Criteria
July 25, 2014 5:03 PM   Subscribe

Don't message me if... (via)
posted by Flashman (22 comments total)

This post was deleted for the following reason: This seems like a thin post about a dude being kinda silly and dumb. -- mathowie



 
...you are the sort of person that makes this kind of list.
posted by wuwei at 5:05 PM on July 25, 2014 [1 favorite]


"YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE, LESLIE"
posted by threeants at 5:06 PM on July 25, 2014 [2 favorites]


- you don't like insufferable pricks
posted by Sys Rq at 5:07 PM on July 25, 2014


-You can't see your own biases

MATTHEW 7:3, FUCKER

I'm saying it like that because this guy hates religious people but hates political personae that aren't based on extensive research, so I know he'll know what I mean.
posted by Lemurrhea at 5:07 PM on July 25, 2014


I am thinking he could just have stopped at "don't message me." Because you really shouldn't, regardless of whether you do any of the things on the list!
posted by ArbitraryAndCapricious at 5:09 PM on July 25, 2014


I wear yoga (running) clothes everywhere. It's not that serious.
posted by roomthreeseventeen at 5:09 PM on July 25, 2014


I'd like to find this guy and do all these things at him simultaneously.
posted by Metroid Baby at 5:12 PM on July 25, 2014 [4 favorites]


I'm so glad my various young phases and rants are not easily findable on the Internet.
posted by The Whelk at 5:14 PM on July 25, 2014 [5 favorites]


Lost me at being anti-mystery-cat.
posted by pemberkins at 5:14 PM on July 25, 2014 [2 favorites]


I wear yogis everywhere. It's the best core exercise you can do.
posted by bswinburn at 5:16 PM on July 25, 2014


this reads to me like a parody of "don't message me" sections and I don't find it that objectionable actually. No "if you love drama," no "if you have a therapist" no "if you have cats."

I actually think I could still message him.
posted by sweetkid at 5:16 PM on July 25, 2014


I think this person and I might get along and live a okay snarky life in our cavern of darkness.

Also, I'm pretty sure this is a joke.
posted by sibboleth at 5:17 PM on July 25, 2014 [1 favorite]


although yeah the mystery cat thing isn't that big a deal to me.
posted by sweetkid at 5:17 PM on July 25, 2014


-you lecture others ad nauseum about how you contribute to society

ohoho
posted by kagredon at 5:17 PM on July 25, 2014 [2 favorites]


I thought this was collection of various "Don't message me if" criteria gleaned from a BUNCH of sources (in my defense, the setup text is pretty small) and was pretty amused. I didn't realize it was all one guy until almost halfway through, which is kind of like finding half a worm in your apple, except the apple is real life and the worm probably has bodies in his basement.
posted by Panjandrum at 5:18 PM on July 25, 2014 [2 favorites]


- you haven't acknowledged that: If the police had no guns, no one would need them for anything that we could not take care of ourselves.

This hurt my brain. Can someone diagram this sentence? Because I'm pretty sure it's going to look like some sort of Escher drawing.

The only logic I can discern from this is that he is saying he would be able to take care of almost anything because he has a gun and the police don't, and if he can't take care of it with a gun then he wouldn't need the gun?
posted by chambers at 5:18 PM on July 25, 2014


That list is only a little shorter than the mental check list I have to scroll through before posting a comment onto MeFi.
posted by coolxcool=rad at 5:19 PM on July 25, 2014


I want to find the original ad and hack into it to add "-- you like pina colada and getting caught in the rain".
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 5:19 PM on July 25, 2014 [2 favorites]


Don't message me if you don't think the city beautiful movement killed the beautiful and American-native Sullivanesque style from becoming more popular via social insecurity and middle brow tastes of what citities should look like
posted by The Whelk at 5:19 PM on July 25, 2014


The only logic I can discern from this is that he is saying he would be able to take care of almost anything because he has a gun and the police don't, and if he can't take care of it with a gun then he wouldn't need the gun?

I think he's trying to say that we vest authority in the police that we wouldn't if they didn't have guns? Which, yeah, no shit, congratulations on discovering the concept of monopoly on force.
posted by kagredon at 5:20 PM on July 25, 2014 [1 favorite]


I had to Google "drawn mustache fingers" because I did not know that was a thing. It is.
posted by trip and a half at 5:21 PM on July 25, 2014


Well, that was easy. I listen to The Doors.
posted by benito.strauss at 5:21 PM on July 25, 2014 [3 favorites]


« Older "I think it's the person inside that matters"   |   Don't think 'What's Hot?' Newer »


This thread has been archived and is closed to new comments