heard of her before.
posted by vapidave at 10:57 PM on July 18 [1 favorite]


Yeah, Caity Weaver is pretty hilarious. I spent an afternoon reading through her Gawker advice column, Thatz Not Okay, and it was well worth the time. I pretty much cried laughing at Caity's response A Doorman at the Gates of Hell.
posted by yasaman at 11:06 PM on July 18 [1 favorite]


There's a little restaurant in mid-Michigan that posts your name on the wall if you eat X of their tiny burgers or coney dogs.

This wouldn't be Pixie in Mt. Pleasant, would it, caution live frogs?
posted by Dokterrock at 11:52 PM on July 18


“Why, oh why, my little shu mai, why do I love you so?"
posted by mikelieman at 1:03 AM on July 19


Shaka, when the donkey sauce fell.
posted by dr_dank at 5:24 AM on July 19 [3 favorites]


which is what typically happens with, say, Olive Garden's "unlimited" soup/salad/breadsticks deal.

And now I'm mad all over again about Red Robin and their "unlimited" steak fries where they never bring you a second round until you have like one bite of burger left and GRAH MY LIFE IS SO UNFAIR
posted by Lentrohamsanin at 5:39 AM on July 19 [4 favorites]


And now I'm mad all over again about Red Robin and their...

Inability to deliver a hamburger to my table that is actually HOT.


I like this game
posted by mikelieman at 6:08 AM on July 19 [1 favorite]


We are thinking about trying out the Endless Apps tonight! Even though I'm as angry at TGIFriday's as I am at any place that calls them "wings" when they are NOT WINGS, they are FRAGMENTS OF BREAST. Which: how do all these places get away with that? You'd think the same people who make you call Prosecco "sparkling white" instead of "Champagne" woulda stepped in by now.
posted by Greg Nog at 6:31 AM on July 19


4:36 p.m. I realize that my shoulders have, of their own volition, begun slipping up and down to the tune of "Are You Gonna Be My Girl" by Jet. I am now an active participant in the casual fun TGI Friday's atmosphere.

For those that haven't visited Gawker since their clickbait days of years past, they actually publish a group of good, young, funny writers.
posted by cell divide at 6:51 AM on July 19 [2 favorites]


They also still publish clickbait, of course.
posted by maryr at 7:22 AM on July 19 [1 favorite]


For stunt dining, you have to work pretty hard to top Krista Garcia's visit to the Yankee Pot Roast. Scroll down to "My theme was um, urine."
posted by Scram at 9:40 AM on July 19


I think back with a wave of nostalgia (and harp arpeggios)... All you could eat sushi is a dangerous chance to take. Unless you find a really great place on the Upper East side. And then it is a paradise of sushi and beer.

Mozzarella sticks?

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!
posted by Splunge at 1:32 PM on July 19


My husband (nobeagle) loves marble cake from a boxed mix. A lot. So much so, in fact, that he told me many times that he would "never get sick of eating marble cake" and could "eat it every day forever". One day, after a few years of this, I called his bluff on it and he replied with a Barney Stinson-esque "Challenge Accepted!"

We laid out the ground rules. I would make him a marble cake (from a boxed mix) in a 9x13 rectangular pan. He had 7 days in which to consume that cake. Once he finished, I had 24 hours to make him another one (so he would never go a day without cake). He could choose to add frosting (or not) but he could not share his cake with anyone - not me, not the kids, not the dogs. And this would go on until he called uncle on it.

He was initially gleeful about this. His favourite food! Regularly available!

I got really good at making boxed marble cake. I could whip one up before leaving for work in the morning. I could make one before bed.

We lost count of things - but it was somewhere around 12 or 15 cakes before he cried uncle. He gained 15 pounds in the process. He hasn't eaten any marble cake since then.

Earlier today he read this post and made a comment about how he could TOTALLY eat more than 7 orders of mozzarella sticks. I decided it was in everyone's best interest to not say anything.
posted by VioletU at 6:18 PM on July 19 [31 favorites]


I have eaten marble cake (once) since then (one of our kids made it).

Further, it might be worth noting that the context of the "marble cake everyday" conversation, was a way for VioletU to slip medication into my food without my knowing it, should she need to in the future.

I'm pretty sure that it was seventeen cakes in twelve weeks.

Seriously, 32 mozz sticks in 13 hours? That's weak, even if they're crap, I could easily beat that. Mefites in Ontario, consider that a challenge.
posted by nobeagle at 6:31 PM on July 19 [16 favorites]


Oh god.
posted by VioletU at 6:32 PM on July 19 [37 favorites]


This wouldn't be Pixie in Mt. Pleasant, would it, caution live frogs?

Yep. My mom used to eat there when she was in high school.
posted by caution live frogs at 6:08 PM on July 20


This is easily one of my personal Top 20 long form stories about cheese.
posted by turbid dahlia at 9:19 PM on July 20 [5 favorites]


That'd make one amazing FPP then. (Or 19 quite good ones.)
posted by We had a deal, Kyle at 10:04 PM on July 20 [5 favorites]


This is easily one of my personal Top 20 long form stories about cheese.

Yeah I would say at this point Caity Weaver is already a lock to sweep the 2014 Cheesies.
posted by threeants at 10:24 AM on July 21 [2 favorites]


Fun fact: the White Castle menu actually describes their "Cravee Case" as:
Food for many, or a very hungry individual. Includes thirty 100% Beef Original Sliders in a convenient carrying case. Perfect for your next group event!
Emphasis mine. Greg Nog, you were apparently only on the verge of being "very" hungry, and were somewhere beyond "rather" hungry.

Then again, the White Castle copywriters might just not be very good with math. The Castle Pack 9 is listed as "a group meal. Round up two or three friends and feast on 20 original sliders and 4 small french fries," while the Castle Pack 7 is listed as follows: "Usually, this is enough for two people… Includes 10 original sliders, 2 small french fries and 2 small drinks."

They were bold with the "very hungry individual" notion in the Crave Case, while they lacked vision with the two Castle Packs.
posted by filthy light thief at 11:18 AM on July 23 [2 favorites]


So based on this series I went to the resteraunt in the Armani Store.


It was about 130 for two people with a glass of wine each and three courses ( plus two Demi courses, an amuse bouche and cookie at the end, both of which could've easily fit inside a soup soon.) and it was ...not bad? Like 38 dollars per person for a set meal wasn't unreal for midtown manhattan in a Fancy Place and the food was very good and the bread basket is AMAZING but, oh god! The people watching! It was like being inside a Bret Easton Ellis novel. It looked exactly like you'd expect a resteraunt inside the Armani store to look like.

Plus I had an excuse to wear white pants.
posted by The Whelk at 5:39 PM on August 11


« Older One Bad Mother...  |  Sara Corbett profiles comedian... Newer »


This thread has been archived and is closed to new comments